Trip - worth worrying about?

[Sevenisle]

Just wanted to throw my story out there and get some feedback.

 

The basics - my girlfriend of 9 months broke up with me last December. Reasons unimportant but needless to say, it devastated me. She started a rebound relationship with a guy almost immediately after which further crushed me. Fast forward through me working on some personal issues to become a better man and 2 weeks ago we're back together. My love never stopped and she expressed how much she loved and missed me. She's also tried to explain multiple times that rebound guy meant nothing and was merely a distraction.

 

However…a month ago, they booked a trip together at some fancy Mexican resort and didn't bother getting cancellation insurance, of course. Further, they're technically still dating as she hasn't officially broken up with him yet (he thinks they're still together.) It's a messed up situation to be sure. She's been on the fence about going (she's leaning towards going) and I'm starting to feel like Woody Harrelson in Indecent Proposal. (Minus the monetary compensation and rather than a night, I'll be on pins and needles for an entire week)

 

Am I being irrational worrying about this? Is this at all acceptable on her part if she goes? She knows I'm naturally concerned but I don't feel like I should be telling her that she can't go and she's tried to assure me it's 'just a trip' and there are two beds. I'm jumping out of my skin trying hard not to let this effect me. And it's still a couple weeks away.

[RecentChange]

Ummm if she hasn't broken up with him, what makes you think she ever stopped having sex with him?

 

Of COURSE he is going to have sex with his girlfriend while on their resort vacation.

 

Do you really want to be involved with a woman who can walk away from you (first break up) and be a cheater?

 

Right now you are the other man. If she was serious about you, she would have ended things with her new beau.

[KBob]

Why are you even back together if she hasn't broke up with the other guy? Are you polyamorous? If you're not, then you're being played for a fool and you need to walk away from this woman forever, because she doesn't respect you.

 

Mexican vacation with a lover and no sex? Please. Not like that changes much though, she's still with the guy so they're still having sex anyways...

[kgcolonel]

If this were me....I can't see how I would ever define " back together" while she's still dating and traveling and sleeping with the other guy.

 

How do you get to that definition? She's feeding you a bunch of you know what here.

 

If she's committed to you, she should have no problem forfeiting her part in the trip as a consequence of the breakup....this would demonstrate her commitment to the R. Secondly, I would tell her that she is free to go with the other guy, just know she's going as a single and not to contact you. Usually these resorts are around $2500 per week including airfair, half of that is what she is telling you that the relationship isn't worth. Don't you see this as complete devaluation of any relationship?

[Sevenisle]

Wise words so far. Thanks. Sometimes you can't see the forest through the trees and it's what I need to hear.

[Try]

Usually these resorts are around $2500 per week including airfair,

Although the airfare may not be refundable, they often give a credit toward other travel. As for the room fee, they often just keep the first 2 days worth and refund the rest of the week. If she really is back with you, and you are the love of her life, she would not want to be spending every day for a week with this other guy, sleeping with and having sex with him. There should be no issue on this.

 

Assuming that your parents are still married, image for a minute if your Mom was going on a one week luxury cruise with with her girlfriend, when her girlfriend decides to give away her spot on the cruise to an ex-boyfriend of your Mom that would include him and your Mom sharing a bed, and your Mom telling your Dad that she is thinking about going on the trip since it is paid for and there are no refunds, can you imagine how your Dad would react to this? How your Dad would be reacting is how you should be reacting right now. Lack of a refund would not be an issue with your Dad in determining the course of action.

[lolablue17]

Is it a real story?

 

If it was me I would give her my blessing and tell to her never contact me again. Even if she's not going to this trip, the very fact that she even had the dilemma, is enough for me to kick her out of my life for ever.

 

He thinks they are still together? Is this the girl you wanna be with? A manipulative liar who deceives and misleading her ex bf \ current bf, (who knows?) I'd bet she is lying to you too.

[d0nnivain]

You & her broke up She's dating him. He is her BF & they have a romantic expensive trip planned. Whether he means something to her or not, she's still going. Whatever she is currently doing with you, is behind her BF's back. You are not the BF. You are the EX/OM at this point. She's cheating on him, which says very bad things about her character.

 

 

Just remember two things: Love doesn't conquer all & if she cheats with you, she will cheat on you.

 

 

Say Adios & get on with your life, without her.

[DKT3]

You & her broke up She's dating him. He is her BF & they have a romantic expensive trip planned. Whether he means something to her or not, she's still going. Whatever she is currently doing with you, is behind her BF's back. You are not the BF. You are the EX/OM at this point. She's cheating on him, which says very bad things about her character.

 

 

Just remember two things: Love doesn't conquer all & if she cheats with you, she will cheat on you.

 

 

Say Adios & get on with your life, without her.

 

Immediate rebound is code for other boyfriend. I betting she was dating you both, she then choose him but isn't really willing to let you go.

 

The quoted post is a excellent, you are the other guy at this point....I would suggest a conversation with the guy, what you hear there would be interesting.

[Darren Steez]

You & her broke up She's dating him. He is her BF & they have a romantic expensive trip planned. Whether he means something to her or not, she's still going. Whatever she is currently doing with you, is behind her BF's back. You are not the BF. You are the EX/OM at this point. She's cheating on him, which says very bad things about her character.

