Does anyone else have trouble attracting their "type"?

[Cookiesandough]

It's like I can attract anyone but my type!!! I'm mostly attracted to guys with a certain look and style. They're not even that conventionally handsome, but they're specific. Does anyone else have this?

 

I'm online dating. The ones I don't like are plentiful. The ones I like well, I can barely find any swiping endlessly and in the rare instance we do match they don't say hi(I have nothing filled out on my profile might be something) or...they have a very incompatible personality to mine. Once in a blue moon find one both nice on inside and out. to I screw it up. And I feel so embarrassed I end up blocking him and hoping I don't run into him in public. Another thing is only a bunch(like 3)of them will appear at the same time...and then none. Feast or famine. When one appears, I get so desperate I mess it up!!

 

It's so hard to find someone. Add to that being shy and not good with the opposite sex. Do I just need to wait? I had dates with a bunch of cute-but-not-my-types lined up, but I canceled them all. I have never had success going out on a date with a guy not my type and feeling it.

[basil67]

You mentioned on a previous post that you only find one in 500 guys attractive. That doesn't leave much to choose from. When you get that therapy, delve into why you are extremely fussy.

[Els]

What exactly do you like?

 

I don't think it's wrong to find very few guys attractive (or at least significantly attractive to the point where you want a relationship with them). However, because the odds aren't exactly in your favour, there are a few things that you need in order for this to work for you:

(1) your preferences need to be at least synergistic with the traits that would actually stand a LTR in good stead

(2) those guys need to have a higher than average chance of finding YOU attractive

(3) you need to be okay with being single for long periods of time

(4) you need to know where to find them - OLD might not be the answer

 

In my three decades of life, I've been strongly attracted to fewer men than I can count on my fingers. I don't think it was necessarily a bad thing. In fact, I think it was a good filter, weeding through all the ones that would certainly not work. I've only dated three men, but each of them turned into a R that lasted a decent amount of time - 10 months for the shortest and many years for the longest (my current partner).

 

I have never and will never do OLD. To me, it is the exact antithesis of what I want - it's all about the quantity IMO.

[CptInsano]

I also used to have a specific type that severely restricted the pool of women that I considered compatible, but in the end weren't actually compatible with me at all. It was a complete dead end. I gradually opened up to other women, even if it meant that I was only spending time with them and nothing more. But eventually I had enough positive experiences to shift my perception bit by bit and break out of my self-imposed vicious cycle.

 

But that took me a while to fully realize and maybe two years to fully put to rest.

[basil67]

Have you ever looked at men in real life - as opposed to photos? I've sometimes gotten bored and window shopped on dating sites for fun. Based on photos alone, I would have been attracted to very few. But when I was on a bus, I was imagining being single, and I would have given every guy who appeared to be in my age group a shot.

 

I think that photos aren't our friends sometimes

[Mysterio]

My type physically is all over the place. I don't know if I have a real strong physical type

 

I am 5'9. I like short women. Women that are a little thick/thin. I like short hair and long hair.

 

I am a face guy more than anything. A great face that is natural and not made up as much. Red Heads get my attention as well.

 

Personality wise. The characteristics I desire are a woman that is Warm/Sweet/Sharp and Adorable. A woman that babies me and wants the same from me.

[salparadise]

It's like I can attract anyone but my type!!! I'm mostly attracted to guys with a certain look and style. They're not even that conventionally handsome, but they're specific. Does anyone else have this?

 

Once in a blue moon find one both nice on inside and out. I screw it up. And I feel so embarrassed I end up blocking him and hoping I don't run into him in public.

 

I think the obsession with a certain look is probably causing you to overlook lots of guys that may be very compatible personality-wise, and good enough in terms of physical attraction if you could be more open-minded. We all need attraction, but many people (me included) put synchronous personalities first. That's the part that translates into relationship potential. You should relate to the whole person, not just a type or look.

 

If you go off the rails every time you see someone who looks a little hotter than the one you're with, what kind of life would that be? Lonely, very lonely.

[Chilli]

Yeah but really , online, it;s another world , if you can even find your type.

l met a lot but l don't think even one l would have gone for in RL.

Bit awkward though you only have pics and usually old pics was my experience.

l did find a few my type though but funny, couldn't even get a reply from them mostly.

 

But l'd say in the real world yeah, l can attract my type when it counts but as a typical there is also a certain type that seem to go for me and they're usually only a mix of slightly my type mostly.

 

But yeah, l agree, ya gotta be open too. There's some really nice surprises out there.

Edited March 25, 2017 by Chilli

[CaliforniaGirl]

I have a (relationships/compatability) type but it's not physical (except for being healthy/in shape; "built"/gym not required), and that may be why I have never had a problem attracting my "type." In fact, they're generally glad to have found their "type" in me as it matches. (I.e. "I've been looking for someone bright, with a wacky sense of humor.")

 

I'll bet if you drop some of the physical, you'll have better luck. I'm not saying drop your standards...for example, as I said, "fit" is a turnon for many, many people and is in no way "out there" or an unusual requirement, IMO. But height, exact body type, eye color or shape, skin tone, etc., etc...if these are specific, they are probably getting in your way.

 

Now as far as JUST eye candy I do have a type but, tellingly, did not marry within those parameters; in other words, eye candy and actual real comparability across all areas can definitely be two different things.

[Shining One]

While some are saying OLD isn't the right venue, I will say it really depends on what your type is.

I'm mostly attracted to guys with a certain look and style.

Are the attributes you're looking for definable? Do they exist as date fields on OLD sites? If so, OLD may be the right solution for you. For example, I had a friend who looked for the following in men: ~6' Tall, Athletic, White, Dark Hair, Blue or Green Eyes. She used Match and had a fairly easy time finding dates that met her requirements.

in the rare instance we do match they don't say hi(I have nothing filled out on my profile might be something).

What do you expect them to say when you provide no information about yourself? If you aren't willing to put in the effort of filling out some information about yourself, why should they be willing to put in the effort of reaching out to you? When I was on OLD, I skipped blank profiles too, no matter how physically attractive I thought she was.

Do I just need to wait?

Why wait? Search for what you want and then actively go after it.

[Cookiesandough]

You mentioned on a previous post that you only find one in 500 guys attractive. That doesn't leave much to choose from. When you get that therapy, delve into why you are extremely fussy.

 

Haha that's true. I wish I was lying, but that number seems accurate from my OLD experience. Maybe it is something need counseling to explore. But others here have said they are bit selective as well and it still worked out for them? Also, you made a great point about seeing guys out and about vs pictures on an app. I completely agree. I find myself way more attracted to men I meet IRL. There are some things pics just can't capture. But few approach me and I can't flirt at all. I guess my best shot is to start getting out more and being more open. Ty, Basil

[Purepony]

I heard brad Pitts single you might want to try him

[anduina]

Maybe you could define your type for us by using celebrities as examples.

[telemakus]

Maybe you could define your type for us by using celebrities as examples.

 

She's worried not enough people will remember Mickey Rooney.

[anduina]

She's worried not enough people will remember Mickey Rooney.

I don't understand.

[telemakus]

I don't understand.

 

I'm implying that her type looks like Mickey Rooney.

 

It's a joke.

[anduina]

I'm implying that her type looks like Mickey Rooney.

 

It's a joke.

Since I don't know you or her, it's a random joke that has the edge of insult to it.

[SevenCity]

Cookie - you have some issues that need to be addressed before dating.

 

You mentioned swiping - are you on tinder or bumble?

 

I like bumble as it puts the owness on the woman and forces the interaction.

 

Yet, when they do reach out it's usually "Hey". If nothing is in your profile it gives a guy little to go on.

 

And then you block guys because you get embarrassed? What's that all about?

 

You can open yourself up to another type but you will be better served by dating those who are your type or at least possess a lot of the qualities.

 

You have to decide though, do you want company or a lasting RL? If the latter I would say to keep swiping or date casually.

 

I have a pretty specific type myself. I'm open to others but the connection I have with my type is always much stronger.

