jxy_123 Posted March 23, 2017 Share Posted March 23, 2017 To anyone who is in the midst of an affair or in the beginning stages, run. Trust me, I know the “good feelings” you get when you first meet someone new, the attraction, the chemistry. The bond you feel with this person can be overwhelming & cloud your judgement (I’ve been there). As human beings, we all long for connection & to not feel alone in this world, but this man will never be able to give you what you need to be truly happy – trust, love, & respect; the foundation to a healthy relationship. Can you really trust him if lies & cheats on his wife – someone he vowed to love & to cherish for the rest of his life? Does he really love you if he puts you in a situation knowing it causes you such mental anguish & grief? Does this man really respect you if he makes you choose between your feelings for him and your morals? The answer to all of these questions is NO. I don’t blame the MM for this affair as I played my part as well. I always knew I had to walk away & I am sure many OW know this deep down inside as well. Listen to your inner voice. I was often told that happiness is a choice & now more than ever I understand it. To all the OW out there: Choose to be happy! Choose to live your live your life to the fullest! Choose someone who will love you & only you unconditionally! Choose to love yourself more than you love him! This helped me walk away. Thanks for reading. 11 Link to post Share on other sites
savingshards Posted March 24, 2017 Share Posted March 24, 2017 JXY...bravo to you for examining the reality of the relationship and being bold to share. Affairs reap so much pain. Pain for the OW. Pain for the BS. Pain for the betrayer (self-inflicted, yes). And the pain ripples out to impact so many others...the children...the family...friends... I hope you continue to heal and grow and connect with an outstanding man who will love you, and only you, with all he is. Best to you, JXY. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
dogloverof2 Posted March 24, 2017 Share Posted March 24, 2017 I haven't been here for awhile. Just thought I would lurk a minute but when I saw your post I had to comment. I too walked away from a married man (I am married too), without so much as a goodbye.. I changed my life totally. Even left my job. It was hard to do, especially leaving the job, I second guessed my decision several times, but now I see that it was the best thing I could have done. I don't think of him so much anymore. Time away has helped that plus I am busy enjoying life with my husband and family. It would have been very easy for me to dwell on the thought of him and all of the what if's I could have conjoured up in my head about him, me or us, and make excuses about why he wanted her as his wife and not me. Its not worth it.. Glad you walked away.. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Ahurtgirl Posted March 24, 2017 Share Posted March 24, 2017 Great advise, if only there was a way to get others to listen to it. If I could go back to the beginning, when I met my EXMM, I would and the minute I heard him tell his wife he loved her on the phone, while making love to me, I would have told him to go fly a kite and closed the door, never looking back. He told me it was something they just say to each other but that it meant nothing. I was so naive and believed everything he told me. For anyone just starting an affair, if you want to save yourself a ton of heartache, listen to what this posting states. Run. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Taxed Posted March 26, 2017 Share Posted March 26, 2017 Good post - I wonder if anyone in the beginning of an affair would ever follow this advice? I know I didn't! And there was so much behavour that should have been a dealbreaker for me but which wasn't :-( 1 Link to post Share on other sites
jenkins95 Posted March 28, 2017 Share Posted March 28, 2017 Excellent thread and from the point of view of a MM who was in an affair, i agree wholeheartedly. My OW and I were stupid. We never meant to hurt anyone and we didn't future fake. We thought we could have our cake and eat it too and that no one else need find out. I now regret this stupidity every day of my life. Four hearts were broken and life will never be the same again. My wife and I are recovering and i truly hope that the others involved in my particular story are moving on positively with their lives too, although it will cast a constant shadow on us all. Great advice, just walk away. Every day in an affair strengthens those illicit bonds and adds to the eventual pain that will be suffered. Just stop. Good luck all. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
freengreen Posted March 28, 2017 Share Posted March 28, 2017 True to words. I wish I was here before it statred... but it never works that way does it?...You have to step into the shi1t to smell the 'greatness' of it. Happy for you that you saw the light. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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