Ex GF (Dumper) just called me after a month of NC

[jamili]

That is what my friends tell me. 3 Months is nothing.

The study is interesting. I wonder why that is the case? Honestly the more I reflect on the call, it does sound like she has been thinking about it, but upon reflection, it was self serving, as that she just felt guilty about how she went about the BU.

 

 

 

I totally agree Bromeo, but at this point in time, finding someone feels impossible! Once I am removed from the heart ache and the temporary insanity, I am sure it will seem more realistic

 

 

 

Yes, for sure. I am extremely nervous about my upcoming birthday. One reason being "What if I hear from her?" the other being "What if I dont hear from her?"

The mind is cruel!

 

I will definitely try and move forward with the expectation of not reconciling and try and date other woman, I just need to regain some composure and confidence before doing so. I went on a casual date about a week ago, and I did not do well at all. Withdrawn, and constantly thinking about "her". This told me I tried to jump back on the horse a little too soon.

 

Dont get your hopes up about your birthday. If she texts, you are best to ignore it anyways. Yes, even happy birthday. I remember back during thanksgiving, christmas, new years, etc, wondering if my ex would contact me for those.... nope. Despite all the random breadcrumbs i got, i never got any contact on those holidays. Not even after the new president was elected, which surprised me (as we are both interested in politics).. nothing. But, like i said, even if she did, i would have been best to ignore it anyways, since i want her back.

 

On that note- do NOT contact her for any holidays either.

 

As far as why they seem to take 6+ months or even years to reflect on the relationship, it is said that the dumper goes through stages. Initially following a breakup, the dumper feels RELIEVED! They are happy to be rid of the dumpee, and finally take out the trash. They dont think about you a lot during this time, they are just thrilled that you are GONE and they sre enjoying finally being single and living it up, hanging with friends, etc. Then, months pass, and they start to wonder (IF you kept NC) what happened to the dumpee, they vet curious. Typically breadcrumbs start around this time. Then, after more months of NC, the novelty of being single starts to get stale. No one there to comfort them, to love them... "dumpee used to wrap his arms around me when he got home from work, and kiss me, and i felt so loved and safe... i miss that". But they usually fight it, and try to move on. Then, around 6 months, typically enough time and NC has passed, where the negative memories surrounding the breakup fade, and the dumper beings to think of the GOOD times that were shared - they become nostalgic if you will. This is because the human brain tends to rememeber good memories of the past most clearly, hence the famous "rose tinted goggles" phenominon. This is when the dumper FINALLY revisits the relarionship and the breakup. This is when they finally enter the stage you were in the day after you got dumped.

 

Its very delayed for them. The important part is that you are 100% absent during that time. If you pop you head up or break NC, they could get closure or have their guilt lifted, which only helps them to move on to another person. If you are a ghost, they will think about you more.

 

Btw, that feeling when you are dating but you still think about your ex... in fact MORE when you with another woman... it doesnt go away quickly. Im at 5 months and i still have those feelings. Healing is a long road, if you deeply loved the person. And sometimes it could take a year or more to finally heal. Take your time, but seeing others is healthy to at least make friends, get social experience and to boost your ego knowing that there are lots of other cool women out there who are into you

[BryanSmiley]

As far as why they seem to take 6+ months or even years to reflect on the relationship, it is said that the dumper goes through stages. Initially following a breakup, the dumper feels RELIEVED! They are happy to be rid of the dumpee, and finally take out the trash. They dont think about you a lot during this time, they are just thrilled that you are GONE and they sre enjoying finally being single and living it up, hanging with friends, etc. Then, months pass, and they start to wonder (IF you kept NC) what happened to the dumpee, they vet curious. Typically breadcrumbs start around this time. Then, after more months of NC, the novelty of being single starts to get stale. No one there to comfort them, to love them... "dumpee used to wrap his arms around me when he got home from work, and kiss me, and i felt so loved and safe... i miss that". But they usually fight it, and try to move on. Then, around 6 months, typically enough time and NC has passed, where the negative memories surrounding the breakup fade, and the dumper beings to think of the GOOD times that were shared - they become nostalgic if you will. This is because the human brain tends to rememeber good memories of the past most clearly, hence the famous "rose tinted goggles" phenominon. This is when the dumper FINALLY revisits the relarionship and the breakup. This is when they finally enter the stage you were in the day after you got dumped.

