Divorce due to differences and daily arguing? No kids.

[SteelyPhil]

My wife and I have been married for 5 years and currently have no kids. We've had a lot of really bad arguments (nasty insults, swearing, etc on both ends) and have argued nearly every day since being married. We both feel like the terrible things we've said to each other have emotionally scared us.

 

I think time has now just taken it's toll on me and often I'm left feeling depressed about my marriage and asking myself "is this really it"? Nearly every day I notice another attractive women and wonder if I would be happier with her, hell sometimes I've put my hand with my wedding ring in my pocket when I see these women...

 

As time continues to go on I realize we have a lot of differences. The two biggest are below.

 

Physical fitness: My wife is probably 100lbs over weight and doesn't seem to really care to lose the weight. She gained a good portion of weight since we got engaged. Before getting married she cared more about working out. Often she blames me for her weight and says "well you make me unhappy so why should I lose weight" and "it would bother me if I started losing weight and I see you become happier". I've tried being nice about the topic, telling her that I care about her but it just comes off as me being mean to her. Also, I've tried encouraging that we both work out together but it never lasts and even me losing 50lbs over the past 2 years hasn't motivated her. I see my wife's weight as a road block for us as it makes her have less energy, low self esteem and I myself have a hard time being attracted to her (especially combined with our daily arguing).

 

Religion: My wife is more religious then me and our views on religion don't align as my beliefs are not as strong as hers. My beliefs have changed over the years and she doesn't like this and has said she feels lied to. We talked about religion while dating but never really deeply. We've asked each other how we can raise kids with such religious differences yet just end up pushing it to the side.

 

Part of me feels like I want to be done with this marriage and another says to stick it out. We don't have kids right now but if I knew she was pregnant today I would wouldn't be very happy due to how we feel about each other. I feel like I don't want kids with her as I don't feel connected to her yet would with someone else that I felt much closer to.

 

My hesitation for me to get a divorce is the family shame that will likely come with and my wife's family potentially confronting me if I did really file. Also, we have a bunch of friends that our couples and having to break the news to them just makes me feel sick to my stomach.

 

I appreciate any advice and suggestions.

 

Thank you

[Simple Logic]

arguing everyday for 5 years, past time to go.

[RecentChange]

Fear of judgement from friends and family is no reason to continue to live in misery.

 

Sounds like a terrible marriage and honestly 5 years isn't long, this was a fast decline.

 

Doesn't sound like you love each other. Sounds like you emotional abuse each other and tear each other down rather than build each other up.

 

No kids? 5 years? I would recommend cutting your losses and moving on.

 

Also strongly consider counseling before getting in a serious relationship again so you can understand where things went wrong.

[basil67]

What things do you argue over on a daily basis? Does either of you possess the skill of letting the small stuff go?

[SevenCity]

Once you end up with a woman you really care about, never say nasty things while you are fighting, and who wants to do things to make you happy and look good for you, you will look back on this and say "WTF WAS I THINKING!?!"

 

When you love someone you can fight but you don't say hurtful things. You respect her and don't want to do anything to hurt her. Sure, you'll still say hurtful stuff but you don't intend to do so. And you certainly don't fight everyday.

 

The lack of love and respect is an indicator that you are both missing something and lashing out as a result.

 

Forget about what people will think and concentrate on your happiness. Also, your wife (or ex wife) will ultimately be happier too.

 

Work on your issues before the next one and look forward to happiness. I would rather be alone the rest of my life than out up with a situation like that.

[mikeylo]

She could be having an underlying medical condition that is causing her weight gain. Has she gotten a medical done?

 

You guys are not fighting fair. I agree, fight but don't insult as you cant take them back. They might seem small but escalate. Its a skill in itself.

 

You sound very frustrated.Try some MC . It wont solve her weight issue or change religious views.It might help you decide to stay or leave.

[rushed]

You've been wanting a divorce for a while. Never mind what your family and friends will think. They're not the ones living your life. You are and it sounds like a miserable life. Believe me when I say that being out of a horrible relationship feels incredibly freeing. You know what you want. You just have to make that jump and get things moving.

[LostHubby2015]

my wife and i are in a similar boat. My case is a little more elevated in a shorter period of time, but i can relate to the constant arguing as well as the name calling and insults. SevenCity is right, as i also know and i'm sure you do too, but insulting your spouse is really low (again i'm in the same boat). It's hard, but one thing i find myself asking is what was it and why did it get to the point where name calling started?

 

We've had fights in the past like anyone else where i was a jerk, but i don't recall ever stooping to the point of name calling until just before we got married/after we got married. My wife and i have been married for about a year and a half and based on all that has taken place i'm more and more leaning toward divorce (plenty of people here have thought it'd be best). Of course it's a decision i myself and only you can make. it's a delicate area.

 

If it's just arguing and name calling at a high level i think if you two went to MC it may help you figure out what the problem is. Let me ask, does your wife sounds like a broken record and you're getting tired of it cuz its the same thing over and over? Nothing new has happened and nothing has changed, but yet it's a "new argument" every night? If it is there's more going on than the problem at hand.

 

Not to be a debbie downer, but if that's case i don't wonder if there's a physiological problem. If you're lucky it's not that and they're may be a chance to reconcile, but it's going to be a long LONG road because of the insults, but personally i feel like it's something you could work through if you BOTH really wanted too.

 

At the end of the day you have to do what's right for you. Nobody else is walking in your shoes. So if you decide that divorce is right for you just understand why you did it more than "cuz we fought". My wife and I have been separated for about 5 months now and i still find myself saying to myself "i miss her" and also "i hate my life" in the same day. Which the "i hate my life" is leftover from our fights. I even think of how out of control it got at times, but it's still hard. So if you do file, again, just be sure you know and understand why you're doing it. Don't do it until your certain you won't be left with regret and wondering "What if..." after you do it.