Unusual break up + promises, how to deal with it?

[Littlebird95]

Hi everyone, i'll just start by giving you the brief story about me and my ex.

 

We met in september 2015, as we study the same thing at university. She became an instant crush, but was already with someone else so we just stayed friends for the majority of both fall and winter semester, until i broke up with the girl I was and it took not so long before we started dating, as we really liked each others and wanted more.

 

To be honest, I had the best summer of my life (2016) with her. Pure heavens, lasted 4 months and god we were so happy and in love. Couldnt ask for more. Then we started school again. From time to time we would fight, but didnt matter we were so in love.

 

Bigger fights came in the story, and quite tested out how strong we were and how strong was our bond, our love. It was really strong, nothing would stop us from loving each other. But eventually, it became too much for her.

 

I can sometime be impulsive, and say things i dont even think when I'm mad. I hurt her with words, and by being often on her back. And often, i told her, why are you still with me if I keep hurting you? and her answer was always the same : "the time we spent together is just perfect, i cant ask for more! and the good times are worth the bad times''. And i knew i had to change my impulsive side in order to make her happy, and swore to her I would seek for help as soon as the semester ends, but she couldnt last it until then, and broke it off about 10 days ago.

 

Now I've never been so motivated to change. Not for her, cause i know no woman at all deserve to have someone disrespectful like I had been a few times. And I already started changing, i mean, i dont see things the same way. But its a really long road ahead of me.

 

Here's the thing... When she broke up with me, she told me, I promise you to give you another chance once you'll have change and proven it to me. And i looked at her and said : "you have the chance to take your promise back. i dont want you to tell me that to feel better. you better really mean it'' and she said she meant it.

 

The hard thing is, we are in the same classes at school, hang out with commons friends (during school, we hang up with the same people and are far away from home friends, so we cant just switch friends like that). So i gotta see her everyday (monday to thursday), go to the same parties, etc. Its really hard to feel better.

 

And still after 10 days, she's keeping her word. Saying she really believe in me, and the she wants up back later, but that we both need time appart to fix personal things. She said she never knew she could be hurt that much, and feel that crappy in her life. She also told me yesterday, that she was so afraid that i give up on her. That I might be ready to give it a try with her before her and that I wont want to wait for her...

 

So I dont know what to do. Because the usual, cut her off from your life remedy doesnt apply to me... I wont start to miss classes or parties. But its hard. And painful, because we want to be together but not for now. And I dont know if I can make my way through with that promise... Everything she does and she says are in the same direction: she wants to be with me, but not for now. Our common friends told me they really believe we will give it a try in a few months. She told them how much she loves me and she wants to be with me... But she broke up and promise me this... And now all I do i think about it, and how I would be destroyed if she changes her mind.

 

And on my side, the way I see things, is that I want to change. I'm done hurting people by saying things i dont even mean, i want to control my emotions, etc. and i really believe in ''us''. She isnt my first GF, but damn she is the first with whom i feel like that. Never felt that kind of love before, never react that way to a break up (im a champion in isolating myself and hating ex's, but its not the case now). For the 1st time i've talk to someone about my feelings, and I doing my best to endure her when she's around. And i also started talking to a therapist in order to help me.

[Littlebird95]

I guess I need some advice on how to deal with the break up and how to consider everything that has been said between her and I since.

 

To start off, I must say that she broke up 10 days ago after a 10 months long relationship. It all started naturally, we were good friends and wanted to go further together. We met at university, as we study the same thing. We also hung out a lot together, as we have the same group of friends, that are also studying in the same programm as us. So as you can guess, the NC rule cant apply really much to us right now.

 

The reason why she broke up is that it happened that I lacked respect to her. But not in a way that I would insult her, never I would do that. But just in the way to express how I felt when she was doing things that I wasnt ok with. We fight over randoms things. I had the habits of expressing myself right away, when I was angry, and everything would come out badly, and she would interpret it in a way I didnt even mean. But the fact is, she didnt want to deal with this anymore.

 

However, she knows I wanted to change and I told her I was going to see a therapist this summer to help me deal with this impulsive side of my personality. But she didnt want to wait that long for me to improve myself. And I agree she took the right decision, in order for both of us to be happy…For the moment.