[telemakus]

Since I don't know you or her, it's a random joke that has the edge of insult to it.

 

It's pretty on the nose for a random joke. I should trust the universe more often.

[todreaminblue]

It's pretty on the nose for a random joke. I should trust the universe more often.

 

you should trust when someone tells you that it wasnt funny....that it wasnt....that is the universe tellin you....someone bothered to type something to you....and ill add...i thought it wasnt funny and questionable...like a dig....and i happen to like mickey rooney...he is good peoples or was........deb

[telemakus]

you should trust when someone tells you that it wasnt funny....that it wasnt....that is the universe tellin you....someone bothered to type something to you....and ill add...i thought it wasnt funny and questionable...like a dig....and i happen to like mickey rooney...he is good peoples or was........deb

 

Fair enough...hey I like mickey rooney too he was better looking than I am...joke wouldn't have worked using me though...sorry.

[preraph]

You mentioned on a previous post that you only find one in 500 guys attractive. That doesn't leave much to choose from. When you get that therapy, delve into why you are extremely fussy.

 

I'm the same way. I'm not interested in most people, much less attracted to them, but put me in my preferred crowd or subculture, and I'm attracted to a lot.

 

Cookies, I have a type too, but it's not carved in stone. What you will find is sometime you'll end up liking someone who isn't exactly your physical hair/eye type and then that will expand your tolerance. Like I like dark hair, fair skin, blue eyes best, but of course I've fallen in love with dark hair/fair skin/dark eyes and then I met a guy i really liked who had blond hair, which I usually find either too clean cut looking or too weak looking (not saying it makes rational sense). Also can't stand thick body hair, facial hair, pretty much a dealbreaker there.

 

All I'm saying is if you find your intellectual type, your niche, your crowd that embraces you, you will find more types attractive within that group. I had to leave town to find my crowd.

[preraph]

I'm implying that her type looks like Mickey Rooney.

 

It's a joke.

 

As Mickey Rooney's character once said, "It all [his problems] began when debutantes started wearing strapless gown.]

 

Mickey Rooney was the unlikely male teen idol of the day in the days of Judy Garland.

[BFH]

Can't say for sire, but sometimes what people think is "their type" are actually made up of people that wouldn't necessarily consider that person in the first place...

 

I am a clean cut and well built built guy(kind of a gym nut) that lives clean, I may look a bit edgy at times, but generally I am straight laced and not the type that would ever consider a sloppy/heavy out of shape woman, nor a marginally groomed, Deadhead. pot smoking type of woman that looks like she never changed her look/persona since Woodstock..

 

Yet, I have been pursued by many of these types of women over the years...While I am flattered. and there is nothing at all wrong with these women, I just can't see the logic..

 

My only advice is if you have a type and its not an obvious mismatch, then don't settle and get what you want..

[Cookiesandough]

Can't say for sire, but sometimes what people think is "their type" are actually made up of people that wouldn't necessarily consider that person in the first place...

 

I am a clean cut and well built built guy(kind of a gym nut) that lives clean, I may look a bit edgy at times, but generally I am straight laced and not the type that would ever consider a sloppy/heavy out of shape woman, nor a marginally groomed, Deadhead. pot smoking type of woman that looks like she never changed her look/persona since Woodstock..

 

Yet, I have been pursued by many of these types of women over the years...While I am flattered. and there is nothing at all wrong with these women, I just can't see the logic..

 

My only advice is if you have a type and its not an obvious mismatch, then don't settle and get what you want..

 

 

I totally get what you mean..but I'm the opposite. I'm clean cut and straightlaced, in shape....some might look at me and think I'm a little high maintenance, because I'm girly and wear dresses and heels and don't have much of an edge. I'm attracted largely to the opposite guy. Laid back, edgy, eccentric and kind of a "thrown together" look, unkept...

 

 

Very opposite physically...dunno what to do

 

I canceled another date with a sweetheart. I literally refuse to go out if it's anything less than what I want...I won't settle because being alone is preferable to that