It DOES get easier

[HeCantBreakMe]

What's wrong with silence? I embraced it. My life doesn't have to go 100mph nor does it have to feed off drama.

 

This is a great opportunity for the OP to find out who she is.

 

I agree. Silence is a beautiful thing in these situations. It is peace and freedom. Which is the reason blocking all forms of contact allows you to embrace and find that peace and freedom a little easier.

 

JEN BLOCK HIS EMAIL! Change your phone number.

[BaileyB]

Thank you... this made me feel like I'm worth about 10 cents..

 

It's painful to read, but there is some truth to Elaine's post.

 

You ARE the kind of woman a man wants to marry. There is no reason why you are not. But, you offered yourself and allowed yourself to be put in the position as "someone to enjoy on the side" - which meant that he was never required to show you the respect you deserved or offer you anything more.

 

Your job now is to learn from this experience and never allow yourself to be used in this way again.

[jennifernyc84]

Silence is golden.

 

Jen - you did what you felt like you have to do and you can't take it back now. But, ask yourself the hard questions... Did you do this to express and work through the anger that you feel towards him and yourself for putting yourself in the position to be used by this man for so long, or because you like the drama and you wanted the attention?

 

The real reason I sent it? To make him mad at me and for him to think I was a complete psychopath, so that he'd be afraid of me and never try to mess with me again.

 

I have broken up with him countless times and he keeps begging me to take him back. Granted, I was weak and caved in taking him back, but I'm trying to rebuild myself now. I'm trying to avoid him totally because I don't trust myself when it comes to him. I can tell myself I will reject his offers but when it comes down to it, I don't. Why? Because when he's professing his love for me, I don't want to reject him. I want to believe him. I want to give him another chance, and another chance, and another.

 

The definition of an idiot is doing the same thing over and over again, and expecting different results.

 

I have been an idiot.

[elaine567]

Thank you... this made me feel like I'm worth about 10 cents..

 

How can you possibly feel like a million dollars if you keep putting yourself in a 10 cents position?

[BaileyB]

I'm sorry to say this, but yes, you have been an idiot.

 

The thing is, you can yell and scream, and call him names, and tell him how much he has hurt you, and tell him what a bad person he is, etc...You can do this all you want, but it still won't change how he thinks about you or what he chooses to do with his life. It is unlikely that you will ever say anything that will cause him to say "you are so right, I did a terrible thing. I hurt you and I'm sorry for that." You need to let go of the desire to have him show understanding or empathy or remorse for your situation... because it probably won't happen. He will probably just continue on with his life.

 

He will probably think you are a crazy woman, but do you really want that? As Michelle Obama says, "when they go low, you go high."

 

Just try to walk away. Understand that you can't control another person. The only person that you can control or change is yourself. And, holding resentment against another person is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die.

 

You want to get to a point of compassion for yourself, and apathy toward him.

[jennifernyc84]

Just out of curiosity, I have a quick question.

 

We are all here on this particular section of the forum because we are/were OW/OM, right? Ok, we've all come here because we don't like being in the position that we are/were in, and we're trying to seek/offer help to and from others in similar situations, correct? Ok.. we've all had slip ups once in a while. We've all had days when others on here have looked up to us and admired our progress, and we've all had days when we were completely going crazy and overwhelmed with pain, hurt, sadness, fear..whatever, right?

 

So why is it that when anyone else on here makes a bad choice, breaks nc, reaches out to the ex in any way shape or form, we are understanding, we offer our sympathies, comfort them, tell them it's no big deal, make them feel like a human being and tell them it's ok.

 

But when I feel like that, or when I have a slip up and back track, I get totally scolded by everyone and called a big child and get nothing but angry ranting posts?

 

Yes, some have been understanding. But the majority has slammed me harder then anyone in my life ever has.

 

Why are my mistakes worse than anyone else's on here? That is my question.

 

Sorry for ranting myself lol just feeling a little frustrated today. Like no one understands. I don't think I understand myself sometimes.

[Lauracake]

Hey Jen,

I feel for you, that definition of insanity is so true, you know this, I know this. It won't ever stop it hurting and it won't ever change anything but it's so true.

 

I guess people get frustrated because they can see it all, mostly because they've been there but also because it's plain to see in your writing the number this worm has done on you. Your hurt and agony is heart wrenching, nobody wants to see you keep going over the same thing, because nothing has changed and it never will.

