Physical Attraction vs Personality.

[Mysterio]

I may have stated this a while back.

 

So for you evaluating the opposite sex in terms of just pure looks. Do you think that your opposite sex needs to step it up? What makes you hot for one but not for the others?

 

For me. I find at least 90 % of the women are actually physically attractive. Its more the personality and the status that is problem.

 

I know two women from my work that are on Match.com. Since I saw them. Its not their physical looks that are the problem. Its the attitude that I would be weary of dating them. One is dour in personality. The other comes off as prickly. Even just me working with them on a professional capacity.

 

What do you all think.

[PrettyEmily77]

Personality reflects on someone's physical appearance: a sexy smile, direct eye contact, bright eyes, confident body language, a self-assured voice, a casual dress sense, etc. - totally intertwined for me, so physical attraction + personality = winning ticket, regardless of actual looks.

[Woggle]

A woman can look like a model and if she has bad personality none of it matters. Women like that just wear you down and having some arm candy isn't worth it.

[Mysterio]

I have 2 female friends. One is 65 the other is 35. The 65 yr old looks hotter to me because she is more playful and flirtatious with me.

 

Yet the 35 yr to me is pretty. I don't find myself hot for her, beyond her looks. I think for me Physical looks and Personality are intertwined, but the personality is going to keep me there in the long run.

[LordVader]

There's not enough quality people, looks or personality. Myself included. And how many people does anyone actually get to meet, let alone "know".

[Mysterio]

I feel like there is more quality people in the world of friendship than dating.

 

By the way. How should one define Quality People.

[Cookiesandough]

I've been thinking about this a bit and I realized that I probably would find most men attractive if they changed their style. It seems 'shallow', but it's actually quite deep because style in a strong indicator of personality. People characterize us by what we wear or how we groom ourselves without really thinking of it. I only find about 5% of men attractive looking around at first glance because of this and I suppose a lot of women are this way.

 

 

Kk but that's just the superficial. Once you begin talking, more people get filtered.

[Mysterio]

One thing is becoming apparent to me. Physical Attraction is hard to override. Nothing romantic starts without the PA. I make sure that I am groomed and well dressed at all times when I go out.

[TheWoman]

You cannot judge a woman's personality by whatever vibe they give off at work. An attractive woman at work who is serious about her profession will not necessarily be giving off the vibe she would in a social or romantic setting. It can be hard enough to be taken seriously (especially by more senior men). Serious (even dour), focused, factual - all aspects of my personality that get aired at work - but not on dates and not with my loved ones.

[littleblackheart]

I've been thinking about this a bit and I realized that I probably would find most men attractive if they changed their style. It seems 'shallow', but it's actually quite deep because style in a strong indicator of personality. People characterize us by what we wear or how we groom ourselves without really thinking of it. I only find about 5% of men attractive looking around at first glance because of this and I suppose a lot of women are this way.

 

 

Kk but that's just the superficial. Once you begin talking, more people get filtered.

 

Funny how subjective attraction is. I find about a good two- third of men around me physically attractive in one way or the other (not to get involved with, just in a 'he's cute' sort of way); once they begin talking, that drops to about 20%.

[Cookiesandough]

Funny how subjective attraction is. I find about a good two- third of men around me physically attractive in one way or the other (not to get involved with, just in a 'he's cute' sort of way); once they begin talking, that drops to about 20%.

 

I understand. Just to be clear, I think a lot more than 5% see a lot of people as "cute"/physically appealing! I was talking purely who I am attracted to in the sense I would want to date them. And I think that has to do with I can infer about a about a person personality-wise(whether true or not) based on their appearance.

[basil67]

I think I must be broken. Back when I was dating, for me it was all about personality.

 

The only thing I cared about with the guy is that he makes an effort with his appearance. Eg; well fitting clothes which are reasonably fashionable, decent haircut and clean, short nails.

[Mysterio]

This week I am going to look at women from 20 to 60 something and rate their attractiveness.

 

For me I am way more into the personality. That is a must. I think if more people went for personality which should enhence the looks. All of us would be a little bit more happy.

[todreaminblue]

i cand find attractiveness in any guy i look at...its my creative brain at work finding beauty.....what makes me want to look at them a second time.....i guess really comes down to the way they speak...