 

I can also say that she promises me to give us another shot later on, when I’ll prove her I’ve changed. I gave her the opportunity not to say this, but she insisted. And she told me she had faith in us multiple times, and she told me she loves me a couple times since we broke off. She even told me twice she was afraid I would give up on her and not wait for her if when I'd feel I’ve changed but she isnt ready yet to give it a try. Our common friends are saying they really believe we could work this out later, as they knew how strongly we loved and still love each other, and they told them the same thing she told me.

 

I asked her, when we were together, why she was still with me if I hurt her sometimes, and she would always say that how happy moments are just so perfect and they overcome the bad moments, and she wants to be with me. And we both know that if I improve myself in order not to be so impulsive, we could have a happy life together. Honestly, aside from the fights, everything was perfect.

 

But how am I suppose to deal with the break up? I have like 30hours of school a week and we go to the same parties… And how to deal with the promises?

[SpecialJ]

You can't take her at her word, because neither of you know where you'll be or how you'll feel in a few months. It was nice of her to say, but it's not fair for you to hold her to it. I know you want to, because it is comforting, and hopefully it will work out... but right now you have to completely put the focus on yourself and working on what you want to change for yourself and not take how she might respond to it into consideration. If you keep thinking of this as something you have to do to end up with her, instead of doing it for yourself regardless of what the future holds and being okay if you don't get back together, it's just not going to be as likely to work itself out.

 

My opinion about seeing her a lot is, you should actually let her know that you totally agree that you need space to do work to be a better person who treats others better. That you've started therapy but know you two still will need to see each other in school / same social circles, and to please not take it personally if you are not talkative with her for a while. That it means nothing and won't reflect your feelings for her, but it is temporarily necessary in order for things to change for the better -- which is what she deserves! She should respect you for that, and then it will take some of the pressure off and give you both some breathing room even if you are still around each other a lot. And you don't have to totally ignore her, you can be polite and say hi, just keep direct interaction very short to avoid getting distracted while you work on yourself.

 

-J

[Littlebird95]

Its easier to say this than doing it... i know I should not take her at her words, but for now, this is what helped me not going full depress. I also know that I should change for myself, not for her and I told her that, that I had to change no matter who is gonna be my next relationship, or it wont evee work. But her promise still remains a little motivation.

 

At least our friends says that the way I'm talking to them, they already see a change of mentality and that will shortly reflect on the way I act. And I'm quite confuse on how to prove it to her. At first, she told me she would notice it by herself before the end of the semester if anything has changed. But then I was like, the problem was mainly between us, not with others. So we kinda agreed that once in a while, i'll go talk to her about how I view things, how it went with my therapist.. the second appointment is in 2 days and this is where I'll really start to work on myself with him. But is it a good idea for my ex and I to have talks from time to time (like every 1-2 weeks) about this?

In the same way, I've realised things about what made me sometimes ngry and just feel ashamed, cause I just totally disagree with myself, as I want to accept those things. But I'm afraid she will take for granted a few things that she doesnt even know how I feel now about them in her choice.

 

And my life right now is just a roller coaster of emotions. Sometimes I feel good and is completely fine with waiting for her, theb 30 minutes later im crying cause I miss her and regret what I've done. And its so hard having her around and not be able to love her like I did before. Having to sleep at friends appartment instead of hers after parties, while she's 100meters away.

Edited March 26, 2017 by Littlebird95

[SpecialJ]

For sure, I didn't say it would be easy advice to follow But I can tell just from your original posts that your life is a roller coaster of emotions without you clearly stating it, and that's why it's important to give yourself some space. There's nothing you're going to be able to do to fix this or make real changes until you have your emotions steadier, and once you do, she'll notice when interacting with you whether or not you tell her directly.

 

Instead of 1-2 week "check ins," can you wait 1-2 months and then see what happens if you have meetups for coffee or something every couple weeks? Not to discuss anything specific about the relationship, but to get to know each other after you've both started to make some changes. Nothing is going to really change in 1-2 weeks, and frankly 1-2 months is pushing it as maybe too soon. But if you start just casually hanging out again, and everything is going well and you work even better together after the changes, you'll naturally start getting closer and organically hang out more. But you really can't force it and need to focus on yourself before you'll be able to get to that next stage. In the meantime, giving her space while you're working on yourself may also make her realize that she misses you. It certainly doesn't sound like she's going to forget about you anytime soon, and you're both young. Take the time you need and try to change your perspective on having your own time as a good thing. And be polite and respectful to her, say hi, but keep contact low until you've gotten yourself stronger and more together.

