We kissed with ex, now what?

[Protec]

Why are you still sending her good night messages?

 

You're focusing on her behaviour still... 'why is she doing this', 'what she is doing'... it is completely the wrong way to think about it. Nobody says it's easy, but you have to keep the focus on you. You do not need answers from her. Whatever progress you make is going to be limited by this mindset.

 

I just like to send her a message. I don't mean nothing much by it.

 

She came out from her silent treatment immeditely when i apologized her.

 

"Are you mad? I didn't mean to make you mad, it's just that it's very hard for me when you constantly tell me how wonderful your man is and how happy you are now. Think about my feelings too."

 

"What feelings? Aren't friends meant so you can tell your daily things etc.

I did not mean to compare you or anything." etc.

 

She got immeaditely mad when i told that i get hurt when she tells about how wonderful her man is.

 

"it feels like you have problems listening some things i want to tell you". Well no ****? It's not my job to be her mental support anymore. It's not my job to be her shoulder to cry on.

 

It's her new mans job now. If he cannot do it, then i guess she should think if that guy is the right one after all.

 

I could maybe be her friend if she would stop bragging about her life all the time. She dumped me after she cheated, now she brags how wondeful her life is and how amazing her man is. She tells about the trips they do as a "family" etc.

 

And i miss those kids. I miss that. Doing things together.

 

Then she tells me she has some things that are on her mind. Well, she as a new man to talk about those things that are on her mind. It's not my job anymore.

 

BEcause when i think about relationship, i want my partner to be the one who will support me when i have something in my mind and vice versa. That's called TRUST. And if you cannot turn to your partner and talk about stuff that trouble you...it's bad news.

 

She is now engaged. She has 2 kids. She has steady job. She has PERFECT man. She has a new car. Motorcycle. They have nice apartment. No money problems.

 

And yet STILL it seems she is not happy. She has EVERYTHING. I would cry from happiness if i had engagement ring in my finger.

 

What i have? I have no kids, no woman, no steady job, i don't even have my own car or motorcycle. I have nice apartment, but horrible neighbours. Am i happy? I try to be. Because it's not about money, it's not about having a shiny new car it's about accepting what you have. Sure, i admit i could have things better, of course. But i am alive. No matter how much money i would have, i am still this same person.

 

So yes. It annoys the hell out of me when she complains. And it annoys me too when she brags. I don't complain about my problems to her. And even if i would find a perfect woman, i wouldn't brag with it. Maybe i would say something like "Oh btw, i am dating again." And that's it. She doesn't need to know anything else.

 

But she tells me about her mans blood pressure problems (i wonder why...)

tells me what the guy cooks, how wonderful man he is, how much money he makes, how much work he does etc. I DON'T CARE!

 

Why on earth does she tell me those things?! Sure, maybe she is just happy and wants to share her happiness, but it seems she really doesn't remember that she CHEATED on me, and then dumped me.

 

I don't care if my other female friends complain or tell me about their new man. I don't have any emotional connection to those people. They are simply friends, and they have always been. But me and my ex had something more. She said "I love you" to me.

 

But today i noticed...she really doesn't care. Going into silent treatment is very low trick. And i didn't even say anything that bad. Only thing i said was "Well maybe i leave you and Mr. Perfect alone".

 

Boom. Silent treatment. Without blinking an eye she is ready to ditch her friend.

 

I have never silent treated anyone. I have been silent though, because i've been angry so i don't say anything stupid out of anger, but that is different. I have not stopped responding to other on purpose.

 

So do i really need a Friend like this? She doesn't care about me at all. She doesn't ever care about her new man.

 

She just uses everyone. The moment her new man messes up somehow, disobeys her, etc. He will get it too.

[ML Hammer95]

You do mean something by it though... I know personally I would not send any girl a good night message if I did not have feelings for them or I was talking to/seeing them. I think you are secretly hoping she'll want you back.

 

Again, it is IRRELEVANT what she is thinking, what she is doing, why she does things. By keeping yourself hung up on that, you are denying yourself the chance to fully move on. You keep doing things with her when any outsider will tell you it is impossible for you to be friends with this woman!

