PickledHead Posted March 23, 2017 Share Posted March 23, 2017 Correct Jemima Whilst I am OW currently there is no point me expressing my situation on that side as I will just be told the apparent reality from others I feel I add more benefit speaking as the BS on this subject as I am Confirmation that sometimes MM say they are not having sex with their wives and are actually telling the truth - who would have thought it Link to post Share on other sites
Jbird143 Posted March 24, 2017 Share Posted March 24, 2017 My MM didn't even mention his anniversary, I only found out by social media stalking, then realized he and I had been physical on that day... oops. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Jemima1234 Posted March 24, 2017 Author Share Posted March 24, 2017 You know where you stand. He has a protective boundary regarding his wife. While I agree that some marriages are sexless, telling you not to ask what happened means he intends to have sex with his wife. It's horribly demeaning to be put in your place. Are you ready to get out of this? If so, make the decision and stick to it. That's what MM have in common with many OW.. the inability to stick to a real decision. Yep absolutely. Thing is he ended up telling me all about it without me asking. He told me that he expected her to make a move but she didn't. That he was worrying about it happening and it being awkward but she didn't. He also says he knows he can't avoid sex with her forever. That bit sucks for me. But st same time no future faking here- we both acknowledge deep feelings but that it's impossible to be together and have to try and make our home situations as reasonable as possible. But still the thought makes me sick Link to post Share on other sites
sandylee1 Posted March 25, 2017 Share Posted March 25, 2017 I'm sure it's an unpleasant feeling, but you're the only person who has the power to change that is you. If the marriage is so bad, I wonder why he'd be concerned about making it enjoyable or special for her. I can only surmise that he does it because he cares and is still emotionally invested, or that he's doing it as a form of pretence and wants her to be unsuspecting when he suddenly says he's leaving her. Nothing else makes sense TBH. You might also want to consider, if it sits well with you to be with a man who goes to such lengths to deceive his wife... I mean the mushy talk and FB posts. Not the affair itself. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
FoundMyStrength Posted March 25, 2017 Share Posted March 25, 2017 You might also want to consider, if it sits well with you to be with a man who goes to such lengths to deceive his wife... I mean the mushy talk and FB posts. Not the affair itself. I agree, it's all about tolerance level. The beginning of the end of staying in contact with xMM was when he was on an anniversary trip with his wife and still checking our shared email many, many times per day. I guess some folks would feel validated by it, but to me it felt obsessive, addictive, and the worst form of disrespect to his marriage. I just couldn't be complicit with that any longer. I opted out, so that he could figure his sh*t out. Link to post Share on other sites
Savannah2 Posted March 25, 2017 Share Posted March 25, 2017 Yep same here with the anniversary vacations.. mine just went on a cruise with his wife and he sent me messages all day until his phone got out of range and first thing in the morning when he got back and had cell service. I don't even think he had docked yet and he was back on the app we use to talk.... three days later she posted all their happy cruise pictures on fb.. and yet she has no idea what he has been doing... it's been a five year affair... Link to post Share on other sites
Lovetoo Posted March 25, 2017 Share Posted March 25, 2017 Savannah, it doesn't take all day to send three messages. The way you talk about, says you plan to continue to hold on. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Savannah2 Posted March 25, 2017 Share Posted March 25, 2017 Sorry didn't mean to hijack the thread... just trying to say that it's been five years in my affair and every year he celebrates their anniversary with mushy fb posts and declarations of love and vacations. Mine is a cautionary tale Link to post Share on other sites
Whoknew30 Posted March 25, 2017 Share Posted March 25, 2017 I'm a WW & during my A, even though my marriage sucked & I hated my H at that time, we still had good holidays & anniversaries...I can't speak for anyone else, but I enjoyed those days bc for at least a day it felt like when we first got together. I'm not trying to hurt you, just being honest...when you marry someone, you loved them at some point & even when the relationship hits a low...there are still happy times (in many cases) & it's usually anniversaries, birthdays, vacations & holidays. No matter how crappy my marriage got, those days we're happy & felt good bc, even if it was for a short time, I felt connected. I know it's difficult but the reality is, his marriage os none of your business. You have made a choice to deal with this. Doesn't matter what he says, bottom line you know he's married. If you don't like it, you don't have to deal with it...good luck 5 Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted March 25, 2017 Share Posted March 25, 2017 Agreed. It is reasonable for a couple to take a vacation together - it's what you would expect of any couple when they are married. If you don't like this, then you should consider making a different decision for your life. His marriage is really none of your business. You shouldn't really expect that he won't travel or have sex with his wife. This is really just another fairly obvious reminder that this man, really isn't available to you. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Grammie Posted March 25, 2017 Share Posted March 25, 2017 My MM are planning to revow during his anniversary. Guess how broken i felt. Are you continuing the affair knowing he plans to do this? Link to post Share on other sites
PickledHead Posted March 26, 2017 Share Posted March 26, 2017 I'm an OW and so deal with the crap of anniversarys.. holidays ect it would take a lot and I mean a lot to finally make me walk Renewing of vows and I would be off Link to post Share on other sites
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