 

Its very delayed for them. The important part is that you are 100% absent during that time. If you pop you head up or break NC, they could get closure or have their guilt lifted, which only helps them to move on to another person. If you are a ghost, they will think about you more.

 

Btw, that feeling when you are dating but you still think about your ex... in fact MORE when you with another woman... it doesnt go away quickly. Im at 5 months and i still have those feelings. Healing is a long road, if you deeply loved the person. And sometimes it could take a year or more to finally heal. Take your time, but seeing others is healthy to at least make friends, get social experience and to boost your ego knowing that there are lots of other cool women out there who are into you

 

Very interesting stuff that. I'd be grateful for any sources, or links. It's all interesting even if just from a psychological point of view. It also depends on whether there's any scent of contact or hearing about the ex, as some will be in same education or work, close living or social area's, similar/mutual friend groups. The impacts from that side are interesting. I mean they can know that you are okay, and potentially dig on the odd bit about you (if they wanted to or needed to). Plus they may have had another relationship that sticks on their mind more, or be in one that occupies there mind more. These aspects changes things a bit.

[jamili]

Very interesting stuff that. I'd be grateful for any sources, or links. It's all interesting even if just from a psychological point of view. It also depends on whether there's any scent of contact or hearing about the ex, as some will be in same education or work, close living or social area's, similar/mutual friend groups. The impacts from that side are interesting. I mean they can know that you are okay, and potentially dig on the odd bit about you (if they wanted to or needed to). Plus they may have had another relationship that sticks on their mind more, or be in one that occupies there mind more. These aspects changes things a bit.

 

Yea I'm curious about how that plays into it too. I know neither my ex or I use social media, we dont have any real mutual friends, and she doesnt know where i moved to when i moved out. She asked me my address in a recent brradcrumb but i ignored it. I'm curious how much difference that makes compared to those who have ways for the ex to find out about them. I suppose in my case the one good thing is that i can remain a total mystery to my ex... IF that is even a good thing...

Edited March 30, 2017 by jamili

[trustyourself]

Yea I'm curious about how that plays into it too. I know neither my ex or I use social media, we dont have any real mutual friends, and she doesnt know where i moved to when i moved out. I'm curious how much difference that makes compared to those who have ways for the ex to find out about them. I suppose in my case the one good thing is that i can remain a total mystery to my ex... IF that is even a good thing...

 

We have social media, but are not connected on it anymore. I moved, and she does not know to where, but she knew my lease was coming to an end, and asked if I was moving when she called. I said I did not know yet.

 

We also do not have mutual friends, though she still has one of my friends on FB.

[Bromeo]

Yea I'm curious about how that plays into it too. I know neither my ex or I use social media, we dont have any real mutual friends, and she doesnt know where i moved to when i moved out. She asked me my address in a recent brradcrumb but i ignored it. I'm curious how much difference that makes compared to those who have ways for the ex to find out about them. I suppose in my case the one good thing is that i can remain a total mystery to my ex... IF that is even a good thing...

 

Jam, I see your big brain still working. But really my brother, and I mean this with concern, screw them. lol

 

Yours, mine, and the majority of people got left by people they still cared about, often in atrocious ways. Then, the dumper just cant let go, hence you, me, marky, and 100 others, and the dumpee still hurts. Its a constant lose-lose.

 

I will submit to you that this type of thinking can retard healing, which is the most important thing. Even the older, polished writers here can slip into, "6 months from now she might miss and love me again".

 

Listen to how that sounds. Then read it again.

 

I guarantee you, when you meet someone you are attracted to for the first time since the break, you will never think about breakup psychology afterwards. Its the bodies natural curative to all this pain.

 

I myself am looking forward to that feeling, and I am almost there. Best thing in the world is when I deleted my FB. lol

 

No condemnations or criticism at all meant.

