What do I Do?

[Ashley]

Okay, i have a boyfriend named Jason, when we first started going out on July 17th which was about 1 week and three days ago, he told me he was a virgin, it was kinda hard for me to taka because i always had a fantasy to be with a guy that was a virgin, and when we were both ready to have sex, we would share the first time passion, but he is not a virgin and i am. I can tell that he wants to have sex, but im not ready, ever since i told him that i want to wait, he has been treating me very differently. He claims to be joking around when he has a very serious face on. But, he is really not a person that i can have a serious conversation with. He will joke around when im trying to talk about how i feel. Like last night, i asked him if he was in love with me, he said he was, but then i had to tell him that i was but then again, i wasn't. He didnt take it so well. But, we are always talking about sex. Sex this and sex that. I dont think i see a real relationship with Jason. I have sat down and actually considered breaking the relationship but i love him too much, and if i is really in love with me, it will be even harder to break it off, because he would fall, real hard. And the last thing i want to do is hurt him. What do i do? Help me fix this crisis.

Ashley aka in need of help

[LoveAngel]

we first started going out on July 17th which was about 1 week and three days ago

 

 

Ashley! Honey, slow down. It's only been less than two weeks and your concerned about wether or not you should be having sex? Do you know his birthday? Do you know what his favorite color is? Do you think you've reached the level where it's time to learn about him intimately? Certainly not. At this point in your relationship, you should be more concerned with finding out about his interests (other than sex), loves, passions, and fears.

 

 

he told me he was a virgin, it was kinda hard for me to taka because i always had a fantasy to be with a guy that was a virgin, and when we were both ready to have sex, we would share the first time passion, but he is not a virgin and i am.

 

 

It's been less than two weeks and he's already lied to you in a very intimate way -- perhaps to obtain something or perhaps to cover up his past. Either way, he's not being honest towards you, and that's not a positive sign in the earliest developmental stages of any type of relationship.

 

 

I can tell that he wants to have sex, but im not ready, ever since i told him that i want to wait, he has been treating me very differently. He claims to be joking around when he has a very serious face on. But, he is really not a person that i can have a serious conversation with. He will joke around when im trying to talk about how i feel. Like last night, i asked him if he was in love with me, he said he was, but then i had to tell him that i was but then again, i wasn't. He didnt take it so well. But, we are always talking about sex. Sex this and sex that. I dont think i see a real relationship with Jason. I have sat down and actually considered breaking the relationship but i love him too much, and if i is really in love with me, it will be even harder to break it off, because he would fall, real hard. And the last thing i want to do is hurt him.

 

 

What about hurting yourself, Ashley? You may be very fond of him, but who should come first in this situation? You've waited this long for someone special to come along and share yourself with and you certainly deserve that someone special. A true-love relationship should be able to exist perfectly without any type of sexual encounters. If he's pressuring for sex, then you seriously have to consider what his motivations and aspirations are in this relationship. You've stated that he dismisses your opinions as joking, consistantly pressures you to have intercourse, and all this in the period of one week. From my perspective, you've got two options: Dump him and find that special person who can be honest to you and himself, or lose your self-respect, dreams, and dignity by giving in to his demands. Once you have sex with him, it won't go away. The pressures will increase and you won't be happy. As someone who cares about you, he should be able to completely respect your desires and take them into consideration rather than dismiss them and place his selfish need of gratification before you. I'm sorry, but from what you've described the situation is unhealthy and I feel that it's best for your interest to move on. Be yourself when finding a partner. Don't be submissive to their demands. Be cooperative and work together to turn your fantasies into realities. And don't dismiss all non-virgins from your possible mate list: Many people, after partaking in sexual activities prematurely (before they're ready) learn from their mistakes the hard way and become "born-again virgins." This type of person won't pressure you for sex at all. They will be fully understanding of your needs and wishes. Bottom line: Don't do something you're not comfortable with. Boyfriends will come and go throughout your life, but you're stuck with you forever. Best wishes to you!

 

 

Yours,

 

LoveAngel

[melissa]

Okay, i have a boyfriend named Jason, when we first started going out on July 17th which was about 1 week and three days ago, he told me he was a virgin, it was kinda hard for me to taka because i always had a fantasy to be with a guy that was a virgin, and when we were both ready to have sex, we would share the first time passion, but he is not a virgin and i am. I can tell that he wants to have sex, but im not ready, ever since i told him that i want to wait, he has been treating me very differently. He claims to be joking around when he has a very serious face on. But, he is really not a person that i can have a serious conversation with. He will joke around when im trying to talk about how i feel. Like last night, i asked him if he was in love with me, he said he was, but then i had to tell him that i was but then again, i wasn't. He didnt take it so well. But, we are always talking about sex. Sex this and sex that. I dont think i see a real relationship with Jason. I have sat down and actually considered breaking the relationship but i love him too much, and if i is really in love with me, it will be even harder to break it off, because he would fall, real hard. And the last thing i want to do is hurt him. What do i do? Help me fix this crisis.

 

Ashley aka in need of help

 

Break it off now before it gets even harder. In reding your story I did not pick up on one good thing about this guy. Forget about him find someone who is more sensitive to your feelings and needs. As far as love goes your just beginning. I'm not saying that you don't love him but I am saying that love is a lot stronger. Don't wait until your in a real perdicament. It is still early ya it will hurt but you will move on to another boy and then probably another. You know he is wrong for you but you can't accept it. Deal with it! We all have loved and lost and been alone. You'll find a better happiness with someone else.