It DOES get easier

[BTDT2012]

Good for you for leaving. I wish you had elbowed him when he touched you. Stay strong.

[jennifernyc84]

Need to ask, does your friend know of the A between the two of you? Just odd that she brought up the fact that his company would be there too and if knows the two of you were together, then HE knew you were going to be there too which is why he showed up.

 

You handled it right by walking away. You can't control how you felt inside, you're still grieving and detaching. Your head knows the truth, YOU know the truth about him so don't even consider caving and running into his arms and doing something you'll regret instantly. You'd be willing drinking poison.

 

Stay away from him and please try not to slip into fantasy thoughts or remembering how it was. It was all a lie. Remember that.

 

She doesn't know of the A, but she does know we were friends. We were friends before the A, so it wasn't strange when I'd talk about him with friends. I think they got the feeling of how I felt about him, but never spoke of an affair.

 

That's why she casually brought up the fact that he'd be there too. And probably told him I'd be there. So it's no wonder he behaved like he did. He probably planned it out perfectly.

 

I wish I could say that I'm proud of how I handled it. I'm not, though. I was a mess. I was holding back the tears. Yes, I left. Great! Yes, I didn't cave when he was all over me pouring compliments of how great I am. But I don't feel good about this at all. I thought I made a lot more progress than I showed on Sunday night.

 

And the truth? I feel just as bad as I would have if I would've slept with him. Not saying that that was even on the table, I'm just saying that, seeing him, regardless of whether or not we have sex, I still feel lousy after. Only difference is, with the sex, at least I get a few minutes of happiness.

 

I don't even know what I'm saying. All I know is that seeing him made me understand that I'm sooooooo NOT over him....at all!

[BuddyX]

Thinking of it, it does make sense that he would purposely place himself in my view just to see me tremble. And he got the reaction that he wanted. I was shaking so badly, my voice was cracking. He must've gotten such a kick out of seeing the effect he had on me.

 

I was so embarrassed.

 

Don't over think the room. You would've seen him even if he was hiding in the corner. That's how our brain work.

 

Keep up the good work. Stay NC

[jennifernyc84]

He left me a letter at the front desk of my building. He's basically asking for another chance. He's saying how he messed up over and over but is ready to make it right this time. He's saying how it hurts so deeply to lose not only a lover, but also his best friend. Like I don't know how that feels, right?

 

I'm sure he isn't lying about how he feels, but I've heard it before. He doesn't change. He promises me that he will, but nothing ever changes.

 

Why does he keep doing this to me? I'm so ashamed of how easily I relapsed. I was for sure I would never feel this deeply hurt by him ever again. I was convinced of it.

 

I'm going through so many different emotions and I feel so completly defeated. What if it's always like this? What if I never truly heal from this? I'm so worried about this. I think he's just as addicted to me as I am to him.

 

I wish I had some help

[Blu72]

Please for your own sanity and well being, rip that letter up and STAY NC.

Nothing good will come of this. You will only end up devastated more than you are now. He is NOT going to change. No matter how many times he says it or how much you wish he would.

 

Please keep doing the right thing. For you. Do it for you.

[BuddyX]

Just like with the bouquet of flowers, you know his wife also got a card.

[jennifernyc84]

Please for your own sanity and well being, rip that letter up and STAY NC.

Nothing good will come of this. You will only end up devastated more than you are now. He is NOT going to change. No matter how many times he says it or how much you wish he would.

 

Please keep doing the right thing. For you. Do it for you.

 

Are you kidding me? I ripped it up the second I was done reading it!

[whichwayisup]

He left me a letter at the front desk of my building. He's basically asking for another chance. He's saying how he messed up over and over but is ready to make it right this time. He's saying how it hurts so deeply to lose not only a lover, but also his best friend. Like I don't know how that feels, right?

 

I'm sure he isn't lying about how he feels, but I've heard it before. He doesn't change. He promises me that he will, but nothing ever changes.

 

Why does he keep doing this to me? I'm so ashamed of how easily I relapsed. I was for sure I would never feel this deeply hurt by him ever again. I was convinced of it.

 

I'm going through so many different emotions and I feel so completly defeated. What if it's always like this? What if I never truly heal from this? I'm so worried about this. I think he's just as addicted to me as I am to him.

 

I wish I had some help

 

Have you gone to counseling yet? If not, Go. You need help, get it. Posting here is great but you need more professional help to help you get over him.

 

He is going to run you down until you cave so you better get strong and start ignoring him. You should have ripped up the letter. No good can come of any contact, and that includes reading anything he sends you. He knows you're weaknesses and will push it as far as he can.

[HeartbrokenDec29]

Please dont go back to him. Pls dont... I dont know you but im begging you. I did the same thing after all his promises of changing.. I regret it....Im moving on quite well and if ever my xMM contacts me again, id just ignore... Having an affair is a dark place to be.. Look at all the progress you have made. Dont sabotage your happiness for a selfish man!

[jah526]

I think he's just as addicted to me as I am to him.

 

If this were really true, wouldn't he leave his wife for you so that he could be with you more than just once in awhile?

