Wife needs space. I've [messed] up..

[Marc878]

Update.... I hate to say this. But all you guys were right. She left a day ago, and my surprise. I check the phone bill and wala!!! HEARTBROKEN DUDES!!!! REALLY.. THIS FREAKING LIFE IS SHIZZZZZZ.... NEVER EVER FALL IN LOVE.. IT DOESNT LAST FOREVER!!!!

 

Seen this play out often and you were so convinced.

[Cephalopod]

Update.... I hate to say this. But all you guys were right. She left a day ago, and my surprise. I check the phone bill and wala!!! HEARTBROKEN DUDES!!!! REALLY.. THIS FREAKING LIFE IS SHIZZZZZZ.... NEVER EVER FALL IN LOVE.. IT DOESNT LAST FOREVER!!!!

 

We have seen this script played out thousand times.

 

Your woman is nothing special. Just a run-of-the-mill cheater doing what cheaters do. Go see a lawyer.

[lanilord]

Well, I've spoken to her, she says he's just a friend... But I dont believe her one bit. She is still with the "needs space thing, dont pressure me".. I think I'm gonna move on with my life. It's so sad, it's been 11 years. I just hope one day she realizes what she's lost and would want to continue our journey. I'm still madly in love with her and she knows it.

 

I'm going to give her no contact for a month. then I hope we could have a long talk and see where we are going to go from there. We are still married so it's an issue we need to consider in a while, or continue and work out our differences together or sadly divorce.

 

I'll update. For me, I'm still depressed. Days are long, nights are never ending and mornings are miserable. I hope it passes little by little.

 

cheers

[Marc878]

Well, I've spoken to her, she says he's just a friend... But I dont believe her one bit. She is still with the "needs space thing, dont pressure me".. I think I'm gonna move on with my life. It's so sad, it's been 11 years. I just hope one day she realizes what she's lost and would want to continue our journey. I'm still madly in love with her and she knows it.

 

Biggest lie told by cheaters everywhere. Space is to continue the sexual affair with her other man without you interrupting but keep you hanging on as plan B in case other man doesn't work out.

 

I'm going to give her no contact for a month. then I hope we could have a long talk and see where we are going to go from there. We are still married so it's an issue we need to consider in a while, or continue and work out our differences together or sadly divorce.

 

She's told you and shown you who she is but you refuse to believe it. Living in your denial will just keep you in limbo hell.

I'll update. For me, I'm still depressed. Days are long, nights are never ending and mornings are miserable. I hope it passes little by little.

 

cheers

 

Your weakness at this time is very unnattractive. Your best bet would be to file for divorce.

[aileD]

I know I'm of no help here but I just can't understand the people that will divorce or get angry or hate their SO for watching porn or...godforbid-- masturbating! Gasp.

 

Is this really a problem for people? I think I would beg for my only marital "problem" to be a husband masturbating to neighbor porn

[aurelius99]

Agree. The incident from 5 years ago is a convenient excuse. Sorry this is happening to you.

 

Yep. She has to come up with SOME reason. Otherwise she's the one who appears in the wrong--and she won't have that. If you didn't make that mistake 5 years ago, it would have been something else...like, "You don't give me enough attention".

 

Brace yourself, man.

[S2B]

If the new guy is married - tell his wife.

 

Expose her cheating to all family. Allow her family to know what she has been up to...and don't minimize it = she's been cheating. Most women don't rearrange their life unless they been intimately involved with another man.

 

Get the divorce filed - she needs to see what she's asked for.

 

 

Asking for space always means "I need distance so I can cheat without my spouse noticing". There's not one reason you need to stand by idly acting like her actions are ok - it's not! Start telling everyone you're not ok with the way she's used you and mistreated you.

[Cephalopod]

Well, I've spoken to her, she says he's just a friend... But I dont believe her one bit. She is still with the "needs space thing, dont pressure me".. I think I'm gonna move on with my life. It's so sad, it's been 11 years. I just hope one day she realizes what she's lost and would want to continue our journey. I'm still madly in love with her and she knows it.

 

I'm going to give her no contact for a month. then I hope we could have a long talk and see where we are going to go from there. We are still married so it's an issue we need to consider in a while, or continue and work out our differences together or sadly divorce.

 

I'll update. For me, I'm still depressed. Days are long, nights are never ending and mornings are miserable. I hope it passes little by little.

