Under Posted March 21, 2017 Share Posted March 21, 2017 My husband is a devoted and loving father, but he has some anger issues. This especially comes out at my step son's little league games. He is that guy on the sidelines pacing, swearing and turning red. He shouts embarrassing and sarcastic things to his son on the field and makes demeaning comments about the coach and other kids when they don't do things perfectly. He used to coach, but he got thrown out of games because of his lack of respect. He was a very good athlete in high school and freely admits that he is living vicariously through his son and that he's disappointed in him for not being a better athelete. He is proud that he is a competitive person and expects 100% from everyone. How can I get him to see how hurtful this is to his son? I've tried to talk to him about it but he just makes jokes or says he's better than his dad, who never showed up for his games. Link to post Share on other sites
curiouslysearching Posted March 21, 2017 Share Posted March 21, 2017 This is a classic scenario and it is UGLY TO WATCH....I played at a much higher level than your husband did and I guess I have seen most everything there is to see and nothing is as UGLY as a Dad berating his kid. The whole thing is so opposite of what should be going on at that level....you would think that being ASKED to NOT coach would have been a wake up call but obviously not 1 Link to post Share on other sites
curiouslysearching Posted March 22, 2017 Share Posted March 22, 2017 behavior like you have described can ruin the "the love of the game" for many young athletes and cause them to eventually give up playing.... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted March 22, 2017 Share Posted March 22, 2017 Eventually he's going to be asked to leave and not come back. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
curiouslysearching Posted March 22, 2017 Share Posted March 22, 2017 Eventually he's going to be asked to leave and not come back. Sadly, I have seen these types of actions carry on well into the high school level when they are not dealt with at the youth level. Generally, the parent is pushing the youth for a variety of reasons and none of them are GOOD. Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted March 22, 2017 Share Posted March 22, 2017 I've tried to talk to him about it but he just makes jokes or says he's better than his dad, who never showed up for his games. Actually, he would be better off emulating his dad and not attending the games as opposed to showing up and embarrassing everyone involved. I'd guess the baseball field isn't the only place he exhibits this jerkish behavior. What does "some anger issues" mean? Mr. Lucky 1 Link to post Share on other sites
RecentChange Posted March 22, 2017 Share Posted March 22, 2017 So he can't act like a grown up and behave himself? Then he should stay home. The game is NOT ABOUT HIM. He needs to stop being so self centered and making it about him. He had his chance, his ship has sailed. Jerks like this ruin the game for EVERYONE. If I were another parent, I would ask that he be barred from attending. Can't you tell him his behavior is embarring and unacceptable? Does he really want to be an embarrassment to your family? Because that is what he is by the actions he chooses. He needs to learn how to control his anger, this isn't preschool 1 Link to post Share on other sites
curiouslysearching Posted March 22, 2017 Share Posted March 22, 2017 So he can't act like a grown up and behave himself? Then he should stay home. The game is NOT ABOUT HIM. He needs to stop being so self centered and making it about him. He had his chance, his ship has sailed. Jerks like this ruin the game for EVERYONE. If I were another parent, I would ask that he be barred from attending. Can't you tell him his behavior is embarring and unacceptable? Does he really want to be an embarrassment to your family? Because that is what he is by the actions he chooses. He needs to learn how to control his anger, this isn't preschool it really is an ugly side to sports a very ugly side and literally goes on across the country Link to post Share on other sites
curiouslysearching Posted March 23, 2017 Share Posted March 23, 2017 So he can't act like a grown up and behave himself? Then he should stay home. The game is NOT ABOUT HIM. He needs to stop being so self centered and making it about him. He had his chance, his ship has sailed. Jerks like this ruin the game for EVERYONE. If I were another parent, I would ask that he be barred from attending. Can't you tell him his behavior is embarring and unacceptable? Does he really want to be an embarrassment to your family? Because that is what he is by the actions he chooses. He needs to learn how to control his anger, this isn't preschool RC, I agree with you wholeheartedly....one interesting thing to think about is that MOST people have ZERO idea what it takes to be an accomplished athlete.....for example, a good high school player really does not know what it takes to be a successful collegiate athlete (until they get to that level) so many have this narrow view of WOW MY KID IS AWESOME and truly have no idea what it takes to be HIGHLY successful....the take away should be to JUST ENJOY these times watching your kids or relatives play are so fleeting that you are silly to mar with bad behavior or unrealistic expectations 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted March 23, 2017 Share Posted March 23, 2017 RC, I agree with you wholeheartedly....one interesting thing to think about is that MOST people have ZERO idea what it takes to be an accomplished athlete.....for example, a good high school player really does not know what it takes to be a successful collegiate athlete (until they get to that level) so many have this narrow view of WOW MY KID IS AWESOME and truly have no idea what it takes to be HIGHLY successful....the take away should be to JUST ENJOY these times watching your kids or relatives play are so fleeting that you are silly to mar with bad behavior or unrealistic expectations Agreed. I was a very good high school baseball player, all-city recognition on a championship team. Then I got to college and saw what a REAL athlete looked like, guys blessed with natural speed and power in ways I could only imagine. I started paying closer attention in math class, pretty apparent my future wasn't on the field... Mr. Lucky 1 Link to post Share on other sites
