Greentreelady Posted March 22, 2017 Share Posted March 22, 2017 It's been 3 months since I discovered the length of H affair. (18 months with a coworker.) During those 3 months heard everything you could imagine of WHY, HOW and WHEN. It boggles my mind what the WS does to get to where they are ok with the affair, HOW they can handle the marriage and the issues like a bloody teen. you have a garden that you have promised to tend to, water, nurture, love, protect. Yes, you get a weed every now and again. That is life. But instead of pulling that weed, you go to another garden and start tending to that one, completely ignoring your first garden. Then you start to build walls around the first garden because you don't like the fact that it has more weeds due to you not tending it. You build and build so you can't see the destruction. Can't see it so it's not there. You dive so far into the other garden because that garden doesn't deal with the real you, the human you. That second garden gets all the good, all the time, all the happy fertilizer, because how can you be doing something wrong if the second garden is growing so well? Just a thought on what I have been told today by WH on how it progressed from EA to PA. That it was suppose to be two friends that were is bad relationships and wanted to make each other feel good. If you put so much energy in focusing on the weed and never the flowers of course all your going to see is weeds. Link to post Share on other sites
S2B Posted March 22, 2017 Share Posted March 22, 2017 I'd consider a new and improved garden. Weed the whole garden. Throw out everything that is t useful! That includes the one who betrayed. Start fresh! Tend the garden myself and ONLY share the garden with people who honor and respect me and the garden! No way would I invite back in the one who betrayed... And yes, I did it after 25 years married! No one should be disrespected. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Greentreelady Posted March 22, 2017 Author Share Posted March 22, 2017 I am sharpening my tools and pulling the weeds. It's taken 3 months ( and anti depressants) for me to realize that MY garden is awesome and beautiful and f*** anyone who doesn't think that. While he takes time to take down that wall and works on himself, my garden will be flourishing without anyone's help. God it feels good to say that and know that I am going to be ok 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Jersey born raised Posted March 22, 2017 Share Posted March 22, 2017 Good on you, greentreelady !!! The "what if" of limbo land is soul sucking. One way or another BS must have two plans: divorce or reconcile. To reconcile I believe in the expression: "to save a marriage you need to be willing to lose it". " to lose it" means a divorce and post divorce plan in place. Knowing how to get out gives the BS a great deal of power. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
NTV Posted March 25, 2017 Share Posted March 25, 2017 Limbo land is tough. I stayed in it way too long trying to figure out the best move. I didn't want to hurt the kids and had...still have no faith that my ww wouldn't try to turn the kids against me with a flood of lies. So I planned and planned and planned until I had a game plan I was satisfied with. Even now 3 years later I regret not just proceeding with the divorce after I had filed. (Had to file to get her to wake up). Wow, guess that's the long way of saying that I have been there and you are awesome. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
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