how rare are 'decent' guys?

[RecentChange]

The same percentage of women who are actually willing to date said decent guys when they find them, not just say they wish they could find one

 

But seriously, there are LOADS of decent, caring, outgoing, honest men out there. I know WAY WAY more of those guys than the ones you described wanting to get away from...

 

You would say that. You're male.

 

I would say the same thing and I am female.

 

I like men. My male friends, my brothers, my coworkers, I know lots of good guys. My dad is an honorable man who taught me how to command respect, and I have never had any issues being treated well or respected by men.

[Fair]

Who hasn't at least cinsidered contacting an ex again during a dry spell when there's no one else in sight? (raises hand). But did I ever really want them back? Hell no.

[KBob]

This is such crap. If this is you, please don't take it upon yourself to speak for all women.

 

I do think decent men are rare. I wonder if it's the conditioning of our society where women are seen as "less than", and therefore men subconciously feel they have licence to treat women poorly and that it's okay. I suspect it's something like that, among other things. I've seen these attitudes in action.

 

I also don't think there's a man alive who wouldn't cheat under the right circumstances. Perhaps some of them are still basically decent but it doesn't bode well for their relationships. If you really want a faithful male, get a dog. At least you can get him nuetured.

 

Most women end their lives alone or in the company of the other women in their lives, and not just because their husbands die, let's face it.

 

Nothing in this post implies your screen name.

[CaliforniaGirl]

Who hasn't at least cinsidered contacting an ex again during a dry spell when there's no one else in sight? (raises hand). But did I ever really want them back? Hell no.

 

Whoa. Now this is something I've NEVER wanted to do. I mean we broke up for a reason.

 

I have had the opposite happen, though, many times - the guy coming back, saying maybe he messed up, blah blah. My answer was always: no. When people break up there is a reason. So nice to see you again, I wish the best for you, here is the door.

 

Usually it was plain the guy was physically lonely, shall we say, but not always. One man looked for me for ten years. Seriously, ten years. There's no way he went without sex for ten years or that he thought it would be easier to look for someone for a decade than to find a new date. But...still no. We talked for a while and I could just feel that not would be the same old stuff all over again. So I cut the association short.

 

I would not be so cruel as to fake emotional interest in a former boyfriend just for my own gratification. I'd rather be alone.

[Cookiesandough]

This is interesting, I'm a guy as well.

 

My impression has been the opposite, that a sizeable portion of men out there, considering younger guys (under 30) in my case, aren't decent. Just from all the stories I hear. And looking at my friends, most of whom I do not consider to behave decently towards women.

 

Maybe some of it is bias in what women are telling me? Maybe they just talk more about the creeps and jerks than the regular guys?

 

Just generakizing but I feel like your average really attractive men are more likely to be "jerks" because they can be. Not that they aren't "decent" people.but going by OP definition. They can get more for less and get away with more, as many women will put up with more from them. They can ghost or not text back and the girl will go crazy, post here, then text them. They can play a girl and it doesn't matter what she thinks because there are more waiting in the wings...

 

And it's not about gender so much as humah nature.

 

But sure there are plenty of variables. There are plenty of unattractive men who are jerks (look at Pua's, for example) and plenty of attractive men who are "decent" . They all seem to be hiding from me, though

[curiouslysearching]

Who hasn't at least cinsidered contacting an ex again during a dry spell when there's no one else in sight? (raises hand). But did I ever really want them back? Hell no.

 

don't go back and read yesterday's news.....stay in the present

and see what is shaking TODAY

[Fair]

This is interesting, I'm a guy as well.

 

My impression has been the opposite, that a sizeable portion of men out there, considering younger guys (under 30) in my case, aren't decent. Just from all the stories I hear. And looking at my friends, most of whom I do not consider to behave decently towards women.

 

Maybe some of it is bias in what women are telling me? Maybe they just talk more about the creeps and jerks than the regular guys?

 

If this is what you personally observe in your friends, there's no need to go blaming women for messing with your head ... if it's there it's there and you've picked up on it, that's all. Very good.

[Cookiesandough]

The same percentage of women who are actually willing to date said decent guys when they find them, not just say they wish they could find one

 

But seriously, there are LOADS of decent, caring, outgoing, honest men out there. I know WAY WAY more of those guys than the ones you described wanting to get away from...

 

 

 

Oops..I went with tuna in the brines definition, not OPs. Sorry, OP!

 

 

My guess is there are a lot of outgoing men who don't play games or go psycho. I've met a lot, at least.

[CaliforniaGirl]

I also bristle at catagorizing whole genders.

 

"No decent men" are their fathers, brothers, uncles, sons etc "indecent men"?

 

Is the same when some men disparage that all women are "x" undesirable trait. I wonder if they feel the same way about their mothers, grandma's etc.

 

Now if they don't think that the men they know well or are related to are terrible - well then I say they are just picking the wrong people to date.

 

If they DO think these negative things about their "loved ones" well then I KNOW why they are picking the wrong people to date!

 

This!

 

So very this.

[Tressugar]

The true answer lies within boards like these such as LS. I find more sites like this LS than found successful decent love sites.