 

And yes, I have been reading the previous threads to get background. The amount of times you say things like 'I will never contact her again' or 'I don't want anything more to do with her' is revealing.

 

You are not her friend. When if you are honest with yourself, you want more. It comes across in all these messages, post after post about what she is doing. Hopefully you realise one day it is all irrelevant and you should just focus on yourself and not allow this woman in your life. Because it is self sabotage.

 

If it annoys you when she complains, the solution is simple: do not engage.

[NuevoYorko]

Nah, she cheated on you and then reported you to the police and you stuck around or went back.

 

For hitting her.

[Blanco]

You do mean something by it though... I know personally I would not send any girl a good night message if I did not have feelings for them or I was talking to/seeing them. I think you are secretly hoping she'll want you back.

 

Again, it is IRRELEVANT what she is thinking, what she is doing, why she does things. By keeping yourself hung up on that, you are denying yourself the chance to fully move on. You keep doing things with her when any outsider will tell you it is impossible for you to be friends with this woman!

 

And yes, I have been reading the previous threads to get background. The amount of times you say things like 'I will never contact her again' or 'I don't want anything more to do with her' is revealing.

 

You are not her friend. When if you are honest with yourself, you want more. It comes across in all these messages, post after post about what she is doing. Hopefully you realise one day it is all irrelevant and you should just focus on yourself and not allow this woman in your life. Because it is self sabotage.

 

If it annoys you when she complains, the solution is simple: do not engage.

 

Dude, in case you haven't figured it out yet, you're wasting your time. Just let him live in his fantasy land where he thinks he can actually be friends with this woman and knows better than to listen to anyone here or his therapist.

 

Let him continue to think he's having an original thought when he "realizes" again and again that this woman is selfish and doesn't care about him. Let him think he's covering new ground when he posts for the umpteenth time about how his ex should be happy because she is now engaged but seeks comfort from him.

 

Let him continue to think he's got control of this situation and will actually cut her out of his life for good.

 

Just let him post about these things again and again, with nothing ever changing except another week, another month, another year has passed and been wasted.

 

But please, stop offering him advice and counterpoints if you're actually interested in getting through to him. Because if that's your goal, you are trying to do the impossible.

 

Just let him be.

[ML Hammer95]

Dude, in case you haven't figured it out yet, you're wasting your time. Just let him live in his fantasy land where he thinks he can actually be friends with this woman and knows better than to listen to anyone here or his therapist.

 

Let him continue to think he's having an original thought when he "realizes" again and again that this woman is selfish and doesn't care about him. Let him think he's covering new ground when he posts for the umpteenth time about how his ex should be happy because she is now engaged but seeks comfort from him.

 

Let him continue to think he's got control of this situation and will actually cut her out of his life for good.

 

Just let him post about these things again and again, with nothing ever changing except another week, another month, another year has passed and been wasted.

 

But please, stop offering him advice and counterpoints if you're actually interested in getting through to him. Because if that's your goal, you are trying to do the impossible.

 

Just let him be.

 

Yeah mate, you're 100% right. I will just be an onlooker from now on. I just read through all the old threads and there is genuinely nothing I can do.

[Protec]

Yeah mate, you're 100% right. I will just be an onlooker from now on. I just read through all the old threads and there is genuinely nothing I can do.

 

You people have done a lot. I know i don't do what you say. But i have learned a lot from everyone of you. Without you guys and this website, i would have ended up in a looney house i think.

 

This has been very important forum for me. I am going forward, slowly, but even my friend said to me last night "You seem to be more positive than lately" Even though i had a "fight" with my ex yesterday, i didn't let it destroy my day.

 

And yes....i did some stupid things like confessing my love to her and telling that her current man is not the right one for her. I was little bit too drunk. But she just says "We are just friends who understand each other in a special way". What special way? So that she wants to hug me? That she wants to be near me?

 

Now she knows i love her. I doubt she wants to see mee again.But i think my ex doesn't care if i have feelings for her or not.