 

That is a blessing, you'll look back one day a see all the things about this guy you never noticed before and you'll realise your lucky escape.

(Visualise skiddy pants and nose picking being some pleasant ones)

 

it won't be now Jen it might not be this year, but one day you'll feel thankful this ended and you can start a fresh.

 

Don't be hard on yourself and remember people get frustrated because they don't want you to do this to yourself anymore x

[Grey Cloud]

What's wrong with silence? I embraced it. My life doesn't have to go 100mph nor does it have to feed off drama.

 

This is a great opportunity for the OP to find out who she is.

 

I totally agree with that now! Back then I wasn't as strong

[Jemima1234]

Just out of curiosity, I have a quick question.

 

We are all here on this particular section of the forum because we are/were OW/OM, right? Ok, we've all come here because we don't like being in the position that we are/were in, and we're trying to seek/offer help to and from others in similar situations, correct? Ok.. we've all had slip ups once in a while. We've all had days when others on here have looked up to us and admired our progress, and we've all had days when we were completely going crazy and overwhelmed with pain, hurt, sadness, fear..whatever, right?

 

So why is it that when anyone else on here makes a bad choice, breaks nc, reaches out to the ex in any way shape or form, we are understanding, we offer our sympathies, comfort them, tell them it's no big deal, make them feel like a human being and tell them it's ok.

 

But when I feel like that, or when I have a slip up and back track, I get totally scolded by everyone and called a big child and get nothing but angry ranting posts?

 

Yes, some have been understanding. But the majority has slammed me harder then anyone in my life ever has.

 

Why are my mistakes worse than anyone else's on here? That is my question.

 

Sorry for ranting myself lol just feeling a little frustrated today. Like no one understands. I don't think I understand myself sometimes.

 

I understand. I get it. People here can come across as harsh. But I know it's from bitter experience. Stay strong

[somanymistakes]

Just out of curiosity, I have a quick question.

 

We are all here on this particular section of the forum because we are/were OW/OM, right? Ok, we've all come here because we don't like being in the position that we are/were in, and we're trying to seek/offer help to and from others in similar situations, correct? Ok.. we've all had slip ups once in a while. We've all had days when others on here have looked up to us and admired our progress, and we've all had days when we were completely going crazy and overwhelmed with pain, hurt, sadness, fear..whatever, right?

 

So why is it that when anyone else on here makes a bad choice, breaks nc, reaches out to the ex in any way shape or form, we are understanding, we offer our sympathies, comfort them, tell them it's no big deal, make them feel like a human being and tell them it's ok.

 

But when I feel like that, or when I have a slip up and back track, I get totally scolded by everyone and called a big child and get nothing but angry ranting posts?

 

Yes, some have been understanding. But the majority has slammed me harder then anyone in my life ever has.

 

Why are my mistakes worse than anyone else's on here? That is my question.

 

Sorry for ranting myself lol just feeling a little frustrated today. Like no one understands. I don't think I understand myself sometimes.

 

((hugs if wanted))

 

It's not just you, the forum runs hot and cold to everyone, mostly depending on how much they seem to be following the Assigned Path. If you're guilty enough, you get shown encouragement. If you're not, you get attacked and broken down. And of course it varies by poster, some people are always harsher than others.

 

But it's also really frustrating to watch people making the same mistakes over and over again, so the longer an individual poster sticks around, the more likely people are to be angry with them for still being in their situation.

 

I haven't followed every detail of your situation, but what I remember does make it seem like he's a pretty manipulative piece of work who has taken advantage of you time and time again and made choices towards you that ARE NOT mistakes on his part, but DELIBERATE attempts to mess with your head. From what I can see this guy is no good, and I want to drag him far away from you so he doesn't mess with your life anymore.

 

I mean, I adore a good love story, in general I want people to get back together after long and frustrated difficulties, I'm still hoping to win back my own highschool sweetheart. But this guy is not worth it! He's never going to be worth it.

 

I mean... white roses. He did that on purpose. He seems like a guy who loves the power he has over you, to make you react, whether positive or negative.

 

I wish I could bring you a better guy to love

[Onlywhenitrains]

Just out of curiosity, I have a quick question.

 

We are all here on this particular section of the forum because we are/were OW/OM, right? Ok, we've all come here because we don't like being in the position that we are/were in, and we're trying to seek/offer help to and from others in similar situations, correct? Ok.. we've all had slip ups once in a while. We've all had days when others on here have looked up to us and admired our progress, and we've all had days when we were completely going crazy and overwhelmed with pain, hurt, sadness, fear..whatever, right?