[BluesPower]

I am guessing that you are dealing with anger issues? Is that correct?

 

When you get mad you say stupid things that are just that, stupid?

 

You need to try and put her out of your mind. It might be time to miss a few parties or find some other friends.

 

You def have to say in therapy and work on yourself. If you try and get back with her before you are together, it will be a disaster.

 

And here is the other thing: You guys are in collage and really man these things never last at that age. Frankly it probably won't be too long until she finds another gut that is hot and starts dating him. That is the way collage is.

 

Fact is she is just as immature as you are. You are both just kids really. I know it does not feel that way when you are in love. You just need to get to the bottom of your issue for you. No time like the present to get over that stuff. It will make your life much better in the future...

[Littlebird95]

SpecialJ

Thanks for your advice, the fact is, im the one having a hard time letting go. I mean, we both have it rough, but on my hand, its kinda comforting having her around but also so painful, as I can hear up talk about many things, including activities that we would have done together. And i know we shouldnt talk, but there are so many opportunities, that it makes it so difficult. And I agreed with her to give her time (and give myself time too) but man its hard, I feel like the last 2 weeks lasted about 2 months each. And its killing me, having to wait to get better with time, but also for her to feel better, as it is my only wish for her at the moment.

 

Also, it makes me so sad to see that she misses me. You said I had to give her time in order she realises that I miss her, but she is already missing me, she still wishes that we had everything again and she is so sad that she had to break up.

And yeah for some it may be surprising, but in 2 weeks I've already changed a bit (not so much but still a beginning) and she told me she have seen that. And she doesnt even know what she expected from time. All she does is avoiding her feelings but hanging out then crying when she's alone. And is it really the best way to approach her next? Like in a month text her something nice, funny and not talk about my changes, even if we initially agreed to that?

 

BluesPower

Yeah kinda have some anger issues in the exact way you said, saying stupid stiff for random things that aren't worth it. And I have considered maybe missing a few parties, but she wont let me do it. She told me she knew me abd she would know its because of her and she wouldnt forgive herself for it. And I just dont have any others friends close right now, so I cant hang out with others. I know we are still young, but we are not the kinds of people to jump from relationships to relationships ofteb and we are not attracted that much in dating hot people. Ehat I say is that we have a common view on love and were ready to spend our life together, and she still believe we are right for eaxh other, just not for now.

[EmilyJane]

There arent any easy answers here.

 

This is a complex and heartbreaking situation.

 

And it is going to be very hard and very painful.

 

I think she firmly believes right now that if you learn to manage your anger she will give you another chance and she is obviously still trying to hang on.

 

But that isn't a good thing. She really doesn't want to be close to you and your anger right now but she's torn because she loves you very much. You need to realise that for women, angry men can be terrifying.

 

The best thing you can do for her if you really love her and want the best chance at something later is achieve greater emotional distance from each other. She is stuck and too unhappy to stay and too scared of losing you to cut off the contact necessary for her to heal and move on with her life.

 

You need to start to cease contact with each other, I know you will still lay eyeballs on each other, but you can work out between you now how to manage that in the least painful way possible. Just don't cease contact without talking to her about it first.

 

And for gods sake you stick with that counselling, for years if necessary, no excuses.

 

Because if this is the end and there is no reconciliation in the next year, you will do this same pattern over and over again with other girls and women. And it is the only chance you have at having any chance at reconciliation with a safe stable loving relationship with this one.

Edited March 31, 2017 by EmilyJane

[Littlebird95]

Without a doubt, its time to cease contact with her. Anyway, everytime I spoke to her lately, I ended up feeling worse and constantly thinking. So we had a last talk 2 days ago and said I'd stick to no contact. And honestly, I cant wait for the semester to be over (in 3 weeks), as I can barely bear her. I'm starting to be doing good by myself, but everytime I see her, its an instant crash down. And i dont know if she's doing it on purpose, but she's always bragging about what she does on the weekends, the night before, etc in front of me. Im just tired of that, and I want to start feeling great everydays. She's starting to get on my nerves, but being always rude, impatient, but not able to look me in the eyes while doing those things.

