anna121 Posted March 23, 2017 Share Posted March 23, 2017 It sounds like you think you know his mind better than he does. For whatever reason. It that accurate? Are you willing to take what he is telling you - about his feelings and perceptions of the relationship - at face value, and go from there? Or do you find yourself trying to convince him of something else? Take note: one of the hardest things to do is change someone's mind. Your own reactions to many of the posts on this thread demonstrate that perfectly. Do you think you are going to be successful in getting him to change his mind? Is this because you have often prevailed on him in the past, until he gave in? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lilly Pants Posted March 23, 2017 Author Share Posted March 23, 2017 I think I'd like the chance to try, which I can't do if he has left. Look, I'm hearing what people are saying but nobody is hearing what I'm saying. I keep hearing to do the 180, but I say no because that wouldn't work and because it's the opposite of what he needs to hear. People say to leave, well I don't want to leave. Instead of hearing me say this, people keep saying it's what I should do, what I have to do, and jump in my case when I say I won't do it. I've been clear, I'm not playing chicken by filing divorce first and seeing who blinks first. I'm not going to prove I love him by helping him pack and waving him off to be with the other woman and then hanging around to see if the relationship runs its course and he wanders back. Please stop insisting that I do something I've said over and over I don't want to do and won't do and then talking about how my kids will feel to not have a mother who just accepts status as on-call wife. I know it takes two people to fix a marriage but sending him out the door leaves zero people. I'd rather have him here and take small steps just by myself to start the process instead of giving up. When he walks out that door andbif he files then it's done. My chance to fix the marriage is gone. I can't save it alone but I can make it uncomfortable to leave and harder for the affair to work and carry on. There has been some good advice here and I'm glad for it but not all of it applies here and some of it I just flat out refuse to do and have said as much. You guys left? Great! I don't want to. Instead of browbeating me into waving from the window with a smile as he drives off to live with another woman and take the kids with him half the time, I'd like to know how to initiate some conversations with him. What boundaries need to be set, how to set them, what discussions to have, and so on. Link to post Share on other sites
Robert Posted March 23, 2017 Share Posted March 23, 2017 Apologies to all members that took the time to reply to this thread. The threadstarter has been banned for trolling. ~6 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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