It DOES get easier

[BTDT2012]

If it isn't, then why won't he leave me alone when I keep telling him to?

 

He's addicted for sure. If not to me, then to the situation. But he's just as hooked as I am.

 

No, he isn't. He doesn't leave you alone because you keep responding. It's much easier that breaking in someone new, hoping that she will tolerate the same treatment that you accept.

[Blu72]

Wow just wow. Yeah - this is all you.

You have choices. You chose NC, you chose to rip up that letter and stay NC, THEN you chose to be stupid and cave to a pathetic piece of garbage.

 

Ya know I have my story and I've read countless other stories of other MMs on here, but I'm here to tell you - ths guy is the worst of the worst.

Reading your story has been heartbreaking to read because of how easily he plays you everytime. Its sickening what he continues to do. When are you going to finally wake up and realize this man ONLY loves himself. You are NOTHING to him.

 

Kick him to the curb once and for all..FOR GOOD!

Stop giving in to his every whim. Just STOP.

 

I hope you get the help you really need.

[BTDT2012]

I did a really bad thing. A really dumb, idiotic, freakishly stupid, bad thing. Maybe the dumbest thing I have ever done. It was like something took control over me and I couldn't stop myself. I wanted to do it. I was determined to do it.

 

I sent him some photos..you know the kind I'm talking about. He sent some dumbass reply like "mmm me likey. Me wanna touchy". I replied with something even more dumbass-like. I asked if he'd settle for watching me touchy. Of course he said yes. And so it happened. I FaceTimed him and yeah. I don't know why I'm posting about this. There's no point in it.

 

It's bad, I know. Real, real bad. I'm so mad at myself.

 

 

 

Back here again.

 

You really do need professional help. You are allowing him to treat you like a puppet on a string.Have some respect for yourself.

[georgia girl]

I did a really bad thing. A really dumb, idiotic, freakishly stupid, bad thing. Maybe the dumbest thing I have ever done. It was like something took control over me and I couldn't stop myself. I wanted to do it. I was determined to do it.

 

I sent him some photos..you know the kind I'm talking about. He sent some dumbass reply like "mmm me likey. Me wanna touchy". I replied with something even more dumbass-like. I asked if he'd settle for watching me touchy. Of course he said yes. And so it happened. I FaceTimed him and yeah. I don't know why I'm posting about this. There's no point in it.

 

It's bad, I know. Real, real bad. I'm so mad at myself.

 

Back here again.

 

Wow. I am at a complete loss. Just wow. Jennifer, you do realize he now has those images to do whatever he wants with, correct? He could also have recorded your show. Why would you give that kind of private, embarrassing ammunition to anyone? These images could show up on the internet.

 

Why would you do this? It could be perceived as abasing yourself for him. You wonder why he comes back? I fear it's because you are willing to take outrageous risks to turn yourself into his ultimate sexual fantasy. No guy would walk away from that. But you are doing this to win his heart and have him choose you and he sees it as potently sexual. Jennifer, you are not going to earn his love this way and it will further destroy your self esteem to keep twisting yourself into sexual knots for this guy.

 

I really think you need some serious counseling and to relocate so you cannot be anywhere physically close to him. This literally blew my doors off. Jennifer, people are rooting for you but you have to pick yourself and that means never having contact with him again, working on Learning how to have a healthy relationship, reconnecting with your family and friends and building s mew life for yourself away from him.

[whichwayisup]

I did a really bad thing. A really dumb, idiotic, freakishly stupid, bad thing. Maybe the dumbest thing I have ever done. It was like something took control over me and I couldn't stop myself. I wanted to do it. I was determined to do it.

 

I sent him some photos..you know the kind I'm talking about. He sent some dumbass reply like "mmm me likey. Me wanna touchy". I replied with something even more dumbass-like. I asked if he'd settle for watching me touchy. Of course he said yes. And so it happened. I FaceTimed him and yeah. I don't know why I'm posting about this. There's no point in it.

 

It's bad, I know. Real, real bad. I'm so mad at myself.

 

Back here again.

 

No point in lying to anybody here. You're honest and that's a good thing, and even though I adore you, I want to totally kick your butt!!!

 

It is bad and basically all the hard work you've done, taking back your self respect, power and control is GONE. You handed it to him with a cherry on top!

He has you again by your own choice. Not sure if you truly want to go back to him and give it a go (I think you're heading that way regardless of knowing full well what a total sh.it he is!) or if you're playing an ego game with him. Either way you're messing yourself up. And to him, your words mean nothing. NC means nothing. Your actions prove opposite.

