Am I in the right path or just running towards a dead end?

[darkblitzrc]

WARNING: This is a very ****ing long post and my relationship story. I’m just bored just wanted to seek advice because im starting again to fall in love heavily and I just want to know that I’m with the right person. I believe that everyone deserves a second chance. Also just wanted to post it somewhere.

 

 

In my freshman 1st semester, I met this wonderful girl, let’s call her Jenny. I noticed jenny since the first day of class. According to her, she noticed me since the first ever encounter we had, which was a week before classes started and we were performing name exchanges and social games to introduce each other to our hall mates.

 

Jenny lived in the same hall and floor where I live. In one class, I tried socializing with her and casually asked if she had a boyfriend which she said she did. A bummer of course, so I instantly gave up. I have never dealt with girls that were in a relationship and also I wouldn't like to be cheated on.

 

Now, before we continue let me tell you about Jenny's past. Jenny grew up in a very humble environment. She has a very very big family. All her sisters got pregnant when they were 15 years old, her brothers were in gangs and she lost her father to alcoholism. She lost her virginity to a one night stand, a random guy that was on her high school. She felt horrible for that. She had this dream relationship with "Martin” the hottest guy in her class for about 1 year. However, he cheated on her, and because of that, she cheated on him with "Gabriel". After everything ended with "Martin" she went running to "Gabriel" because she truly loved him and thought they were gonna be together. "Gabriel" rejected her and she was left heartbroken, once again. 2 years pass after that incident and she met this new guy named "Damon".

 

"Damon" according to her, was very quiet and at first she didn't liked him because he wasn’t particularly attractive. However, when she got to know him he was a very respectful man. A man that was very in touch with his emotions. The problem with damon was that, he liked to make everything special. And I mean everything. Whenver they would have sex he would ask her if she did it out of love and if she felt the same way as he did. If they got food at a gas station they had to wait until they got home to eat it at the room. Damon also had anxiety and mild mental issues. He would talk to himself to feel better and would fake cry to make Jenny feel bad for him. Anyways, he was a victimizer. He liked being the victim, he liked that people felt sorry for him. When Jenny was about to go to college, he called her crying because he felt sad and he couldn’t live without her. She felt bad and she agreed to try and make the relationship work.

 

So freshman year starts and ofcourse as she said, she noticed me. She said that she knew from day one that she had to stay away from me because I meant trouble, she felt very attracted to me. Now, after I met her the first day of class I automatically dropped all hope on her because she had a boyfriend and as I said, I wouldn’t like to get cheated on. So, fast forward 2 months into College, and one night I go to her room to ask her for help in a homework we had. When she opened the door, she laughed and looked at me into the eyes deeply. I knew from that instant that she liked me. So the next day I was with my friends getting back to my dorm and I saw her knocking on my door. She looked afraid and I asked what was wrong. She told me she had a terrible experience in this house party. Turns out some guys were really really drunk and wouldn’t let anyone out of the house so she felt trapped. I agreed to talked to her and we went into my room. We talked for a bit and we decided to watch a movie, ofcourse I was really attracted to this girl so I decided to make a move on her, however she stopped me saying that she had a boyfriend but she liked me. In that instant I knew that it was now or never so I just gently grabbed her faced and kissed her. We had sex. We had again the next day and again for the next week. Every time we would have sex she would leave this huge water stain on my bed lol. She came a lot. We met every night for the following weeks and everytime we would finish having sex she would tell me how bad she felt for doing this to her boyfriend and she felt horrible and I can’t trust her. Btw, Jenny is a very weak minded person. She is emotionally weak. That is one of the main reasons ‘Damon’ could manipulate her.

 

Anyways, as we meet up more and more, I began to feel more and more attracted to her. So I decided to take the plunge and try making this work. I asked her that if she wanted to keep seeing me she would have to break up with “Damon” because I wanted to date her. She kinda did. She called him and made him believe that they were having a “break” and they could talk once winter break came. I found out about this later.

