contacting ex after no contact

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so my ex left me just over two months ago, we were together for a few days short of 2 years.

lour whole relationship was long distance from the start pretty much apart from about 1-2 months at the start. she moved away but we decided to keep seeing each other. we'd see each other about every 2-3 weeks for a weekend or 3 days, often longer if we had holidays etc. this contiuned for about a year and 7months until i went to uni

i went to uni and moved chose one closer to her than i currently was, before picking uni she called me her soul m8 and said she didnt know what she'd do without me etc. tbh i had the same feeling, not ususally good with girls but we got along great like nothing before and could honestly say she was my best friend.

 

but moving closer it didnt help really, before i was at college and didnt work and plenty of free time, but moving to a new city and trying to integrate into uni life while having a girlfriend who still lived an hour and half away by train was tough. to make matters worse she wasnt very interested in getting to know my uni m8s and it felt i had to choose between uni pals and her.

 

i could tell she was upset and i would suggest running away together, but she would legit get angry and upset saying i wasnt serious, she even talked about moving to my unis city and getting a job, tbh everything seemed all over the place at this time/

shortly after being at uni i feel into a depression which i didnt realise at the time was caused by failing relationship.

over the christmas break i failed to get out much, and even stoped speaking to my gf for about 10 days, this was the final straw and she decided to break up with me a descision i regret/

i didnt argue or say anything and just accepted it, went no contact straight away, but ended up breaking it when she messaged me. i never begged for her back or anything but i did explain my depression etc and i think this just made her pity me which i hated.

went no contact again and made it to 6 weeks, even slept with a few girls and started seeing one but if anything this made me miss my ex more and i cracked and messaged her again just saying " hey, hope your ok"

she saw the message and didnt reply, so i sent two more saying "its fine if u dont want to talk to me i just miss you". she saw this and didnt reply, before i could block her again (you have to wait 48 hours) i recived a text at 1 oclock in the morning from aplogising for not replying and asking how i was.

 

i replied saying i was ok etc, unis going ok etc, kept it short. she replied shortly after saying how she missed me and wanted me to be happy. i suggested we should have a proper talk sometime and she said "only when your ready".

 

we have arranged to talk this weekend but i dont know what to do, i feel like she is only talking to me out of pity which is not what i want, tbh im not sure what i want but i dont know whether to bother calling or just go no contact or talk to her.

i dont want to be friends with her, and i dont think we could be in a relationship so i dont know whats best tbh

 

any advice, sorry for the long post, if any more details are needed i can post more.

[Altair0770]

You need to decide if you want a relationship or not. It's clear you're not quite out of your depression yet - I am sorry for that and know how difficult it is.

 

If you choose to reschedule that may be the last of it, so I would go and have the talk, but make it a casual hangout. Talk about stuff without revealing too much information. Keep it casual. If you do want a relationship, don't bring it up unless she does. If you don't want to be friends, it's probably because you want a relationship.

 

Take the next few days before the meetup to decide what you truly want. If you're posting here, I'd suspect a big chunk of you still wants to reconcile.

 

The main thing to do is act nice, casual, and happy even if that's not the case. Do your best not to say anything strong like "I miss you, I still love you, I want to be with you" ect. Those are turn-offs. Try not to reveal a lot about you. I she asks about your school just say it's going good or something similar.

 

The main thing though is you need to decide what you truly want, otherwise this talk will be ineffective and perhaps do damage.

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after a sleeplness night i decided to message her saying i wasnt ready to talk yet as i wasnt ready and couldnt deal with the pain it might bring just yet and we should go back to not talking.

she messaged me saying "thats fine" about an hour after she said "maybe i should change things up and block you this time". i said "probably better that way round and so she blocked me.

not sure really what to do, part of me feels like i made a mistake not talking to her, but then again i dont want her talking to me if she just feels sorry me though i know feel like she just genuinly cared about me.

i dont have her number or anyway of contacting her, and i just wonder if she will ever contact me again or if iv pissed her to much.

any advice or anyone have a similar situation? how did it work?

 

thanks

Edited March 22, 2017 by timtom03

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went out with my ex for 2 years, so broke it off just over 2 months ago, we were best freinds but the relationship was long distance and was starting to take a tole.

she contacted me after two weeks of not speaking becauce i deleted and blocked her on social media platforms, she was angry and upset and i explained i needed to do to it to get over her.