 

So why is it that when anyone else on here makes a bad choice, breaks nc, reaches out to the ex in any way shape or form, we are understanding, we offer our sympathies, comfort them, tell them it's no big deal, make them feel like a human being and tell them it's ok.

 

But when I feel like that, or when I have a slip up and back track, I get totally scolded by everyone and called a big child and get nothing but angry ranting posts?

 

Yes, some have been understanding. But the majority has slammed me harder then anyone in my life ever has.

 

Why are my mistakes worse than anyone else's on here? That is my question.

 

Sorry for ranting myself lol just feeling a little frustrated today. Like no one understands. I don't think I understand myself sometimes.

 

Jen - some replies may seem harsh, but they are well-intended. I got tremendous encouragement and support here. But, there were some posts that made me feel really like a bad person when I first read them. And, it did hurt at the time. Interestingly enough, as time went by and I maintained NC...I read and saw those same posts really differently. They were very true, and they didn't sugarcoat. I kept re-reading them and they probably helped me the most in getting out of the A fog, stopping with "I'm the victim" attitude, and turning the attention and focus on myself.

 

Just my 2 cents...

[HeCantBreakMe]

Just out of curiosity, I have a quick question.

 

We are all here on this particular section of the forum because we are/were OW/OM, right? Ok, we've all come here because we don't like being in the position that we are/were in, and we're trying to seek/offer help to and from others in similar situations, correct? Ok.. we've all had slip ups once in a while. We've all had days when others on here have looked up to us and admired our progress, and we've all had days when we were completely going crazy and overwhelmed with pain, hurt, sadness, fear..whatever, right?

 

So why is it that when anyone else on here makes a bad choice, breaks nc, reaches out to the ex in any way shape or form, we are understanding, we offer our sympathies, comfort them, tell them it's no big deal, make them feel like a human being and tell them it's ok.

 

But when I feel like that, or when I have a slip up and back track, I get totally scolded by everyone and called a big child and get nothing but angry ranting posts?

 

Yes, some have been understanding. But the majority has slammed me harder then anyone in my life ever has.

 

Why are my mistakes worse than anyone else's on here? That is my question.

 

Sorry for ranting myself lol just feeling a little frustrated today. Like no one understands. I don't think I understand myself sometimes.

 

It is okay to feel that way but if you don't think we understand then i encourage you to and read our own forums. We do understand because we have lived it.

 

If people are posting it is because they want to help. I have seen some shall we say 'interesting' forms of offering advice on here but you just have to read between the lines to understand what the person is saying and try to understand where it is coming from. If we are here it is because we have been on some side of an affair, a lot of bitterness, yes, but also a lot of experience.

[sandylee1]

Jenn,

 

Regarding your question...about people having a go at you.... Lots of people post on these boards... and sometimes I personally feel a connection with the odd poster. I got that with you. I felt you needed help... To see the light... To wake up and see J for what he is.

 

When I see you being used by J, over and over again... It makes me feel angry on your behalf. It was obvious that he never loved you and you are full of adoration for him.

 

There are some OW I'm not sympathetic with, but there was something about you.... I want you to want better for yourself and wake up to the fact that he's been using you and playing you all these years. All was fine till you wanted more.... I found the fact that he took advantage of your adoration annoying.... But ultimately I wanted you to realise that and take full responsibility for your hurt and not lay all the blame on him.

 

I've no doubt you can do way better than this.

 

That's why I come back and check how you're doing. Then I feel disappointed that you still let him get to you.

 

Yes, you're a stranger on the other side of the world, but I do care and I wish you could see him for what he is a walk away and move on with your life.

 

I hope I've not been too harsh with you. I've been trying to be honest, but not deflate you.

 

You are worthy of being someone's wife, but why would you want to be married to a cheater? Or have you previously thought he wouldn't cheat if you married him?

 

Get him out of your mind and start looking for a decent man.

 

Every day you pine, is a day off your search for the right man. Why would you let him have that power over you?

 

Bottom line... It's tough love and because I (we) care.

