Will he come around?

[smile]

I just have a question out there. It seems everytime I tell my story to someone or I talk about it to someone that knows me and my ex both .. they all have the same response. Oh don't worry you will get back together. Even when I dont know them they seem to think he will come around.

 

I mean is that just a brush off way of saying I dont care about your drama and get over it? If so then isn't "there are plenty of fish in the sea" a better one? Or "you will be fine" . Or even "if it was meant to be it will be"?

 

Why you will get back together? Even sometimes... "he is confused" or "he will never find anyone like her". All of these things have been said to me and even to my friends. i have not known one person who said "oh yeh you two were never good for eachother" .

 

Anybody know why this is? Would you say things like that just to shut someone up? It s just an other thing for me to obsess over. Gives a gal false hopes ya know?

[eddpad]

Well my gf is 19 years of age and we have been together for 4 years, go ahead and do the math. So she broke up with me on grounds that she doesn't want to be ina relationship right now in her life and just wants to be on her own, have friends and have fun.

 

Everyone here and other message boards seem to see this as a period for her to grow and experience life a bit, after all, her whole pre-adult life was with me. So I think what is happening here is she wants to take advantage of her youth so as to not regret that she missed out on anything when she is older. I've read stories about some that have married at a young age, and even though they love their husbands, they do regret getting married so early because they felt like they missed out on somthing.

 

But back to your question. I've told many people my story and two have told me they think she'l come around. One only knows me from work and the other was my best friend in high school who I haven't seen in forever. I know how you feel, how can this guy, who doesn't have the slightest clue about our relationship assume so easily that she'll come back. I''ve seen it happen before. Guy or girl leave because they want to party and experience university only to come back and claim their love for the person they left.

[smile]

Yeh I was his first real relationship. And we were together for 3 and a half years (four if you count this year of noncommited what seemed like a second chance thing) . In those three years his life changed so much, as did his goals.

 

He got his liscene (he was kinda a hippie), a credit card, a car, a very full savings account, a good job and when he went on tour he was begining to feel that he was ready to grow up and settle down. He would call me at least three times a day telling me he wanted to come home and just get a job and a house and start a family. Then all of a sudden he calls me and says he belongs in the band and not with me.

 

Now he is someone I don't know. He still has a good job but he is so not responsible. He never has any money and has no idea what he is doing. He says so. He tells me all of his relationships are superficial. Everyday he has a different opinion on the way his life is going.

 

So, is he scared? I don't know. I just know in this year of me being his best friend he never felt the need to make a change in us being broken up. So now I am leaving and not being his friend. He needs time alone. I do too. But my heart just can't seem to let him go. And I am not sure if the comments from everyone are helping me.. or giving me false hope.

 

How do you take that? Those comments about her needing time? Is it keeping you hoping too?

[eddpad]

Well, honestly, I'll always have hope, but I'll always try to stay as far away for it as possilble, because hope has me everyday thinking about her and when we can be together again. I do trust her in that I believe all she wants is to be on her own, which I'm fine, because she can gain the confidence and independence she needs. And like everyone says, you need to love yourself before you can love someone else.

 

I've talked to her cousin and she says she just wants to live life a little, I can't get mad at her or feel down. We live in a world where the divorce rate is high and there is emphasis on marrying late and having fun while your young. So what can I do? I can be a good guy and stay in the background for her trhough thick and thin because I love her and she means alot to me. Or I can go away because is just too much to bear.

 

I don't know about your situation. How old is he? How old are you? Maybe he wants to have some more fun before he really knows he wants to settle down forever. You were his first relationship, he might miss the old times where is was just him and his buddies. One thing is for sure, he isn't looking for somthing serious, just "fun". And if you can handle that, more power to you. How long have you guys been apart? He's never told oyu how he feels within that time and has anything ever happened between the two of you within that time? Read this article, maybe it will help:

 

http://www.love-sessions.com/relationship_break.htm

 

 

http://www.getromantic.com/dating/content.shtml?kwame/greenergrass.shtml

 

I like the last one's style.

[smile]

Thanks, those were really great little articles. The last one made me smile a lot. I have eaten and had a dance class so my endorphins are up.

 

Anyhow... to answer your questions he is 27 I am 28 (we are like 8 months apart). We have been apart well lets see.. he broke up with me last July (2004) and then we started hanging out again and being with only eachother until september. Then we stopped talking until the end of November and then off and on (but NEVER back together officially) anyhow that was that way until around my bday which was mid june. But the last time we saw eachother was 2 weeks ago. Wacky eh ?

 

In that time he has said a multitude of things that constantly contradict eachother. He has never gotten over me and he was more himself with me than he has ever been with anyone. We are so alike and I have been nothing but nice and supportive to him since the day we met. I am cute and fun and he loves spending time with me. He loves sleeping with me he loves the way I am with his dog. He made me dinners, called me when he was on tour almost everyday and we would talk for hours as he wandered around towns waiting for his show to start.

 

BUT he never wanted me back. He isn't ready for anything. He can't give me what I want. He has said he didnt even love me the last two years we were together he felt sorry for me. He loves his new life (next minute he hates it) he loves the band (next minute he wants to quit). I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT IS GOING ON IN HIS HEAD.

 

And it scares me and makes me sad. And I just have no idea what to think. It seems he is confused and needs time to figure it out. And I think having me around made it hard for him to really think about us. If that makes sense. But we had been sleeping together ( a lot) until mid June.

 

So yeh thats that. I have hope too. And now I am taking space. And it is kinda hard to love myself too much right now but I am trying.