Am i a cheat?

[Beepeear]

hello everyone, hope you're having a good day!

 

I have had OCD now for around 2 years although it's undiagnosed I spent most of 2015 a nervous, anxious wreck scared to do anything because of my intrusive thoughts.

 

Today's matter at hand is to do with myself and my girlfriend and our relationship, we have been together for coming up to theee months but a couple times during the first month of our relationship I did stupid things, hear me out please, these worries came out of nowhere just yesterday and they're all ready making me sick and im finding it hard to eat or sleep

 

The first few weeks of our relationship I didn't take it very seriously, well I did but I didn't think it was like as serious as my last relationship, obviously as we had only just got together, anyway.

 

I used to go on tinder (and maybe Plenty of Fish) whilst I was in a relationship and just see who I could match up with, I'm not sure if I spoke to any of them at all...I didn't do this everyday or anything but maybe like once very now ans then, I think anyway, I'm sure at the time my intent wasn't to meet anyone new or to cheat on my girlfriend at all. I'm quite positive I didn't talk to any of them and I was certain until my intrusive thoughts came along that I definitely didn't talk dirty to them.

 

Now my mind is barraged with these blurred memories of me talking sexually to these girls, but it's like one moment I'll think I have done it, then the next I remember that I mustn't have done because I am a nervous wreck and I'd feel guilty as hell for doing that, but then it goes back to "maybe you did it the once but you just can't remember"

 

It's exhausting, I have really really gotten to like my girlfriend now and I enjoy her company more than anyone and this has all blew up in my face and I'm lost in my own mind searching for an answer to stop these thoughts, I have yet to tell my girlfriend, if I even should...

 

Any advice?

[Telemachus]

You should tell your girlfriend that you're having thoughts that trouble you, and that you're going to get professional help. The fact that you indicate you've had OCD means that you've seen a therapist/counselor who diagnosed this.

 

If you had a good experience with that therapist, now is the time to make another appointment.

 

This seems like a psychotic episode, and that you're having trouble telling reality from fantasy. Your girlfriend doesn't need to know what these troubling thoughts are - just tell her that they aren't about doing physical harm to her, you, or anyone else. That's all she needs to know, other than that you're committed to get help.