DoubleAJ Posted March 22, 2017 Share Posted March 22, 2017 i am looking for some advice on an issue i have come across. i moved a few months back to live with my girl & i am studying the local language because no one here speaks english. But my girlfriends family own a market & my girlfriend helps out there, she asks me to come help her when am not studying, which is completely fine. But around lunchtimes there are groups of guys that come into the market & "perv" on my girlfriend. the last example was 7 guys surrounded her & were starring at her ass & boobs. I have never felt so uncomfortable in my whole life, one guy or 2 checking her out is cool, but when there is 5,6,7 guys behaving like that i feel angry. Past 2 times she has asked me to market i have declined & said i will stay home and study. purely because i don't want to feel like the way i did when they were doing that. Has anyone got any tips to not feel this way? i can't explain it, is it jealousy? insecurity? i don't know but i can feel myself filling with anger & turning red & i hate it any advice would be appreciated Link to post Share on other sites
mikeylo Posted March 22, 2017 Share Posted March 22, 2017 If she is hot, guys will do it. Not that it is right but they will. What you can do is that stand next to her, hold her, touch her , talk to her in a way , that sends the message to those guys that you are her bf. Most guys will back off. If she is not encouraging then DO NOT hold it against her. Rather help her out if she is feeling uncomfortable. Of course no bf will like that a guy is ogling his gf ! But again, if she is not enjoying it ( some do ) or encouraging, you might have to step up and make it known that she is taken. With no bf around and no ring on a finger , hot and desirable women always get hit on.Thats a price you pay for having her ! If she enjoys it or encourages then she should be an ex by now. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author DoubleAJ Posted March 22, 2017 Author Share Posted March 22, 2017 No i'm not holding it against! it's not her fault & she doesn't encourage it, yes she wears clothes that show off her body but in my experience all women do that & she even says she wants to feel "sexy" but these guys i feel are inappropriate, i guess next time i will try to take your advise & show them that i am her boyfriend. it's difficult because the anger inside me at that time i had no control over how i felt, it was just a lot of anger i've never felt like this in a relationship before it really wasn't nice Link to post Share on other sites
BluesPower Posted March 22, 2017 Share Posted March 22, 2017 Well, you could always stand by her with a baseball bat. And tell the guys to knock it off and back the F*** off. Why aren't you doing that? Link to post Share on other sites
Author DoubleAJ Posted March 22, 2017 Author Share Posted March 22, 2017 Because i don't speak their language, we moved to south america, to be close to her family as she is pregnant. Am learning language, but can't really say much as it's only been 4 weeks. Plus i don't think it would end well for me! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
mikeylo Posted March 22, 2017 Share Posted March 22, 2017 Sometimes guys think that she is hot, desirable and all that but why does'nt she have a guy next to her. Usually after a while of this behavior, bf is seen next to the girl.You can't change what they think but yes, make it known that you are her bf. Your anger in her case could be because you care about her and never did about others before her. No need of a bat , lol ! Just make your presence known. Should be enough unless they are dangerous kinda, then its an issue. Link to post Share on other sites
PegNosePete Posted March 22, 2017 Share Posted March 22, 2017 is it jealousy? insecurity? Not jealousy. Jealousy is coveting something you don't have. Whereas you're trying to keep hold of what you do have. I would say it's "protectiveness". Insecure... maybe a little. But I think most guys would be a bit uncomfortable with it too, so don't feel too bad. I would talk to her about it. I'm sure she knows they do it. When I say talk I don't mean "Me Tarzan you Jane", I mean talk maturely and rationally about how it makes you feel. I think this will resolve itself anyway since she is pregnant. Im sure they will stop letching when they see a baby in her arms and you wearing a proud "I am the father" smile. And tell the guys to knock it off and back the F*** off. Why aren't you doing that? Probably because he likes his teeth?? A foreigner to a South American country telling a gang of youths who are looking at a girl to F off is just asking for trouble. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
mikeylo Posted March 22, 2017 Share Posted March 22, 2017 I guess 'protectivness' is the right emotion that you are feeling. Link to post Share on other sites
