bathtub-row Posted March 25, 2017 Share Posted March 25, 2017 (edited) I'm close to someone who, almost literally, has turned interrupting a conversation into an Olympic sport. She will ask me a question and, as I begin to answer, she will either interrupt with another question, or say something to my pet. A sample conversation could go like this: Person: "So, what happened today with so-and-so?" Me: "Oh, yeah, well they said that-" Person: "Hey, kitty! What have you been doing all day? What kind of things did you get into?" Other conversations when she does this, I jokingly say, "Can I finish?" She stops talking for awhile but never really takes the hint. I realize that everyone interrupts every now and then but it's so chronic with this person that it's infuriating. I'm not the only person who has pointed this out to her. At this point, I have to wonder -- is this a form of some mental problem, bi-polar or something? I'm at a loss to understand why someone would do this so much, and ignore everyone who points out how frustrating it is. I'd just like to hear other' thoughts on this topic. Edited March 25, 2017 by bathtub-row Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted March 25, 2017 Share Posted March 25, 2017 It's not remotely sounding like bi-polar. But ADHD or ADD could be possible. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
GemmaUK Posted March 25, 2017 Share Posted March 25, 2017 People do this in different ways. One colleague of mine - I'll start a conversation to ask a question and he jumps in without waiting for the question after making his own assumption of what I need an answer for. Whilst he is talking he pays no attention when I say I know what he is talking about and it isn't what I was going to ask him about. With him, the only sure fire way is to state he is off on a tangent, spoke over me and I literally hold my hands up and ask him to stop talking each tie he does it. He does continue to do it but he has got better - but it's like training a dog - persistence as soon as the problem arises is the only way to deal with it. Another colleague - she speaks over when she doesn't like what she hears. She is loud and aggressive about it. Stating she hasn't let you finish makes no difference as she talks louder over that. The easiest way to speak with her is to walk away when she does this and tell her you'll mail her instead. She frequently reduces her assistant to tears by over talking and being aggressive and she does it on calls with customers as well - it's cringy to hear when you are on a speaker call with her. The third is a friend -she has a whole conversation going on of her own and if you begin to reply even just to a question she starts talking again. Because these are just conversations I don't tend to actually stick around long and rarely choose to speak with her about things really. It's a shame as she is a lovely girl but as Basil said - I think she might have ADHD or something. She sounds the most similar to your friend. Perhaps you can start limiting the time you spend with her? Link to post Share on other sites
Gr8fuln2020 Posted March 25, 2017 Share Posted March 25, 2017 I had an ex-step son who did this all the time. Could have been ADHD or ADD, but whatever it was, once I put my foot down, he didn't interrupt. So, it could also have been that he was getting used being allowed to be rude. When given clear expectations, he was fine, but he also behaved this way if and when he didn't like the direction in which the conversation was going or who was talking. Caused daily problems, conflicts. He was also manipulative and used this 'tactic' to try to define conversations to his preference. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author bathtub-row Posted March 25, 2017 Author Share Posted March 25, 2017 ADD could definitely be the issue. Sometimes I'm in the car with her so it's hard to just walk away. The times I have done that or just stopped talking, she honestly doesn't even notice. She isn't easy to talk to, either. Recently I pointed out something that she does and she didn't talk to me for the rest of the day. I think all I can do is distance myself from the situation. I think spending a lot of time with her is only frustrating me more. Link to post Share on other sites
isolatedgothic Posted March 25, 2017 Share Posted March 25, 2017 I have a male friend who does something similar. He will constantly interrupt what I am trying to say. Normally, he turns the conversation, which could be about me, my day, an interaction I have had, into something about him, such as, "Well I had this happen once, and me me me me me me me..." Then we aren't talking about me at all anymore. He doesn't only do this with me, but with his adult daughter, her husband, or anyone we are with. It all becomes a great anecdote about him. I've blamed ADHD. [Had to laugh at your example of her interrupting to talk to Kitty about her day. It sounds like this friend doesn't make you feel very special or important. Not much of a friend, yes?] Link to post Share on other sites
Raena Posted March 25, 2017 Share Posted March 25, 2017 It definitely sounds like she has ADD and is constantly "following the butterfly". It doesn't mean she doesn't want to hear what you have to say, it just means she is easily distracted by her own thoughts or things that are happening in her environment. I can understand why you find it so annoying, it really is annoying to have to repeat yourself. You have to be able to be patient and bring the conversation back to what you wanted to say or answer whatever she asked you. She also needs to be able to recognize that this is an issue and consciously try to refocus herself. It isn't easy, but it can be done. I had an adult friend like her. We talked about it and came up with a keyword code for when she started drifting to other topics. I'd say "butterfly" and she'd stop and say "oh no, ok, what were we talking about?" We'd laugh a little and then continue the conversation. She was well aware that it was an issue though and told me to do that to her. She also took a low dosage add medication when she needed it. Do you think you can talk to her about this? It sounds like you think she would shut down and not talk to you. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted March 27, 2017 Share Posted March 27, 2017 either she's just self absorbed and doesn't really care to hear your answer and likes to talk talk talk (I know those kinds) or she has ADD/ADHD and can't focus. Be honest if she is a good friend, tell her how it makes you feel when she won't stop talking and doesn't listen to you. If she isn't a great friend and it's casual then either directly say something to her bluntly or just spend less time with her. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted March 27, 2017 Share Posted March 27, 2017 ADD could definitely be the issue. Sometimes I'm in the car with her so it's hard to just walk away. The times I have done that or just stopped talking, she honestly doesn't even notice. She isn't easy to talk to, either. Recently I pointed out something that she does and she didn't talk to me for the rest of the day. I think all I can do is distance myself from the situation. I think spending a lot of time with her is only frustrating me more. No this isn't ADD, most who have it are aware of it and make an effort to not talk as much or act up. At least in my experience. Your friend is just selfish and self absorbed. Instead of talking about it with you she sulks and ignores you. That's petty and intentional. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author bathtub-row Posted March 27, 2017 Author Share Posted March 27, 2017 No this isn't ADD, most who have it are aware of it and make an effort to not talk as much or act up. At least in my experience. Your friend is just selfish and self absorbed. Instead of talking about it with you she sulks and ignores you. That's petty and intentional. I believe some of it is about control and some of it has to do with the fact that she thinks she'll forget what she's going to say if she doesn't say it right then. But saying hi to a cat and carrying on a conversation with him right after she asks me a question has nothing to do with that. She's actually a relative of mine who I'm very close to. She's just impossible to talk to and she doesn't take hints, either. Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted March 27, 2017 Share Posted March 27, 2017 It's how they grow up. Visit her family and you'll see for yourself. I am really bad that way. When young, no one listened to me and would just talk over me, so if I wanted to say something, it was that or nothing. I have worked on it, but still not perfect. And I do stop and talk to pets, too, and I am not stopping that. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Blanco Posted March 27, 2017 Share Posted March 27, 2017 I was listening to a podcast recently and they touched upon this subject. The host said a non-verbal method he's found effective in combating this is to raise your hand, palm facing the person, to about chest-level when they either won't shut up or continue to interrupt. The idea is that the visual is enough to either slow down the other person or convey, "Hey, I wasn't finished speaking." I've not tried it, but the logic behind it sounds decent. Might be worth a shot. It's frustrating, though. Some people are just oblivious and others just don't really care if they're constantly cutting you off so they can steer the conversation. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted March 28, 2017 Share Posted March 28, 2017 Saying nicely "May I finish" is fine. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author bathtub-row Posted March 28, 2017 Author Share Posted March 28, 2017 Saying nicely "May I finish" is fine. Yeah, I've said something similar to that. I think that's the best I can do. Link to post Share on other sites
amaysngrace Posted March 28, 2017 Share Posted March 28, 2017 Interrupt her back with what you were saying in the first place. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author bathtub-row Posted March 28, 2017 Author Share Posted March 28, 2017 Interrupt her back with what you were saying in the first place. I've done that. She just keeps talking. Link to post Share on other sites
amaysngrace Posted March 28, 2017 Share Posted March 28, 2017 Then I think you should weigh the friendship and decide if it's something that you can learn to live with. You'll be less bothered if you can. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts