BaileyB Posted February 15, 2017 Share Posted February 15, 2017 Why would he even send anything at all? If he just wants to be friends. I have lots of friends. I did not send or get them anything for Valentine's Day. Can you understand how this confuses me? He sends me this junk and says I'm a great friend. It's totally contrdictive. I don't know how to feel. If he thought these gifts would make me happy he thought wrong. He sent them because he's manipulative and he wants to mess with you... Maybe if he throws you off balance, you will weaken and allow him back into your life. The best "revenge" you can have is to show him that you are strong and he can't manipulate you anymore. The fact that he would even try shows how little love and respect he has for you. Stay strong! 2 Link to post Share on other sites
BuddyX Posted February 15, 2017 Share Posted February 15, 2017 Just remember, his wife also got one. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted February 15, 2017 Share Posted February 15, 2017 Just remember, his wife also got one. Good point. He likely also took her out for dinner and they are enjoying some sexy times tonight... That puts things into a perspective. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
BTDT2012 Posted February 15, 2017 Share Posted February 15, 2017 Just remember, his wife also got one. Only her roses were red. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
BuddyX Posted February 15, 2017 Share Posted February 15, 2017 (edited) Just remember. Roses are Red. Violets are blue. If he's busy on VDay. The side chick is you. You can move on from this guy. Stay strong. Edited February 15, 2017 by BuddyX Grammar 6 Link to post Share on other sites
gettingstronger Posted February 15, 2017 Share Posted February 15, 2017 He's a jerk! Knows it will mess with your head but does it anyway. That's mean. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted February 15, 2017 Share Posted February 15, 2017 Why would he even send anything at all? If he just wants to be friends. I have lots of friends. I did not send or get them anything for Valentine's Day. Can you understand how this confuses me? He sends me this junk and says I'm a great friend. It's totally contrdictive. I don't know how to feel. If he thought these gifts would make me happy he thought wrong. To keep you on your toes and to keep you interested in him so when he feels like having his ego stroked or some sex he knows he can just call you or show up and you'll open the door and give into him. He knows that your word means absolutely nothing. NC doesn't stick, you ignoring him doesn't work so of course he 'likes' you but he's not respectfully 'in love' with you or a gentleman. He isn't your friend anymore, that all ended the day you two chose to cross the lines. He's your affair partner/ex affair partner. Love isn't supposed to be like this, that I can promise you. Right now you can't ever see yourself loving someone ever again like you love Josh but that's not true at all. What you have with him is unhealthy and toxic. Those ups and downs *unless you love the drama and chaos* is not what a relationship should be about. That feeling even though much of it hurts and is negative, makes you react deeply and I think you're addicted to those ups and downs he makes you feel. It's not just about him, it's about how he makes you feel. Anyway, I hope you go back to NC and continue with counseling. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Poppy47 Posted February 15, 2017 Share Posted February 15, 2017 He meant **** BUDDY FRIEND. Poppy. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author jennifernyc84 Posted February 15, 2017 Author Share Posted February 15, 2017 He meant **** BUDDY FRIEND. Poppy. That is exactly how I felt when he called me "friend". So here I am, broken hearted, literally feel like I'm dying inside, and all he thinks of me of is a friend. Link to post Share on other sites
Blu72 Posted February 15, 2017 Share Posted February 15, 2017 Box that shiz up and send it all back to him saying "To the worst friend a girl could ever have". Take a stand. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Eight Posted February 15, 2017 Share Posted February 15, 2017 You will get to the point when you see this gesture as the rest of us here see it; unbiased and for what it is. It's such a weak and pathetic thing to do. It's actually disgusting and you should be offended. Gross. He doesn't deserve you. Not even close. Just do the next right thing. Keep going. I can tell you that you will get there no matter how bleak some days feel. Warrior on. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author jennifernyc84 Posted February 15, 2017 Author Share Posted February 15, 2017 I threw the roses out. I ate almost the entire box of strawberries. I'm at work right now and I'm fighting myself to not call him. I will admit that he has been distracting me so much and I haven't been able to focus on work at all. People around me have been noticing. But my question is..he's hurt me beyond like no one else ever has, disrespected me beyond imagination, he's degraded me, made me feel like I was worthless, nothing without him. But here I am still thinking of him and wanting to talk to him. Why is it that I can't get over him? If I were to hear about this from one of my friends I'd probably try to slap the dumb out of her. What the hell is she thinking chasing a man who treats her like that. That's the reason I've come on here and the reason I'm going to counseling. I know it's wrong, I know it's crazy, I know he wants nothing more than what's between my legs. But I still can't get over him. I'm really trying and it's difficult. Link to post Share on other sites
