miserable and confused

[9711]

I cheated on my boyfriend of six years at a party one drunken night. This happened about four months ago. Since then he first broke up with me (for less than 24 hours), then we got back together and I thought we would be able to work it out. Then he decided to move a few states away to live with his dad for awhile and work, he told me it would only be for a month or two then he would transfer here. So I told him it was ok and he moved. At first everything seemed ok we talked a couple times a day and he came to visit or I visited him frequently. Then he just stopped calling, knowing something was wrong I confronted him about it and he broke up with me again.

 

Since then we have talked and visited each other but he hasn't actually said if we're a couple or not. He's told me that all he wants is to be with me but, he's so hurt that he's afraid to give the relationship another shot. Which is my fault because when he first asked me the details of the night I would leave parts out or change what I thought were minor details, which I realize now was the wrong thing to do. It only hurt him more that I wasn't honest. I just didn't want to tell him everything because I didn't want to hurt him anymore than I already have.

 

I love him so much and I really don't want to lose him. We connected from the minute we met and I honestly don't think we can leave each other alone long enough to move on and neither of us really want to. I suggested to him that I could move with him and we could get a fresh start but, he keeps changing his answer to this one. He tells me he doesn't know if he wants to be with me right now because he doesn't know if I've told him everything or not and he thinks there's more to the reason why I cheated. But, honestly I have told him everything. It took me awhile but he knows every detail that I remember. I've explained to him why and what I was feeling numerous times but he still wants more. I just don't know what else to say or do. He knows I'm willing to do whatever it takes to earn his trust back, I told him I would show him my phone bills, my credit card statements, bank statements, whatever it takes. It's crazy but I do love him that much. I'm just sick of living in limbo not really knowing what we are. Last time he came to visit me he actually gave me back a promise ring he bought for me a couple of years ago and told me someday he replace it with a bigger rock. His behavior is very confusing some days he seems like all is ok and the next he's either not talking to me or treating me like we're just friends.

I just don't know what to think anymore. So does anyone have any advise at all to help me understand what to make of this whole situation or anything I can say or do for him to begin earning his trust back again?

[Bryanp]

Hello,

 

I really do not have much of an answer but these are the consequences of cheating. He is playing the images in his mind over and over again and wondering if he can ever trust you again.

Were you honest with him at the very start or did he find out for himself. You seem very close so why did you cheat on him? He is thinking if you did it to him when you were in love with him then why would you not do it again. Unfortunately some people simply cannot overcome the fact that the person they loved and counted on the most would betray them in such a way and drinking is no excuse. Maybe this will have to be a hard lesson for you to learn.

I wish you luck.

[9711]

I did go straight home and told him immediately. I was prepared for him to throw me out that day but, he didn't. He just told me he loved me so much he wasn't going to let this ruin our six year relationship. But, he had a drug problem at the time and I found out later he only said that because he was high. This was on Saturday and the following Monday he finally blew up. That's when he broke up with me the first time. I know drinking is not an excuse and I'm not trying to use it to justify the situation. What I did was the worst, most hurtful thing anyone can do to someone they love. I didn't even know me and the other guy had sex because I couldn't remember what happened that night which is very scary. I was however, angry with my boyfriend about the drug problem. I tried to talk to him many times about it and he knew I disapproved but he didn't care. He made me feel so unwanted because all he wanted to do was get high and watch porn. I was searching for attention elsewhere. I didn't however, want it to go that far. I just wanted someone to talk to. I do know however, that even with all the pain he put me through while doing drugs it was not right for me to cheat on him and if I could turn back the clock and take it back I would. Living with his dad though he has cleaned up which I am thankful for. Now were both just living in this state of limbo. It's obvious we love each other very much and really want to be with each other but, he's having a hard time forgiving me for what I have done which I completely understand. I would have a hard time forgiving him if he had cheated on me. Right now I'm just trying to decide if it's best that I move with him or if we should be apart for awhile. The problem is that I'm supposed to be starting my third year of college this fall and I need to know soon if I'm moving there or not so I can enroll in classes.