I Want To Give Myself Over Completely To My Husband

[MissCongeniality]

I am deeply involved with BDSM and I am usually dominant since my primary job is as a dominatrix but since I have been going to therapy and getting my self sorted I have come to realize I am and want to be submissive to my husband.

 

However my main concern is he is vanilla and I want so badly to share all sides of my self and I have come to realize I happy when I am making him happy. I just fear he won't understand.

[CaliforniaGirl]

You won't know until you ask him.

 

Have a nice dinner, share a bottle of wine and casually ask, "Have you ever had a fantasy you've been worried to share?" and when he says "No...have you?" say, "Actually, I've always been curious about..."

[QuietDan]

Not really enough info. How much does your husband know about you and your BDSM interest, life style, job, not to sure about what is what. Are you a professional, is this a secret lifestyle that he doesn't know about. It all depends on your relationship with your husband and your ability to communicate with him.

[NTV]

Just tell him.

[harrybrown]

How long have you been married?

 

Have you had relations with others since you were married or engaged?

 

Hope you have a nice talk with him.

 

Hope you can work this out, he may not want to hurt you, but you can help him learn.

[basil67]

Give your self over *completely*. Should I use a literal interpretation for this? As in for all shared sexual experiences and day to day life decision making?

[understand50]

I am deeply involved with BDSM and I am usually dominant since my primary job is as a dominatrix but since I have been going to therapy and getting my self sorted I have come to realize I am and want to be submissive to my husband.

 

However my main concern is he is vanilla and I want so badly to share all sides of my self and I have come to realize I happy when I am making him happy. I just fear he won't understand.

 

MissCongeniality,

 

I think much of where you are at is how you have treated your husband, and while, you have stated in the past, you both have posted what your job and lifestyle has done to him. Maybe this thought will help.

 

Remorse, true remorse, in the context of infidelity, or any action(s) that you have done to grievously wound your spouse, child or other family members, is the ability to look beyond yourself, your well being, and your own interests and feel the pain and hurt caused by your actions, and in so doing, begin to try and make things right to restore trust in an relationship. It is allowing the injured person to select what they need to heal, from you, and for you to supply it to the best of your understanding and ability. At it core, you place their needs above your own, and take on any discomfort, embarrassment, shame, security and loss of secrecy, that is needed to repair your and theirs relationship. You must lastly become an open book, and live mutually transparent with them.

 

I think this would do it for you. I wrote this some time back and continue to use it.

 

I wish you luck....

[Simple Logic]

I am deeply involved with BDSM and I am usually dominant since my primary job is as a dominatrix but since I have been going to therapy and getting my self sorted I have come to realize I am and want to be submissive to my husband.

 

However my main concern is he is vanilla and I want so badly to share all sides of my self and I have come to realize I happy when I am making him happy. I just fear he won't understand.

 

Really - Doing what?

[BettyDraper]

Why not start with being submissive outside of the bedroom?

It could be less of a leap to ease into BDSM that way.

[usa1ah]

Hey MC how is Mr MC? Did I read right that he lost his job? If so, I hope he has found work again.

 

If he is happy being vanilla, shouldn't that make you happy as well? Just a thought.

 

But honestly, I hope things are getting better for the both of you.

[Els]

II want so badly to share all sides of my self and I have come to realize I happy when I am making him happy

 

Is it genuinely about this or is it about desiring BDSM? There is absolutely nothing wrong with either, but the two don't necessarily need to overlap.

 

Lots of people share all of themselves with their partner and do things to make them happy, and while that CAN be part of a D/s relationship, it doesn't necessarily need to be one. You can have a completely vanilla sex life and relationship while doing this. So if this is what you want, just start doing it.

 

If there's more to it than that, and you actually do want BDSM or some components thereof, then you need to talk to him. Contrary to the myth that all men would love a submissive partner in the bedroom, it doesn't turn some of them on. Some genuinely prefer vanilla or a Dominatrix - THAT is what 'makes them happy'. It is up to you and your H whether or not that can work for YOU.

[MissCongeniality]

Hey MC how is Mr MC? Did I read right that he lost his job? If so, I hope he has found work again.

 

If he is happy being vanilla, shouldn't that make you happy as well? Just a thought.

 

But honestly, I hope things are getting better for the both of you.

 

Yes he did and I had to support our family by myself and it was not easy our marriage suffered a lot because most of my job experience involves the sex industry. He looks down on it and even when he was not saying anything I could tell he wanted to tear into me buto he has a new job now and I'd like to make a new start with him BDSM has really influenced me.

 

I was introduced to it at a young age and I grew up surrounded by well let's just say I didn't many positive role models. The point is being part of the BDSM lifestyle has always been an interest of mine and a lot of my friends (well nobody my husband and I are friends with together) are involved with it.