 

you can telll a lot by the way a person speaks........and how they speak to others...kindness gentleness compassion cant often be seen in the width of a shoulder or the color of an eye..or the spatial symmentry of a perfect face......those characteristics though can be heard in a voice and felt by the heart though...in men i find these characteristtcs.....magnetic..a pull that allows me to see their attrractiveness ....for real....and its long lasting... that attractiveness once i know them more...only grows....brighter..........deb

[salparadise]

I find at least 90 % of the women are actually physically attractive.

 

I only find about 5% of men attractive looking around at first glance because of this and I suppose a lot of women are this way.

 

Yup, I've posited this contrast many times in discussions here... that women are all holding out for a five-percenter, while men will do the best they can, but ultimately almost all women, as in ninety percent, are eligible for reproductive opportunities. This is pretty consistent with the theories in evolutionary psych/biology. I get a lot of pushback about it. I'm bookmarking this thread for the next time it gets poo-poo'd I'm challenged to prove it.

 

For me, personality trumps looks but one still has to be physically attracted. If I go on a date and I find myself thinking, I'd like to kiss her... that's pretty much the litmus text on physical attraction. Personality either enhances it or kills it. Ultimately, there is nothing less attractive than a woman who believes that looking good makes her superior, and that she can get by on that.

[Cookiesandough]

I think it's 5% for me. Another 5% for another woman. I show my friends men im into and they say "not for me" The whole thing about appearance I was talking about mainly ties into subculture. A lot of women are into guys wearing diamond and gold 'grills'. You could say if you wanted they associate it with intelligence, ability to provide, status, confidence, whatever helps them survive the long winter in a cave ...

 

One likes men well groomed in a 3 piece suit because she associates with the same thing, just in another way. Another likes them all disheveled with glasses and a book bag, for similar reasons.

 

So I see no argument here to some top 5% that gets all the girls while the rest die off. Women's preferences are too varied imo!

Edited May 9, 2017 by Cookiesandough
Typing fast on phone

[SwordofFlame]

Yup, I've posited this contrast many times in discussions here... that women are all holding out for a five-percenter, while men will do the best they can, but ultimately almost all women, as in ninety percent, are eligible for reproductive opportunities. This is pretty consistent with the theories in evolutionary psych/biology. I get a lot of pushback about it. I'm bookmarking this thread for the next time it gets poo-poo'd I'm challenged to prove it.

 

For me, personality trumps looks but one still has to be physically attracted. If I go on a date and I find myself thinking, I'd like to kiss her... that's pretty much the litmus text on physical attraction. Personality either enhances it or kills it. Ultimately, there is nothing less attractive than a woman who believes that looking good makes her superior, and that she can get by on that.

 

Completely agree. There was okcupid study that basically said the same thing.

[JuneL]

There is no need for you to be apologetic for your own preferences. What if only 0.0001% of men can meet your personal standards? As long as you are willing to wait potentially very long and willing to put your effort into the potentially very long search, I don't see how being willing to settle is better or worse than being very picky.

 

You see plenty of people getting into monogamous relationships and getting married every single minute: some are good-looking, others are ugly; some make tons of money, others are broke; some have an Ivy League Ph.D., others are high school dropouts. Just because you have a particular standard doesn't prevent all sorts of people from getting into monogamous relationships or getting married...

 

 

Hmmm well I think it's more women are socialized and encouraged to pick one partner and men to have more. But that aside,2 things. You and op both state you put more stock in personality. Op goes as far to say status being an issue for a suitable mate. Isn't that contra to evolutionary psych. Status shouldn't matter to men, they're just trying to lay down as much pipe as possible before they die?

 

And secondly, I think it's 5% for me. Another 5% for another woman. I show my friends men im into and they say "not for me" The whole thing about appearance I was talking about mainly ties into subculture. A lot of women are into guys wearing diamond and gold 'grills'. You could say if you wanted they associated it that with intelligence, ability to provide, status, confidence, whatever

 

One likes men well groomed in a 3 piece suit because she associates with the same thing, just in another way. Another likes them all disheveled with glasses and a book bag, for similar reasons.

 

So I see no argument here to some top 5% that gets all the girls while the rest die off. Women's preferences are too varied imo!

[Cookiesandough]

Haha thank you. And yes I completely agree. I make no apologies!! Not like we can do much about it anyway. And I edited some parts out because it's a whole off-topic can of worms.

[Titanll]

Attraction is 100% subjective or should be. Think for yourself...

 

With that said, I know no sane person that can separate physical attraction and personality and decide that only one is enough.

 

I know what I am attracted to physically and personality wise and one without the other is practically useless.

[salparadise]

Attraction is 100% subjective or should be. Think for yourself...

