Girlfriend and her "ex" dealer

[workin_guy]

So i've been with this girl for 6 months now. She is actually my first REAL girlfriend. I'm 25 and have a history of very short (days or weeks) "relationships". Always stuck to more of the heat-of-the-moment connections in the past.

But we met as roommates in a house together. We were both heavy drinkers and hooked up quickly through being "drinking buddies", and we were pretty much going at it every night/morning for a little over a month.

With my prior negative lifestyle of drinking i actually decided to quit drinking about a couple months into our "living-together-fling", which was what i thought of it at the start. We've had a few arguments since, regarding her continual heavy drinking vs my attempt to stop.

Through our short relationship alot has been opened up about our various prior substance abuses. And she has since stopped drinking heavily in front of me, though it worries me when i notice her slipping off around a corner to down a nip of vodka or whiskey, thinking i wont notice if i dont see it, even though her breath is enough to trigger a negative emotional response from me (making me not want to have sex with her).

I moved to a separate place 4 months into our relationship to try to ease up tensions( and due to other stresses in the house with other roommates), and things were seeming to pick up. We got into a kind of routine of her stayng over at my place during the weekend when im not working and i would take her out and do the dating/relationship thing. Basically treat her as much as possible. She even wouldn't(couldn't) drink because when we are together we're going at it like rabbits for the whole weekend.

Me and her have been especially good together for the last 2 months, doing the "normal boyfriend-girlfriend thing", but recently she invited me to an art show where one of her old friends was exhibiting HIS wears.

Now, I'm not a dummy, i realize girls DO have guy friends, occasionally. But what really stood out was that after introducing me, she constantly was standing closer to him than me. Even when we went out to smoke a cigarette together and he came out a few minutes later, she would sorta gravitate closer to him. Even if I had my arm around her shoulder while we were out, the moment he stepped out she would step away from me and stand between us (again, just a little bit closer to him than me).

During the course of the night it came to light that he "was" her supplier when she was heavy into ketamine, and more disturbingly that she rarely had to pay for it. It almost seemed like an inside joke between them when they talked about using, and how she always had the "hookup" with him around.

Point is, she has even more recently been showing signs of using, and is growing a lot more distant. She constantly deflects when i bring up anything serious. Only showing signs of attention towards me when she wants to have sex.

I might just be paranoid because this is my first real actual relationship with a girl i truly care about, or i think i do, but i just dont know what to make of it.

I've lived the life and know from experience that addicts can go to tremendous lengths to sustain their habit while doing the "normal-lifestyle" for a while. I dont know if i'm helping her by being the "good-boyfriend", or just hurting myself by playing devil's advocate, hoping that im not alone in wanting to get clean and keep this girl that i have so much in common with.

Am I just a sap?

[Space Ritual]

Workin Guy,

 

So sorry to hear about your troubles.

 

I'll preface what I am about to say by telling you I am a recovering addict and alcoholic with over 20 years of sobriety. I also used to be in "the business" at one time. Had a bit of a rough life in my youth so I have been around the block a few times .lol

 

I am afraid you are in a no win situation. She has yet to hit rock bottom. And yes you know why she does not have to pay for Ketamine. There were certain women who were never charged for cocaine by myself for the exact same reason. People will debase themselves in all sorts of ways when they want drugs. People like me at one time were more than happy to allow those same people to debase themselves for my benefit.

 

 

I don't think I am going out on a limb in that you are fighting a losing battle with her. Although I commend you for the attempt , I think you know as well as I do that in a situation like this that the most compassionate thing you can probably do is to leave her to her own devices. She will drag you down with her eventually if you continue the "good boyfriend" routine. She will have to stop using for herself, not for you or anyone else,and if she doesn't see any real world consequences, there is no motivation to stop.

 

I know it is difficult, but unless you are prepared to follow through with any ultimatums you give her, then don't. You really need to do some deep thought about what are the risks of carrying on in this relationship.

 

I would get test for stds if I were you just as a precaution. If what I suspect is occurring with Art Boy, I doubt very highly she is being the most responsible. I know that is gross but you need to protect yourself and not just take her word for anything. Addicts and cheaters do have some things in common, mostly that they are all liars to some extent.

 

Again I am sorry for your situation, but I think you realize that you probably need to move on form her and let her crash and burn on her own. We addicts are masters at dragging people down with us when we are drowning in our addiction. Throw yourself a life preserver and move on without her.

Edited March 18, 2017 by Space Ritual

[smackie9]

You have made a poor choice to let this girl be your first real relationship...it's going to be one of the worst experiences you will ever have. Tip: never turn a blind eye to anything just to have it.

[umirano]

Bail. Right now.

 

Source: I have been with a girl who used (cannabis).

 

Ketamine is addictive and causes hallucinations and eventually psychosis, especially when she's using other drugs simultaneously.

[Floveet]

Bail. Right now.

 

Source: I have been with a girl who used (cannabis).

 

Ketamine is addictive and causes hallucinations and eventually psychosis, especially when she's using other drugs simultaneously.

 

I love drugs as a recreative use. But Ketamine = Addictive ?

Hm ... not really.

 

Ya I think she is definitely lost into her game, be careful nothing else to say. The decision to break up or not is yours, but I think comments above are quite straight to the point and can't argue with those.

 

Good luck with that .

[sandylee1]

@Space Ritual nailed it with his post.

 

You and she should not be a couple. You can't be with such a heavy drinker and user, when you want to give it up.