 

It's funny how she keeps calling us friends. it's kinda nice but we are not friends.

 

-I can never see her kids again (Her kids would not understand, she said)

-I cannot do things i want with her (not talking about sex). But i cannot take her into concerts, or other events with me.

-We only meet up when she wants, when i ask meet-up she usually ignores.

-We cannot talk about everything. It feels too strange and hurts my feelings when she brags about her new relationship.

-We are too physical. Hugging is ok when you see someone. That quick "nice to see you"-hug. Or when you separate. But hugging for 2 hours on my bed? That is beyond being just friends.

 

So in conclusion: We are not friends. We are not enemies either. I don't know how to describe it.

 

Now i am going to read up the old thread completely. And i try to improve my life.

 

-Removing alcohol (saves money, saves brains, increases health)

-More sports, being outside

-new hobby : Boxing

-More making music (I am talented, i just need to believe myself bit more)

-Concentrating more on me

-Trying to do more things ALONE (this one is important, i need to love my self more, and be my own best friend.)

 

I can do it. I just need to believe in myself and gain more self respect.

 

I don't want to lose my ex from my life, but maybe it's best i don't meet her anymore. IT always ends up to hugging etc. Or, if i see her, i have to keep my distance. No more "energy sucking" for her. Last time i saw her, i tried to keep my distance but she just had to touch me.

 

Thank you and have a nice May Day

[Protec]

I made myself a text-file, i will mark every day i've been without alcohol with an checkmark.

 

I wrote inspirational words there and i will read them every MORNING to remind me about my goals in life, about my dreams in my life.

 

And right now, my problem is not my ex, not really. She has not done anything bad at me. I need to get my self fixed. Alcohol messes up my head, and my emotions. I cannot control them even if i think i do. I think it's quite obvious that i don't. I keep making the same mistakes over and over and over again.

 

I think i can handle my emotions. But i cannot. Again last night, i cried, i was drunk (with my friends) and sent her text messages how much i love her etc.

 

Alcohol is my worst enemy at the moment. It messes up my head. But i am not the only person in the world to do drunk texting, but honestly i could live without it.

 

Now i will concentrate to get rid of alcohol.

[Protec]

2 Days without alcohol. 1 day without talking to my ex.

 

I struggled when i walked past the alcohol shelf in the store...but instead of alcohol, i took a can of soda. I have to do this.

[Protec]

All right. Well, good news (or bad):

 

My ex doesn't want to stay connected anymore. Apparently i crossed the line when i told i still have feelings towards her and her current man is not the right one for her.

 

Not saying i would be better, but that guy IS NOT the one for her. No one is.

 

But this is my chance to get rid of her. I kinda expected this since she has become more distant during these weeks.

 

But it's amazing what she does. She was so excited about me for a full month, about my music, about me, about everything. The "magical connection" between us and wanting to spend time close to me because i just feel SO GOOD to hug etc.

 

Now? Without even blinkin an eye, she says she wants to "take a break between us". That's something you say to a person you are dating! Not to your friend.

 

I understand her point of course. But what makes me laugh is that according to her, it's ok to walk hand in hand, hug for hours on my bed, kiss, etc. but when i say i have feelings...she panics and cuts the cord.

 

I was right. She never was my friend. Friends don't act like that....Friends don't use others for personal gains.

 

Maybe she had some bad time going in her relationship and that is why she came for me, because i highly doubt she genuenily wanted to be my friend.

 

So any support would be nice now ANY. Just shout "hang in there Protec!" And i will be happy.

[VeveCakes]

I'm really proud of you for not drinking! Please join aa or something similar for support. Does your therapist know you are an alcoholic?

 

This is your chance for a fresh start. Take it!

[Altair0770]

All right. Well, good news (or bad):

 

My ex doesn't want to stay connected anymore. Apparently i crossed the line when i told i still have feelings towards her and her current man is not the right one for her.

 

Not saying i would be better, but that guy IS NOT the one for her. No one is.

 

But this is my chance to get rid of her. I kinda expected this since she has become more distant during these weeks.

 

But it's amazing what she does. She was so excited about me for a full month, about my music, about me, about everything. The "magical connection" between us and wanting to spend time close to me because i just feel SO GOOD to hug etc.

 

Now? Without even blinkin an eye, she says she wants to "take a break between us". That's something you say to a person you are dating! Not to your friend.

 

I understand her point of course. But what makes me laugh is that according to her, it's ok to walk hand in hand, hug for hours on my bed, kiss, etc. but when i say i have feelings...she panics and cuts the cord.

 

I was right. She never was my friend. Friends don't act like that....Friends don't use others for personal gains.

 

Maybe she had some bad time going in her relationship and that is why she came for me, because i highly doubt she genuenily wanted to be my friend.

 

So any support would be nice now ANY. Just shout "hang in there Protec!" And i will be happy.

 

This is the best post I've seen from you.

 

Now, I've seen people say constantly that you're a lost cause. I do suggest you start looking up narcissism and narcissist abuse if you believe she is indeed a narcissist.

 

The whole "love bombing" is to get supply. She has now devalued and discarded you. Hopefully for the last time.

 

The only way to break free and live your life free from the abuse (yes, it is emotional abuse) is to cut all ties with her. Don't let her back in your door. She will continue to try as long as she thinks you are an easy source of supply.

 

She wants you to make her feel good when her boyfriend isn't. She doesn't give a damn about you. Don't give a damn about her! It's much better when you stop caring about them. Although it does suck when all you want is revenge... but it's better than being trapped in an endless loop.

 

She may come back begging and pleading for you to take her back. DO NOT DO IT. The more you do it, the more temporary it will be, and the worse it will get. She thinks she owns you. YOU own you. Hang in there.

[Protec]

This is the best post I've seen from you.

 

Now, I've seen people say constantly that you're a lost cause. I do suggest you start looking up narcissism and narcissist abuse if you believe she is indeed a narcissist.

 

The whole "love bombing" is to get supply. She has now devalued and discarded you. Hopefully for the last time.

 

The only way to break free and live your life free from the abuse (yes, it is emotional abuse) is to cut all ties with her. Don't let her back in your door. She will continue to try as long as she thinks you are an easy source of supply.

 

She wants you to make her feel good when her boyfriend isn't. She doesn't give a damn about you. Don't give a damn about her! It's much better when you stop caring about them. Although it does suck when all you want is revenge... but it's better than being trapped in an endless loop.

 

She may come back begging and pleading for you to take her back. DO NOT DO IT. The more you do it, the more temporary it will be, and the worse it will get. She thinks she owns you. YOU own you. Hang in there.

 

Actually her discard lasted for 1 whole day. And she started texting me again "oh when can i come and make music with you". And yesterday i met her, she suddenly sent message and asked me to movies. We went to movies and we did have fun...BUT...it turned out ugly. She as amazing ability to push my buttons. She didn't tell me anything bad. It's the complete opposite.

 

She constantly praises me and tells me how bad sex she has with her new man and how they are not emotionally on same level etc. and she constantly says "oh..it's so frustrating that we have this awesome connection but...but i am engaged."

 

While walkin in the city she actually told me: "I like to escape from my daily life to be with you." It's pretty depressing actually.

 

she is supposed to be happy, she has a new man and she is engaged but she complais to me all the time how they don't have the emotional bond and sex is bad etc. and she praises our connection all the time.

 

"Oh we have something very special between us. No one else has it like this"

"I can read your mind. Seriously. Stop sending your thoughts to me"

"We are truly similar. It feels like our mind is one."

etc. She kept praising me so much. It started to feel absurd. If we really have such a magical soulmate connection, why we are not together then?!

 

After she drove me home, I've had enough. During the way home she kept her hand on my lap "oh i need to warm my hand". I had enough of that BS.

