The Introvert Posted March 21, 2017 Share Posted March 21, 2017 (edited) Hi everyone, my story goes like...I saw a girl I was interested (still interested in as well) in some time last year at college. Each time we met we would smile at each other, she is damn attractive. She sort of led me on by trying to get my attention wherever possible and this is the reason I think she toyed with my emotions. I then made use of some useful connections in order to get her number and I got it. We got in good communication, over the vacation, then she turned me down saying she gat a bf..man I was in grief. I then made it a point to stop communicating with her and move on but what's awkward now is that I don't really know how to relate to her when we meet for example in the library or some place...she is damn attractive. Besides a quick 'Hello' I have never spoken to her further than that this semester...I been avoiding her altogether..I sometimes steal glance from her and it looks like she is tense around me....anyone please tell me how you handle turn downs by people you see often. Edited March 21, 2017 by The Introvert Link to post Share on other sites
CptInsano Posted March 21, 2017 Share Posted March 21, 2017 You had the courage to ask her out. Women tend to respect that in my experience, so continue to be friendly toward her, as nobody did anything wrong. She may even introduce you to her friends. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
JuneJulySeptember Posted March 21, 2017 Share Posted March 21, 2017 It's not going to mean anything to you now, but when you're older you'll laugh at this situation and laugh at the fact of how neurotic you were about it. Though not all people do, most people are able to laugh at being obsessed with their prior crushes, rejections and how hard they took them. It's my belief that you have to go through these things to get to that point. So, just be as practical about it as possible, but it'll probably hurt/be awkward for a while. You will be able to laugh at it though. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
CaliforniaGirl Posted March 21, 2017 Share Posted March 21, 2017 Oh no. I don't think she was necessarily leading you on. It's a difference in male/female styles (generally) that causes a lot of angst. In general (there are exceptions), guys will ask girls out without really knowing if they'll "like" them, unless there's something really, seriously obviously out of whack. Guys tend to look for total numbers so they have choices. Women, OTOH, tend to (again, exceptions do happen) be more selective in the part before the date. We want to know first whether we truly feel we'll get along with the person. That means being social ahead of time - talking, texting. This seems like a lead-on but it's very natural. Again, unfortunately, it can make the guy feel awful because he thought he had a chance - because his style would have been to only be that talkative with someone he was pretty certain he was going to ask out. From the woman's side of things, we get hurt when we think a guy asking for our number means he already likes us quite a bit...because that's what it would mean to us. Then he doesn't follow up and we're mystified. In your case, you did the brave thing. You asked her out. That's fantastic. Do hold onto that...you did the right thing, because without asking, you'd never know. And without asking, you'd never find that girl that I'm sure is in your future. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Author The Introvert Posted March 22, 2017 Author Share Posted March 22, 2017 Wanna thank you guys for your invaluable input, I appreciate. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Mysterio Posted March 22, 2017 Share Posted March 22, 2017 Welcome to the ups and downs and love. I would just forget her and write it off as experiance. I would also just do some recrational/physical activities to clear your mind of the chase of love. This year. I am leaving it up to fate. So a woman is more going to have to be the driving force to get me to be her BF than be searching to find a woman to be my GF. All my friends that have their main loves right now. The women came to them. I see my male friends way more happy with that. Than the other men that I know that are going on the hunt for love. Just stay Pleasent and Chill and it will all work out. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
ZA Dater Posted March 22, 2017 Share Posted March 22, 2017 Its better to ask than to wonder what would have happened. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
NinjaTurtlesAreCool Posted March 23, 2017 Share Posted March 23, 2017 Like people have said here already - at least you asked! That's pretty good going, in my book. As for leading on - sometimes it can seem that way, I've been accused of it when all I was doing was being friendly. It happens. Just be polite, say hello when you see her and don't appear bothered or upset. It is what it is. You asked, she had a boyfriend. Nothing embarrassing or wrong about that. She was probably flattered, if anything! Always nice to know someone finds you interesting! 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author The Introvert Posted March 27, 2017 Author Share Posted March 27, 2017 Thanks ZADater and Ninaturtlesarecool I'm gaining a rational perspective on the issue, am sort of a newbie on the dating scene 1 Link to post Share on other sites