 

Dave

[ML Hammer95]

Mate, I've made the same mistake as you in answering messages from an ex and it's true that it puts you right back to the beginning! Stay strong and you will feel the improvement.

 

Ended up having a big feelings talk, saying we'll try again then her deciding she couldn't cope while I was at uni and she was at home. In this case, it is best to go no contact and just move on with YOUR life. No focusing on her, the motivations behind her actions or anything. Focus on YOU. You're worth more than being someone's half hearted backup.

[Sweetfish]

As far as why they seem to take 6+ months or even years to reflect on the relationship, it is said that the dumper goes through stages. Initially following a breakup, the dumper feels RELIEVED! They are happy to be rid of the dumpee, and finally take out the trash.

 

This is not a completely true statement and should reflect a somewhat healthy relationship of two healthy individuals. If someone is say riddled with anxiety... the anxiety alone could for ever separate both the dumper and dumpee.

 

This statement is referred more to a situation that many refer to as GIGS. Just simply it's an inexperience dater who becomes acclimated to a relationship for a couple years and thinks something else is out there.. The peak of a woman's looks are around 20 to 27 and that is when she will attract the MOST male attention (with exception of course..but generally speaking.) The same can happen to males and I believe this is referred to a mid-life crisis; however men do get gigs as well. With social media, the freedom to purchase alcohol and entering clubs and girls night... your relationship will feel more of a weight and that is why the dumper may feel relieved.

 

This is when her attraction for you will fade. Being "alpha" or "beta" or what ever terms you chose has no bearing on this fade other than accelerating it.

 

This is not to be confused with the dumpee being a jerk, not treating his/her SO with respect, or not giving His/her needs after they have been conveyed.

 

They don't think about you a lot during this time, they are just thrilled that you are GONE and they are enjoying finally being single and living it up, hanging with friends, etc.

This is why NC is important and you should not care that the dumper does and not take it to heart... in most cases what you see ... is not a reflection of how they really feel. Many time the dumper is doing what ever they can to drown out the pain and others shut-down to avoid confronting that they hurt you.

 

Then, months pass, and they start to wonder (IF you kept NC) what happened to the dumpee, they vet curious. Typically breadcrumbs start around this time. Then, after more months of NC, the novelty of being single starts to get stale.

This is a slippery slope.

 

1. They may not be single.

2. The rebound may be bigger and better?

3. You may never receive breadcrumbs.

4. It may take the failure of another relationship for you to hear anything.. (years)

 

Then, around 6 months, typically enough time and NC has passed, where the negative memories surrounding the breakup fade, and the dumper beings to think of the GOOD times that were shared - they become nostalgic if you will. This is because the human brain tends to remember good memories of the past most clearly, hence the famous

The brain will record deep memories clearly... if you were a jerk they will remember and if you were a kind gentle giant they will remember that as well. This is also depending on person Emotional IQ. If they are BPD or narcissist you may be cast as black forever.

 

Its very delayed for them. The important part is that you are 100% absent during that time.

and act now and we will throw in two engagement rings FREE.

 

The dumpee needs to come to the revelation that the relationship is dead and they are completely in control of their feelings. They need to understand that its the dumpers loss... "good luck and find better!" The dumpee needs to build is personal foundation and self-esteem and with that comes indifference.. but if you sit around waiting for the dumper... reconcile is not even in your deck of cards.

 

If you have not grown 1.5x to 2x better from the time you were dumped... which cannot happen in 6 months your reconcile if there is one is dead. before it started..

 

Dumpee's are now powdered milk you leave in the pantry. You keep it there just in case you can't find real milk when you need it. When the dumper doesn't have milk he/she will send out a bread-crumb and feed on you until a new cow is in town. That's why you don't even respond to any thing unless the msg is loud and clear..

 

Healing is a long road, if you deeply loved the person. And sometimes it could take a year or more to finally heal. Take your time, but seeing others is healthy to at least make friends, get social experience and to boost your

exactly.... if the dumper is capable of jumping in bed with another guy/girl within months... That is not someone you want to spend the rest of your life with...if you do that's your decision. A healthy person will feel the pain of a breakup for a long time... but its important to build your self and grow in the process.