Poutrew Posted March 22, 2017 Share Posted March 22, 2017 Because i don't speak their language, we moved to south america, to be close to her family as she is pregnant. Am learning language, but can't really say much as it's only been 4 weeks. Plus i don't think it would end well for me! No It wont end well at all. South America is a land of machismo, and mistresses. Those guys consider ogling a sexy girl that has no problem showing off her lady parts as normal. You don't tell us whether your girlfriend has a problem with it. Does she? Or have you never asked her? Since you say she likes dressing sexy, she full well knows the reaction she will get. She probably likes it. My guess is she would be bothered by your feelings if she knew how much it bothered you. She would probably tell you to chill - those men flirting with her buy things so her showing off her curves is good for business, as well as for her ego. If I were you, I wouldn't let on to anyone how much it bothers me. I'd only interfere if she were about to be raped - this is South America after all. Most of those guys are probably married and even their wives probably have no problem with it... Link to post Share on other sites
Try Posted March 22, 2017 Share Posted March 22, 2017 No i'm not holding it against! it's not her fault & she doesn't encourage it, yes she wears clothes that show off her body but in my experience all women do that & she even says she wants to feel "sexy" Men should respect women regardless of how the women are dressed. In most parts of the US, that is the rule. In other parts of the world, such as some of South America, that is not the rule and she knows it since this is where she grew up. Thus in this situation her dressing to feel "sexy" is her encouraging it. She needs to not dress sexy when she in not in a safe place. Similarly, you have a right to walk down a dark alley, at midnight, in a gang neighborhood, with money sticking out of your pockets, but I would not suggest you doing it. Link to post Share on other sites
Author DoubleAJ Posted March 23, 2017 Author Share Posted March 23, 2017 thankyou for all the replies, really appreciated & has actually helped me feel better about it. When i spoke to her about it, she said that she thinks guys like that are stupid, but it doesn't necessarily bother her. & i completely agree, south america is just like that from my short experience so far. But in terms of the way those groups of guys behave it's nothing like i've experienced in my life. Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted March 23, 2017 Share Posted March 23, 2017 well there you have it....it's a cultural thing. On another note, Sometimes if a girl shows her disapproval to a "group of guys" it can make them more aggressive, leaving her in a dangerous position. Sounds to me this is the norm, and this is just something she has grown up with. In her family's eyes, she's good for business.... Link to post Share on other sites
todreaminblue Posted March 23, 2017 Share Posted March 23, 2017 Because i don't speak their language, we moved to south america, to be close to her family as she is pregnant. Am learning language, but can't really say much as it's only been 4 weeks. Plus i don't think it would end well for me! no guy should stand next to his girl with a baseball bat unless he is playing soft ball or base ball or rounders and is next up to bat...... it wouldnt end well for you....i dont think it would hurt if your gf wore clothes a little less sexy in the market ...she is meant to be working anyway...it wouldnt hurt to tone it down if this is the reaction she is getting that guys multiples are ogling her.....isnt really congruent with a good business image.......i dont mean nun habit...but maybe something that covers her assets while working..have you talked to her about how it makes you feel....i think you should ...deb Link to post Share on other sites
Space Ritual Posted March 23, 2017 Share Posted March 23, 2017 (edited) You are stuck in the situation. She is pregnant, you moved to be with her. For the duration of the relationship this will probably occur. Maybe you feel like this is not what you signed up for, but with a baby on the way and you moving there, indeed you signed up for it. So you really have no choice but to accept it, unless of course you are not the child's father. Unless you have any evidence of that, this is pretty much how it's going to be. Edited March 23, 2017 by Space Ritual Link to post Share on other sites
Try Posted March 24, 2017 Share Posted March 24, 2017 When i spoke to her about it, she said that she thinks guys like that are stupid, but it doesn't necessarily bother her. Her telling you that "she said that she thinks guys like that are stupid, but it doesn't necessarily bother her", translates to mean that it does not bother her because she love the sexual attention that she gets when "she wears clothes that show off her body". Getting such attention from other men makes her feel "sexy" and will keep you in your place, since you both will know that she has other men as options. You are living life all on her terms; her country, culture, family, and her inappropriate opposite sex boundaries. This will not end well for you. Link to post Share on other sites
mikeylo Posted March 24, 2017 Share Posted March 24, 2017 I guess just keep your presence known. She probably knows how to handle them. You don't get jealous or angry at her. She is the one who needs help her. So don't make it about you. Link to post Share on other sites
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