 

And she's giving me so much mixed hints... She wanted to know if I was going to give up on her, or if i'd like to stick to our hopes of getting back one day, saying she'd respect my choice but it would hurt her if I chose to give up. Then she proceeds to tell that even if in 3 months im doing great and I feel I'm changed and ready to try, she might not say yes, cause she doesnt think it would be right to do this that soon. (She always said she didnt want any deadlines and time we'll see with time, but then proceeds to say, we'll see in 5 months, wtf?) But she ended up crying cause I got a new cap (she used to always wear my old one), then saying she was scared to hurt me later, or that I would not be willing to wait for her, or even worse that I could easily forget about her this summer as its easy when you dont see the other one, but then swore she wouldnt forget me at all, just miss me instead. She also still has our pictures hanging on her bedroom wall, on her instagram and doesnt want to delete them.

 

I just have no freaking clue what to believe. I mean, I know I really love her and it could work later, but its so unhealthy to accept to wait for that long. I'm not willing to do that. I'd try to do no contact as much as I can for the next 3 weeks, then proceed at least a month after that, and after that, if I feel im ready to try, I,ll contact her, but no way I'm gonna spend my whole summer thinking about her and that maybe it could work so I wont do anything that might offend her.

Edited April 5, 2017 by Littlebird95

[SpecialJ]

Believe it or not, this sounds like progress. The way you're talking about it now is more focused on you and what you need and is idealizing her less. She also sounds young and confused about how to handle things, but that's ok. You don't need to make a decision about giving up or not right now. Keep focusing on yourself (are you still sticking with therapy?), and let life happen this summer with no expectations. Don't drive yourself crazy about what will or won't happen with her while school is out. I bet by the time school starts back up again, it will be clearer to you both what you both want. If that is to be together, I also bet you'll be in a better mindset for a better relationship if you keep sticking with the work on yourself that you're doing now. Good luck!

[Littlebird95]

maybe it does sounds like progress, but this week has been so much harder than the previous one. Its not only sadness, but also anger as I'm done being hurt but it happens every day when I see her. I'm sticking with therapy for sure! It does help and make me realize things about myself ! I plan on keeping going there until he cannot do anything more for me. It also really hurts to hear those lovely things she can tell me about our future and how much she still loves me and how much it is hard for her to resist temptation, as she believes it was the right move. I wish I could believe her, but she already changed mind so many times. She still refuses to explain the REAL reasons behind the breakup (said it would be too hard and she doesnt want to cry doing it), changed her mind about when she'd be ready to try again, or even just have a little chat about my progress. And she pisses me off so much when she just assume things about me, without giving me the chance to explain my way to think right now...

[SpecialJ]

Progress isn't a straight linear path, but there has been some positive change in your mindset. You'll still have bad bad days, but keep doing what you're doing. Anger is natural to feel and a mourning stage, but you're working on managing how you react to it, right? Maybe it would also help toward forgiveness to remember she's also young and inexperienced and doesn't perfectly know what she's doing. Also consider why her assumptions about you make you feel bad. This same thing has happened to me and it made me feel terrible because it was like he was stripping all power and control from me unfairly... that's why low or no contact can help you feel better and more in control as you move further along in healing.

[Littlebird95]

Right now I just feel my life is completely wrong. Everything I do is wrong to her. If we have a party, I ask her if its fine with her if I'm coming, and she'll get impatient and respond ''you do what you want I dont care'', so then later on I thought, hey if she is impatient if I approach her that way, i'll just tell her I'm coming instead of asking if its right. Then she gets mad cause i didnt ask her if it was ok because it was at her appartment (she told me earlier she didnt care if i come or not) and it wasnt right for me to go to her and say I'm coming.

 

What am I suppose to do? I wanna do things right, so I'm asking her and its wrong. Then I do what I want like she wants and gets mad because I didnt ask? I just dont understand a thing. And then it happened she said something and I laughed at the same time about something else, and the she gets mad, insulted because she thinks im laughing and then tells me everyone thinks im a jerk cause i laugh at her? like she takes everything so personnal. And she just the bad sides. She doesnt consider every time I retain my anger for the last 3 weeks. If I say one thing wrong during the week, she goes and tell me its all I can do, all i can do is being mean. I'm so ****ing tired of that. And then I always ask for forgiveness as I'm not doing it on purpose, I just want her to feel better.

