When online dating is your only option?

[LookAtThisPOst]

Got into a discussion with a female friend of mine that moved into my area. Not interested in dating her, she's a good friend. We used to attend Meetup events in the bigger city an hour away. But a lot of those Meetup friends have went different directions.

 

I still attend events and I figured she didn't care for the city due to the lengthy commute. I attend some events myself here and there in the big city, and offered to carpool if she was up for it and still she can't stand the city, so it's not an issue.

 

There's nothing much going on in our area, I mean, we do have events, but there are no opportunities at said events to meet other singles...mostly families/married couples.

 

And she says, "Oh well, guess it's back to online dating then." So she's kind of painted herself into a corner with dating opportunities and has pretty much drawn the conclusion that the only way you can meet other singles is online dating.

 

This kind of segues into other people possibly using it as their primary way of meeting other singles, even though some here have suggested only use it as supplementary. That said, I do ask is it unhealthy that some of these people are now relying on these dating opportunities via online as THE primary means of meeting others?

 

In fact, I think since we're so plugged in, do a lot of people prefer online the better means than in person meetings. Since online dating increases these opportunities, I can see how it can become so appealing since meeting people face to face doesn't lend to these dating opportunities in person, right?

[d0nnivain]

Granted it was a long time ago when I was on OLD but I didn't care for it. I felt extremely demoralized & rejected most of the time.

 

 

Meeting people IRL had never been that hard for me but when I tried OLD I was in my late 30s & this was the first time I'd been single outside of an academic environment. I always found it easy to meet new people in various places, including bars. Since learning how to network, I also realized that most people are shy & a bit socially awkward. If somebody (me) could be brave enough to break the ice & just say hi the other person was often so grateful that conversation would flow. Of course reading cues from somebody who wanted to be left alone was important too.

 

 

I do think that many people hide behind their devices & prefer OLD because it seems less risky; nobody sees you get shot down. The reality is it's harder because you miss all the non verbal cues; people tend to be more blunt, more picky & have dating ADD on line; and people who spend all their time texting / on line can't seem to have a conversation anymore. Many police departments in the US are launching new training sessions for the new recruits because they have no idea how to do community outreach & talk to the people on the street as the best way to get info.

[LookAtThisPOst]

Granted it was a long time ago when I was on OLD but I didn't care for it. I felt extremely demoralized & rejected most of the time.

 

 

Meeting people IRL had never been that hard for me but when I tried OLD I was in my late 30s & this was the first time I'd been single outside of an academic environment. I always found it easy to meet new people in various places, including bars. Since learning how to network, I also realized that most people are shy & a bit socially awkward. If somebody (me) could be brave enough to break the ice & just say hi the other person was often so grateful that conversation would flow. Of course reading cues from somebody who wanted to be left alone was important too.

 

 

I do think that many people hide behind their devices & prefer OLD because it seems less risky; nobody sees you get shot down. The reality is it's harder because you miss all the non verbal cues; people tend to be more blunt, more picky & have dating ADD on line; and people who spend all their time texting / on line can't seem to have a conversation anymore. Many police departments in the US are launching new training sessions for the new recruits because they have no idea how to do community outreach & talk to the people on the street as the best way to get info.

 

I was like, "Wow" on that last part with police recruits. Yeah, I don't know if it's my area or depends on where you are, but where I live, most women give out "I don't like being approached" ques. If you TRY to talk to them, they are as short/curt with you as possible.

 

Small talk in lines is something they don't enjoy. I think that's why Meetup was invented, but even then...you get a lot of people that join the site, but don't attend a single event. No-shows wind up ticking off organizers, because they've RSVP'ed, but don't have an awareness of remembering because they treat it like Facebook even though the site was intended for real life meetings.

 

People wind up being texting buddies, than meeting in person.

 

There's no bonding going on. Come to think of it, the women I've dated some weren't' even on Facebook or practically Luddites, so I stood a snowball's chance with them. LOL.

 

If they were on FB, they rarely logged in.

 

The thing is though, there's a degree of overlap here, because over time I eventually see them in person or someone that had been a blast from the past that are on here or, they wind up being a mutual friend of a friend of mine's on FB.

