Cheating ex got married... with the girl he cheated on me with

[Nox]

Last night I was browsing my fb photos, and I found one photo with his comment from 2015 or so. After we broke up I deleted all traces of him on my phone, facebook, all social networks - I must have missed this one.

And when I saw his profile photo, I just had a gut feeling that he is married now. So I clicked on his profile and, sure enough - he got married a couple of days ago. With the girl with whom he cheated on me. Announcing that their baby will come soon.

 

I expected it. I knew she was pregnant a month after our break up, and now it all adds up - in fact, he was on the fence about the break up for a month or so, which now seems like he was still waiting to find out whether or not she was pregnant. If I do the math, our break up coincides with her early pregnancy.

 

After we broke up, I really wished him all the worse. I wanted him to miss me and suffer every day of his life for losing me.

Then I got to a stage where I wanted him to be punished adequately for what he did - not just the cheating part, but using me for money while he was already with her, lying, verbal and emotional abuse, accusing me of paranoid thinking when I assumed he was cheating, etc. I don't know what's the adequate punishment for that, but that's what I wished for him.

 

Last night, I just realized he is going to be happy without me. And it felt good. Good in some sad way, but good nonetheless. It was like I stopped carrying the burden of him.

 

I just hate how I got the short end of the stick even though I did everything right - I was honest, I didn't cheat, I wanted to save the relationship, I didn't walk out on him despite all the red flags because I didn't wanna give up on what we had, I didn't do any digging when I was suspicious of his behavior because I wanted honest communication and I wanted him to tell me the issues on his own, I was loyal and supportive - and now, after almost 9 months, he is a family man, married and expecting a baby, and I am single and still not over the pain he left me with.

[magnesium]

I am terribly sorry for the pain you are currently feeling. In time you will feel better.

 

In the meantime, it sounds like this guy got married for the sake of the child, and not because he actually wanted too. For all you know, this other woman could have "baby trapped" him, and your ex fell for the trap. What I'm saying was that this pregnancy was planned...only by the other woman.

 

His life is now forever changed with the birth of his child and the rush-marriage, while you are free.

 

It sounds like you dodged a bullet with this guy, he isn't the type of guy you want to have kids with.

 

Lick your wounds, learn your lessons, and celebrate your fresh start.

[Purepony]

Yeah this guy probably just rushed it for the baby and to paint a pretty picture but if that's not the case sometimes things are just meant to happen a certain way

 

I know your story will have a happy ending too ...

[Tressugar]

OP, your story was my story. Except I was married and the affair baby ended up not being his like I had predicted. Nonetheless I felt bad and wanted to raise the baby as ours, but the woman and my husband wouldn't allow it. She was already a single mother who was struggling and threatening to extort me for money and marry my husband on the day of my birthday. She was unsuccessful.

 

Like you what can you do, but move on...alone. I divorced. My ex moved on as well as the single mother went her own way. No body is a winner in these types of situations. I was told that what we both (you and I) experienced is a blessing in disguise. *sigh* I guess. I'm still trying to figure out how and why.

 

Trust me you are better off without the drama. Their relationship, now marriage started off with lies and guess what it'll end that same way. I believe how things begin will determine how they'll end.

 

I wish you all the happiness in the world.

Edited March 22, 2017 by Tressugar

[Arieswoman]

Nox,

I am sorry for your pain. It will get better, believe me.

 

Be very, very glad you are free of this guy. She got a cheat for a husband, which is nothing to celebrate. They have a marriage based on lies and deceit and hurting someone else.

 

He cheated on you to be with her so he will bring all his baggage (including the reasons he cheated) into the relationship with her.

These could be insecurity, lack of coping strategies, need for power over others, selfishness, lack of empathy, entitlement issues etc. etc.

 

None of these will be fixed by being in a marriage with her.

 

She hasn't got a better version of him, she's got him.

 

You want him punished? He will be. His punishment is that he will have to live with her for 18 years and his crappy self forever.

