When does it get better?

[moonlightpath]

For the past 8 months I was dating this really great guy. Everything was going so well up until recently. Over Xmas break his dad was diagnosed with heart disease and his mother has been suffering from PTSD since last year. Everything has been so difficult for him and his family lately. I always made sure I was there for him when he needed me.

 

In February he started acting distant and I mentioned it to him. I knew he was dealing with a lot but I wanted to make sure I was not making things worse. He told me he felt bad because he feels like he has been neglecting me lately. I told him I didn’t feel that way since I knew he was going through a lot but he told me that he could tell that it was bothering me. I do admit I did feel neglected. He canceled our plans a few times due to family issues. Each time I told him it was okay and understandable. Inside it did bother me but I did not let it show.

 

Almost 3 weeks ago he broke up with me. He told me that he doesn’t feel like he is capable of giving me what I deserve since he has too much on his plate. I tried to tell him that I was okay with the way things were going but he told me that he is just not in the right place in his life for a relationship now.

 

I just don’t feel like myself anymore. Soon it’ll be 3 weeks since the break up and I just realized I have not done much since then. I have been home alone most of the time. I just feel like I have nothing to look forward to anymore.

[Altair0770]

I'm so sorry to hear. My ex has PTSD and was the reason my relationship completely failed. I tried so hard to help her and take care of her. All I can say is it IS a lot on your plate being a caretaker of someone with PTSD, and I'm sure the heart disease diagnosis didn't make it easier.

 

I actually would believe him. Does sound like there is a lot on his plate and he wants to focus on helping his family. As much as you can and would help, its hard as a care taker to let anyone in, just like its hard for people being taken care of.

 

As for it getting better, it does over time. It's painfully long and difficult. It's been 5 months since my ex broke up with me, and about 2 months since I last talked to her. I feel overall happy, but do have my moments where I want to punch a wall or need a hug. My advice would be to hang out with friends as much as you can. Walk a lot if you need to. Just take a late night walk around the neighborhood or something. It does help, even if during the walk you just think about him.

[moonlightpath]

I'm so sorry to hear. My ex has PTSD and was the reason my relationship completely failed. I tried so hard to help her and take care of her. All I can say is it IS a lot on your plate being a caretaker of someone with PTSD, and I'm sure the heart disease diagnosis didn't make it easier.

 

I actually would believe him. Does sound like there is a lot on his plate and he wants to focus on helping his family. As much as you can and would help, its hard as a care taker to let anyone in, just like its hard for people being taken care of.

 

As for it getting better, it does over time. It's painfully long and difficult. It's been 5 months since my ex broke up with me, and about 2 months since I last talked to her. I feel overall happy, but do have my moments where I want to punch a wall or need a hug. My advice would be to hang out with friends as much as you can. Walk a lot if you need to. Just take a late night walk around the neighborhood or something. It does help, even if during the walk you just think about him.

 

 

I do believe him. I know he wanted to be with me but it was just too much for him right now. I just miss him a lot and I just feel bad almost everyday. I keep telling myself that today will be the last day I mope around feeling bad but I never actually stop.

[Altair0770]

It is tough to lose someone that way, especially if there isn't anything you can or could have done to prevent the breakup, nor are you the issue. I feel your pain there. It is difficult. My ways of coping are to get out and talk to friends. I don't go out looking for women, but just having people there doing any activity I enjoy is a good cooping mechanism.

 

For me I felt stuck for 2 months. Went out with family and friends a lot. Did things I enjoy, but I still felt stuck. I lost a girl to PTSD and that sucks. Went through absolute hell (mainly because she never told me what the issue is). I felt like I abandoned her when I know she was struggling too much. I came back after those 2 months. Then spent 2 months being there for her, and making her so happy (very crucial in PTSD recovery). Unfortunately, she took that opportunity to develop feelings for someone else. Despite all the things she said to me. So I left, and cut all contact with her and have no idea how shes doing. Nor do I really care. If she's interested in someone else, it's their job to take care of her, not mine.

 

Unfortunately there is no magical words to make the pain go away. It will fade with time. Just keep being you, and you will heal. Never lose sight of what you enjoy. Happiness comes from within, not someone else.

[backandforth]

I think you're entitled to mope and feel miserable. You're grieving, it's totally natural. But you seem like you have your head screwed on pretty well, so you'll know when the time is right to start putting yourself back together and moving on with your life. It'll take some time, but you'll get there.

[LordVader]

I just don’t feel like myself anymore. Soon it’ll be 3 weeks since the break up and I just realized I have not done much since then. I have been home alone most of the time. I just feel like I have nothing to look forward to anymore.

Do things for yourself on your own time. Get used to being alone.

 

Its way easier than dating/etc. I find it hard to not be bored tho, even with things I'm interested in. If I had money, I could do a lot more things to keep busy, but I don't.