[Bromeo]

Exactly... if the dumper is capable of jumping in bed with another guy/girl within months... That is not someone you want to spend the rest of your life with...if you do that's your decision. A healthy person will feel the pain of a breakup for a long time... but its important to build your self and grow in the process.

This right here in a nutshell. Screw that. It took me months to get my confidence back up.

[EmilyJane]

This is not a completely true statement and should reflect a somewhat healthy relationship of two healthy individuals. If someone is say riddled with anxiety... the anxiety alone could for ever separate both the dumper and dumpee.

 

This statement is referred more to a situation that many refer to as GIGS. Just simply it's an inexperience dater who becomes acclimated to a relationship for a couple years and thinks something else is out there.. The peak of a woman's looks are around 20 to 27 and that is when she will attract the MOST male attention (with exception of course..but generally speaking.) The same can happen to males and I believe this is referred to a mid-life crisis; however men do get gigs as well. With social media, the freedom to purchase alcohol and entering clubs and girls night... your relationship will feel more of a weight and that is why the dumper may feel relieved.

 

This is when her attraction for you will fade. Being "alpha" or "beta" or what ever terms you chose has no bearing on this fade other than accelerating it.

 

This is not to be confused with the dumpee being a jerk, not treating his/her SO with respect, or not giving His/her needs after they have been conveyed.

 

This is why NC is important and you should not care that the dumper does and not take it to heart... in most cases what you see ... is not a reflection of how they really feel. Many time the dumper is doing what ever they can to drown out the pain and others shut-down to avoid confronting that they hurt you.

 

This is a slippery slope.

 

1. They may not be single.

2. The rebound may be bigger and better?

3. You may never receive breadcrumbs.

4. It may take the failure of another relationship for you to hear anything.. (years)

 

 

The brain will record deep memories clearly... if you were a jerk they will remember and if you were a kind gentle giant they will remember that as well. This is also depending on person Emotional IQ. If they are BPD or narcissist you may be cast as black forever.

 

and act now and we will throw in two engagement rings FREE.

 

The dumpee needs to come to the revelation that the relationship is dead and they are completely in control of their feelings. They need to understand that its the dumpers loss... "good luck and find better!" The dumpee needs to build is personal foundation and self-esteem and with that comes indifference.. but if you sit around waiting for the dumper... reconcile is not even in your deck of cards.

 

If you have not grown 1.5x to 2x better from the time you were dumped... which cannot happen in 6 months your reconcile if there is one is dead. before it started..

 

Dumpee's are now powdered milk you leave in the pantry. You keep it there just in case you can't find real milk when you need it. When the dumper doesn't have milk he/she will send out a bread-crumb and feed on you until a new cow is in town. That's why you don't even respond to any thing unless the msg is loud and clear..

 

exactly.... if the dumper is capable of jumping in bed with another guy/girl within months... That is not someone you want to spend the rest of your life with...if you do that's your decision. A healthy person will feel the pain of a breakup for a long time... but its important to build your self and grow in the process.

 

A woman's looks peak in her twenties and the attention leads to GIGS?!?

 

A woman's looks peak!?

 

On another note why on earth does everyone keep saying that dumpers feel relief? Are we just talking about the dumpers in those transient little relationships of a couple of months like in highschool and uni rather than adult long term relationships?

[Cephalopod]

Jam, Bromeo,

 

I am curious as to how often the breadcrumbs came, and how long it started happening after the breakup or NC?

 

I have continued NC, and I am feeling a little better, but that varies by day.

 

I guess I am just trying to understand timelines? I just dont want to think her call was a closure call and get blindsided by another call and not be prepared. haha

 

OP, your ex is a flake. A flake. Do you know what that is?

 

Why would you care about or want to be with a chick who will be spending the rest of her life pining away and carrying a torch for her ex boyfriend? She is a flake who desires things she cannot have. She can no longer have her ex so she pines away for him. She landed you, and once she got you she lost interest.

 

She's messed up in the head and is very immature. Move on. You don't need a person like this in your life.

[Sweetfish]

A woman's looks peak in her twenties and the attention leads to GIGS?!?