 

 

Just remember two things: Love doesn't conquer all & if she cheats with you, she will cheat on you.

 

Say Adios & get on with your life, without her.

 

She probably already did..

 

The basics - my girlfriend of 9 months broke up with me last December. Reasons unimportant but needless to say, it devastated me. She started a rebound relationship with a guy almost immediately after

 

So immediately after? Meaning either he was an orbiter meaning that the flirting was well under way or at the very least it was emotional cheating because as soon as she was free, he was in.

 

Fast forward through me working on some personal issues to become a better man .

 

You become a better man for her or for yourself?

 

Come to think of it..the reasons for you breaking up in the first place are important. Why did you break up?

[preraph]

Since you know she is dating this guy, I would just say that you must realize you two are not exclusive and are free to date other people.

[Space Ritual]

Just wanted to throw my story out there and get some feedback.

 

The basics - my girlfriend of 9 months broke up with me last December. Reasons unimportant but needless to say, it devastated me. She started a rebound relationship with a guy almost immediately after which further crushed me. Fast forward through me working on some personal issues to become a better man and 2 weeks ago we're back together. My love never stopped and she expressed how much she loved and missed me. She's also tried to explain multiple times that rebound guy meant nothing and was merely a distraction.

 

However…a month ago, they booked a trip together at some fancy Mexican resort and didn't bother getting cancellation insurance, of course. Further, they're technically still dating as she hasn't officially broken up with him yet (he thinks they're still together.) It's a messed up situation to be sure. She's been on the fence about going (she's leaning towards going) and I'm starting to feel like Woody Harrelson in Indecent Proposal. (Minus the monetary compensation and rather than a night, I'll be on pins and needles for an entire week)

 

Am I being irrational worrying about this? Is this at all acceptable on her part if she goes? She knows I'm naturally concerned but I don't feel like I should be telling her that she can't go and she's tried to assure me it's 'just a trip' and there are two beds. I'm jumping out of my skin trying hard not to let this effect me. And it's still a couple weeks away.

 

So let me get this straight:

 

1. GF Dumps you out of the blue,right away starts banging another guy.

2. She comes back shaking her tail feathers in your face with an "I miss you"

speech and the 2 and a half months spending banging this other guy meant "nothing".

3. You fall for that whole act and take her back without hesitation

4.She hasn't told the guy she is banging that she isn't interested in banging anymore, so basically he is unaware that you've been banging her again.

5. She brings up the "Resort Trip" that they did not cancel, which I might add, she actually is still considering going on and....of all things...wait for it young man...wait for it....

 

6. She "ASSURED" you that this is only a trip and there are 2 beds.

 

Did that about cover it?

 

So let me ask you, if your best friend told you this story and asked for your advice, would you not be choking back a sinister laugh and saying "Are you effing nuts, high, or both?"

 

Look, I know you feel like this is a real hard decision to make, but it isn't.

 

You do understand that since this guy does not know that his relationship s over, that basically your gf is now cheating on this guy with you. Much like the act that she broke up with you so she could bang this guy without guilt. However I would bet she was banging him while you two were together originally.

 

2 beds?

 

Really...2 beds at a Resort? Repeat after me...2 beds at a Resort.

 

You don't feel like you shouldn't tell her not to go?

 

Who in the hell even contemplates even pulling a stunt like this without flinching?

 

I'll tell you who, somebody that has never had to face a single consequence for their actions, that's who.

 

So yes allow her to go on the trip with her boyfriend...because he still is her boyfriend, you have simply reversed roles as you are now the Other Man.

 

Allow her to go, and wish her well in her future endeavors beyond the 2 Bed Bacteria Frap Resort. And don;t look back and delete her from your life.

 

While you are at it, "Google No More Mr. Nice Guy pdf" and read it. You are nothing less than a Nice Guy who is getting steamrolled. She must be really good looking. Because that is the only conceivable reason any man would ever put up with this bullschnit.

 

If it were me, I'd have my boot so far up her ass she would be able to taste my shoelaces.

 

Come on kid, have some self respect here.

 

Good Luck

Edited March 18, 2017 by Space Ritual

[KBob]

The quoted post is a excellent, you are the other guy at this point....I would suggest a conversation with the guy, what you hear there would be interesting.

 

No no no, absolutely do not talk to the other guy, that's a situation that could go all kinds of wrong. Violence wrong.

[Space Ritual]

No no no, absolutely do not talk to the other guy, that's a situation that could go all kinds of wrong. Violence wrong.

 

Agreed.

 

I am the poster boy for confrontation going bad. I walked in on my best friend and my fiance in my bed. It resulted in me spending 4 years in prison for my confrontation. I am living proof that violence is not worth it.

 

The other guy is not the problem, the "Girlfriend" is the problem and OP would be best advised to release this chick to her destiny and chalk it up to a really awful experience.

[4x4storm]

Agreed.

 

I am the poster boy for confrontation going bad. I walked in on my best friend and my fiance in my bed. It resulted in me spending 4 years in prison for my confrontation. I am living proof that violence is not worth it.

