Ex GF (Dumper) just called me after a month of NC

[lolablue17]

Hi, I think you handle it well in a mature way. Let me clarify some things for you, in case you're not sure.

 

Her behavior is very ugly, selfish, with no moral values at all. Just a cheap, superficial, and disgusting.

 

If she decides to get back together with you, why is she judging you for expressing of your concerns about her hanging out with boys?? What?! If I were you I would hvae dumped her immediatelly after admiting she was hanging out with guys, while trying to get back with you. You weren't insecure, you just have boundaries. She is very talented with manipulations, so she did those tricks on you, so it would look like you're the problem.

 

She is a manipulative b***, that want an upper hand, no matter how much sorrow or misery she causes to others, as long as she gets the upper hand.

 

The most low despicable act is her disapearing and not replying. This behavior applys to small people who are uniquely despicable and repulsive.

 

Some of it is your fault, not seeing this in advance. She gave you many signs who she is, yet you ignored. Take it as a lesson for next time.

[trustyourself]

Sounds like her behaviours caused a lot of your insecurities and anxieties which is what happened with me. My ex once referred to me as having ‘issues’ when I pointed out it was a little rude and inappropriate she was texting a male friend at 11pm for half an hour, laying next to me in bed, not saying a word to me. Now I didn’t insinuate anything, just that it was impolite and a little odd. Yet I was made to feel I was a paranoid, insecure nut job.

 

I wish I’d have trusted my gut and walked away but you’re right, we can over compromise and have our take on things skewed a bit at times. I bet there’s little realisation on your exes part that it was her very behaviours that caused the responding behaviours of yours, or has ever considered taking much responsibility. Just as with mine. It’s frustrating as hell and leaves you feeling you compromised, still lost, didn’t play strong enough ball, and yet as the dumpee are still left with the dumpee knee jerk feelings of wanting back what you lost. If they can feel that, it almost validates to themselves that they did little wrong. Which is entirely false.

 

Yup, no real responsibility was taken. That's the immaturity and the selfish narcissistic side. She just cares about what she feels and does not care about anyone else.

 

The problem is, that you are damned if you do, damned if you dont. You end up walking on egg shells to avoid pushing them away, when what we should have done is kick them to the curb and make them earn it back if they truly gave a damn.

 

We deserve better than that. They are the ones who might wake up one day and kick themselves that they ruined a good thing. Or they might not.

 

We just need to try and move on and meet someone who can be an equal partner and love and respect us. Clearly our exes are incapable of that.

[trustyourself]

Quick update.

 

It was all an excuse. She is with someone else.

 

I have never met someone that can lie and manipulate. How can she blame external factors when it was all because she wanted to be with someone else? How can she think its ok to treat people like this and sleep at night?

 

I am devastated. For all her faults, I never thought she would be capable of this.

 

I finally see her for what she is. A liar. A manipulator. Selfish.

 

No more excuses for her. I hate her now. My heart is hollow.

 

How do I move on?

[kortz]

Quick update.

 

It was all an excuse. She is with someone else.

 

I have never met someone that can lie and manipulate. How can she blame external factors when it was all because she wanted to be with someone else? How can she think its ok to treat people like this and sleep at night?

 

I am devastated. For all her faults, I never thought she would be capable of this.

 

I finally see her for what she is. A liar. A manipulator. Selfish.

 

No more excuses for her. I hate her now. My heart is hollow.

 

How do I move on?

 

Complete and total no contact. Block and delete her from all social media. Block and delete her number and remove everything from your life that reminds you of her and get rid of any means of being able to contact her. Then it just takes time but if you get through 30 days NC you're well on your way.

 

And if you ever feel the urge to break NC or do something stupid, remind yourself she's busy screwing some other guy and use that anger to turn your sadness around...it really does work.

[BryanSmiley]

Quick update.

 

It was all an excuse. She is with someone else.

 

I have never met someone that can lie and manipulate. How can she blame external factors when it was all because she wanted to be with someone else? How can she think its ok to treat people like this and sleep at night?

 

I am devastated. For all her faults, I never thought she would be capable of this.

 

I finally see her for what she is. A liar. A manipulator. Selfish.

 

No more excuses for her. I hate her now. My heart is hollow.

 

How do I move on?

 

I read your other post on this in the coping section.

 

Really sorry this happened to you.

 

If she's able to walk away once, then say she's committed to you and giving it another shot, then be open at the same time to a new guy a week later and move things a long with him - what does that say about her overall!? It's not great is it. And in my experience, that's not a good foundation for her and the new guy. In-fact it's a very poor foundation.

 

You've seen all you need to see of her inner abilities and behaviorisms. You'd never truly be confident in her to be happy in a relationship again. And she doesn't deserve it.

 

Walk away and no contact. She's this guys problem now (however long that is, bet he doesn't have clear view of her history). You do, so be grateful for that at least. Every chance she'll leave this guy and be in touch. Try to avoid the drama.

[trustyourself]

I read your other post on this in the coping section.

 

Really sorry this happened to you.

 

If she's able to walk away once, then say she's committed to you and giving it another shot, then be open at the same time to a new guy a week later and move things a long with him - what does that say about her overall!? It's not great is it. And in my experience, that's not a good foundation for her and the new guy. In-fact it's a very poor foundation.

 

You've seen all you need to see of her inner abilities and behaviorisms. You'd never truly be confident in her to be happy in a relationship again. And she doesn't deserve it.