 

cheers

 

 

No more South American women. They're flakes. I've known many. I don't know any Spanish women but you need to divorce the current misfit and find yourself a nice Spanish girl to settle down with.

[Cephalopod]

I know I'm of no help here but I just can't understand the people that will divorce or get angry or hate their SO for watching porn or...godforbid-- masturbating! Gasp.

 

Is this really a problem for people? I think I would beg for my only marital "problem" to be a husband masturbating to neighbor porn

 

It depends on the context in which it is happening, and whether or not it violates the other spouse's personal boundaries.

 

As your spouse, I do not have to condone you watching and getting off on porn if I see porn as something offensive. If you do it, then you are violating a boundary that I have set. I can then choose to divorce you if I feel that violation is detrimental to me.

[elaine567]

My guess is her respect for the OP plummeted that day. He was no longer the man she thought he was. No longer a man she could look up to, no longer the man she adored, he was just a man with his hand on his penis getting excited watching the neighbours having sex... It doesn't really matter how many people think it is OK, SHE was upset and SHE considered it cheating.

If the neighbours "did it on purpose" was this a planned event for you to watch them? or was it more like you were having breakfast and you then by chance saw the neighbours "frolicking" in the garden?

 

Mistakes can seem very trivial, but stupid mistakes can alter a person's whole perception of who they think their partner really is and so can have far reaching consequences, as the OP has found out. Once a bond is weakened, things may never be the same again.

Seems to be a common problem, man does something wrong, big fights ensue, man forgets, thinks all is hunky dory. Woman doesn't forget, nothing is hunky dory.

Woman eventually leaves over a last straw event or she gets an unmissable opportunity or she finds someone else...

 

5 years on and now with her degree under her belt, the OP here is surplus to her requirements.

She is looking for a "better" man and a replacement.

She also sees her future back home, so I guess this new lover/friend is only a stopgap and a temporary arrangement.

[LifeNomad]

sounds like she met someone with her new job. The masturbating thing is just an excuse I think.

[aurelius99]

No more South American women. They're flakes. I've known many. I don't know any Spanish women but you need to divorce the current misfit and find yourself a nice Spanish girl to settle down with.

 

Yea but Spanish wives beat their husbands. It's just you don't hear about it because of the machismo image of the men.

[lanilord]

My guess is her respect for the OP plummeted that day. He was no longer the man she thought he was. No longer a man she could look up to, no longer the man she adored, he was just a man with his hand on his penis getting excited watching the neighbours having sex... It doesn't really matter how many people think it is OK, SHE was upset and SHE considered it cheating.

If the neighbours "did it on purpose" was this a planned event for you to watch them? or was it more like you were having breakfast and you then by chance saw the neighbours "frolicking" in the garden?

 

Mistakes can seem very trivial, but stupid mistakes can alter a person's whole perception of who they think their partner really is and so can have far reaching consequences, as the OP has found out. Once a bond is weakened, things may never be the same again.

Seems to be a common problem, man does something wrong, big fights ensue, man forgets, thinks all is hunky dory. Woman doesn't forget, nothing is hunky dory.

Woman eventually leaves over a last straw event or she gets an unmissable opportunity or she finds someone else...

 

5 years on and now with her degree under her belt, the OP here is surplus to her requirements.

She is looking for a "better" man and a replacement.

She also sees her future back home, so I guess this new lover/friend is only a stopgap and a temporary arrangement.

 

 

You are so right.... The thing is that if it was the other way around, we wouldnt be here in this forum, or at least I wouldnt be, Ive let so many "stupid" mistakes made by her pass and forgot them, love is so damn different in each person..

 

And yes, breakfast and garden, you totally nailed it!!!! It was like that!!!

[aurelius99]

I know I'm of no help here but I just can't understand the people that will divorce or get angry or hate their SO for watching porn or...godforbid-- masturbating! Gasp.

 

Is this really a problem for people? I think I would beg for my only marital "problem" to be a husband masturbating to neighbor porn

 

Exactly. Some people just NEED to have problems. I have a theory that some people who are dramatic and disturbed actually NEED problems. And if there aren't any true problems, they will take the next closest thing and make it a problem in their minds--so that at any given time they will have something to gripe about or say it's not enough.

Edited April 24, 2017 by aurelius99