Ladies .

[Ramsey1982]

My wife used to be a porn star in the sheets. Now she's Mary Poppins. Her libido gradually decreased after marriage and after 2 years it was pretty much gone. It's year 7 now. Before marriage we had crazy screaming pounding aggressive sex for an hour, at least once a day. We had a child and she's not nearly as attractive as she was prior to marriage, but I still find her very attractive and make it very clear to her.

 

Most people would say I'm a notch out of her league now, but I clearly find her attractive and show it, so what gives? She acts like I'm the one who's physically gone down hill. I'm 40 now and my stamina and ability isn't what it once was, but when you're only having sex once a month, you get rusty. Plus, when she shows no desire, it's hard to have good sex with her. She only wants to have an orgasm every couple months and she only likes it with the lights out and very vanilla.

 

If she's not in the mood, she wants me to hurry and finish. Our relationship is better than ever, but she just doesn't lust for me anymore. She used to beg for it, lust for me, need me. It seems like the worse the relationship the better the sex and the better the relationship the worse the sex.

 

It's all so confusing. I am here to proclaim my ignorance of the females. They want crazy mauling sex one day, the next day they get married and suddenly they're mother Theresa. Any advice? I want my submissive sex kitten back. Help me!

Edited March 26, 2017 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
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[MJJean]

What did/does she say about her lack of desire when you discuss it with her?

 

Have you made it very clear that the lack of sex is an extremely serious issue for you and that you are deeply unhappy living in a sexless marriage?

[somanymistakes]

I was gonna say, many ladies don't like being lumped into one basket of "the females", but then, if you're trying to get a submissive sex kitten I suppose you are looking for someone who finds that attitude cute.

 

It's not all women, and it's not only women. While on this forum we mostly see men complaining about sexless relationships with uninterested wives, on a different forum talking about the same problem the split is much closer to equal. There's a lot of ladies out there frustrated as hell that their kind, responsible husbands have more interest in the computer than in them.

 

Anyway, there's a lot of threads on the subject and you need to get more information out of your wife before a plan of action can be established.

 

Did she honestly like sex to begin with? It sounds like probably yes, in your case, which is a good start - the other is much harder to fix!

 

Did the dropoff in her interest line up with her pregnancy/childbirth at all? Pregnancy can have quite a toll on the body, which can lead to problems with hormones making you less sexually interested, problems with physical changes making some things painful that didn't used to be, or psychological problems feeling bad about how your body isn't like it used to be.

 

Wanting sex only with the lights out makes it sound like she may have some shame issues going on. Is religion a big factor in her life? Was she raised to believe that good wives, good mothers, are not meant to be sexual creatures? She may have been steering herself away from sexual desire for some time. If so, this is probably solvable but it will take time to unpick those attitudes and make her willing to enjoy herself again.

 

Bad-relationship-good-sex and vice versa is often tied into a lot of people's screwed-up attitudes towards sex. If you tend to think sex is bad and wrong, you may feel guilty for doing anything too wicked with the person you love in a nurturing long-term way... but if you're allowing yourself to be wicked and banging the bad boy at a party, you've already thrown good behavior out the window and you don't care what anyone thinks, so you're much less inhibited.

[oldshirt]

I want my submissive sex kitten back. Help me!

 

Since you used the word kitten, I'll tell you a true story of an actual kitten of ours that I think is a good representation of the world.

 

When I was about jr high age, my dad came home with a kitten one day. For some reason the kitten and I hit it off immediately. We would run and play for hours and it would follow me around the house and cuddle up and sleep with me at night. When I would get home from school in the afternoon it would meet me at the day and we would spend the evening playing and roughhousing.

 

Eventually it grew enough that it went into heat and doing that awful cat behavior when it's in heat. One day someone was coming in the door and the cat shot through their legs and ran outside and disappeared. She was gone for several days and I was very worried.

 

But she showed up at the doorstep a few days later and wanted back in the house.

 

I was thrilled she was back but I could immediately tell that she was somehow "different." When I would get home from school she no longer would meet me at the door. When I would try to play with her, she would squirm away to do her own thing. She always seemed preoccupied looking around the house and wanted nothing to do with me.

 

My mom told me she was likely pregnant and was looking for a place to deliver and raise her babies.

 

Sure enough her growing belly showed she was indeed knocked up and in time she had her litter.

 

For several weeks she was busy tending to her litter and in time we found homes for all the kittens and she was back to being the only cat in the house.

 

But even though the kittens were gone, she was still 'different.' She still no longer would meet me at the door or follow me around the house or even cuddle up and sleep with me at night.

 

Occasionally she might rub up against me for a moment and would let me pet her for a few strokes but then she'd want to wander off and do her own thing. If I tried to play with her, she might bat a ball around for a moment or two but then she'd have enough and go off to do something else.

 

She had turned into a regular, lazy house cat that did her own thing.

 

One day I bitched to my mom about her and told her how much I missed the cute, cuddly, playful kitten.

 

My mom sat me down and got serious and started talking to me with her School-Marm voice. she told me that she had babies now and so she will always be a mother and will never be the carefree, playful kitten again. She basically told me that I would have to accept that she was a different cat now and that if I wanted to have a bond and relationship with her I would have to develop a new relationship with her as a mature cat and not the old one as a kitten.

 

Somehow I knew back then that this was a life-lesson and that even though she was talking about cats - she wasn't really talking about cats if you know what I mean.

[dichotomy]

Common story here.

 

 

I know it personally. Its painful.

 

 

You have to change - its very hard to change her. She may then respond to the new you.

[stillafool]

Do you still lust for her?