aliveagain Posted March 20, 2017 Share Posted March 20, 2017 Fact is she chose to stay and party at O/M's house rather then coming home to you. Even if she had no money you could have paid for her cab ride when the cab brought her home, staying was a conscious choice. Everything she has told you so far was an excuse to justify staying where she wanted to be. She is lying to you about something. Time to try a VAR in her car, she's going to talk to somebody about what happened. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
MickeyBill Posted March 20, 2017 Share Posted March 20, 2017 Fact is she chose to stay and party at O/M's house rather then coming home to you. Even if she had no money you could have paid for her cab ride when the cab brought her home, staying was a conscious choice. Everything she has told you so far was an excuse to justify staying where she wanted to be. She is lying to you about something. Time to try a VAR in her car, she's going to talk to somebody about what happened. Good points, another is that there was another woman involved. And her phone was being ignored. A long time ago I was in semi similar situations but the drunk woman stayed at her female friend's place not at mine where something could've taken place, but none of us were married, just friends. Where was woman #2? And how far away were they? Too far for a uber home or for hubby to pick her up? Me thinks she had sexy drunk time and is claiming memory loss... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Clay Posted March 20, 2017 Share Posted March 20, 2017 She sounds like a keeper. I would tell her she either puts a stop to this right now or she will be single. She is not a child. She is a adult that entered into a adult relationship with you. She can either work with you and better herself and the marriage or she can go be single and stay with who ever she wants. Me personally after I found out the first time she slept at another mans house I would have told her if she ever did again a divorce would be filed. I think its foolish to allow people to walk all over the top of you. As far as cheating who knows but how can you or her guarantee she is not if she is so drunk she cant come home. Just my two cents. C 3 Link to post Share on other sites
DKT3 Posted March 20, 2017 Share Posted March 20, 2017 She sounds like a keeper. I would tell her she either puts a stop to this right now or she will be single. She is not a child. She is a adult that entered into a adult relationship with you. She can either work with you and better herself and the marriage or she can go be single and stay with who ever she wants. Me personally after I found out the first time she slept at another mans house I would have told her if she ever did again a divorce would be filed. I think its foolish to allow people to walk all over the top of you. As far as cheating who knows but how can you or her guarantee she is not if she is so drunk she cant come home. Just my two cents. CYeah, selective memory, can't remember to home, can't remember how she got there but remembers she didn't do anything with him....She isn't being honest, others can make excuses but she is lying. 6 Link to post Share on other sites
Try Posted March 20, 2017 Share Posted March 20, 2017 (edited) We are all overthinking this. She went bar hopping, drinking and dancing with a small group of people that excluded her husband but included single other men, did not call her spouse to discuss with him her plans for the night, ignored her husbands texts and phone calls while making plans with the other man (OM) which included "the two of them decided to go to his house and crash" for the night. I am sorry but these are the actions of a single women that is dating. This alone should be enough for the OP to make a decision about if he wants to stay in this marriage. Does the OP really need to stand by and let her date other men until he has 100% proof that she found another man to have sex with? Edited March 20, 2017 by Try 8 Link to post Share on other sites
Cephalopod Posted March 20, 2017 Share Posted March 20, 2017 Listen, you will have a lot of open minded people saying how she did not cheat, you have no proof and on and on. All of us on love shack are just so paranoid that we always assume the worse. OK. But here is the problem: We are usually right. She is lying to you from the time she opened her mouth. She was hanging out drinking and flirting with this guy all night long. And, she decided to go home with him and get laid. You can believe all the "Pollyanna's" on here, but frankly, I know they mean well but they are almost always wrong. This was calculated and planed by your wife. If she has not been sleeping with this guy previously, which is actually pretty likely, she will sleep with him again in the future. Want to know for sure. Make her take a polygraph. See what happens. Sorry dude... Girlfriends hang together. Females hang together for protection. When one chooses to leave with a male, it is because she wants to be with him for a specific reason. The reason she did not go home with her GF is because she did not want to go home with her girlfriend. She went home with the male friend because she wanted to be with him. 11 Link to post Share on other sites