 

But gosh forbid you said you saw them online. lol Never the words/Twain shall meet. lol They may not likely like their two worlds meeting.

 

This reminds me of a woman I see at sci-fi conventions. She comes alone, but hardly approachable and doesn't make herself approachable. She does have guys attempting to chat her up, but she is very stand offish, only poses for pictures while in costume. She rants a lot on Facebook though...so not playing with a full deck.

 

I think I recall a woman at a real life house party browsing POF...I mean....really? There's dudes right here, and you're on a dating site in a real life social event?

 

I do think that many people hide behind their devices & prefer OLD because it seems less risky; nobody sees you get shot down.

 

I wanted to add, I think online dating takes away the risk of dating within social circles. Meaning that if you met someone and dated someone in the same circles, that if you broke up...there would be awkwardness there, but I think there's a lack of maturity if you cannot accept that....but when online dating came into the picture...it eliminated that pretty much.

Edited March 18, 2017 by LookAtThisPOst

[GemmaUK]

But gosh forbid you said you saw them online. lol Never the words/Twain shall meet. lol They may not likely like their two worlds meeting.

 

You need to be careful of appearing stalky LATP and it almost seems to be your 'go to' thing to do.

 

FB is not a dating site, OLD is online but if you have already met then - you can count on her having seen your profile so just don't mail her - if she mails you great but otherwise you can be quite certain she isn't interested.

Same with women you have already mailed - don't mail them again if they are not interested.

From your OP - sounds like it was an off the cuff remark - or that is her main way to have dates. You say in your area that many are coupled up so.......it's no different to your way really is it? you just go for a few meet ups and still haven't met anyone.

OLD is many people's way these days.

 

Does the way you connect matter to you?

[LookAtThisPOst]

You need to be careful of appearing stalky LATP and it almost seems to be your 'go to' thing to do.

 

FB is not a dating site, OLD is online but if you have already met then - you can count on her having seen your profile so just don't mail her - if she mails you great but otherwise you can be quite certain she isn't interested.

Same with women you have already mailed - don't mail them again if they are not interested.

From your OP - sounds like it was an off the cuff remark - or that is her main way to have dates. You say in your area that many are coupled up so.......it's no different to your way really is it? you just go for a few meet ups and still haven't met anyone.

OLD is many people's way these days.

 

Does the way you connect matter to you?

 

Actually, introducing myself via...as long as we had mutual friends on FB, it has worked out for me. Last woman I dated was okay with it. So no biggie.

 

Same with women you have already mailed - don't mail them again if they are not interested.

 

Even if it's been a year? You have to admit, they get a lot of emails, so I don't think contacting them a 2nd time would be no big deal.

 

Otherwise, I've reached the finite amount of women in my area. It has come full circle already, otherwise I'm pretty much stuck not emailing anyone.

 

From your OP - sounds like it was an off the cuff remark - or that is her main way to have dates. You say in your area that many are coupled up so.......it's no different to your way really is it? you just go for a few meet ups and still haven't met anyone.

OLD is many people's way these days.

 

Oh, I've met someone. Got the digits from this teacher at a Meetup. ;-)

 

Not sure why you choose to pick me apart what YOU consider "creepy", we might as well agree to disagree on this.

 

To each their own, I say. As a man, there are risks when it comes to dating and fortune favors the bold as I'll be going out with aforementioned teacher that I met the same way. Yep...did a random message to her via the Meetup messaging system, never even met her in person, we chatted online, and met in a public venue at a Meetup event. Although we mingled around, we left together.

 

She gave me her card for further contact.

 

How's that for being "appearing stalky" ;-) Of course, if they think you're cute and interesting, then they won't think that. So there's an inherent chance one needs to take to determine this.

Edited March 18, 2017 by LookAtThisPOst

[bluefeather]

If it's your only means of meeting people, I think it would be very risky of not getting a good relationship. I've seen too many people on this board saying, "I'll never find anyone" and all they seem to do is stay on their computer using OLD.