 

Walk away and no contact. She's this guys problem now (however long that is, bet he doesn't have clear view of her history). You do, so be grateful for that at least. Every chance she'll leave this guy and be in touch. Try to avoid the drama.

 

Yeah, I see that she is incapable of a stable relationship. I would never be able to trust her or be confident in her commitment.

 

I think that's what hurts the most. I was always good to her. But it was always on me to make it work, which is not healthy.

 

My dad said that she will wake up and kick herself for treating me this way and missing out on such a good thing.

 

Though I wonder? She just wants to live her life one exciting experience at a time. I honestly think she is not happy in life, and tries to cover it up by living in the moment, and looking for the next exciting adventure. I dont think she will ever realize what a good thing she messed up.

 

I dread the thought of her getting back in touch once she has used up this guy. I hope I am strong enough to tell her to hit the curb. I do think about what I would say to her just to make her see what she has done. But hopefully at that point I will be ok just not saying anything at all.

 

This has really shaken my faith in the goodness of people. I have never experienced something like this in my 34 years.

 

I don't even know how to start trusting people again.

[Sweetfish]

Quick update.

 

It was all an excuse. She is with someone else.

 

I have never met someone that can lie and manipulate. How can she blame external factors when it was all because she wanted to be with someone else? How can she think its ok to treat people like this and sleep at night?

 

I am devastated. For all her faults, I never thought she would be capable of this.

 

I finally see her for what she is. A liar. A manipulator. Selfish.

 

No more excuses for her. I hate her now. My heart is hollow.

 

How do I move on?

 

Like clock work.. i told you it takes months, if not years for some women to realize.. (if they will admit.. they lost a good thing.) Right now her brain has locked into another relationship and until the honeymoon phase "cracks" if it does... you are just a memory. A lot of women (and new generation of men)care how they feel now... not the long haul... it sucks.. but its true. You move on by taking that anger and make your self 10x better than you are now. Set goals.. achieve them.

[Marc878]

You really want to move on and quit being a yoyo?

 

Block her on everything like you should have the first time.

 

Or get played again. Your choice

[trustyourself]

I saw her last night.

 

I was standing outside a bar, and she was walking towards me with a guy. I knew it was her before she was even close enough to see her face.

 

She saw me and we just looked at each other as they walked past me. She looked shocked and guilty.

 

I just let her walk by. Then 3 minutes later I get a text. "I'm sorry"

 

It has destroyed me. I finished my drink and left. Went home and just broke down. Crying. Sobbing.

 

This morning is no better. Im devastated and feel like I am back to square one.

 

Im not sure whats worse. Seeing her. Seeing her with someone else. Or the text.

 

I guess the realization that this is really over has sucker punched me.

[Marc878]

I've gotta be honest here man. This is your fault. She's told you and shown you who she is but you just refuse to believe it.

 

You don't have the balls to block her? Why?

 

Are you that addicted to her breadcrumbs and drama?

[trustyourself]

I've gotta be honest here man. This is your fault. She's told you and shown you who she is but you just refuse to believe it.

 

You don't have the balls to block her? Why?

 

Are you that addicted to her breadcrumbs and drama?

 

Thanks for the post, but apart from me not blocking her, how is this relevant? I just wanted to vent after a horrible run in.

[fiskadoro]

Hi to the OP,

 

I am just speculating, but maybe what he means by it being your fault was that you seemed to have a handle on things at first, but kept getting breadcrumbed, kept drawing lines in the sand that you both gleefully jumped over, and then you hooked up with her and let her break up with you AGAIN. This time, the break up was much crueler. I feel really bad for you man, the sobbing and all that. I did that, and it took me over a year to get past it, and that was with therapy. Getting ripped at the gym, new job, hooking up with random girls... nothing eased my pain except the plodding passage of time.

 

Actually, I would speculate that (given your insecurities) she was shocked when you successfully went NC on her the first time and tested you... you held firm, she tested you a bit more deeply, and after that, the sadism kicked in for her. She was out for blood for being ignored, and your ruin was her goal.

 

What you need is time. What you aren't giving yourself is time. Throw away every single memento. Delete her number, every photo, email, personal item. I am guessing you have memorized her number. Ah well, nothing to do about that. Channel your hate for her into personal goals, and at first you will need to lie to yourself that all this isn't to become such a sparkling man that she cannot help coming back, and you will have the pleasure of denying her for sure this time! Then you need to lie to yourself less and less, and finally you just want to be the best you that you can be. You want it for yourself, and for some new woman. At least, that is how it worked for me!

 

Let me ask you, were you dealing with the break up much better before she started stringing you along?

 

I swear on everything I consider holy, reading your posts was like reading my own journal about my previous relationship. The phone call where she says she isn't ready to see you again, the "I miss you text", the out of the blue booty call... followed by indifference... wow. When it happened to me, I would have bet my sweet granny's soul that our relationship was beyond anything that an online forum could understand, let alone solve. I was certain that our love was composed of harps, unicorns, and gumdrops. Embarrassing, right? But I say all that just to let you know that someone else has been there, in fact a butt ton of people have.

 

That was two years ago. I now see so many stories that mirror mine, I have to wonder if my life is an online sim or something, haha.

 

Go NC because humiliation is a horrid, horrid thing, and what she has done to you is cruel. Treat yo'self!