 

The other guy is not the problem, the "Girlfriend" is the problem and OP would be best advised to release this chick to her destiny and chalk it up to a really awful experience.

 

This really hit home for me when my ex was being suspious behind my back I would get up every morning put clothes and shoes on and just pace back and forth through out my apartment all day I wanted to hurt this guy so badly. The kicker is he literally worked across the street from me! So it would have taken all of 5 minutes for it to all kick off.

 

I kept telling my ex not to push me and she thought it was all one big joke. That's when I realised the guy was not the issue she was! She was seriously not worth getting charged and possibly going to jail over.

Edited March 19, 2017 by 4x4storm

[Simple Logic]

Just wanted to throw my story out there and get some feedback.

 

The basics - my girlfriend of 9 months broke up with me last December. Reasons unimportant but needless to say, it devastated me. She started a rebound relationship with a guy almost immediately after which further crushed me. Fast forward through me working on some personal issues to become a better man and 2 weeks ago we're back together. My love never stopped and she expressed how much she loved and missed me. She's also tried to explain multiple times that rebound guy meant nothing and was merely a distraction.

 

However…a month ago, they booked a trip together at some fancy Mexican resort and didn't bother getting cancellation insurance, of course. Further, they're technically still dating as she hasn't officially broken up with him yet (he thinks they're still together.) It's a messed up situation to be sure. She's been on the fence about going (she's leaning towards going) and I'm starting to feel like Woody Harrelson in Indecent Proposal. (Minus the monetary compensation and rather than a night, I'll be on pins and needles for an entire week)

 

Am I being irrational worrying about this? Is this at all acceptable on her part if she goes? She knows I'm naturally concerned but I don't feel like I should be telling her that she can't go and she's tried to assure me it's 'just a trip' and there are two beds. I'm jumping out of my skin trying hard not to let this effect me. And it's still a couple weeks away.

 

Irrational? Yea, you are being irrational believing they are not still BF/GF and you are some how back together with this girl.

[Space Ritual]

This really hit home for me when my ex was being suspious behind my back I would get up every morning put clothes and shoes on and just pace back and forth through out my apartment all day I wanted to hurt this guy so badly. The kicker is he literally worked across the street from me! So it would have taken all of 5 minutes for it to all kick off.

 

I kept telling my ex not to push me and she thought it was all one big joke. That's when I realized the guy was not the issue she was! She was seriously not worth getting charged and possibly going to jail over.

 

In my case I was 3 weeks away from getting married when I caught them, My best friend was also going to be my best man. If that wasn't bad enough I only discovered after I was incarcerated that fiends of mine knew it had been going on for some time and could have given me the knowledge that I needed in order to avoid having my situation happen the first place. So in essence I was not only a victim of what is called a "Double Betrayal" I was a victim of a multiple person betrayal. And true to form even staying in the Hooskau for those years when I got out I could not come to grips with the fact that I brought it all on myself for lashing out, I went right back to the well and confronted more than one person and had it out with them. And yep you guessed it.....violated my parole and right back in for another 3 years. I was a total dumbass and deserved what I got.

 

Sorry for the thread jack, OP. I point I am trying to make is that people tend to put too much emphasis on the OW/Ow and not the person that is really the problem. You would best be served by cutting this one out of your life come hell or high water. Sometimes people just aren't worth it. Take it from me.

 

Good Luck

[road]

In my case I was 3 weeks away from getting married when I caught them, My best friend was also going to be my best man. If that wasn't bad enough I only discovered after I was incarcerated that fiends of mine knew it had been going on for some time and could have given me the knowledge that I needed in order to avoid having my situation happen the first place. So in essence I was not only a victim of what is called a "Double Betrayal" I was a victim of a multiple person betrayal. And true to form even staying in the Hooskau for those years when I got out I could not come to grips with the fact that I brought it all on myself for lashing out, I went right back to the well and confronted more than one person and had it out with them. And yep you guessed it.....violated my parole and right back in for another 3 years. I was a total dumbass and deserved what I got.

 

Sorry for the thread jack, OP. I point I am trying to make is that people tend to put too much emphasis on the OW/Ow and not the person that is really the problem. You would best be served by cutting this one out of your life come hell or high water. Sometimes people just aren't worth it. Take it from me.

 

Good Luck

 

Multiple betrayals. And they all justified their actions, at least in their

own minds.

 

 

Four years for just beating someone up without considering

circumstances seems excessive. Judge must of been a WS

that got their ass kicked.

[inigele14u]

I'm going to tell you like it is. She is going to be taking a big ol one in her when she goes on that trip. She will be loving on him and doing all kinds of dirty work - he WILL be drilling it, that's out of the questions. No matter what she tells you, women don't do this. LOL. I'm not saying that to be rude, I'm saying that before you get hurt even more. Move on brother. Why even entertain this ****?

[usa1ah]

She is just jerking you around. Go dark and find someone else. She girl is screwed up. You think HER BOYFRIEND IS NOT GOING TO DO HER DURNING THIS TRIP. Right.

[badartwork]

She's not cheating on you with him. She's cheating on him, with you. Leave her.