Akashsingh Posted March 19, 2017 Share Posted March 19, 2017 (edited) This is a third time around a married co worker is flirting or I am flirting and she is responding. First it was in 2012: I was still married then. Got infatuated with a petite woman at work. She was sending me mixed signals and then people told me she was flirting and to cut if off. After that I got divorced as my ex knew I was not into my ex. Nothing happened with this coworker, she got laid off and a year later I did too as company had financial trouble. Last year 2015: I liked a married co worker of mine. She was so sweet and nice, I fell for her the moment I saw her. People told me she was just being nice to me because she had to work with me. It was hard but I kept control. The sexual tension was a bit too much, so she found another job and left. We are Facebook friends even though she left. She doesn't have bitter feelings about me. Another coworker told me she had a lot of respect about me and spoke highly later on. In 2016: When this lady left, she was replace by another petite married woman. Initially, I vowed to maintain distance and not to get too close but also to cooperate and collaborate. We got along on and off. Went on a business trip together. Strictly business, got to know a little bit about her. She is very professional but also very informal and friendly. I made a couple of comments, not too unprofessional but, could be awkward with women, like saying other two coworkers of our could be having an affair, etc. She doesnt make such off handed comments. Over the time she grew so close to me that she started messaging me, work related at night , like 9 PM to 12 AM. She literally spent better half of her day at my desk, loved talking with me all the time, used to wait for me to say something so she can talk with me etc. I thought she was perhaps liking me more than she should, so I started cutting it off a bit by spending time in another bldg, etc. Must have been hard on her initially as she asked me if she could call for a little bit etc, but I said no. She used to laugh at every joke of mine. Then things grew worse. One day she accused me of making inappropriate comments in front of all my subordinates. There is one person who had witnessed my feelings for another co worker too. She may have joked or was serious. Right after that comment, she asked me if I was going to another bldg or campus so she could come with me. I thought that was the end of it. I didnt want to lose my job. I didn't let her come to my desk, stopped all jokes at the workplace and tried to avoid her anyways I could but still work with her. There was a bit of anger in her in that she stopped attending my meetings afterwards but things seem to be getting to normal now. She again messaged me in the night , joked etc in front of 2-3 other co workers. (group chat). Then pinged me 1:1 again asking about what was going on with my other projects etc. So she is kind of work friend or spouse but I have never ever touched her or asked for lunch or coffee or even for that matter ever commented on her clothing. She tries to walk with me every time we go to meeting etc. And some people at work think I am hitting on her, some people think she is hitting on me and some people think its ackward we are walking together a lot of times. Anyways, I am trying to cut this off again. My boss approached me and asked me if I wanted to take a position in a different location or department or same place with lower pay or may not be lower pay but lower in designation. I should think of this as a constructive dismissal? Since this woman is very smart, I think he wants to keep her and promote her and not me. My question is, is she just a friendly coworker or definitely interested in me and second I dont know why but married women at work are always comfortable with me than single women. single women avoid me all the time, they dont smile or say hi, except for work related items. However married women like to chat, hang out, etc with me. There are a couple of other married women that are my friends but nothing is going on more than an occasional friendship there. Any insights? Edited March 19, 2017 by Akashsingh Link to post Share on other sites
Quiet Storms Posted March 19, 2017 Share Posted March 19, 2017 What kind of insights are you looking for? It seems you are very interested in "petite married women". Probably not the best way to keep your job, let alone advance your career. I guess my question would be why single women are avoiding you, since you are a single man (I presume, from what you wrote). There must be something off-putting about you to them-- might be something to consider and try to work out. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Akashsingh Posted March 19, 2017 Author Share Posted March 19, 2017 What kind of insights are you looking for? It seems you are very interested in "petite married women". Probably not the best way to keep your job, let alone advance your career. I guess my question would be why single women are avoiding you, since you are a single man (I presume, from what you wrote). There must be something off-putting about you to them-- might be something to consider and try to work out. I am divorced. I am actually not as such interested in "married" only women but not sure why single women are put off by me. There was a single woman who was attracted to me and sent me vibes when I was infatuated with the second married woman. I turned her off and she too left the job. I am 39 and most married women at work are 30-35 where as most single women are 20-29. However it seems I consistently attract married women and they are very comfortable working with me. Must be some vibes I send out unconsciously? Second there are atleast 5 more single women that work with me, but this last woman scoffs them off when they try to flirt with me. Link to post Share on other sites
BuddyX Posted March 19, 2017 Share Posted March 19, 2017 Your job does not equal a dating website. There are millions of single women out there. Saying "I can't attract single women" is a way of saying "I'm just lazy." 2 Link to post Share on other sites
freengreen Posted March 19, 2017 Share Posted March 19, 2017 could it be possible that singles see you with these married women time after time and infer your affair instincts thus avoid you? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Akashsingh Posted March 21, 2017 Author Share Posted March 21, 2017 (edited) In case of the first woman , I admit I tried and was infatuated but she encouraged by flirting at work, smiling, asking for a ride, bumping into starbucks the same time I did but also making it clear to me she was married. The second woman, I was divorced by then and she came as one of the most enthusiastic people in my life. You can not not like her. Shes just adorable. The third woman, started of by being nice but friendly co worker but soon she started laughing at all my jokes, staying for the most part at my desk etc. Even after work she just waits for a chance to talk with me on the work messenger. Like I rescheduled a meeting at 9:00 PM, she asks me why. I explained politely and then she sends me a big smiley. A couple of single women tried to flirt with me at work, this woman scoffed them off and now there are no single women as such nearby. You can call me lazy, but be assured these are some of the most desirable women. These are not available on websites in large numbers. Perhaps just bored wives needing attention. Also you have to understand I spend better part of my day with these women working with them. Different than a website dating. Also I am not the best looking guy but I am in demand co worker at work. People want to work with me. I have not had anything more than emotional. Never suggested anything other than a third person comment or asked any of them out except the second one Edited March 21, 2017 by Akashsingh Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts