Big Decision to leave my social circle but I will be alone

[4x4storm]

Where do I begin the last two years have been rough... I had my brother ditch me in an apartment I couldn't pay for my first love left me on the same night I had no money for food and would walk 6 miles a day to work night shifts at Mcdonalds which was killing me slowly. But after all the hard work and saving it paid off I got a better job bought a brand new car! and filled my draws with expensive clothing and watches i'm only 20 and I was killing it! Life was turning around and then I met the most beautiful amazing woman one night and we became offical I treated her life a princess and yep 2 months later I suspect she is cheating on me and she ditches me like nothing.

 

So now i'm left with my friends which i'm starting to pull away from. I met them when I was in High school I left my last group of friends to hang out with them because I felt the last group was toxic and holding me back. I had a gaming addiction at the time and that's what we all had in common. I got over that addiction so I havn't played games with them for nearly two years now but all the drama started to roll in...

 

> There is a stupid love triangle two of the people are in a relationship but the other friend is in love with her so he's all depressed because he can't be with her and always causes a scene when we get together. Also found out last week another guy in the group has been attempting to sleep with her while her boyfriend is at work.

 

> I'm a massive movie lover yet everytime we all go they sit on their phones and talk! This never used to happen so I yelled at them for doing yet they continue it's so embarrsing.....

 

> Everytime we go out I like to dress very nicley and look my best first thing they do is swarm around me and to tell me how stupid I look ect...

 

> They harassed my ex gf on Facebook everytime I put a status up she would comment something lovley on it while they would spam her comments with stupid stuff like "He is such an idoit" it got to the point where she couldn't comment.

 

My love life and social life is just terrible atm I woke up the other night and put my fist through the door which i've never done just so angry. I'm just so lonley I don't feel like I fit in with them anymore.

[preraph]

You've outgrown them. Be who you think your best self is and attract new friends. You don't have totally cut them out, but just be sure you get out on your own and do things in groups to find better friends.

[4x4storm]

You've outgrown them. Be who you think your best self is and attract new friends. You don't have totally cut them out, but just be sure you get out on your own and do things in groups to find better friends.

 

I think your pretty much on the money I feel I have outgrown them just like the last group. I'll probably sign up to some clubs with the same interests and meet new friends that way.

[basil67]

I agree that you've outgrown them.

 

I would also caution you to not treat a girlfriend like a princess. And if a woman expects to be treated like a princess, avoid her. Treat her as an equal.

 

Of course, be kind and genuine and enthusiastic, but also make sure to not give more than you receive. A woman should be meeting your needs as much as you meet hers. Say "No" to her when needs to be said.

[4x4storm]

I agree that you've outgrown them.

 

I would also caution you to not treat a girlfriend like a princess. And if a woman expects to be treated like a princess, avoid her. Treat her as an equal.

 

Of course, be kind and genuine and enthusiastic, but also make sure to not give more than you receive. A woman should be meeting your needs as much as you meet hers. Say "No" to her when needs to be said.

 

Thx for the input

[disneyfan90]

I fully agree that you've outgrown your friends. This happens as you grow, and it's okay. It just means you need to find new friends, people who you really connect with.

 

When you described your group of "friends", some of it sounded a bit too familiar, especially the whole love triangle thing. This happened with my previous group of friends, except there was more than one love triangle and the whole thing got too complicated. I found a new group of friends now, and I couldn't be happier. Joining new groups and taking up new activities may help you. You may even just spend time at coffee shops--I made some friends at my local Starbucks just because I went there so often to study, ha.

 

I also agree that you probably don't want to treat any girlfriend as a princess. I personally am not sure I would want that, despite my username I love it when a guy I'm with treats me as an equal, like he would his best friend.

[4x4storm]

I fully agree that you've outgrown your friends. This happens as you grow, and it's okay. It just means you need to find new friends, people who you really connect with.

 

When you described your group of "friends", some of it sounded a bit too familiar, especially the whole love triangle thing. This happened with my previous group of friends, except there was more than one love triangle and the whole thing got too complicated. I found a new group of friends now, and I couldn't be happier. Joining new groups and taking up new activities may help you. You may even just spend time at coffee shops--I made some friends at my local Starbucks just because I went there so often to study, ha.

 

I also agree that you probably don't want to treat any girlfriend as a princess. I personally am not sure I would want that, despite my username I love it when a guy I'm with treats me as an equal, like he would his best friend.

 

It's interesting to see someone who was in similar position the whole 'Outgrowing" thing seems to look silly to most people I always thought. I can say since posting this I have been doing the slow fade uploaded a picture to facebook over the weekend and got a comment on how stupid I am. So I havn't talked to them at all just been doing my own thing.

 

Oh and I would say I exaggerated treating her like a princess bit. I should have said I treated her very well and tried really hard to make that relationship work but I was never crazy over the top. But 4 days later after a wonderful christmas with her family some new guy was on the scene and I was tossed to the side.