 

Edit to add, reading GG's post, a thought ran through my head. What if he shows this to his wife and says it's proof you are coming onto him. chasing him and won't leave him alone? This man is NOT trustworthy.

Edited April 6, 2017 by whichwayisup

[imsosad]

Do you still wonder why he keeps coming back even when you tell him to stop?

Your actions are way louder than your words and benefit him so much more.

You said therapy didnt make you feel better. Well, I'm not sure what you need is to feel better. You need to get your **** straight and that is not fun,easy or feel good.

This is no ordinary relapse. It's extreme and desperate and, sorry to use this word again, childish. Maybe a 16 year old would behave this way to win back a boyfriend. You did not do this because your love for him is so deep and special. This diesnt prove a special hold he has over you.

It demonstrates your very deep and unattended issues. Get serious about therapy. Going to therapy is not a girls night out. It's going to hurt and will demand some depth and accountability on your part, which you seem to lack. Stop wasting your life. Get help and get better. Way you are headed now is a lifetime of this dysfunction.

[aileD]

This is all on you.

 

YOU are letting him use you. Stop complaining about him.

 

You're inviting and allowing yourself to be treated like a prostitute (and one that doesn't even get paid).

 

You KNOW you're worth more than that.

 

This ends with YOU. If you keep letting him use you, he's gonna continue to and you are going to lose the best years of your life to someone that will never be what you want him to be.

 

YOU.

[Eight]

Jenn; my original post to you.

 

Emotions will pass if you just let them. They are temporary. Don't let your emotions define who you are and how you behave. They aren't you.

 

A quote I printed out to remind myself...

 

"Love shouldn't make us miserable or doubtful. If it does, then it's not love. It's only a false image of love that is controlled by ego, attachment and neediness."

 

A wonderful book to find that love for yourself, your innate worthiness is Taming Your Outer Child by Susan Anderson. I think you'd find it very helpful. There's an entire section on relationships.

 

Namaste.

 

Maybe you've reached your lowest point now. I think you need to be willing to sit in those feelings/emotions you will have during recovery from this addiction to him and not reach out every time you feel mad/sad/lonely/angry/hurt. Allow yourself to feel them. It's uncomfortable but necessary in order to move on. You can't just gloss over the pain and say "I'm over him!" because then you are back degrading yourself again.

 

You are not ready to be in ANY relationship. Period. You need to work on treating yourself kindly. Taking care of your inner child. You are hurting her. Take care of her. Love her. She needs your love. Not the deplorable abuse of that man. Nothing "took over" you except your deep need to treat yourself like crap and look for love in the wrong place and in the wrong way.

 

You need to do the work to figure out why you don't love yourself. That is the root of this: why you accept this kind of treatment and why you are abusing yourself and letting him abuse you as well.

 

Stop looking outward. Look inward. I'm still rooting for you. ((hugs))

[Blu72]

I am still so seriously disturbed by your recent actions. Please please seek help.

I really don't know what anyone here can say or do anymore to make you see what a trainwreck this whole thing has become. And you really need to acknowledge that you were the driver NOT him..YOU.

 

You cant blame him anymore. This is ALL you. You gave into him when you had the upper hand. You had taken control of the situation and refocused yourself on you. But you chose to give that all away in the most degrading of ways.

 

Stop playing a victim in all of this now. You knew his intentions and walked right into the fire. That doesnt make you a victim anymore. I really hope this is your rock bottom and you get the professional help needed to overcome YOUR dependancy on this trainwreck. Because if this is not your rock bottom, I fear to read what will come next. Please for your own sake get back into therapy and go back to strict NC.

[jennifernyc84]

This is rock bottom for sure. I needed him so badly that that's what I had stooped to is embarrassing.

 

It isn't his fault either. He will only do what I allow him to do.

 

This is on me, this I know. He called me today after work and we talked about where we are.

 

I guess NC is totally broken now. I do not know how to stay away from him nor do I want to.

 

There was a young girl who posted today, and her post stuck out to me. She couldn't have been more then 20-22. She was exactly how was at that age with her "friend", as I was with Josh. I could see the road she's heading towards and it broke my heart to see her so scared of losing him, and so dependent on him. All he's done is hurt her, and yet, she keeps clinging to him. So sad. I'm not much different than that young girl. And that's even more sad. I wish I was stronger.

 

I'm admitting to this: I have a real problem, and it isn't his fault. He is given an opritunity and he simply takes it.

 

I could try again, but I don't know if I will ever be done. Truly done.