 

OLD to me is a fun app for meeting people. I don't see it as the way that I will find true love, though lol.. I mean maybe it will happen that way, but right now, I am just having a ton of fun with it. It doesn't seem as bad as many people have described it.

[LookAtThisPOst]

If it's your only means of meeting people, I think it would be very risky of not getting a good relationship. I've seen too many people on this board saying, "I'll never find anyone" and all they seem to do is stay on their computer using OLD.

 

OLD to me is a fun app for meeting people. I don't see it as the way that I will find true love, though lol.. I mean maybe it will happen that way, but right now, I am just having a ton of fun with it. It doesn't seem as bad as many people have described it.

 

Good point, what you just said, is what a lot of people said in the early 2000s when online dating was younger. Now it's becoming more widely accepted to the general population.

[SevenCity]

I use OLD for my primary method of finding someone. It's has advantages and disadvantages. The reason I use it is I do not see women I'm interested in locally.

 

Good:

-Most people on there are single and looking for something

-You will meet women there that you won't meet IRL

- It allows you to cast a wide net

 

Bad:

- Most people are unwilling to date outside of a predefined radius

- there are a ton of flakes / attention seekers who have no intention on ever meeting in person

- people are super picky and tend to base decisions solely on looks

- you can end up going on many dates and find that the person's pic was not representative of what they actually look like IRL

- You will get filtered due to age which might not happen IRL

 

Having been on it for about 5-6 months now I'm just about as fed up as you can get. I have yet to meet a girl I want to have a LTR which is what I'm looking for. This is the first time in my life I've used it (I'm in my 40s)

 

I've got two dates setup for today and I'm not excited about either due to the lack of success on most first dates (me not liking them / not looking like their pics)

 

I would much rather meet someone in person.

[LookAtThisPOst]

I've got two dates setup for today and I'm not excited about either due to the lack of success on most first dates (me not liking them / not looking like their pics)

 

Yeah, I often wonder, by the time you struggle and DO get crumbs...it's like, "Wow, do I really care anymore?" Online dating fatigue.

 

I knew a couple of real life female friends that said they were never crazy about it when even signing up for it. They did so reluctantly.

[Cookiesandough]

I use OLD for my primary method of finding someone. It's has advantages and disadvantages. The reason I use it is I do not see women I'm interested in locally.

 

Good:

-Most people on there are single and looking for something

-You will meet women there that you won't meet IRL

- It allows you to cast a wide net

 

Bad:

- Most people are unwilling to date outside of a predefined radius

- there are a ton of flakes / attention seekers who have no intention on ever meeting in person

- people are super picky and tend to base decisions solely on looks

- you can end up going on many dates and find that the person's pic was not representative of what they actually look like IRL

- You will get filtered due to age which might not happen IRL

 

Having been on it for about 5-6 months now I'm just about as fed up as you can get. I have yet to meet a girl I want to have a LTR which is what I'm looking for. This is the first time in my life I've used it (I'm in my 40s)

 

I've got two dates setup for today and I'm not excited about either due to the lack of success on most first dates (me not liking them / not looking like their pics)

 

I would much rather meet someone in person.

 

I'm in the same boat. .But I went to OLD and I have more options there

 

Good:

Most are single

Many more options/wider net

Lots of men who are interested but rarely cold approach women

 

Bad:

-Too many guys talking to me from Far....i don't want to date someone too far that I can't see daily (if I wanted to, not that I have to)

-first dates are like a blind date but worse and off the scales anxiety because I don't know what to expect

-Lots of guys calling you a bot or scammer for no reason. Demanding proof like you owe it to them

-Many can't carry a conversation beyond" hey how are you" to save their lives

-Many are shallow and it's all about looks and want endless pics

-too picky with so many options you're not significant at all to them

-very, very few guys who meet both physical attraction and compatibility

-married or attached or couples wanting you to join them

-Pervy comments lol, asking for 'arrangements' etc

-Filtered due to age

 

 

I'm just about as fed up as one can get. I have 2 meets lined up and not excited about either...

Edited March 19, 2017 by Cookiesandough