HeCantBreakMe Posted February 15, 2017 Share Posted February 15, 2017 I threw the roses out. I ate almost the entire box of strawberries. I'm at work right now and I'm fighting myself to not call him. I will admit that he has been distracting me so much and I haven't been able to focus on work at all. People around me have been noticing. But my question is..he's hurt me beyond like no one else ever has, disrespected me beyond imagination, he's degraded me, made me feel like I was worthless, nothing without him. But here I am still thinking of him and wanting to talk to him. Why is it that I can't get over him? If I were to hear about this from one of my friends I'd probably try to slap the dumb out of her. What the hell is she thinking chasing a man who treats her like that. That's the reason I've come on here and the reason I'm going to counseling. I know it's wrong, I know it's crazy, I know he wants nothing more than what's between my legs. But I still can't get over him. I'm really trying and it's difficult. Because it is an unhealthy addiction/ obsessive love or Limerence.. Limerence: The potent grip of obsessive love - CNN.com 1 Link to post Share on other sites
sandylee1 Posted February 15, 2017 Share Posted February 15, 2017 Oh I totally agree, Sandy. Our lives are so intertwined it would be such a mess to clean up. It already is. And yes, she knows it was me. She confronted me once. Do you know how she found out and what did you say to her? I reckon that in spite of his feelings for you, he also realises you wouldn't be able to have a future relationship either. If she knows it was you, how on earth does he think he could be friends, then court you and then you both emerge as a 'new couple', when she knows you are/were his OW? If his marriage is indeed ending, he'll probably realise a new start with a new woman would be best all round. Sometimes the person you think is 'the one', just isn't the one. Focus on the reality that the hopes and dreams you have for the future, just won't happen with him. It's just tainted and too messed up to get that happy ever after. Love doesn't always conquer all, essentially when it's heavily weighted to one side. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author jennifernyc84 Posted February 16, 2017 Author Share Posted February 16, 2017 I reckon that in spite of his feelings for you, he also realises you wouldn't be able to have a future relationship either. If she knows it was you, how on earth does he think he could be friends, then court you and then you both emerge as a 'new couple', when she knows you are/were his OW? If his marriage is indeed ending, he'll probably realise a new start with a new woman would be best all round. Sometimes the person you think is 'the one', just isn't the one. Focus on the reality that the hopes and dreams you have for the future, just won't happen with him. It's just tainted and too messed up to get that happy ever after. Love doesn't always conquer all, essentially when it's heavily weighted to one side. I have thought about that too but ultimately, we came to terms with the fact that we didn't care. I never really did. I didn't give a flying eff if she knew I was the OW and that we'd been together almost as long as they have. She saw a text that he forgot to delete. She called me and was screaming her head off. Then she calmed down and asked if I was sleeping with her husband and I told her yes. I didn't flinch, didn't stutter. I was as cool as a cucumber. I denied nothing and revealed everything. She kicked him out that night. He came to stay with me for 2 weeks before going back to her. I thought we were over then. But he kept luring me back. I should have understood from there things wouldn't change. But I didn't. I sometimes think about calling her and telling her he has never stopped seeing me but I don't want it to get any more dramatic than it already it. I just want to remove myself from the situation and move on. I don't want to be so hung up on him any longer. Link to post Share on other sites
sandylee1 Posted February 16, 2017 Share Posted February 16, 2017 So he had the perfect opportunity to be with you when she kicked him out, but he chose to go back to her. Why do you honestly think he did that if he truly loved you so much? For me, that's where I'd have seen it for what it was. He always had the upper hand and you have such a deep love for him, while he's just loved how your adore him. The rockstar feeling you give him. During those 2 weeks, did you think you had him? I went to a funeral a while ago and the husband of the deceased, spoke of how she always massaged his ego and was a great woman. But he was a serial cheat with at least 4 children outside the marriage, but she worshipped the ground he walked on till the very end. It was quite sad actually, because he couldn't care less about her. Link to post Share on other sites
