comments on a letter to his wife please

[Ana-Iva]

He tricked me into a relationship as he did not tell me he was married and I found out after a few month. In November last year I told him to stay away from me after 10 month long affair. More precisely, I told him that if I ever see him at my sports club again, I will tell everything to his wife. He told me he will exercise his legal option against me, which is of course a BS and being a lawyer myself I know nobody can stop a person telling the truth under these circumstances.

Anyway, season started and I was really hoping he would not show up. But he did. So instead to give it all to his wife and send her all the proof of an affair I gave him another chance: I will only send this to his wife and it is something anyone could have written but it is a strong statement that I was not joking and that he has to take me seriously. I will not go to my club just to see his nasty face doing what he wants behind his wife's back and tricking younger girls into a relationship with him.

So here is the letter, any comments are welcome and even if there is anything grammatically incorrect please feel free to point it out as I am not a native speaker. Many thanks!

 

Dear XXXX

This is about your husband XXX and I am keeping it brief this time as it is not my intention to hurt you (or him) with this information. However, I need to protect myself.

So, very briefly, if XXX does not stay away from me and my social environment as we agreed, or tries to make any contact with me via text, phone or in any other way, I will make sure you get a proof of a 10-month long affair he had with me (texts, photos, my mattress with his DNA, and details that only a person who had a close intimate relationship with him could know – my name and contact if you want to ask me anything). This is my final warning to him – and it is his choice what he wants to do. If I had known he was married I would never entertain the idea of an affair and would think of him as a creepy old man rather than let him fool me into a relationship.

[whichwayisup]

So you're threatening her? For her to keep him away from you? So you tell her that you've had an affair with her husband and will only give her details and proof if he doesn't leave you alone. That makes no sense.

 

Tell her everything NOW. OWN your part in the affair (because you did choose to see him and continue an A once you found out he was in fact married, that part is on you) and apologize for your part in the affair.

 

Let her know that you don't want anything to do with him anymore and he won't leave you alone and that's why you've contacted her.

 

I still smell some revenge and resentment towards her. IF you tell her, rid of your anger, find compassion for her.

 

Also, as disgusted as you are with him, it's not up to you to decide what his consequences are. Let Karma take care of that. Remember you mess in his life (aka his wife) he's going to mess in your life so be prepared for your own consequences of having an affair with him.

 

 

 

This is about your husband XXX and I am keeping it brief this time as it is not my intention to hurt you (or him) with this information. However, I need to protect myself.

So, very briefly, if XXX does not stay away from me and my social environment as we agreed, or tries to make any contact with me via text, phone or in any other way, [/i]I will make sure you get a proof of a 10-month long affair he had with me (texts, photos, my mattress with his DNA, and details that only a person who had a close intimate relationship with him could know – my name and contact if you want to ask me anything). This is my final warning to him – and it is his choice what he wants to do. If I had known he was married I would never entertain the idea of an affair and would think of him as a creepy old man rather than let him fool me into a relationship.

Edited March 27, 2017 by whichwayisup

[goodyblue]

You know, I was OW and even I think this is ridiculous. Either come clean to her or don't but the threats are silly.

 

It seems like you are giving bits and pieces to continue the drama.

 

If you don't own the club then you have to just ignore him

[aileD]

Don't really understand the point of your letter.... you tell her he better stay away or you'll tell her about the affair...but you are telling her anyway in this letter so might as well just say it.

 

Dear wife

 

I am a member at your husband (name) sports club (name club). Around this date your husband approached me and led me to believe he was a single man. As a result, we had a ten month emotional and physical affair. After finding out he was married, I ended it and requested he leave me alone by finding a different sports club to attend. He has not respected that request. I feel that you should know this info because He continues to pursue women at this club under the guise that he is single and it completely disgusts me that he can be so disrespectful to his marriage. I never intended to interfere with a marriage and I am sorry you have to hear it this way. I sorry for my part in causing you pain.

 

Sincerely

(Dont give your name, give an email)

 

Make a gmail account with a name not related to you that you would only use if his wife contacts you for more information. Blue out any reference to your name in the things you send her. Don't send her anything unless she asks for it. Some women don't want to see the dirty proof because it's too painful. And some want to know it all.

 

Don't get involved any further. Just forward the info then shut down the email account so you don't get caught in the drama.

[anika99]

So you're threatening her? For her to keep him away from you? So you tell her that you've had an affair with her husband and will only give her details and proof if he doesn't leave you alone. That makes no sense.

 

Tell her everything NOW. OWN your part in the affair (because you did choose to see him and continue an A once you found out he was in fact married, that part is on you) and apologize for your part in the affair.

 

Let her know that you don't want anything to do with him anymore and he won't leave you alone and that's why you've contacted her.

 

I still smell some revenge and resentment towards her. IF you tell her, rid of your anger, find compassion for her.

 

Also, as disgusted as you are with him, it's not up to you to decide what his consequences are. Let Karma take care of that. Remember you mess in his life (aka his wife) he's going to mess in your life so be prepared for your own consequences of having an affair with him.

 

I agree. If you're going to mail her a letter, either provide all the proof right away or don't send her anything at all. To tell her that you will only give the proof if her husband doesn't stay away from you is a sick way to torment her.

[goodyblue]

I agree. If you're going to mail her a letter, either provide all the proof right away or don't send her anything at all. To tell her that you will only give the proof if her husband doesn't stay away from you is a sick way to torment her.

 

Omg it is just cruel.

[Whoknew30]

What are you thinking?

 

You threatened, he didn't listen, telling her is fine bc you didn't he was married...but this letter makes you look extremely unstable. Once you tell, he still can go where he wants, you're not he boss of anyone bc you got hurt...not how it works.

 

You being an attorney should hold yourself to some kind of standard...of this letter gets out for others to read...well I wouldn't want to have anyone to do with you professionally...go back to the drawing board & try again. Don't this for your own good.

[NTV]

Just send her the evidence. Maybe a sticky note saying 'sorry, I didn't know.'

[whichwayisup]

Just send her the evidence. Maybe a sticky note saying 'sorry, I didn't know.'

 

But she did know. She chose to continue having the affair for 6 to 7 months after finding out he was married. She stopped being one of his victims as soon as she didn't end the A and kept the A going. Check her back history on this.

[Lovetoo]

I like Allies idea

[Hunniebae]

You told him to stay away and he has chosen not to. Now you tell the wife because???

 

You stayed in the affair. You knew he was married and yet you stayed. Why? Love?

 

You are approaching her the cowardly way. If you plan to tell that her husband has been cheating with you, be a woman about it and sign your name and add your contact information. Why send her a letter regarding her husband but omit your wrong doing and the whole truth?

[Hunniebae]

One more question. Are you upset with him? Not due to him being married because you found out in plenty of time to end things but are you upset with him for any other reason?

[Lovetoo]

Hunnie, it's kinda hard to end something when you've invested into it after you find this out. The important thing is she did end it. And she didn't go into it knowing.

 

Fall in love, then find out the man is married. I think it takes an extremely strong, healthy woman to be able to just cut it right there. She did it in her time frame, I'm not understanding your point? Why is hat relevant?

[Hunniebae]

Hunnie, it's kinda hard to end something when you've invested into it after you find this out. The important thing is she did end it. And she didn't go into it knowing.

 

Fall in love, then find out the man is married. I think it takes an extremely strong, healthy woman to be able to just cut it right there. She did it in her time frame, I'm not understanding your point? Why is hat relevant?

 

 

 

I'm questioning her decision to tell his wife and her reasoning for exposing the affair after the fact that it is over. He can visit any place he likes. The question is why is she trying to hurt his wife over a decision she made??? So the point for you to understand Lovetoo, is that she's doing it out of spite. Read her back stories and her comments. This woman contacted a friend of the mm's wife on SM, trying to see if BW was strong or weak enough to handle being told about an affair. This woman refused to indentify herself to the friend. Why would she do this? Why would she involve someone else into the mess she helped create?

[NTV]

Ahhh... I think I get it. Drama addiction.

[gettingstronger]

You have a DNA test on your mattress?

[BaileyB]

Ahhh... I think I get it. Drama addiction.

 

The only reason to send the letter is to further the drama.

 

If you are a lawyer, I would expect you to be very analytical and I would expect that you can look at a situation from a place of logic, not emotion. The letter has no purpose except to express your anger and continue the drama...

 

Either tell the wife all the details with an apology, or walk away. Keep your dignity. To send this letter to his wife the way it is written, is cruel.