 

I told her what i think about all this. "Why on earth you are with that guy then if he sex with him sucks and he is not emotionally at your level? Instead you come here with me, you hug me, we even kissed one month ago, and that is ok to your new man? I seriously doubt it. What if i'd send all the messages and let him know what we have been doing here, i don't think he would like it very much. Face the truth. Only reason you are with that guy is because he brings money to the table". And something i rambled about.

 

But i was tired, emotionally and i hated the fact i had such strong emotions towards her. So i did not hate her or what she told me, i was angry at myself for feeling these feelings towards her.

 

She tried to find excuse for being so intimate with me "well you know...sometimes you just feel like hugging someone" YES. But that someone should be your own PARTNER! Not your ex or your male friend!

 

She doesn't love the guy. I know it. She is unable to truly love anyone. Sure, it seems like that, but it's not love. She doesn't care.

 

And she got mad at me. So mad she sent me a message today "I had enough of you. I was afraid being with you and i will never forgive you."

 

Yes. 99% of the time we had fun. We had SO MUCH FUN. We were like two lovers who are madly in love with each other. One angry comment and it goes all down the drain. Everything. Swoosh. Never mind we had almost 4 hours of fun time together. It's the last 10 minutes that she remembers. Forget about the fun stuff, it's only the bad things that matter.

 

Movie was fun. We had fun walking in the city. We had fun sitting at the riverfront watching moon. She had even written lyrics for a music track she wanted to make with me.

 

"I made these lyrics, i would really want to sing them and make that song with you."

 

There is something genuine in her. I don't know what she is.

 

I asked from my therapist "Am i the insane one here? Seriously, it feels like i am losing my mind." She told me i am not. Yes, i have co-dependency issues and i have seriously hard time letting her go. But insane? No. Delusional. No. My therapist told me "I have 20 years of expertise in psychology, and what you have told me, it seems like your ex-gf should be hospitalized. Being bipolar does not create that kind of behaviour, to me it sounds she could be a psychopath. Being unable to attach herself to any human being and having no empathy towards others, that's usually trait of psychopath person."

 

And yes. My ex has no empathy. She is good at acting. But i remember.

 

When she cheated on me and i wanted to talk about it how it hurt me she told me "Why do you have to bring that up all the time. So are you going to remind me about that every day now!"

 

And when i scolded her for that cheating "That's IT! You have anger management issues! You are insane! You seriously need to be treated. You are not normal!"

 

And once when she messed around with her medicines and made her act strange i told her that her behaviour and belitting me hurts my emotions.

 

Her response? "Oh boohoo. does our little protec feel bad. Oh boohoo."

 

And after that amusement park trip, we had fun. After 2 days she sends me text "sorry but we cannot see anymore. I have a new man".

 

She doesn't give a ****. I am nothing more than a appliance to her. A toy she likes to play with when her new toy is boring.

 

I actually got afraid of her yesterday. "I can read your mind." "Mm..no you can't." "YES I CAN! I really can hear everything what you think about. stop sending your thoughts in my head."

 

Yeah. Too much is too much. I mean...it's fun being with her. But it hurts. I care about her, there is lots of good in her. Lots of it. But that is exactly why i need to let her go. I want too much. I want more than just see her now and then. But i cannot never have it. I am nothing to her. And she will never understand what love is. What she is doing is not love. If you truly love someone you don't go messing around with your ex.

 

I want too much. And it hurts when she says all those nice things about me, like she is in love, but instead she drives home to her man who apparently is not emotionally combatible with her. Good for her then.

 

But to the point. I am struggling. badly, but i will hang in there. I have decided.

[Protec]

I'm really proud of you for not drinking! Please join aa or something similar for support. Does your therapist know you are an alcoholic?

 

This is your chance for a fresh start. Take it!

 

Yes i have talked about it with her. I don't drink much. But now i have started to realize i don't need alcohol. Hell, alcohol just makes me worse. I get emotional, angry, you name it.

 

alcohol has caused so much damage to my relationships, to me, to my loved ones, it has to stop.

 

Usually i've bought few beers when i go to sauna. This week? I bought sparkling water I admit, i took few drinks with my ex last night. But i was week without drinking! And now i know i can be week without, i can be weeks without.

