har Posted March 20, 2017 Share Posted March 20, 2017 I just witnessed a girl right in front of me getting cold approached and hit on by guy while I am never hit on and/or approached by men. I am not intimidating because I notice guys cold approach women without sending signals to guys. In fact, I've never had a guy approach me and ask for my phone number. Never asked out either by any guy. But it happens right in front of my face to other women, never me. I even tried to put myself out there sometimes by going to some events (but I don't go to bars or clubs) but I still don’t attract guys and I am barely noticed by men even with makeup on. I am 21 in college and I about to graduate soon with not a single guy at my college interested in me. People say I have a babyface-but I am always out alone, so its not like people should think I am a too young to be approached or date (but I am pretty sure some young girls even get approached even though I don't). And sometimes people say I have an innocence to myself or that I look like the type of girl not to say 'curse' words. I don't dress 'sexy' or in anything 'sexually suggestive' but I try to dress in presentable and cute clothing. Part of this reason is because of how I was raised-my parents would never let me leave the house wearing revealing clothing. As a consequence, I don't feel comfortable wearing revealing clothing. I have tried it before and I was really self-conscious. This leads me to think that I am not as attractive as I thought I was or I don't attract men because I don't wear revealing clothing (and I heard men are very 'sex' oriented). And even though I am 5'6 and weigh around 125 lbs, I still don't really attract men. How can I get dates as a 21 year old girl if I am not attractive enough for guys to ask me out or approach me in person? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
5x5 Posted March 20, 2017 Share Posted March 20, 2017 How can I get dates as a 21 year old girl if I am not attractive enough for guys to ask me out or approach me in person? Instead of waiting for them, you could ask men that you are attracted to out on dates. Or you could ask a friend to ask them to talk to you etc. My first wife asked a friend of hers to ask me to talk to her when she saw me at a party. While my second (current) wife asked me out for our first date close to 21 years ago. That said although I've said yes to women plenty of times, I've also turned plenty of them down as well. So you will probably experience some rejection when doing this. As to being rejected, this can also happen even with offers of sex and not just dates. When I was your age when legally separated pending divorce (my first marriage was very short lived). I once rejected an attractive 19 year old woman's offer of her virginity at a party, since I was interested in another woman at that party. Likewise on other occasions for different reasons I have turned down other offers of sex as well. At the end of the day, if you want something and aren't getting it via waiting for it, you would do well to instead pursue that which you want. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Dark Horse Posted March 20, 2017 Share Posted March 20, 2017 Have you ever had any experience with guys before OP? Link to post Share on other sites
Author har Posted March 20, 2017 Author Share Posted March 20, 2017 Have you ever had any experience with guys before OP? None whatsoever Link to post Share on other sites
5x5 Posted March 20, 2017 Share Posted March 20, 2017 None whatsoever Ask them out... Link to post Share on other sites
CptInsano Posted March 20, 2017 Share Posted March 20, 2017 It don't think it's the way you dress, either. My gut feeling is that you don't flirt because of your inexperience. Do you smile at a guy? Do you even make eye contact? You don't have to go as far as asking somebody directly, even though it would indeed help. Link to post Share on other sites
Simple Logic Posted March 20, 2017 Share Posted March 20, 2017 Do you attend events where there are guys? Link to post Share on other sites
SwordofFlame Posted March 20, 2017 Share Posted March 20, 2017 Get a wing-woman or heck maybe even a wing-man. I think at your age most people meet someone through their social circle. You could always go the online dating route too.... But in all seriousness, it helps to have an experienced friend help you. Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted March 20, 2017 Share Posted March 20, 2017 You don't need to dress revealing, but just feminine and flattering. Here's a couple of things if you're not already doing them. Wear clothes that fit your figure, not big baggy clothes. Wear feminine shoes, not clunky shoes or thongs. Instead of a t or hoody, wear a feminine blouse, preferably with a v-neck (not a revealing one, just a v -- it's flattering and makes you look more streamlined). Be sure pants or skirt fit your figure and are not baggy. Wear a longer hairstyle and blow it straight because that seems to be the most popular with men. Don't wear little girl clothes or anything you've had since you were a little girl. Shop on the women's section, not the juniors so you look like an adult. Most important is smile and look approachable. Honestly, you don't want "cold approaches" from men under most circumstances. But what you might prefer is any men you keep seeing at school or in your community or while doing your physical activities out and about, to be friendly enough they can just talk to you. It's really kind of unusual for a guy to just ask for a woman's phone number he's not already made acquaintance with and talked to a little. Link to post Share on other sites
Mysterio Posted March 20, 2017 Share Posted March 20, 2017 My stance is this either gender. Be well dressed and groomed and join recreational activities. The Gym. Be Pleasent and upbeat. Then let it just happen. Don't go to these situtations with a major agenda. Forget about the Bar and even the On Line Dating. If you want to fine. I just feel like Love has to be dropped into you lap, rather than a easter egg hunt. Link to post Share on other sites
normal person Posted March 20, 2017 Share Posted March 20, 2017 My stance is this either gender. Be well dressed and groomed and join recreational activities. The Gym. Be Pleasent and upbeat. Then let it just happen. Don't go to these situtations with a major agenda. Forget about the Bar and even the On Line Dating. If you want to fine. I just feel like Love has to be dropped into you lap, rather than a easter egg hunt. She's not going to meet anyone if she avoids everyone. The best course of action in my mind is to get on every online dating ap and to go out constantly -- hypervisibility. The more people she crosses paths with and interacts with, the more she learns, the better her odds. Just because she goes to the bar doesn't mean it's some contrived "easter egg hunt" that won't yield any results. She can go just to enjoy herself or she can go with the purpose of meeting someone. It won't affect anything. The same men will be in there. It's not like they won't pay attention to her if she goes in with an agenda. People say I have a babyface Could you wear make up that makes you look a little more mature? I don't dress 'sexy' or in anything 'sexually suggestive' but I try to dress in presentable and cute clothing. Part of this reason is because of how I was raised-my parents would never let me leave the house wearing revealing clothing. As a consequence, I don't feel comfortable wearing revealing clothing. I have tried it before and I was really self-conscious. Perhaps it's time to step out of your comfort zone. Food for thought. This leads me to think that I am not as attractive as I thought I was or I don't attract men because I don't wear revealing clothing (and I heard men are very 'sex' oriented). And even though I am 5'6 and weigh around 125 lbs, I still don't really attract men. You sound very sheltered and buttoned up, and I'd imagine that's part of the problem. If you want to soften your image to people your age, I'd suggest you loosen up a little and be open to having some more fun, taking some chances, and doing things you aren't used to. Be safe and responsible of course, but try and ingratiate yourself into youth culture a little more. Watch what your friends do, see how they dress, how they flirt, ask them things you're curious about, etc. They'll be happy to help. Link to post Share on other sites
LordVader Posted March 21, 2017 Share Posted March 21, 2017 In bars I never really gave clothes much of a thought. Whole groups of girls dressed the same boring way, with little variation. If I had of really paid attention to tight clothes, I'd have to sit down Link to post Share on other sites
PinkElephants Posted March 21, 2017 Share Posted March 21, 2017 People say I have a babyface No guy wants to feel like a statutory rapist. Or it could be the Ginger/Mary Ann thing. Ginger is an alluring sex pot that men woo, f*ck and leave. Mary Ann is the demure girl you take home to Mom and install in a mansion. You're 21. Guys your age are chasing Gingers. They'll start looking for Mary Anns when it's time to settle down and they want a presentable woman to take home and whom they trust to be a good mom and faithful wife. It's possible that you're perfectly attractive to an older demographic but not college guys. Those college guys could be chasing you in a few years though. And sometimes people say I have an innocence to myself I look like the type of girl not to say 'curse' words. I don't dress 'sexy' So much Mary Ann. What are you looking for? Validation that you're attractive? A long term relationship? A fling? Link to post Share on other sites
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