[magnesium]

I ditched my social circle a year ago, and lost pretty much all my friends. They betrayed me pretty badly, and then tried to gaslight me afterwards to say it was my fault.

 

Truth be told they pretty much got away with murder, while I got the short end of the stick.

 

They even tried to reach out to me almost a year later, but I didn't reply back.

 

I ask myself questions like:

 

"What's more important, my happiness or my need to prove I'm right?"

"What's more important, my peace of mind or crappy friends?"

"Can I really trust these people again, after what they did to me in the past?"

 

I realised if I went crawling back to them, I'd really just be betraying myself, because how can I be friends with people who don't take responsibility for their actions?

 

Had I gone back to that group, I see no reason why they wouldn't screw me over again, so I went the lone wolf route instead. It's actually quite peaceful in many ways, and at the end of the day the experience made me stronger.

 

And whatever happens to my friends...it's not my issue anymore. If they all live great lives...thats fine; if they all get hit by a truck...well that sucks for them but I won't care lol.

 

Hope my experience may help you with yours.

Edited April 9, 2017 by magnesium

[Penguin_hugs]

Sometimes outgrowing friends can be for the best. When I was 15/16 I was basically blanked out of my friend group. At the time I was devastated. I was from a small town- I'd been friends with these people for 5 years and it felt like a massive blow. Overnight I was uninvited from parties, social events, ignored by them in class etc. And it was all for the daftest reason. One of the girls from the social group was dating my best friend (a guy I have been best friends with since I was 4 years old) and decided to break up with him- I advised her against doing it in the middle of the school day because I thought that was a bit horrible. This was a Friday and by the Monday none of the girls from the group spoke to me again because I remained friends with him...

 

I moved on to college (age 16-18 in the UK not Uni) and made some fantastic friends- who I saw just yesterday. I'm now 24 and can see it really was the best thing. These girls are still so childish and cliquey and act like teenagers and I am better off without them. In fact a few years ago- I reached out to the main girl and wished her happy birthday on facebook. She replied saying "you are scum". It was at that point I deleted everything associated with these people and moved on and haven't looked back!

[4x4storm]

I ditched my social circle a year ago, and lost pretty much all my friends. They betrayed me pretty badly, and then tried to gaslight me afterwards to say it was my fault.

 

Truth be told they pretty much got away with murder, while I got the short end of the stick.

 

They even tried to reach out to me almost a year later, but I didn't reply back.

 

I ask myself questions like:

 

"What's more important, my happiness or my need to prove I'm right?"

"What's more important, my peace of mind or crappy friends?"

"Can I really trust these people again, after what they did to me in the past?"

 

I realised if I went crawling back to them, I'd really just be betraying myself, because how can I be friends with people who don't take responsibility for their actions?

 

Had I gone back to that group, I see no reason why they wouldn't screw me over again, so I went the lone wolf route instead. It's actually quite peaceful in many ways, and at the end of the day the experience made me stronger.

 

And whatever happens to my friends...it's not my issue anymore. If they all live great lives...thats fine; if they all get hit by a truck...well that sucks for them but I won't care lol.

 

Hope my experience may help you with yours.

 

Such an inspirational story thank you

 

I'm feeling a lot of that right now tbh I get home every afternoon after work only to open my phone and see not a single notification. So i'll admit i'm feeling super lonely right now but it's also very interesting because all the stuff they say about the Socail Media Dopamine High is so true it feels like i'm coming off an addiction very similar to when I stopped gaming I sit here some nights and when I hear the slightest sound or vibration I will sprint over to my phone only to see nothing on it .

 

Although the other day I had a few missed calls from a number I didn't recognise. I called it back and it was my friend he was super confused on where i've been but I pretty much told him i've been busy and then ended the conversation.

 

It's really hard but i'm sticking in there.

[4x4storm]

Sometimes outgrowing friends can be for the best. When I was 15/16 I was basically blanked out of my friend group. At the time I was devastated. I was from a small town- I'd been friends with these people for 5 years and it felt like a massive blow. Overnight I was uninvited from parties, social events, ignored by them in class etc. And it was all for the daftest reason. One of the girls from the social group was dating my best friend (a guy I have been best friends with since I was 4 years old) and decided to break up with him- I advised her against doing it in the middle of the school day because I thought that was a bit horrible. This was a Friday and by the Monday none of the girls from the group spoke to me again because I remained friends with him...

 

I moved on to college (age 16-18 in the UK not Uni) and made some fantastic friends- who I saw just yesterday. I'm now 24 and can see it really was the best thing. These girls are still so childish and cliquey and act like teenagers and I am better off without them. In fact a few years ago- I reached out to the main girl and wished her happy birthday on facebook. She replied saying "you are scum". It was at that point I deleted everything associated with these people and moved on and haven't looked back!

 

Wow thank you for sharing your story i've always heard female friend groups can be very unforgiving and this says a lot haha.

[Glhx]

My ex did the same to me after 7 years.