 

I know that it's difficult, but celebrate the fact that you are free. Free to choose a relationship based on mutual love, respect, caring and trust.

 

Good luck x

[Nox]

Thank you all so much

 

Yes, I know deep down that you all are right. I don't want him back. I still miss the good days of our relationship, and I can't wait for that to fade as well.

I know a nice memory will always remain, but I hope for it to be as nice as other past relationships - good times to remember without feeling nostalgic.

 

You are all so right. I just know it takes some time for the things I know in my brain to come down to my heart.

 

I am determined to come to a point when I am not nostalgic over our good times anymore. And realizing that he is happy without me (even though he is still an ******* he always was) oddly felt like a step further rather than a step back.

 

 

@Tressugar - so sorry to hear about your situation. And you were even kind enough to want to raise the baby! But it's better for you this way.

[Arieswoman]

Nox,

I think many on this board will empathise with you.

 

This is the hard bit - waiting for your heart to catch up with your head.

 

No relationship is all bad, and neither is any person, but clinging to the good times and wondering about "what might have been", and "if only", doesn't help our healing.

 

"Upward & onward" as they say - good luck x

[BluesPower]

Last night I was browsing my fb photos, and I found one photo with his comment from 2015 or so. After we broke up I deleted all traces of him on my phone, facebook, all social networks - I must have missed this one.

And when I saw his profile photo, I just had a gut feeling that he is married now. So I clicked on his profile and, sure enough - he got married a couple of days ago. With the girl with whom he cheated on me. Announcing that their baby will come soon.

 

I expected it. I knew she was pregnant a month after our break up, and now it all adds up - in fact, he was on the fence about the break up for a month or so, which now seems like he was still waiting to find out whether or not she was pregnant. If I do the math, our break up coincides with her early pregnancy.

 

After we broke up, I really wished him all the worse. I wanted him to miss me and suffer every day of his life for losing me.

Then I got to a stage where I wanted him to be punished adequately for what he did - not just the cheating part, but using me for money while he was already with her, lying, verbal and emotional abuse, accusing me of paranoid thinking when I assumed he was cheating, etc. I don't know what's the adequate punishment for that, but that's what I wished for him.

 

Last night, I just realized he is going to be happy without me. And it felt good. Good in some sad way, but good nonetheless. It was like I stopped carrying the burden of him.

 

I just hate how I got the short end of the stick even though I did everything right - I was honest, I didn't cheat, I wanted to save the relationship, I didn't walk out on him despite all the red flags because I didn't wanna give up on what we had, I didn't do any digging when I was suspicious of his behavior because I wanted honest communication and I wanted him to tell me the issues on his own, I was loyal and supportive - and now, after almost 9 months, he is a family man, married and expecting a baby, and I am single and still not over the pain he left me with.

 

You know... I am kind of going through the anger, its a little longer relationship. I totally get your pain, and I am so sorry.

 

My wife, of 26 years, tried to con me into not filing for divorce and giving us another chance. And I really gave it a shot. Turns out it was completely a con on her part and I finally figured out what the deal was our whole marriage, she never really loved me.

 

And since I called it quits, she has completely show me that she is the person that I thought she was.

 

I will never understand how people can do this to other people and sleep at night. And it does damage to you long term.

 

One of my GF's it totally in love with me. And while I am not sure it is completely healthy for her to feel that strongly about me, I am kind of feeling the same way.

 

And, because of my Ex, I am more scared of love than I have ever been. Actually petrified to let myself love any woman again.

 

I hope you continue to be in the "Good Place" that you are in with all of this. I hope to get there one day...

[Nox]

BluesPower, I'm so sorry to hear about your ex wife! I am not in a position to make any statements about marriages that fall apart, but I assume even an amicable divorce is hard to deal with... But having the person you love ruin decades of loving memories, that must be horrible.

 

I hope you can open up to love again... If anything, I guess it can't be worse than your ex wife (at least can't last longer, because now you will probably be more sensitive to potential red flags).