 

Go figure.

[CaliforniaGirl]

The true answer lies within boards like these such as LS. I find more sites like this LS than found successful decent love sites.

 

Go figure.

 

I think this is misleading. It's human nature to reach out when things are bad, but when they're good, there's really no need for a forum.

 

Even if you are happy, but still go on a forum to read, help others or whatever your motivation is, it would be kind of weird to post each day, "So, I just thought I'd let everyone know my husband and I were happy again today and had another typical married day."

 

So seeing mostly negative posts on a forum designed for questions and help is in no way representative of the actual non-internet world of daily life.

[salparadise]

Actually, decent guys are quite plentiful, but perfection is a bit rare. That's what drives some women crazy –– they're sure they deserve a prince, without having to kiss any frogs. Reality is very cruel to the fairy tale set.

[Shining One]

I also don't think there's a man alive who wouldn't cheat under the right circumstances.

Technically speaking, one could engineer circumstances so that anyone (man or woman) would cheat.

[basil67]

Back in my day, decent men were not uncommon. Now looking at my daughter and the guys in her social circle - decent men are still not uncommon.

[mikeylo]

They are as rare as decent women.

 

The problem is them finding each other !

[central]

There are a lot of decent men. I think that a lot of women don't want a decent man - they want the bad boy type who is more exciting and perhaps more handsome.

 

Later, after they've sick and tired of repeatedly being hurt and dumped by the bad boys, they settle down with the decent guys. Until then, they don't appreciate the good men.

[Chilli]

There's just as many decent guys out there as decent women. Same with so called hot women or hot guys. 10% of both maybe.

Your pickers running off or your shooting wayyyyy outa your league, which most women seem to be doing on date sites or over the net, when you "see" them, so of course they aren't finding decent guys.

[preraph]

I like to think some guys get more decent as they get a bit older, but maybe not. The problem seems to be that most of them think they're decent but that they're justified in lying or whatever they have to do to get sex. Women disagree and don't think this should be their problem.

[mikeylo]

I like to think some guys get more decent as they get a bit older, but maybe not.

 

Actually the guys like to think that as they get older, they are wiser and decent than before.

[WaitingForBardot]

There's more than a bit of truth in this quote commonly attributed to Anais Nin: "We don’t see things as they are; we see them as we are."

 

Me, I see plenty of decent men and women, everywhere. Can you imagine what the world would be like if the majority of people were not? Yes, there are indecent people (and actually I like that trait in women... ..lol..), we just remember them more, exactly because they are not the norm and therefore stand out.

[Eternal Sunshine]

There are plenty of decent guys, it's just that at my age, most if not all are taken. Contrary to the popular opinion, women do prefer them hence shortage of them on the dating market.

[Fair]

Where do u think women are getting the notion so many men are rotten? Experience teaches us.... it doesn't come from nowhere. If men don't like the attitude, they should be the change they want to see.

[Redhead14]

The term "decent" guy is greatly skewed by some women's negative experiences which are oftentimes of their own doing. In other words, lots of times women just don't "get it" when a guy is backing off or has clearly said they aren't interested in a relationship. The woman keeps stringing herself along until, at some point, she gets a wake up call and then turns it around on the guy saying he's a jerk, what have you.

 

I think guys are pretty honest about things and are decent guys, but they just don't want the same thing as some of the women they are dating.

 

This happens the other way around as well. It's not that there few "decent" guys out there, there are just a lot who don't want a relationship. The trick is to find a guy who wants the same things you want and the ability to know/understand/accept when there is a difference.

[SevenCity]

There are decent guys out there but a lot of them have been hurt badly by women and are no longer as decent as what they once were. It forces them to become more concerned about their interests and protecting themselves - even if at the expense of the other person.

 

Also, the way a guy treats one girl vs another can vary significantly. They can see one girl as just sex, and yet another as his next gf. To the just sex girl he may be a jerk, to the gf he may be a decent guy.

 

Women say they want a decent guy and many do. However, many respond much stronger emotionally to guys who are "bad boys". It's only after years of getting pumped-n-dumped that they start to learn the lesson.

 

I've seen a lot of profiles online saying "Had my heart broken many times before" or "I'm too old for games" etc. These are the women who went (and still do) go for guys because they are attractive / bad boys and wonder why they get used and are still single.

[Fair]

There are decent guys out there but a lot of them have been hurt badly by women and are no longer as decent as what they once were. It forces them to become more concerned about their interests and protecting themselves - even if at the expense of the other person.

 

Also, the way a guy treats one girl vs another can vary significantly. They can see one girl as just sex, and yet another as his next gf. To the just sex girl he may be a jerk, to the gf he may be a decent guy.

 

Women say they want a decent guy and many do. However, many respond much stronger emotionally to guys who are "bad boys". It's only after years of getting pumped-n-dumped that they start to learn the lesson.

 

I've seen a lot of profiles online saying "Had my heart broken many times before" or "I'm too old for games" etc. These are the women who went (and still do) go for guys because they are attractive / bad boys and wonder why they get used and are still single.

 

It's a victim blaming society, though, isn't it?