need advice

[chance55]

I am so unhappy in my marriage but there is nothing that i can do. I am a stay at

home mom of 3 children and i do not work outside the house. We just moved to a

farm last year with his brother and his two teenaged daughters. My husband works long hours and when he is home he works outside since now we have some horses and other farm animals. He spends no time with me at all, my children go outside with him when he is home but that is all the time he spends with them.

 

My life here is just to cook, clean and taken care paying the bills and making sure that everyone is happy. I tell my husband that I am not happy but he just tells me to relax and why do I let things bother me. I don't know what else to do. Do I live here and who cares if I am happy or find somewhere to go so I could be happy. His brother has no idea what is going on with us, this has been happening for a good few months now. I am tried on pretending to people that I am happy, I always have to put on a happy face and i am tried of it.

[centered]

So it sounds like your husband is working two jobs, then, yes? And the farm work is just a hobby for him? But it is a whole lifestyle that was imposed on you. Hmph.

 

This exact same thing happened to my sister in law. She was literally starting to lose it. She had 3 young kids to take care of when her husband up and decides they're moving to the middle of Montana. She had no friends, no family nearby. She was trained as a nurse, but there were no nursing jobs available within 300 miles.

 

He finally got a computer for the household, and e-mail became her lifeline to friends and family. But it wasn't enough. She finally figured it out, though. She got some grit and took charge of her part of this world she found herself in. She joined a local church that she liked well enough, made some new friends, started writing and painting, did volunteer nursing at a local retirement home, and set the rules for the house (her domain) regarding family mealtimes, family nights and game nights, etc.

 

She signed up for NetFlix and had movies ready to share with the family (and just for her and her husband). She stopped asking for things and started planning her husband's time when he was home. She developed a knack for not overplanning things, because he was tired, but for keeping things fun and keeping the marriage alive.

 

Her husband was planning on retiring early, and the farm would become the only job commitment for him. So she stuck it out -- 10 years -- and she let herself soak up the beauty and wonder of nature all around her. It gave her some peace, and a source of inspiration in her painting and writing. She worked very very hard to maintain the house and hearth throughout this time, but when her husband retired before he turned 50, he spoiled her. The kids now grown, they took trips to Europe, redecorated the house, worked together on the farm, learned new hobbies together, and renewed their vows of love.

 

I'm not saying any of this would work for your situation. But maybe it will give you some hope or some ideas.

 

Best of luck to you, and may your life be filled with happiness an joy.

[chance55]

Wow, Your sister in law was stong to do all of that...Good for her. But I don't know if I could do that. I have a problem wanting to meet new people, I have been throught something last year that was really bad and now I don't trust anyone that I don't know, so for me to go and meet new poeple I cannot bring myself to do it. So here I am again stuck with nothing. I talk to my old friends but they live in the city so it is not like I can go over there for coffee. I just wish that my husband was back to the way he used to be then things would be fine. I try and tell him that he is putting me and the kids on the back burner and that we don't like it. He has done nothing with my children so far all summer, and it doesn't seem to bother him at all.