 

 

after a further 6 weeks of no contact i broke and messaged my ex just say "hey, hope your ok", she saw the message and ignored it so i followed up by saying "i get it if you dont want to talk i just miss you". she saw the message again and ignored. however, before i could block her again ( this was on facebook, you have wait 48 hours to reblock) she replied at 1 in the morning apolosing saying she didnt mean to ignore me and asked how i was.

we messaged abit the next day she said " she missed me too, and wanted me to be happy" and we arranged to have a proper talk on the weekend.

 

however, i decided i wasnt ready to talk and told it was probably best if we didnt as i needed to concetrate on myself for a while and get over her before we could have a meaningful conversation.

 

she replied with "thats fine" followed by "maybe ill block you this time, change things up abit" i said thats probbably better and she proceded to do so.

 

im not sure to make of this situation, i miss her deeply but the pain is still to real, i was doing ok till i talked to her again and now im struggling to sleep, thus why i told her i wasnt ready.

i feel like i want her back but atm she is still the girl who left when i was suffering from serious depression and i havnt forgiven her for that.

 

but now shes blocked me, has she dont this to keep me away as shes completly finished with me or has me making contact only to dissapear again hurt her?

 

have i lost any chance of reconcillation?

 

i guess i got to look at the positive, i have no way to contact her now and if she wants to talk its her turn to come to me but i really doubt she will.

 

she was the love of my life and i feel like iv ****ed up.

 

anybody had a simialar experience? how did it go? and any advice would be great

Edited March 22, 2017 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
3 threads merged ~6

[dumbass2]

I don't think you messed up at all. You know you're not ready to talk and sounds like she didn't want to try again anyways and being friends never works. The best thing now is to have a lot of time apart from the past relationship and to heal from it. You'll have regrets and feelings of sadness and that's all normal. Just know that there is nothing you can do about it except for things that can control, which is yourself. Do things for yourself now and learn from this past relationship and who knows, maybe a ways down the road she might contact you again, but never hold out hope for that happening and you should never respond when you know you aren't ready. Funny thing is that a lot of times ex's contact us right as we have moved on and we don't even have those same feelings any more. Mark it down as just one of many chapters in your life. Good times and bad. All about the journey.

[Bromeo]

I don't think you messed up at all. You know you're not ready to talk and sounds like she didn't want to try again anyways and being friends never works. The best thing now is to have a lot of time apart from the past relationship and to heal from it. You'll have regrets and feelings of sadness and that's all normal. Just know that there is nothing you can do about it except for things that can control, which is yourself. Do things for yourself now and learn from this past relationship and who knows, maybe a ways down the road she might contact you again, but never hold out hope for that happening and you should never respond when you know you aren't ready. Funny thing is that a lot of times ex's contact us right as we have moved on and we don't even have those same feelings any more. Mark it down as just one of many chapters in your life. Good times and bad. All about the journey.

 

Op, you are way, way, way better off without contact. Unless you are rock solid emotionally and communicate crystal clear, you will get hurt over and over. Take it from me, jamili, marky, keiji, or any other of the numerous posters here.

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its been 3 months since the break up, im currently in my 2nd proper period of NC.

i went NC straight away and only lasted two weeks, then made another two weeks and broke it. after the 2 time of breaking it i went 5 weeks NC and had blocked and delted her on forms of social media and numbers etc but i cracked at 35 days and messaged her. she replied and we said how we missed each other etc and arranged to call each other, howvever i backed out went back to no contact, thoguht me making contact then backing out made her mad and this time she blocked me.

im currently at the 4 week mark and starting to struggle again, though this time since shes blocked me on facebook and i deleted her number i have no way to contact her without it being something cringe worthy like i really old email address or spotify messenger (she follows me on spotify and i cant block her as spotify dosent allow it).

just need some reasurance that it gets easyier, its strange the first few weeks are fine about after about 3 weeks i really start to struggle. any success stories or motivation would be much aprreciated.

so far what keeps me going is that in the 3 months of the break up shes only contacted me once and that was after 2 weeks when i deleted her, apart from that nothing.

the only reason i eventually crack is cause i dont feel as if she cares, i guess i just have to accept that she dosent. i dont even want her back it just hurts to think sombody you cared for so much dosent care about you.

 

if you need any more info im happy to post more.