 

The assumptions make me feel bad, cause I ask her not to have any and to let me show/explain to her that its different now (she agreed and said she wasnt planning on doing so and wanted me to show her), but then she makes assumptions about one isolated event. She just sees everything negatively.

 

And to be honest, its quite normal after a break up to be more irritated towards her, I'm not going to act all romantic and gentle with her, when she's not with me... I just feel like I'm giving her way too much control over my life. I know I'll change and I know im such a great lover besides my anger side, so I'm just telling myself she is the loser over there and that if she really wants a shot back with me, she'll have to prove she really wants it and that she's more mature, cause I won't let her hurt me again that much.

[SpecialJ]

Focus on yourself. Go back to my oldest original comment about taking space until you're both less emotional. Don't go to parties for a while if she is the one throwing them. If another friend is hosting, just show up, don't tell her or ask her about attending. She's confused but also sounds uncomfortable knowing she has all this power over you. You've broken up and need to separate for a while for there to be any chance either to salvage it or to not salvage it but to internalize your own changes that you want to work towards. I said you sound like you're doing better because you're having moments of wanting to let go, which you didn't express in your first posts. Just stay on your own course and decrease the contact significantly (though no need to be all out rude or disrespectful). For now, put this energy into therapy and into schoolwork instead of into her.

Edited April 7, 2017 by SpecialJ

[Littlebird95]

Well I end up feeling maybe worst if I dont go to parties (she almost never hosts them anyways) cause I know everyone is having fun and I'm just alone and I hate that. Only half of it done before I can NC for real, and I cant wait for it (3 weeks out of 6). I think I may act wrong as I feared she hates me so I may insists sometimes too much when I think I did bad or I see she's not happy. I should just stop asking her questions and if she isnt happy about me, so be it, I wont stop living. And yeah, you're right, I've been wasting way too much energy on her, on the break up lately. Always searching forums to help me, to find hopes, or I dont know what could help me.

 

And I also think that the fact that we still have 3 more years of school to do together makes me insecure. I feared like I wont ever completely be over her and that each day will be hard and I wont have any motivation later on.

[Littlebird95]

Just to keep the ones who helped me in touch. I completely messed up last friday and now I think this is over for good. Even if im quite ashamed of myself, at least now I have nothing to hold on to and can move on with my life. I may have some regrets, but I won't be holding on false (or real idk?) hopes she was giving me. Because even if maybe one day (like next semester or even further in time) we feel we could give it a go, i'm pretty sure she wouldn't because of her parents (she has a really strong relationship with her family). Anyway, I don't feel so bad right now, the only thing that keeps hurting me is regret for what I did and that I have to see (not interaction at all) her for the next 2 weeks then i'm free for 4 months ! And I know I have to stick with my therapy and I feel its going well and I'm heading in the right direction. This means that for me, she is the biggest loser in the story. I know I'm a great lover and boyfriend if you keep the anger problem aside, which I plan to work on so much in the next few months, which means I'd so much better ! Thanks anyone who helped me for the past month, it has been greatly appreciated!

[SpecialJ]

It sounds like you did what you needed to do, and without knowing any details, maybe on some unconscious level you did it on purpose. Blow things up to break them apart and get the space you actually need to move forward if the situation wasn't working for you.

 

Good to hear you're sticking with therapy. Enjoy your summer, and keep taking space for yourself!

[Littlebird95]

yeah deep down I know I couldnt hold much longer on what she told as it was more painful than anything and I had to separate myself from her in order to heal. However i did it in a really bad way, so there is pretty much no chance for the future, which im kinda fine with. Only thing actually bugging me is that I'll have to see her for the next 3 years of school. (at least not for the next 4 months)

[EmilyJane]

yeah deep down I know I couldnt hold much longer on what she told as it was more painful than anything and I had to separate myself from her in order to heal. However i did it in a really bad way, so there is pretty much no chance for the future, which im kinda fine with. Only thing actually bugging me is that I'll have to see her for the next 3 years of school. (at least not for the next 4 months)

 

Everything gets easier with time.

 

We can learn to shoulder a lot more than we realise.

 

I think right now it is not helpful to think about three years at the same uni. Because you're projecting how you feel right now three years ahead.

 

That isn't how it will be.

 

You are doing the right things for yourself. I'm glad to hear you are determined to stick with therapy. It will be the best thing.

 

I think you should tell us what you did.