aileD Posted February 16, 2017 Share Posted February 16, 2017 That is exactly how I felt when he called me "friend". So here I am, broken hearted, literally feel like I'm dying inside, and all he thinks of me of is a friend. Jennifer. He isn't even a friend! A true friend would know he's torturing you and set you free, leave you alone because it's for your own good. He's just being selfish and that's not love . It's not Real love is wanting someone to be happy even if it means letting them go. It's not real love for him 1 Link to post Share on other sites
aileD Posted February 16, 2017 Share Posted February 16, 2017 And I just read he went back to the wife? Oh lord. What a D! He is not worthy of YOU Link to post Share on other sites
Author jennifernyc84 Posted February 16, 2017 Author Share Posted February 16, 2017 And I just read he went back to the wife? Oh lord. What a D! He is not worthy of YOU This was the first time she found out a few years ago. They are still seperated as of now. Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted February 16, 2017 Share Posted February 16, 2017 I went to a funeral a while ago and the husband of the deceased, spoke of how she always massaged his ego and was a great woman. But he was a serial cheat with at least 4 children outside the marriage, but she worshipped the ground he walked on till the very end. It was quite sad actually, because he couldn't care less about her. That must have been a great boost to his life. He always had a person who loved him no matter what, a person who was always on his side. A rock, a foundation to build his life upon But she was always on quicksand, struggling to stay alive, no solid foundation, no rock and even when it looked solid she would quickly find she was up to her neck in it again. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
sandylee1 Posted February 16, 2017 Share Posted February 16, 2017 This was the first time she found out a few years ago. They are still seperated as of now. But if he loved you so much why would he go back to her? I don't think they had their son by then as he's just 2 did they? He's chosen her every time, until she was done. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author jennifernyc84 Posted February 16, 2017 Author Share Posted February 16, 2017 But if he loved you so much why would he go back to her? I don't think they had their son by then as he's just 2 did they? He's chosen her every time, until she was done. Exactly!! If you go back a few posts you'll see me saying the same thing. Even if he chooses me now, it would only be because he had no other choice. So I will never be his number one. That's why I'm trying so hard to get over him. It's very one sided. And no, they didn't have their son at the time she first found out. They had him like 2 years after. Link to post Share on other sites
Author jennifernyc84 Posted February 16, 2017 Author Share Posted February 16, 2017 Exactly!! If you go back a few posts you'll see me saying the same thing. Even if he chooses me now, it would only be because he had no other choice. So I will never be his number one. That's why I'm trying so hard to get over him. It's very one sided. And no, they didn't have their son at the time she first found out. They had him like 2 years after. Not to mention he's been seperated from his wife for over a month and all he's done is call me friend. Wouldn't he be breaking down my door if he was so desperate for me? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
aileD Posted February 16, 2017 Share Posted February 16, 2017 I love that you are seeing things for what they are! Yes, you still have emotions, but you're not lost in them so Much that you are ignoring the obvious. I think you're gonna be okay 1 Link to post Share on other sites
sandylee1 Posted February 16, 2017 Share Posted February 16, 2017 Exactly!! Even if he chooses me now, it would only be because he had no other choice. So I will never be his number one. That's why I'm trying so hard to get over him. It's very one sided. And no, they didn't have their son at the time she first found out. You've done some good introspection and you know deep down, that a relationship with him isn't good for you. He didn't even have the excuse of kids, that so many MM use not to leave their marriages. When you and he started back with the affair after the first dday, in his mind, that was likely you accepting being no more than the OW to him. He knew you'd happily accept the little he could give you, rather than nothing.... Giving him all the power. Hold on to the knowledge, that he had the chance to choose you as his primary relationship and he passed on it every time. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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