 

With that said, I know no sane person that can separate physical attraction and personality and decide that only one is enough.

 

And one of those subjective aspects is one's own dating market equity. People adjust what they'll accept based on their own attractiveness, and there is usually approximate parity. People at the top of the hierarchy don't date people at the bottom. So do those at the bottom find others at the bottom attractive, or do they think, damn he/she is ugly but they are nice and willing to accept me, so I'll forget about Jennifer Connelly an we'll get it going?

[CptInsano]

And one of those subjective aspects is one's own dating market equity. People adjust what they'll accept based on their own attractiveness, and there is usually approximate parity. People at the top of the hierarchy don't date people at the bottom. So do those at the bottom find others at the bottom attractive, or do they think, damn he/she is ugly but they are nice and willing to accept me, so I'll forget about Jennifer Connelly an we'll get it going?

 

Quite frankly I seldom look at a girl and think about how ugly she is, and the same is true for beautiful women. I few years ago I was at an event where an actress was present. Compared to everybody around she seemed strikingly beautiful. But that emphasized that about 90% of the people are just more or less "average looking" from my point of view, with personal preferences regarding all kinds of characteristics strongly coming into play.

 

I don't think that neither the top 5% nor bottom 5% in regards to conventional attractiveness are truly relevant to most people.

[salparadise]

But that emphasized that about 90% of the people are just more or less "average looking" from my point of view, with personal preferences regarding all kinds of characteristics strongly coming into play.

 

I don't think that neither the top 5% nor bottom 5% in regards to conventional attractiveness are truly relevant to most people.

 

Interesting how differently we all perceive the dynamics of attraction and mate selection. Granted, there is some degree of uniqueness in what individuals find attractive in the opposite sex, but there is also general consensus in terms of what we all find attractive.

 

We know from research that men prefer a waist to hip ratio of .87 and waist to chest ratio of .74. These physical characteristics also correlate with the optimal health and child-bearing physique. We know that both genders strongly prefer symmetrical to asymmetrical physical characteristics, and there is general consensus on the preferences for various facial structures, even though in terms of objective measurement there may be little difference. We are highly sensitive to pattern recognition, which is not accidental. It's the result of repeated selection of what works best, which also means extinguishing of that which provides neutral or negative benefit. Many people believe that our preferences for certain facial structures correlates with Fibonacci sequences, or the golden ratio as it is sometimes called.

 

I have to disagree that by excluding the top and bottom five percent you're left with ninety percent of people being more or less average. While there may be some differences in what individuals prefer, these are on a micro scale, but we find general consensus on a macro scale. People are quite intent on recognizing hierarchies, and attractiveness is a biggie... because in evolutionary terms it goes directly to optimization of genetic potential, which of course drives pretty much everything whether we're aware of it or not.

 

All of this pickiness and difficulty we all have in finding a mate... it's all just our biological programming optimizing our reproductive potential. We do that by being very selective about which genes we choose to enhance our own. Women are more inclined to selectivity since they have limited reproductive opportunities, while for men a quantity over quality approach can be advantageous. However men tend to be selective when choosing a long-term mate, but less so when pursuing a quantitative strategy. And the two are not mutually exclusive.

 

Let's just use a middle school class of thirty as an example. I'd bet that if you had each student put all the name in order attractiveness, you'd see a considerable amount of consensus, with the variations being only small number of places different. I wonder if anyone has done that experiment.

[Titanll]

And one of those subjective aspects is one's own dating market equity. People adjust what they'll accept based on their own attractiveness, and there is usually approximate parity. People at the top of the hierarchy don't date people at the bottom. So do those at the bottom find others at the bottom attractive, or do they think, damn he/she is ugly but they are nice and willing to accept me, so I'll forget about Jennifer Connelly an we'll get it going?

 

You are making assumptions. I think that I am the bottom and I always date at the top so those at the top do date at the bottom haha!

 

Who is Jennifer Connelly?

[RecentChange]

You are making assumptions. I think that I am the bottom and I always date at the top so those at the top do date at the bottom haha!

 

I am curious about this. In what ways do you think you are "at the bottom" and what do you have to offer that attract women who are "at the top" (and therefore have a much larger pool available to them - the top guys and the "bottom" should they be so inclined).

 

As for what I am attracted to, it's heavily weighted on personality. As they say, a woman's orgasm starts in the brain. There has to be a baseline of physical attraction, but personality and chemistry / communication dynamics are the deal sealers.