[Littlebird95]

I just completely lost it. Got mad at her when she tried to ignored me (she told me I did something wrong so i fixed it in 2sec and wanted to ask her if its ok like that, she ended up turning her back on me and saying I don't want to talk to you), then made a hole in a wall by punching it, told others that were there that she ruined my life and I wanted hers to by ruined as much. I am completely ashamed of it, I never did anything like that. I for the last 2 days, I feel like complete garbage. And regretting everything, thinking how I messed up and how much I actually miss her. Last time I felt I missed her that much was like during the second week post breakup. I don't know what to do

Edited April 19, 2017 by Littlebird95

[SpecialJ]

Don't beat yourself up over it. What you showed her is that you haven't had enough time to really change yet. She already knows that you say things you don't mean when you're angry, and you already know that the old relationship didn't work, so this isn't really new information for either of you. The space this creates will be good for you -- stick with therapy and taking care of yourself.

[Littlebird95]

i keep beating myself up... I am so ashamed... And the pain is only growing since 3 days. I was all good, but I feel like I'm back at the beginning. And I will stick with therapy for sure, it is going well. But for now, we are just 2 pure strangers. We see each others most days of the week, yet not even a nod or anything. Like if I was invisible. And her parents forbidding me to contact her in any ways (didnt want to anyways, but still shows that there's no hope for the future). I still love her so much. And I feel like she didnt take it as I say things I don't mean... I think she's now just scared. I feel so powerless, unloved, I feel just like garbage, its awful.

 

I actually have something in mind, you guys can judge if its right or not. As it is quite a big situation (lots of drama happened within our friends because of that), I already took the time to apologize for my behavior to every person involved during the party and in our group of friends. They all thanked me so much and thought it was very mature to do this, (none actually said they were forgiving me, but still, i still hang with them and fool around). The only person I didnt apologize is her. Here's my intention :

 

When I'll feel like ready to do it this summer, I plan on calling her dad (as he contacted me after this and told me not to contact her daughter at all for the moment) and meeting him and her mother for proper apologies. I think all of her family deserves this and some explanations. And if he agrees and my ex feels like it at the moment, take the time to fully explain my behavior and to apologize for this. Not for what happened before or after, but for this event only. I know most of the time on forums, they say not to apologize for anything, but I feel like its the right thing to do for myself.

Edited April 20, 2017 by Littlebird95

[EmilyJane]

Write it in a letter you don't send for now, work on it with your therapist.

 

You are like my ex, very strong feelings that you are yet to learn to manage.

 

You lash out when you feel rejected.

 

So do I.

 

You get frustrated and hurt and the person you love is ignoring you like you don't matter. It hurts. You lashing out with anger is your instincts trying to protect yourself. Plus it's amplified because you are a young male, your hormones that make you male also exaggerate aggression.

 

But with time you will learn to manage it, you are doing the right things.

 

But for now you need to accept that she needs to not have contact with you. She's not doing it because she doesn't love you or you don't matter to her but because you do. She knows that right now you cannot be a good partner and she's trying to get distance to heal and get over you. You need to give her that space. Being in contact with you causes her pain and confusion so all she can do to manage is ignore you.

 

You aren't the first young man to lose control of his temper. You've not physically hurt anyone. So please don't be so hard on yourself. It's ok, admirable even, to have challenges you are overcoming, to make mistakes but be learning how to do better.

[Littlebird95]

That's quite a good idea! This way, I'll gave time to add up some details or other information and organized what I really want to say.

 

Yeah, thats kinda whats happening, as soon as I get hurt, as little it is, I instant react with anger.

 

That's the hard part there. I know it, but its so hard not contacting her. Cause I know she now have a bad idea of me and I'd like so much to have just a small talk to convince her I'm not that crazy. I won't do it unless she is the one asking to talk, and if she does ask, I'll think about doing it or not.

 

I know right now I may not be the proper lover for her. That is what is killing me the most. because I know that in a few months, I'd be the kinda person she always wanted in her life, the guy she was with at the beginning. Take away the anger, and our relationship was perfect. I just killed it, and killed any chances of being with her ever, and I have difficulty accepting it. How can I set my mind to accept it?

 

Less than a week before summer and I just realised that I won't see/hear of her at all. Everything we planned and wanted to do won't happen. Damn that feels bad

Edited April 23, 2017 by Littlebird95