 

I will do this VeVe. I will stop drinking. Because of me. I deserve better. I won't turn into absolutist, but i just want to start feeling better.

 

I am seriously motivated about this. I have to be. I can do this. I cannot control myself when i drink. I want to believe i can. But when i look at my past...i cannot. Sure, usually i am fine when i drink, i am usually very happy and nice guy even if i drink.

 

But sometimes...i lose control. I get angry. I get sad. I get furious. I cry. etc. And i have done damage to people i love because i've been drunk.

 

I have harmed people i love. I have yelled at people i love. I have hurt people i love. all under influence of alcohol.

 

I deserve better. My loved ones deserve better.

[Protec]

Yees. First day without alcohol again. Now i am going for a long walk. IT's a perfect sunny day outside.

 

I admit i feel bad for getting angry at my ex. I really had no reason to get angry at her, all she did was say nice things about me. But that was it that annoyed me. She knows i have feelings towards her, she knows i care about her and would like to be with her.

 

Yet still she compliments me all the time, wants to hug me and be close to me. And when i tell her "i think i am falling in love again". She gets mad at me.

 

Any person would fall in love in that kind of situation. I mean, the soulmate effect is so strong when we are together. She is exactly like me and i am exactly like her.

 

I've never had so much fun in my life. And then she blames if i have feelings for her. and she doesn't understand it hurts being with her. She is beautiful, funny, she has amazing mind. She is just like me.

 

Luckily, i have read about some articles about narcissism, sosiopathy and psychopaths. "The Soulmate Effect".

 

It feels so GOOD. It's the best feeling i've ever had with anyone in my life. I feel alive. I feel like a kid again. I am excited. Happy. I can finally be myself. I feel free. I feel i am at home. I want the time to stop. I never want this moment to end.

 

"Who are you and how on earth are you making me feel this way?"

 

That's the feeling when i am with her. And it's so powerful feeling i want to experience it again and again and again. That is why it's so hard to let go.

 

And she doesn't understand. I told her i love her. I told her being with her hurts me, when she tells about her new man, relationship. She doesn't understand it. "So how exactly am i hurting you? Aren't friends supposed to be able to tell everything to each other". Yes. And No.

 

Yes, when there are no romantic emotions evolved.

No, when there are romantic emotions from either of the sides.

 

And i have romantic emotions towards her. The one thing i would love to do with her the most is fall asleep next to her. Hold her and and just fall asleep.

 

I don't expect answers to these posts. I just write them to get then out of my system. Somehow it feels better to write them out here than just in my notepad.

 

But she does have the most beautiful mind. That's why i wanted to hang in there. She is truly one of a kind, I still secretly hope that some day she would realize we are supposed to be together and make it work somehow.

 

I don't know if she lies to me, if the whole thing is just mirroring. I really hope it's not.

[VeveCakes]

You say you don't drink much but you can hardly go a day without. If you aren't honest here you aren't honest with your therapist I bet either.

 

You say you can go weeks so do it. Why must you drink the minute your ex is present?

 

I don't know how many times people have to tell you to stop focusing on your exs actions and focus on your own instead.

 

You will never understand the ex because she is not mentally stable nor is she honest with you. She's a lying cheating user. What more is there to understand?

[Protec]

You say you don't drink much but you can hardly go a day without. If you aren't honest here you aren't honest with your therapist I bet either.

 

You say you can go weeks so do it. Why must you drink the minute your ex is present?

 

I don't know how many times people have to tell you to stop focusing on your exs actions and focus on your own instead.

 

You will never understand the ex because she is not mentally stable nor is she honest with you. She's a lying cheating user. What more is there to understand?

 

What i mean i don't drink much is that usually i just drink few drinks, no more. But i've been again 3 days without alcohol. And my ex called. She discarded me again.

 

I got angry at her last friday, i told her what i thought about all this "game" we are playing. Today she called me, we talked for 40 mins, she tells me i am insane, crazy, i need pills and whatever. So be it.