 

A woman's looks peak!?

 

On another note why on earth does everyone keep saying that dumpers feel relief? Are we just talking about the dumpers in those transient little relationships of a couple of months like in highschool and uni rather than adult long term relationships?

 

 

Yes.. and the nomenclature I should have used is YOUTH.

[jamili]

Bottom line OP: Just keep NC and keep moving forward. It's really the only card you can play. It's what you would need to do, if you want your ex back, or if you didn't - the plan is the same - you must move forward. I know it's hard. We are all in the same or similar boat, or have been there before. It's really all you can do.

 

I have a suspicion that your ex with give you breadcrumbs, simply because she seem to have some similar behavioral traits to my ex. So just make sure you ignore those going forward, and avoid falling back. Don't make the mistake that so many of us have done, and entertain, reply to or overanalyze the communication... just move forward and ignore it, unless it's something substantial and real. Remember, as outrageously counter-intuitive as it feels, being completely absent from her life in EVERY way, including light communication, is the only way she could ever miss you and potentially want to come back. And, even if she will never come back anyways, at least you will be well onto moving on instead of being at square-one while she's happily going on with her life.

[trustyourself]

Bottom line OP: Just keep NC and keep moving forward. It's really the only card you can play. It's what you would need to do, if you want your ex back, or if you didn't - the plan is the same - you must move forward. I know it's hard. We are all in the same or similar boat, or have been there before. It's really all you can do.

 

I have a suspicion that your ex with give you breadcrumbs, simply because she seem to have some similar behavioral traits to my ex. So just make sure you ignore those going forward, and avoid falling back. Don't make the mistake that so many of us have done, and entertain, reply to or overanalyze the communication... just move forward and ignore it, unless it's something substantial and real. Remember, as outrageously counter-intuitive as it feels, being completely absent from her life in EVERY way, including light communication, is the only way she could ever miss you and potentially want to come back. And, even if she will never come back anyways, at least you will be well onto moving on instead of being at square-one while she's happily going on with her life.

 

I hear you Jam. I am trying to do just that!

 

It has been one month since the call, and not heard a peep, and I have not communicated at all.

 

I have ok days mixed with the bad. Its my birthday tomorrow, so I have been a little down knowing she wont be there to celebrate with me. But I just have to deal with it.

 

The subconcious stuff is driving me crazy. I dream about her a lot, which means terrible sleep, and frayed nerves.

 

I cant wait until the sadness and longing goes away!

Edited April 4, 2017 by trustyourself
missed a sentence

[SpecialJ]

You're not alone. My abandonment nightmares have stopped, but I'm still sad and can't wait to be past feeling that way. Indifference sounds amazing. It's been almost a month of complete NC, but several since the breakup. Stay strong and happy birthday!

[jorgeg3d]

Why can't people be real with each other? Why must we play these silly games? You should ask her what her intentions are from contacting you, if she doesn't know or says anything other than she wants to try to work it out again, then tell her to stop contacting you unless she changes her mind. That's it, its simple.

 

The thing is no one wants to face the truth, sometimes its easier to get the brutal truth up front than letting it linger, that in itself will make it impossible for you to move on.

[trustyourself]

Dont get your hopes up about your birthday. If she texts, you are best to ignore it anyways. Yes, even happy birthday. I remember back during thanksgiving, christmas, new years, etc, wondering if my ex would contact me for those.... nope. Despite all the random breadcrumbs i got, i never got any contact on those holidays.

 

Well you called it. Did not hear a thing. It hurt.

 

Going to try and use it to let go.

[jamili]

Why can't people be real with each other? Why must we play these silly games? You should ask her what her intentions are from contacting you, if she doesn't know or says anything other than she wants to try to work it out again, then tell her to stop contacting you unless she changes her mind. That's it, its simple.

 

The thing is no one wants to face the truth, sometimes its easier to get the brutal truth up front than letting it linger, that in itself will make it impossible for you to move on.

 

I agree with this approach in general, in life. Im am upront, open and honest person myself.

 

But, some caution with this approach with an ex. I did this exact same approach with my ex who was breadcrumbing me - politely asked her to stop contacting me unless it was something of meaning. The breadcrumbs stopped alright.. but i got nothing in response, at all.

 

To us it seems mature, clear, honest and assertive. But, there are some that argue that the dumper might perceive this as you are "hurt", not moved on yet, still hung up on the relationship, etc. I cant say i understand it, since to me being indifferent = telling them to stop contact in a civil way, NOT casually answering their breadcrumbs. To me answering breadcrumbs = weak and easy controlled. But... that's just me, and i have no idea what goes through a dumpers mind when they see a response that asserts boundaries. IMO if someone thinks asserting boundaries with an ex is bitter, then they probably have poor boundaries themselves and dont understand it.

 

Safest thing to do IMO is just stay NC, and i wish it's what i would have done. At least then they could perceive it as butthurt, they could perceive it as indifferent, and they could perceive that you just have strong boundaries... but nothing is certain and it causes them to think more and try to figure it out. I think its the only "safe" move.

 

However if you are like me and you try to be a mature adult, and its hard to avoid standing up to people and hold back from speaking your mind.... its an option... just be warned it could push them away more, like what probably happened to mine :/

 

OP: no surprise there. Its pretty standard. Mine didnt reach out for xmas, thxgiving, new years, to ask how one of my close family members is doing doing in chemotherapy, the Trump election, etc. Nothing. She only reached out for random breadcrumbs that were much more confusing than "happy new year " texts.

 

Dont expect to get anything, and like i said before thats a good thing, because you dont have to worry about avoiding or ignoring the messages, which can be stressful. Its better this way. Keep NC

[jorgeg3d]

Jaili, see, but whats the difference if you push them away or not after you're broken up with? At that point it doesn't matter anymore right? At that point its easier to know up front than try to jump through hoops on what could or could not be the answer.

 

Because lets face it, how many LS people come on these forums with those very questions? And why? Because they don't ask the uncomfortable questions and are left wondering the what if's.

 

Again, its a game that I don't like to play. Everyone does it their own way. To me, tell me yay or nay, and that's how I do it too. If I dump someone, I wouldn't leave it open to interpretation. I would be as straight forward as possible, but to not destroy their feelings either.

[jamili]

Jaili, see, but whats the difference if you push them away or not after you're broken up with? At that point it doesn't matter anymore right? At that point its easier to know up front than try to jump through hoops on what could or could not be the answer.

 

Because lets face it, how many LS people come on these forums with those very questions? And why? Because they don't ask the uncomfortable questions and are left wondering the what if's.

 

Again, its a game that I don't like to play. Everyone does it their own way. To me, tell me yay or nay, and that's how I do it too. If I dump someone, I wouldn't leave it open to interpretation. I would be as straight forward as possible, but to not destroy their feelings either.

 

Well, what i meant is pushing them away when they are potentially trying to test the waters and are open minded about reconciliation. In a perfect world a dumper would be upfront if they had a change of heart, or would be sympathetic to a dumpee asking for clarity. But in the real world we dont really know their intentions or how they will interpret what we say... which is why staying NC is probably best.

 

Imagine this: dumper is starting to have doubts about leaving you, they miss you. They reach out to test the waters.... and the dumpee walls up and demands clarity/makes an ultimatum. It IS possible that a dumper who was still on the fence at this point could think "damn, X is super upset still, he wont even chitchat with me. I doubt a reconciliation will ever work with this person, they cant move on and get past the breakup".

 

Mind you, this is obviously an off-base assumption by the dumper, as having strict boundaries with exes does NOT mean they haven't moved on and indifferent... but, lets face it, they could still think that... and then close that door and never consider you again.

 

These are just hupotheticals, i have no idea how any dumper might react. Im only going by mine, who disappeared completely after i messaged her that. 2 months now since that last breadcrumb. I mean, i "know" now... but perhaps i botched the opportunity for her to come back with that very same move.

 

 

At least staying NC keeps all options open and your stance is a mystery

[SpecialJ]

Happy birthday, trustyourself! I bet you got a lot of well wishes, so don't waste time on the one you didn't get.