 

So we started dating and man I was madly in love with this girl. She was my world. She meant everything to me. I have finally found love and I was enjoying it. However little things began to rise up that made us fight a lot. She “hid” me from her world. She would hide me from her mom if they were skyping, or would’ve never post a snapchat with me, ever. And I told her that I felt I loved her more than she loved me. She told me that she just needed time because she just ended a year relationship and jumped right into another one. Because of her past, she was not going to open to a new stranger and make a fool out of herself. I completely understood, but I’m a sensitive guy, I like kisses and hugs and I get mad about stupid **** only women get mad about. Anyways, in all this time we have been dating, she still texted with “damon” (which I didn’t like, and we would fight about it) but she gave me her phone to read the texts so I knew there wasn’t anything fishy there, but this guy would send huge wall of texts about really stupid **** like, why didn’t you said good bye with and emoji? Or why would you not tell me good morning with a smiley face? And I could see from her looks that she was just annoyed by this guy. I told her why would she still be texting him and told her to break it completely off with this guy. She told me that the first time they ended up as being friends because she was afraid of getting a letter in the mail saying he suicided over her. I told her that would never happen. She wouldn’t listen. She called him once again and broke up with him for second time. However as winter break approached things got worse. When I asked her who was picking her up at the airport, she told me that “Damon” was going to pick her up. I got pissed off but trusted her. I got home for winter break and we facetime and I even cried because I was so in love with her.

 

When she landed, I was talking to her and she suddenly went missing for like 2-3 hours, I figured hmm well she you know might’ve just arrived and wanted to rest and what not. She texted me and we were talking and suddenly she disappears for 7-8 hours. At this time is like 1-2 am and I just gave up and go to sleep. I couldn’t. I woke up at 6 am and received a long text from her saying that what we had was a mistake and she went to college to study and not to have relationships and she felt horrible and she just wanted to be alone. I was devastated. I felt used, I felt like nothing. I was so happy with her that when I received that text, it was like someone died and I just cried a lot. I texted her saying that I deserved a call and I ****ing hated her, why would she do this to me? She said she couldn’t talk and we would have to the next day. A couple of days pass and she texted me she was sorry and She wasn’t trying to do that to me and I talked to her saying that why? Why must I suffer if she didn’t loved that guy? We ended up in good terms and kept texting like friends but gradually as days pass we start to send kissey faces and I love yous and I miss you, cant wait to see you again. It got to the point where she sent me pictures of her in underwear. So the next part left me shocking. The very same day she sent me those pictures, she had sex with “Damon”. She told me she owed him and she called me the next day crying saying that she ****ed it up because she knew that if she every had sex with another man I would instantly break up with her. Now in this time we were taking a “break” but I still get mad about this. When she called me I was angry but I also felt bad because I loved her, I really did. I told her that I forgave her and told her that everything was going to be alright. However, It just didn’t feel right, so the next day I called her and told her I didn’t trust her and this would not work.

 

I couldn’t sleep. Not at all. I would always wake up at 5 am trying to find a text of her saying that she felt bad and wanted to come back but nothing showed up.

 

I got back to college in January and the very first day that I was walking down my hall I saw her dorm light on. I couldn’t contain anymore so I just knocked on her door. My heart was racing. She opened the door. I had an old calculator of hers in my hand and used it as a conversation starter saying I was going to return it to her. We talked for a long time and we kissed again. We got back together.

 

I’m now in a very beautiful relationship. I love her very much but not as much as the first semester. However, I’m starting to love her again like that. However, summer is coming and it’s a 3 month separation. I want to trust her completely but I’m still afraid something like that would happen again. She told me she made a mistake and would never ever make it again. She blocked damon from every social platform and texts and we now feel like a true couple. She has introduced me to her family and they like me a lot. I mean, I understood she might’ve still felt attached to him since they were together for one year. So now that we have been together for like 6 months I feel a little safer but still have those thoughts from time to time. I believe everyone deservers a second chance and everyone can change depending on the situation. She was in a emotional abusive relationship, she wasn’t happy and she went into college forced to keep that relationship. She told me the first weeks of college she was annoyed by him and when she left her state he cried a lot but she didn’t even tear up. She was just glad to fly away.

 

Thanks for reading this tsunami of text I’m sorry if I bothered you.