 

I don't need her. I want her in my life, but i don't need her in my life.

 

"You had your chance and you blew it by getting angry at me." What chance? To be her friend? Funny. She told me she didn't remember anything and does not want to remember old stuff again.

 

I knew it was a trap last friday. She told me to come to city with a bus, so i could take some drinks. She knew i would lose my temper when i am drunk. She knows how to "be nice" and still annoy the hell out of me.

 

Well. Now she said she doesn't want to see me ever again and her man does not let me come over because he is afraid i might do something to her!

 

Jesus Christ, only if her man knew what we have been doing here

 

Anyway. I guess it's over now.

 

She discarded me because i stood against her again. I just got tired of her bull****. Constanly praising me, telling how she doesn't have emotional connection with her new man and sex sucks.

[Protec]

I have not seen my ex in a week and barely talked with her.

 

We have sent few messages back and forth. Just her mostly saying she cant wait for my new music and said she would love to make music but she cannot do it alone.

 

I was a fishing attempt so i would answer "just please come over".

 

and what i talked with my therapist, my emotionas are relatively normal. It is normal to feel annoyed when your ex brags about new ex, and compliments you. It causes confusion. The problem why i have gone to therapy, of course my anger management, but mostly to find out if i am normal. My ex made me feel i am crazy. She made me feel that my emotions are wrong. I am not supposed to get annoyed if she cheats, i am not supposed to get jealous etc. She negated all my emotions and made me feel i am crazy. "You are just overreacting, i would never cheat you".

 

She says i am the most amazing man etc. but still she doesn't want to have relationship with me. it's very contradictory and because of that i feel emotionally "ill".

 

And i had few alcohol drinks this week. But just a few. And at weekend. So i have been able to be weekdays without alcohol, that is a great improvement and next week i try to be even the weekend without alcohol.

 

It feels i am getting hang of it. Controlling my urge of alcohol, i just remind myself "Fight back. If you don't fight back, you lose. You are not a loser. Don't get better person because of her, become better person because of YOU."

 

i even asked a co-worker out, but she is already in a relationship but she answered me back very politely and even thanked me! "Thank you for asking me out :)"

 

So i feel very good about that. Actually i am very glad i DID ask her out. Even if i got rejected, i felt good about it because the way she anwered me back

 

And also i am getting hang of trying to be happy who i am. "Live your life as YOU see fit. Do things YOU enjoy and make you happy. Don't live how others want you to live. Just be yourself."

Edited May 14, 2017 by Protec

[Protec]

Anger. I am angry. I will use my anger to make myself better.

 

I have lost few kilos weight and i have started running more often and making results. I drink less alcohol than before. But i am angry. I am angry at my ex. How she treated me.

I am angry at myself for allowing such treament.

 

But also i am proud. I am proud to be alive. Last year i went really really down. I was thinking about suicide even. I was broken mentally. But here i am.

 

Not giving up. I will get better. I will get stronger. I will succeed.

 

[Protec]

God i wish i could keep up the enthusiasm. But here i am again, feeling sad, bad, devastated.

 

I made my ex angry by telling her new man is an idiot. Yes. I was terribly drunk again, i was with my friends and she sent me something that irritated me and here we go again.

 

...

 

Got to stay stronger.

[Protec]

I havent talked with my ex in few weeks now. She "discarded" me, because i told the truth about her behaviour.

 

That it is not okay to come over and kiss, hug etc. your ex-bf when you are engaged. She got angry (not visibly), but she discarded me the very next day. After having few weeks of silent treatment, she told me that "you don't respect me or anyone else". When i politely asked her to not disappear and if we could be friends again.

 

Again, few days of silent treatment, she read all my messages but never replied to them. Until suddenly she sent messages "Oh, i look like an old grandma". And she sent me the most beautiful picture of herself.

 

She looks good, i admit. And foolishly i told her that she looks gorgeous.

 

But i noticed that in that picture she did not have her engagement ring on her anymore. Is it normal to remove engagement ring?