 

5 months later I'm just getting over it.

Well.......forget her. She's not worth it.

 

See......you need to look at yourself

 

Why did this person affect you so bad. Look down inside man.

 

My ex.....I was co dependent on her and she was with me till she suddenly left me for a married co worker.

His wife still doesn't believe it for some reason.

 

Point is......who am I that I needed her?

Who am I that I wasn't complete enough in myself that I was slowly diminished from who I was?

 

Who are you? What are you missing that she gave you that you can't give yourself?

 

Emotions tell you that something is right or wrong in your life. They are a gift...

 

Think about that and remember that when you take the temperature of your life in the future......emotions are a gift and they tell you how your life is going.

If you can master this.....there is power there and control over you.

 

Control is the ability to choose how you feel......she's controlling how you feel

That's not up to her anymore. She chose a lesser man...

 

It seems when they cheat it's harder to get over but it says more about them than it does about you. They are missing something and you can usually spot them if you know how.....maybe a personality disorder.

 

I recommend Corey Wayne's stuff.

 

My ex left......I cried for 4 months because she literally took my 4 year old daughter out of my life. She just wanted new experiences with other people at 29 years old.....decided one day that commitment wasn't for her....weird to me.

 

For her......to get over her.....

 

She was everything to me. Now she's nothing.......she's not worth it. To control my emotions that way. She has my kid......so I have to see her. It's not like that....

 

It's she that now has to see me live better and be better. Show her what she lost just in my actions alone and never let her back in. She will want back in eventually.....grass is greener doesn't last.

 

You think she's thinking about you. She's not.

 

Not yet......

 

She might someday......but who cares.

Be strong.......be confident and know you are awesome.

 

They say hit the gym

They say get new hobbies and stuff.

 

Maybe......maybe not

You will look better if you do and feel better.

 

A new hobby will make you more interesting......making something like beer, paint ball, snowboarding or mountain biking. Going to events with like minded people. Make you more socaiable if your into that.

 

See......relationships I'm finding out should be effortless.

Not based on selfishness and what can the get out of it while not giving back.

Based on like mindedness and aligned goal......like attracts like.

 

She's not responsible for your happiness like my ex isn't responsible for mine..

 

Don't give up your own power for anyone. Don't be diminished.

 

Focus on yourself and make you a better more interesting person. You have opened up your life for someone to come into it. Your newfound self and your confident rise......

 

Getting revenge is a good thing.....sort of

Only one kind is worth it.

Just one revenge should you ever get ....

And that is.......Live a better life for yourself and forget her. She's not worth one more tear my friend.

 

It gets better and better.

Make sure you learn from this and go into yourself to find flaws. Change them

Or don't and be cool with it.

 

My ex.....I'm sorry to call her the mother of my child. She destroyed my life and left me with nothing......

 

If I can be taken down this far and hit rock bottom.....

Deal with sudden loss and go through the worst emotional abuse anyone I know has ever seen because I loved her and was blindsided in a day.......and get back up again

 

and then................ give you advice that your ex isn't worth it.

 

Maybe you should listen.

 

You are enough......think about that

Cry as long as you need.......it's just purging of emotion and it's built in to make us feel better......it's human......always cry. It's. Its not weak and neither are you.

 

She really isn't worth it.

Another will come along

 

As far as your friends go.....new interests = new people

Like attracts like

[4x4storm]

Great post Glhx I definitely agree the key to moving on is getting out and doing new things. It's just so depressing because atm i'm stuck in this old run down apartment which has been host to the worst 2 years of my life by far. My lease dosn't end until August and I legit can't wait to leave this hole i'm already looking at new apartments and i'm planning on getting something pretty high end it will be a lot of money but worth it.

 

So the next few months are gonna be super tough I can't get out and do anything just because I need to save every cent for this big move!. I'm trying to keep busy by going to the gym as much as possible and dreaming of how i'm gonna deck out my new apartment

 

It's gonna be a real struggle but I will get there !!

[anynomous34]

There comes a time in everyone's life that you no longer share the same interests as your once best friends do.. and that's ok.. it's life.. you have to know when to walk away...

 

I've had countless friends in my life.. they come in and go .. they change.. i change.. that's life.

 

You eventually cut ties naturally.. it seems like your holding on still.. if you don't like how they are just don't hang out with them anymore...

it's completely normal.. it all happens all of the time.. we all have different agendas/intentions... if they no longer drive, fascinate, challenge you then it's time you let them go..

 

and there's nothing wrong with that... I still say Hello to alot of my old ties.. they were once a huge part of my life... and we basically changed.. one got married ... im back in school.. one is having a baby... we no longer have things in common.. so it leads us to connect with other people who share the same challenges you do.. now the only thing on my mind is work and school... and connecting with some classmates to further my education.. eventually we'll become friends too.. thats the process of life....

[4x4storm]

It's crazy because since posting this the group itself has pretty much broken down. The group chat is completely dead and nothing is being organized anymore.