Cephalopod Posted March 20, 2017 Share Posted March 20, 2017 I had a long period of time where, on occasion, I was unable to recognize my drinking limits and definitely crashed at friends' houses at times, including male friends. This does NOT mean that I did anything close to cheating! It meant flopping onto a couch and passing out, with absolutely zero contact with anyone else. People here at Loveshack have heard all the cheating stories and are primed to default to that explanation. Your wife's situation is more likely to be that of poor drinking limits, with no cheating whatsoever. That, of course, is its own problem that should be addressed. Were you married during the occasions when you went home with these men? Link to post Share on other sites
DKT3 Posted March 20, 2017 Share Posted March 20, 2017 We are all overthinking this. She went bar hopping, drinking and dancing with a small group of people that excluded her husband but included single other men, did not call her spouse to discuss with him her plans for the night, ignored her husbands texts and phone calls while making plans with the other man (OM) which included "the two of them decided to go to his house and crash" for the night. I am sorry but these are the actions of a single women that is dating. This alone should be enough for the OP to make a decision about if he wants to stay in this marriage. Does the OP really need to stand by and let her date other men until he has 100% proof that she found another man to have sex with? Very good point since she didn't start out black out drunk, I'm sure she wasn't as he attempted to contact her. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
TrustedthenBusted Posted March 20, 2017 Share Posted March 20, 2017 You came to the infidelity forum and not a forum for alcoholism because you already know the answer. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
spanz1 Posted March 20, 2017 Share Posted March 20, 2017 well there is ONE thing that does not make any sense to me. If she had sex with this guy, why wouldn't she, the next day, just tell you she slept at her GF's house? I am sure her GF would cover for her, should you call. This is the only reason i am hoping she did not do this guy. But she obviously has alcohol issues, and maybe something deeper causing her to make bad decisions. I think as a minimum, no more bar hopping for her unless YOU ARE WITH HER. She has proven to not be trustworthy enough to do that anymore. no more "girls nights out". No more "girls weekend away at Vegas" Link to post Share on other sites
DKT3 Posted March 20, 2017 Share Posted March 20, 2017 well there is ONE thing that does not make any sense to me. If she had sex with this guy, why wouldn't she, the next day, just tell you she slept at her GF's house? I am sure her GF would cover for her, should you call. This is the only reason i am hoping she did not do this guy. But she obviously has alcohol issues, and maybe something deeper causing her to make bad decisions. I think as a minimum, no more bar hopping for her unless YOU ARE WITH HER. She has proven to not be trustworthy enough to do that anymore. no more "girls nights out". No more "girls weekend away at Vegas" Because she knows OP talked with the friend and may not have been sure what was said Link to post Share on other sites
drifter777 Posted March 20, 2017 Share Posted March 20, 2017 Seems like OP left but we might have other spouses reading this later on so I'll give my .02 Adults drink and then go back to "my place" to have sex. That's how it works. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Try Posted March 20, 2017 Share Posted March 20, 2017 If she had sex with this guy, why wouldn't she, the next day, just tell you she slept at her GF's house? The OP's wife may not have told the OP that she slept over at the GF's house for a number of reasons. For example, the FG may not want to get involved, and another being that the GF may live with someone else that would not support the story when asked, to name but two reasons. Link to post Share on other sites
Cephalopod Posted March 20, 2017 Share Posted March 20, 2017 The wife should not be putting herself into situations where she would have to lie, or omit, or obfuscate. This goes beyond a drinking problem. This woman has no boundaries, no respect for her marriage or husband, and appears to want to live a single lifestyle while having all the comforts of marriage. In an nutshell, she is an entitled, selfish, party girl who values her freedom above her marriage and husband. Whether she is cheating or not is almost a moot point. She has no business being married period. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
