Do I have a problem .......

[Sarah]

I need some advice, this is a confusing situation.

 

I broke up with my boyfriend at the beginning of the year, it was a quick clean cut and I didnt see him for a month. During this time he was DESPERATELY trying to make contact with me, but I didnt want to be with him anymore, mainly due to the way that he was and the little respect that he had for me.

 

anyways, I think that the clean break made him look at his life and me, and he begged me to speak to him, even if it was only for 30 minutes, so I did - he explained his side and he understands how and what he did was wrong, and his willingness to change.

 

So we have been spending more and more time together and to my surprise he has actually changed!! Amazing but true!!

 

I can feel myself falling in love with him all over again.

 

Now my problem is.... my parents DO NOT LIKE him. Not at all - and they dont even know that I am talking to him again. I think that they will be VERY disappointed if they knew. I dont know what to do - or how to even tell them that we are "friends", they wont understand, but I love them so much - REALLY love them - and I dont want to hurt them.

 

Has anyone else been in this situation? Or can give me some sound advice?????

 

Thanks

[Tony T]

It's slightly eight months until the Christmas holidays so you do have some time to break the news to you parents slowly. A full explanation of what happened may help them to accept your reconciliation more mildly. No doubt, your parent's dislike for your guy is based mostly on what you have told them...so you have to do damage control now.

 

This is your life and your relationship. You do not have the power to hurt your parents. That's something they decide on doing for themselves. You must live your life independent of them and make yourself happy.

 

If all of your actions in life are aimed at making your parents happy, you should advise your guy immediately so he can be prepared for this.

[sparkle]

Hi Sarah,

 

I don't have anything else to add to Tony's response, but I do have a question for you.

 

You didn't state what caused you to break up with him in the first place, besides saying that "he had little respect" for you.

 

Did he physically or verbally abuse you? Because if he did, then it's a whole different story.

[Miss Mojo]

hi sarah,

 

you say that he didn't have respect for you and that your parents do not like him. is this the reason why your parents don't like him, or is there more to it?

 

now, i was sort of in this situation myself....my ex's parents didn't want a bar of me. why? because i was the "older woman", and i was obviously out to corrupt their precious son (err, not!). that's the only reason why they did not like me at all.

 

BUT....

 

in a few other cases that i know of where a parent/parents do not like their child's partner, the reason(s) have been totally justified e.g. a few years ago, i was with a guy who was an emotionally abusive alcoholic (this didn't surface until about 6 months to 1 year into our relationship). my mother could not stand him because he was basically a disrespectful pig with very little regard for my feelings at all and would always say he would change but never did. i never saw him the way my mother did and for *4.5 years* i kept taking him back, convincing myself that my mother didn't know him like i did, and kidding myself that underneath his bulls*** there was a decent person......well, my mother was right, and i was wrong.

 

it's really hard to say if you're doing the right thing here, because i am not aware if there was any sort of abuse going on....but please be careful.....people can appear over a number of months to have changed, and before you know it, they're back into their old routine again. just keep a watchful eye on his behaviour and look for any signs that he may be returning to his old disrespectful ways, and if he is, boot him out the door.

 

personally, i believe that you are in a relationship to make yourself happy, and not to make your parents happy. but if your parents have a *genuine* reason to dislike this guy (such as abuse, lying, disrespect, addictions etc) then understand that they feel this way about your guy because they love you and want the best for you. parents seem to have this uncanny knack for sussing out our partners, and i hate to say it, but 9 times out of 10, they are spot on with their thoughts and their objective point of view. they don't wear blinkers when viewing their childrens relationships....although there are those few cases where judgments are not in your best interests e.g. race, age, social status....

 

if you have a strong feeling over the next few months that things are going to be different with him this time around, then break it to your parents then....they will get over their disappointment if you have your head screwed on abotu this guy. it's tough bikkies to them. on the other hand, if you're not convinced in time that this guy has changed, then move on.

 

just remember - you date people who make you happy, not your parents. if there is no just reason for your parents to dislike a person, date them till the cows come home. just don't lose sight of what you deserve.