 

It really doesn't mean anything anyway. I had an extremely guilty ex who mostly stopped talking to me but email-wished me a happy birthday for three years-- every one of which he had a gf and eventually fiancee. He finally stopped once they were married.

[Sweetfish]

Jaili, see, but whats the difference if you push them away or not after you're broken up with? At that point it doesn't matter anymore right? At that point its easier to know up front than try to jump through hoops on what could or could not be the answer.

 

Because lets face it, how many LS people come on these forums with those very questions? And why? Because they don't ask the uncomfortable questions and are left wondering the what if's.

 

Again, its a game that I don't like to play. Everyone does it their own way. To me, tell me yay or nay, and that's how I do it too. If I dump someone, I wouldn't leave it open to interpretation. I would be as straight forward as possible, but to not destroy their feelings either.

]

 

Men and women are just different. Most often you hear women want to stay friends or feel nostalgic and the man on the receiving end will interpret it as the beginning of a reconcile process and its not.

 

So the man will start trying to flirt and romance her back into the relationship and she may not want that or be ready for that. A lot of guys don't understand that sometimes the exe wants the SAME perks of the boyfriend and girlfriend and not be romantically involved.

 

So being up front in my opinion is forcing the women to come up with a conclusion about how she feels about you and its not going to happen. The lesser evil is to stay N.C. and let the other person decide how they want to peruse a relationship.

 

Ever sold something on Craigslist and got a ridiculous offer? That is a breadcrumb... an offer you don't respond to because its an offer your not going to take. A breadcrumb is ultimately telling you the person is not interested in getting back with you...so why even ask? Its not a game You're taking the path that will yield the best healing and best results.

 

The last thing you want to do is confront the person for something that they may feel devastated about....pushing the pain deeper and ultimately coming to the conclusion that they will only bring more sadness and pain.

[trustyourself]

Happy birthday, trustyourself! I bet you got a lot of well wishes, so don't waste time on the one you didn't get.

 

It really doesn't mean anything anyway. I had an extremely guilty ex who mostly stopped talking to me but email-wished me a happy birthday for three years-- every one of which he had a gf and eventually fiancee. He finally stopped once they were married.

 

Thanks SJ!

 

I know it does not mean anything. I guess in a selfish way I wanted to know if she was thinking about me or not. I got my answer!

 

Honestly, I am in the angry/mad phase now. She is probably so over what we had, and is having a great time. I am mad at myself and her for me being stupid enough to believe what we had was real and meant anything to her.

 

Well, what i meant is pushing them away when they are potentially trying to test the waters and are open minded about reconciliation.

 

Im only going by mine, who disappeared completely after i messaged her that. 2 months now since that last breadcrumb. I mean, i "know" now... but perhaps i botched the opportunity for her to come back with that very same move.

 

 

At least staying NC keeps all options open and your stance is a mystery

 

This is exactly how I feel...

 

]

 

The lesser evil is to stay N.C. and let the other person decide how they want to peruse a relationship.

 

 

I dont even know if I would want to work it out anymore. I am so mad at the whole situation. Ugh.

 

I just want her out of my head now. So I can heal.

[Bromeo]

I just want her out of my head now. So I can heal.

 

Latch onto this.

 

All the breakup psychology, all the breadcrumbs, confusion, debates, nonsense, and it boils down to just wanting to feel better.

 

2 months ago I was right there with you. After 4 months of games and stringing along, I was so f*****g done, I just wanted to feel normal.

 

Cut her the hell off. Block her on social media, delete your profiles, and block her number.

 

I did. Two months of rock solid NC later, and I am in a far, far better place.

[SpecialJ]

Yep, I also cut it off after 4 months of him trying to have his cake and eat it too at the expense of my feelings. One month NC, looking forward to also feeling better after another month...

[trustyourself]

Yep, I also cut it off after 4 months of him trying to have his cake and eat it too at the expense of my feelings. One month NC, looking forward to also feeling better after another month...

 

Yeah, I do feel better. I have moments where a song might come on, that makes me sad, but all in all it is night and day to two months ago.

 

I still think of her all the time though. That is the frustrating part.

 

Maybe that will lessen eventually, but man, is it exhausting.