road Posted March 20, 2017 Share Posted March 20, 2017 I don't believe a word she told you. She could of asked you to come and get her if she was to drunk. So who drove them to his house? She could of gotten a cab from the bar. She could of called you for a ride. But no she went home with this OM willingly. Your wife slept with this guy. Why else would she have not gotten a cab home. This is not the first time I have read a story like this. It would be the first time that the wife had not cheated. Don't believe she was as drunk as she let on. Just am excuse to sleep at the OM's house. I'm guessing he is the one that drove them to his house. Then instead of going home with the gf she goes home with the bf. True, true, and true. Link to post Share on other sites
road Posted March 20, 2017 Share Posted March 20, 2017 well there is ONE thing that does not make any sense to me. If she had sex with this guy, why wouldn't she, the next day, just tell you she slept at her GF's house? I am sure her GF would cover for her, should you call. This is the only reason i am hoping she did not do this guy. But she obviously has alcohol issues, and maybe something deeper causing her to make bad decisions. I think as a minimum, no more bar hopping for her unless YOU ARE WITH HER. She has proven to not be trustworthy enough to do that anymore. no more "girls nights out". No more "girls weekend away at Vegas" Two reasons. No guarantee that the GF will lie for her. The second one. When telling a lie better to include some truth to make it more believable. In this case I slept at the OM's house but I did not F' the OM. Setting up the plausible defense that she maybe telling me the truth because she could of denied the part about sleeping at the OM's house. Many a BH try to ignore their gut and the half truths from the WW gives them something to grasp onto so they can try to deny that the OM was doing their WW last night. Link to post Share on other sites
bubbaganoosh Posted March 21, 2017 Share Posted March 21, 2017 Problem is you know she has a drinking problem and for some reason your letting her continue. Comes down to this. You can't trust a drunk. If it isn't something like your situation with her bunking out as some guys house because she over did it.................AGAIN................Your fault. Drunks have a habit of sooner or later getting into trouble and if their married then the whole family pays for it so if your smart you damn well better lay the law down with the drinking. Give her the choice, either AA or DL (divorce lawyer). You have to set the rules and enforce them or your in for a ton of trouble. Bet you a dollar to doughnuts that she's been behind the wheel of a car a few times with too much booze in her system. If so and no accidents then your lucky but luck doesn't last forever. Time for you to take the bull by the horns As far as her being at that guys house, Tell her you ain't buying it and your getting her a polygraph and see what she says. Link to post Share on other sites
S2B Posted March 21, 2017 Share Posted March 21, 2017 well there is ONE thing that does not make any sense to me. If she had sex with this guy, why wouldn't she, the next day, just tell you she slept at her GF's house? I am sure her GF would cover for her, should you call. This is the only reason i am hoping she did not do this guy. But she obviously has alcohol issues, and maybe something deeper causing her to make bad decisions. I think as a minimum, no more bar hopping for her unless YOU ARE WITH HER. She has proven to not be trustworthy enough to do that anymore. no more "girls nights out". No more "girls weekend away at Vegas" Why is it HIS responsibility to keep her in check? It's not! You can't police another person for their entire life. Link to post Share on other sites
viatori patuit Posted March 21, 2017 Share Posted March 21, 2017 My future wife goes out with her friends and drinks. She has male friends among them. she has never done this - ever. I think my approach might change if she did. I would be mad as hell she didn't tell me where she was all night. That is total BS, and I would be very interested in things. We had the dealbreaker discussion. Cheating is a "go directly to jail" offense. I am out no matter what. That being said, we don't know your wife, you do. What do you think? do you trust her? Is she normally honest? If she is, and she cheated, she will be consumed with guilt. If she is not, well then you have more problems. Link to post Share on other sites
spanz1 Posted March 21, 2017 Share Posted March 21, 2017 Why is it HIS responsibility to keep her in check? It's not! You can't police another person for their entire life. yeah that is true. But if she is Alcoholic, she might be able to overcome it and become his dear old wife again. It will be hard, she will need something like AA program, and plenty of support. And never another drink again. ever. It is entirely up to the OP at this point...if he feels he can forgive her someday, and he sees her doing the heavy lifting to win back his love and conquer alcoholism....then maybe.... Link to post Share on other sites
kgcolonel Posted March 21, 2017 Share Posted March 21, 2017 It looks like the OP has left the building..... Link to post Share on other sites
William Posted March 21, 2017 Share Posted March 21, 2017 Yep, one and done, so I'll thank members for their insight and careful responses and close this up. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
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