 

A Ds relationship is something I have a lot of respect for because the people I know who are in one and happy share what think is well more genuine then seen today. To me it's deeper than a marriage which in opinion is something modern society doesn't truly respect or take seriously I only recently started to appreciate it. So on top of that the fact that I am afraid of opening up to people and that I am always trying to be in control well needless to say asking him to let me be his slave /sub is a very big deal to me and I fear he will not understand for find the idea crazy.

[Jersey born raised]

Does this include giving up being a dom? Or becoming a switch?

 

I once spoke at length to a person who was a sub as well as their spouse. (oddly enough the writer felt they could not switch with each other as a marriage was 50/50 so an imbalance would destroy the marriage) They mentioned their spouse was dropped on several occasion. A serious breech of equity in their view. Does you agree ? If so how would your husband know how not to drop you?

 

My knowledge is based on a singular exchange of messages so I have no idea if accurate. My impression the reward of the sub recieved was to be "caught".

Edited March 25, 2017 by Jersey born raised

[MissCongeniality]

Does this include giving up being a dom? Or becoming a switch?

I would give it up. Honestly before he told me he lost his job I was planning to leave it all. I was literally going to tell him I planned on leaving it all and just focus on the kids and fixing our marriage because he and I we still have a lot to work through. Then he told me he lost his job and I could not tell him the worse part was an is I am finally getting my head right and I know I hurt him and I know he secretly hates me and I know the only way to really fix things is to do something to prove what we have is real.

 

I feel like our marriage is fake and or tainted so I want to give him something real I want to give up something so he knows I will never hurt him again I want do something that shows I value him and our family above even myself. I'd give him full control over me to him if that shows how serious I am I'd give up anything if he asked me to anything to keep him seeing me like every body who has come in and out of my life.

 

I worry I'll always be that ex or former friend who people talk about and say they are glad to be rid of. I am damaged and screwed up and I know that if I don't do something to show my husband my love is real he will hate like everybody already does like my oldest daughter is starting to. I am afraid my husband and kids will see me for the poison that I am.

[understand50]

I would give it up. Honestly before he told me he lost his job I was planning to leave it all. I was literally going to tell him I planned on leaving it all and just focus on the kids and fixing our marriage because he and I we still have a lot to work through. Then he told me he lost his job and I could not tell him the worse part was an is I am finally getting my head right and I know I hurt him and I know he secretly hates me and I know the only way to really fix things is to do something to prove what we have is real.

 

I feel like our marriage is fake and or tainted so I want to give him something real I want to give up something so he knows I will never hurt him again I want do something that shows I value him and our family above even myself. I'd give him full control over me to him if that shows how serious I am I'd give up anything if he asked me to anything to keep him seeing me like every body who has come in and out of my life.

 

I worry I'll always be that ex or former friend who people talk about and say they are glad to be rid of. I am damaged and screwed up and I know that if I don't do something to show my husband my love is real he will hate like everybody already does like my oldest daughter is starting to. I am afraid my husband and kids will see me for the poison that I am.

 

MissCongeniality,

 

 

You are not poison, and you they will not be glad to get rid of you. You are mom, and you are a wife. I have not seen your husband of late here, hope he has got a job and things are doing better for both of you. As you have wrote, and I do believe you, your "job" does not involve Sex with you, but the whole BDSM lifestyle. You have stated, that you stay in it as you help give a large amount of support to your family. If your husband is still with you, then both your tasks are to find away to make the marriage better - for both of you.

 

I think the main issue you have with your husband is communication and planning. Communication, in that you both need to work this out, and a plan for you to leave this lifestyle. You both need to eat and support your children. What do you not sit down and talk to him, make a plan for leaving this. It may involve moving, or other things.

 

You can do this. You seem like a strong woman, I think yo are stronger then you know. You are a DOM in the lifestyle, can you not see how to tap that and apply it to your marriage? I do not mean BDSM, but the attitude that I can confront, and overcome anything.

 

I wish you luck......

[Els]

OP, I'm in a somewhat D/s relationship myself, so I'm fully in support of people going for whatever power dynamics they desire. But based on your latest posts, you seem to think that D/s will "heal" your marriage - I really don't think it will. I think the issues that you and your H are facing need to be addressed in and of themselves. D/s can really enhance a relationship if done right and both people are inclined towards it. But it needs a healthy foundation to begin with. It is not a magic bullet.

 

If you feel you need to be a submissive to "show your husband your love is real otherwise he might hate you", something is really, really off and you need to get to the bottom of that first. I well understand the desire to submit. But I, and most subs I know, do it to satisfy the primal yearning within ourselves, because it brings us pleasure and joy to do so. Never out of fear or to "prove" anything to our partner.

[spanz1]

Why not start with being submissive outside of the bedroom?

It could be less of a leap to ease into BDSM that way.

 

i was thinking the same thing, become a "service submissive" to him. see how that goes as a first step