[aileD]

If he really loved you, he wouldn't be torturing you like this.

 

He is selfish. Don't forget that. Don't forget that he will do to you what he did to his wife with you.

[jennifernyc84]

If this were really true, wouldn't he leave his wife for you so that he could be with you more than just once in awhile?

 

If it isn't, then why won't he leave me alone when I keep telling him to?

 

He's addicted for sure. If not to me, then to the situation. But he's just as hooked as I am.

[Chica80]

If it isn't, then why won't he leave me alone when I keep telling him to?

 

He's addicted for sure. If not to me, then to the situation. But he's just as hooked as I am.

 

Yes....an addiction.

 

Jen didn't his wife leave and come back? And he begged her back and wanted to stay friends with you?

 

He is using what he knows will work what has always worked.

[lftbehind]

If it isn't, then why won't he leave me alone when I keep telling him to?

 

He's addicted for sure. If not to me, then to the situation. But he's just as hooked as I am.

 

Look at it is as a bad addiction that you need to break.

[aileD]

If it isn't, then why won't he leave me alone when I keep telling him to?

 

He's addicted for sure. If not to me, then to the situation. But he's just as hooked as I am.

 

If you keep telling him to leave you alone and he won't, he's harassing you. There are legal options to remedy that if you are serious about breaking free from this addiction. Sometimes just the threat of legal action will get him to stop.

 

You are strong. I believe in you.

[jah526]

If it isn't, then why won't he leave me alone when I keep telling him to?

 

He's addicted for sure. If not to me, then to the situation. But he's just as hooked as I am.

 

He's addicted to cake-eating.

[somanymistakes]

It's not an addiction for him, it's just "fun". He can still make you jump, it amuses him.

[BTDT2012]

Are you kidding me? I ripped it up the second I was done reading it!

Only thing you could have done better was to rip it up before reading it.

[jennifernyc84]

I did a really bad thing. A really dumb, idiotic, freakishly stupid, bad thing. Maybe the dumbest thing I have ever done. It was like something took control over me and I couldn't stop myself. I wanted to do it. I was determined to do it.

 

I sent him some photos..you know the kind I'm talking about. He sent some dumbass reply like "mmm me likey. Me wanna touchy". I replied with something even more dumbass-like. I asked if he'd settle for watching me touchy. Of course he said yes. And so it happened. I FaceTimed him and yeah. I don't know why I'm posting about this. There's no point in it.

 

It's bad, I know. Real, real bad. I'm so mad at myself.

 

Back here again.

[HeartbrokenDec29]

I tot we were in this together....You have been doing so good on your own... Can you please cut off contact with this MM.... Pls

[DrReplyInRhymes]

This is like watching a train wreck.

[eye of the storm]

Jenn, you should be mad. You were working on building a better life and you just fragged yourself.

 

But good news, you can rebuild. You screwed up. Its ok. Its not permanent. Start up again.

 

You were shocked and unprepared when you saw him. He pressed the issue hard. You buckled. but guess what, nothing you did is unfixable.

 

You were with the guy for years. Did you really expect to one day wake up and be over him? no.

 

Getting upset seeing him wasn't your fault. Reading the letter and being upset wasn't your fault. Hurting and wondering why he kept pressing this issue wasn't your fault. Taking nudes and sending them to him and then face timing him is all you.

 

So what do we do when we screw up. We learn from it. We don't repeat it.

 

You really need to talk to a professional. That way, when he pops up again (and he will because last time he popped up you got freaky with him again) you will be stronger. You will have learned some coping skills.

 

What is going on is not you being a bad person. It is lack of coping skills where he is involved. But you are smart, you are strong, you are powerful, you can learn and practice coping skills.

 

Jenn, don't hate yourself for this. Hating yourself just damages your self esteem and makes you even more weak. Learning from mistakes makes you strong. Be strong.

[JuneJulySeptember]

I sent him some photos..you know the kind I'm talking about. He sent some dumbass reply like "mmm me likey. Me wanna touchy". I replied with something even more dumbass-like. I asked if he'd settle for watching me touchy. Of course he said yes. And so it happened. I FaceTimed him and yeah.

 

LMFAO...

[Jezebel4]

Affairs are addictive. If you walked into an AA meeting and said you relapsed, no one would let you beat yourself up for too long. You fell off the wagon, but you can always get back on

[BuddyX]

I know we're suppose to be optimistic here, but cmon. Seriously? There are 3 million available guys in your vicinity and you decided to do this? With him? SMH. Guys usually have to pay for that kind of action, and you decide to give it up for free. What did you think it would happen? He would say, "please stop, my wife will not approve". Were you looking for instant gratification?

 

Btw, how did you get the #, thought he was blocked?

 

There is a lack of real accountability on your part. Every month we hear, "I screwed up again". It's not a habit anymore, it's a character flaw. Please get better counceling and surround yourself with better friends.

 

If you don't make changes soon, I can guarantee you 2017 is going to be a crappy year for you.

Edited April 5, 2017 by BuddyX
Grammar