My girlfriend is tearing me apart with mind games

[shaner]

Me and my girlfriend have been together for 10 months approaching 11. She recently broke up with me claiming that she felt pressure from her friends/mom and grandpa to break up with me. They say I'm no good for her. She said that I was being to hard on her right at the time she broke it off. I know I was being controlling but I was scared she was slipping away.

 

 

I begged and pleaded for a short time then just let her go with some last minute anger. I didn't talk to her for about a day and then she sent me text saying how much she missed me but it was still over. I replied that it was too late and to quit bothering me. This drove her crazy because she thought I had moved on. She quickly smoothed it over and we are now back together.

 

This is an LDR and now that we are back together, I still feel that she doesn't really care. She is playing this jealousy game of telling me about other guys hitting on her. This kills me but I don't know if this might be a good sign. I just want her to show she cares but I feel that the relationship is already going downhill again. The sex is great because when we see each other we are greatly appreciative. She tells me she loves me and she doesn't know what to think when I tell her she doesn't seem to care. But then right after she goes back to hanging out with her guy friends and drinking and such. This kills me. How do at least get her to show she cares, or if she doesn't what can I do to get her to show. Also what do the games of jealousy and her family and friends not liking me mean?

[Nathan Jo]

OK, so you guys have been through your first break-up around the time when it "normally" happens. Looks like you dealt with it quite well, in my opinion.

 

With regards to theother guys hitting on her, I want to tell you that I know how much this hurts. I'm dating a very beautiful girl and guys hit on her when she's right next to me in bars and stuff. She has to talk to them for at least a second and even that hurts. But we both know it shouldn't right? At the end of the day, she's YOURS. She might not even realise that she is playing jealousy games! But I'm afraid there is only one thing you can do about the games.

 

Completely ignore them. When she tells you about hot, vacant moron number 113, just say, "Oh, how nice" and move on to another topic of conversation - her work, a mutual friend, anything. If you react in anyway to what she has said then you simply reinforce her own beliefs: she can use this to gain a reaction from you. If you show her that it just doesn't work, she'll stop doing it.

 

Ok, now for the bad news. Some guys can get these calls from their girls and it is IN THEIR NATURE to just ignore it, move on the conversation. Unfortunately, for most guys with a brain cell and an ounce of sensitivity, if we want to give the impression we aren't jealous, we have to fake it. This is hard, and can also be quite painful, as you may not have anyone to approach about your jealousy issues.

 

So, you have to make a decision. Stay with the girl and try to ignore her jealousy inducing yarns, and build up your immunity to this sort of thing in the process - you may come across it again, or

 

decide that the pain is not worth the girl, and explain that thing just aren't working out. I know this sounds extreme, but from my point of view, if you are in a lot of pain there's just no point.

 

If you want to talk more about this feel free. I've been through exactly this.

[LucreziaBorgia]

If you want the games to end, you'll have to end them yourself. Hard.

 

Next time you talk to her, just tell her that you are tired of her games, explain exactly what it is you don't like, exactly what it is you want to change, and exactly how you would like to see it changed - and let her know that you will not stay in the relationship if it continues on in the way that it is. If she calls your bluff and continues anyway (and she probably will), then you will have a choice: continue to be a volunteer to your own suffering, or break up with her. Stay in the game, or walk away from it. Your choice.