PegNosePete Posted March 27, 2017 Share Posted March 27, 2017 In the future I'd recommend you ask someone for their number, rather than making connections and going around behind their back to get it. That's kinda creepy. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
NTV Posted March 28, 2017 Share Posted March 28, 2017 In the future I'd recommend you ask someone for their number, rather than making connections and going around behind their back to get it. That's kinda creepy. Better yet ask them to catch a movie or go to a party or out to eat just you and them. If they are interested they will give you their number so that it can be coordinated. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Marc878 Posted March 28, 2017 Share Posted March 28, 2017 You asked her out so what. It happens. I wouldn't let it bother me one bit besides I'd bet she was flattered. Even if she is dating someone else. You validated her. Women like that. Get over the awkwardness. It's part of maturity In the future just because a woman is friendly or smiles at you doesn't mean anything but sometimes it does so take your time 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author The Introvert Posted March 28, 2017 Author Share Posted March 28, 2017 (edited) yea realised it was creepy gettin behind her back gettin her number it was foolish of me....think she was obviously flattered too and I was too.....and I do look forward to being mature on the dating scene....thanks fam. Edited March 28, 2017 by The Introvert Link to post Share on other sites
NTV Posted March 28, 2017 Share Posted March 28, 2017 We're here for ya! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
loverboy69 Posted March 29, 2017 Share Posted March 29, 2017 I love this thread. Brings back memories. I remember as a freshman in High School buying this girl (who was a senior) lunch more than once. She didn't even know me. At first she said I was sweet then after a while she started avoiding me. Probably thought I was a creep. Looking back... yea I was a creep haha. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
loverboy69 Posted March 29, 2017 Share Posted March 29, 2017 Hi everyone, my story goes like...I saw a girl I was interested (still interested in as well) in some time last year at college. Each time we met we would smile at each other, she is damn attractive. She sort of led me on by trying to get my attention wherever possible and this is the reason I think she toyed with my emotions. I then made use of some useful connections in order to get her number and I got it. We got in good communication, over the vacation, then she turned me down saying she gat a bf..man I was in grief. I then made it a point to stop communicating with her and move on but what's awkward now is that I don't really know how to relate to her when we meet for example in the library or some place...she is damn attractive. Besides a quick 'Hello' I have never spoken to her further than that this semester...I been avoiding her altogether..I sometimes steal glance from her and it looks like she is tense around me....anyone please tell me how you handle turn downs by people you see often. You got balls for asking her out. Way to go! The awkwardness will fade in time but that's on you. Remember this: Awkwardness is contagious. If you give off that vibe others will return it. The same thing applies to negativity or positivity. Ever heard of that person that walks in and lights up a room? Let that be you my friend! Good luck! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author The Introvert Posted March 29, 2017 Author Share Posted March 29, 2017 I look forward to laughing at the whole thing the way you are doing LOVERBOY69 haha,.. yea I envision myself being the one who lights up the room.......thanks a lot. Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted March 29, 2017 Share Posted March 29, 2017 Since she now seems uncomfortable, just a polite hello and that's it from now on. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
ZA Dater Posted March 29, 2017 Share Posted March 29, 2017 I look forward to laughing at the whole thing the way you are doing LOVERBOY69 haha,.. yea I envision myself being the one who lights up the room.......thanks a lot. "Down in Africa", SA? Had to ask... Sometimes its better to just laugh. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author The Introvert Posted March 30, 2017 Author Share Posted March 30, 2017 Naah not SA, but ZW. Link to post Share on other sites
Author The Introvert Posted April 10, 2017 Author Share Posted April 10, 2017 Happy to let all those interested in this thread that things are now looking up, am now a bit more mature. I can now gracefully manage to be friendly to that girl when I bump into her instead of being sullen and I 'm happy she smiles back too, like recently she was all smiles (like the smile ran from ear to ear because she got a small fact), think she was surprised though because I think she expected me to sustain the coldness that was developing...., but I'm only comfortable leaving things not much further than Hello.... feel mature now:rolleyes:.....Thanks everyone. Link to post Share on other sites
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