curiouslysearching Posted March 25, 2017 Share Posted March 25, 2017 Agreed. I was a very good high school baseball player, all-city recognition on a championship team. Then I got to college and saw what a REAL athlete looked like, guys blessed with natural speed and power in ways I could only imagine. I started paying closer attention in math class, pretty apparent my future wasn't on the field... Mr. Lucky MrL, your post is dead on. I have played at a higher level and you are right that the athletes get bigger, faster, stronger and much more skilled. I will say this that at this level parents have VERY little input....it is about winning and losing. Link to post Share on other sites
mrs rubble Posted March 25, 2017 Share Posted March 25, 2017 Under, maybe you could have a chat with the team coach or manager, and ask them to have a word with your husband, get them to say that some of the parents (ie:you) have complained about his behaviour and if it doesn't change he will be banned from attending. Link to post Share on other sites
curiouslysearching Posted March 26, 2017 Share Posted March 26, 2017 Under, maybe you could have a chat with the team coach or manager, and ask them to have a word with your husband, get them to say that some of the parents (ie:you) have complained about his behaviour and if it doesn't change he will be banned from attending. Nothing worse than parents yelling from the stands at their kids while they are playing ball.......RIDICULOUS Link to post Share on other sites
BFH Posted March 26, 2017 Share Posted March 26, 2017 Here is my take on it....and its probably unpopular, but its a way to potentially let him see that what he is doing just makes no sense... If your stepson was truly on the verge of being the next Derek Jeter, or even a viable pro prospect, then I could almost see being demanding of his play/effort...Most athletes that are destined for a pro career make their presence known very early...Most are head and shoulders better than the other kids...They get noticed early on.... Because you didn't say that he was a prodigy or anything, I can assume that your stepson is just another kid playing the game and would never get a whiff of the pros...That's terrific, but that makes the behavior of the father pretty pointless.. If that's the case,. and my assumption is correct, then this should be easy to resolve..Ask him why he would do all of this, when its probably 99& likely that he wont even be playing in a couple of years...or if he is, it will be for little more that sportsmanship and recreation?...At that point, the person screaming and pacing on the sidelines just looks like a jackass...(don't tell him that part, lol).. I was an accomplished HS athlete, so I get this...And my dad never bothered to even go to the games/matches , even though I was one of the teams stars..But people spend way too much time, effort, and money, and put way too much stress on their kids, when in reality, they aren't going to really do anything with it...Time and money would have been far better spent on other life pursuits that will better help the childs development as he/she moves on to adulthood.,. Good luck with it... Link to post Share on other sites
curiouslysearching Posted March 29, 2017 Share Posted March 29, 2017 Here is my take on it....and its probably unpopular, but its a way to potentially let him see that what he is doing just makes no sense... If your stepson was truly on the verge of being the next Derek Jeter, or even a viable pro prospect, then I could almost see being demanding of his play/effort...Most athletes that are destined for a pro career make their presence known very early...Most are head and shoulders better than the other kids...They get noticed early on.... Because you didn't say that he was a prodigy or anything, I can assume that your stepson is just another kid playing the game and would never get a whiff of the pros...That's terrific, but that makes the behavior of the father pretty pointless.. If that's the case,. and my assumption is correct, then this should be easy to resolve..Ask him why he would do all of this, when its probably 99& likely that he wont even be playing in a couple of years...or if he is, it will be for little more that sportsmanship and recreation?...At that point, the person screaming and pacing on the sidelines just looks like a jackass...(don't tell him that part, lol).. I was an accomplished HS athlete, so I get this...And my dad never bothered to even go to the games/matches , even though I was one of the teams stars..But people spend way too much time, effort, and money, and put way too much stress on their kids, when in reality, they aren't going to really do anything with it...Time and money would have been far better spent on other life pursuits that will better help the childs development as he/she moves on to adulthood.,. Good luck with it... BFH, I enjoyed your post. I just think some parents carry it way way too far. Like I mentioned previously, I played a level beyond HS and thought that I had virtually seen it all but I am amazed monthly how athletics as a whole have changed. It seems everyone has a private instructor regardless of the sport and that everyone thinks they are going PRO. Trust me it is not easy to even play past HS these days. I really wish PEOPLE/parents/athletes etc would just enjoy the various games and treasure the times that they have. Link to post Share on other sites
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