I can't deal with the guilt, am I a cheat?

[Beepeear]

Hello everyone,

 

Me and my girlfriend have been together for almost 3 months now. We were dating for a few months before making it official. During that dating time I would keep my options open and not commit to just her as we weren't in a serious relationship.

 

However, I have just relived a memory that haunts me now that I still used tinder in our relationship for a couple weeks in I'd still use tinder to swipe right on girls, never to talk to them, just to see who I could match up with. I am not sure I I still used sites such as plenty of fish or not but I sure did use tinder, and I am pretty sure I never spoke to any of them and certainly never arranged to meet or anything like that.

 

I am deeply ashamed, I love my girlfriend and we get on great, I'm not sure why I used it, I remember not being happy for a short time in the relationship near the start although I can't remember why, I would never ever cheat.

 

I'm just wondering, is this a form of cheating? Am I a cheat? Should I tell her or just let it go for what it is?

 

Thanks everyone, have a great day

Edited March 23, 2017 by Beepeear

[Altair0770]

Stop and let it go. That is cheating in my book if you guys were official. If you enter a relationship you give that person 100%.

[Beepeear]

My intention was not to find another girl to sleep with or be with, I guess it was Just an ego boost, and one that I thought was harmless at the time but obviously it's not as simple now

[keiji]

You didn't do anything, you didn't talk to any of those girls, this happened in the very early stages of the relationship, you feel incredibly guilty about it... Forget it and enjoy your relationship with this girl in the healthiest possible way. I don't think this should be a reason of concern. Beginnings are always shaky.

Edited March 23, 2017 by keiji

[DumpedGuy9617]

I think you would be crazy to worry about it. No big deal. Just don't keep doing it, lol.

[hindsight2021]

Stop doing it and be honest with your girlfriend about it if you feel guilty. If she is worth keeping, and she finds you worth keeping, she will understand.

 

Secrets destroy hearts, not protect them.

[EmilyJane]

It's ok sweetheart.

 

You will know for next time what being committed really means.

 

It says only good things about you that you feel guilt for swiping girls a couple of weeks into having a girlfriend. That sort of single person stuff are habits. It can take a bit to realise hang on, I found what I was looking for already and I'm not single anymore. No it's not great and it might have resulted in a fight or being dumped depending on what she is like.

 

But You realised long ago not to continue it and you never did anything.

 

I am not sure at this point that confessing is in her best interests. It would be to make you feel better but potentially make her feel quite horrible. I just don't have enough information to advice on whether to tell her or not.

 

For what it is worth tho, I would be a bit suprised but if I'd been in a very loving secure relationship with you since I would think it very touching that you felt so badly and had the courage to try and talk about it. I suspect I'm older tho.

 

I do not think your guilt is proportional to your actions however. And that worries me.

 

Most people agree that if you are doing something that you have to hide from your partner it is cheating, whether physical or emotional.

 

But on the scale of cheating this is not very terrible at all and I've done it myself before I learnt that for a relationship to be special I had to act as if it was from the very beginning and with great integrity because I held someone's heart.

 

If you regularly feel this magnitude of guilt over things. Please tell your doctor and post for perspective. It's a clear marker of depression