[elaine567]

21st October 2012

 

He said he loves me..but he's married

He's my best and oldest friend, I've had feelings for him from the time i started noticing boys. He never felt the same, and i knew that. He's never led me on. He got married two years ago and that was a really hard pill for me to swallow. i stopped communicating with him for awhile because seeing him with her was so painful. It took me some time, but i have made great progress. Don't get me wrong, old habits die hard, but it was getting easier. I even started dating. Not seriously, but i was going out.i was doing well. Then out of the blue, he tells me he misses me, and he can't stop thinking of me, and he regrets not making a move with me. then he said the words..the words I've prayed for him to say so many times before. The words i always knew he'd tell me one day..he said he loves me. all the feelings I've tried so hard to push away and ignore for the past two years came rushing back at me. I told myself not to listen to him, but i was all ears. My first thought was to kiss him and start ripping his clothes off. But then it hit me....HE'S MARRIED..he has a WIFE! I've never condoned cheating but...I'm not this strong..i want him more than i can describe. I'm fighting with myself on what to think and feel. I've waited for him to say these things to me for as long as i can remember and now its happening. But he's married.. But i loved him first. I feel he is my soulmate. We're meant to be together. I feel like he belongs to me.

 

A

What has actually changed here?

YOU have wasted and I repeat wasted some of the best years of your life here, pining after this man.

That is part of the reason why posters here are so frustrated as Lauracake has said.

Many here know exactly what it is like to waste years of life and want to prevent you from wasting any more of yours.

It is now time to stop this, for your own good.

[BaileyB]

Jen, you seem like a very nice person and I have come to like you as well... As much as you can say that you like someone on the internet that you have never met;).

 

I want you to do well in life and find happiness. Which is why I say, I feel sometimes when I read your posts that you are just coming out of the fog of your affair. I worry that you are not committed to leaving the affair and that you could get sucked back into the affair very easily - because you are very attached to this man and you haven't really found your true strength yet. You do still seem to pine for him. It's a part of the process, letting go and moving on. But, you could easily be sucked back in by him. I don't want that for you... Again, you deserve more in your life.

[jennifernyc84]

Hey, thanks for replying, guys.

 

I'm sorry if I came off as angry. I'm not. Just feeling a little touchy. I guess I am a bit emotional about hearing that he's back with her.

 

I don't even want him anymore. It just upsets me that he goes back to business as usual, while I'm here, trying to scrape together whatever's left of my sanity.

 

It's not all his fault, I know. I let it happen. I gave him permission to do the things he did. I gave him the green light. He didn't value me, because I gave him nothing to value.

 

But the first person I need to forgive is myself. After all, I'm the one that's stuck with me lol

[BaileyB]

Hey, thanks for replying, guys.

 

I'm sorry if I came off as angry. I'm not. Just feeling a little touchy. I guess I am a bit emotional about hearing that he's back with her.

 

I don't even want him anymore. It just upsets me that he goes back to business as usual, while I'm here, trying to scrape together whatever's left of my sanity.

 

It's not all his fault, I know. I let it happen. I gave him permission to do the things he did. I gave him the green light. He didn't value me, because I gave him nothing to value.

 

But the first person I need to forgive is myself. After all, I'm the one that's stuck with me lol

 

Compassion... have compassion for yourself. When you knew better, you did better. You will get there, if you can stay strong and reach for a healthier, happier future for yourself.

[BuddyX]

You have to figure out what you want. I mean, seriously dig deep.

 

You say, "I don't want him now. But I'm heartbroken he's with his wife". That is confusing to us.

 

Where are your GFs? Time for low alcohol GNO. Time to pick up a hobby, new book, a Netflix binge. Something different. Something that will eliminate the "pity me" attitude.

[Eight]

Hey, thanks for replying, guys.

 

I'm sorry if I came off as angry. I'm not. Just feeling a little touchy. I guess I am a bit emotional about hearing that he's back with her.

 

I don't even want him anymore. It just upsets me that he goes back to business as usual, while I'm here, trying to scrape together whatever's left of my sanity.

 

It's not all his fault, I know. I let it happen. I gave him permission to do the things he did. I gave him the green light. He didn't value me, because I gave him nothing to value.

 

But the first person I need to forgive is myself. After all, I'm the one that's stuck with me lol

 

I totally get this. In my situation I don't think he told his wife. So he gets to still play the perfect husband, perfect well known man about town without any repercussions. Or so it seems.

 

They have to live with their lack of integrity eating away at their souls deep down. My exAP gets to look into the eyes of his adoring wife and kids and know he's lied and is still lying to them. That who he is isn't real to anyone. He's fake. Josh knows he's leaving trails of destruction all over the place.

 

However, YOU are FREE and clear to live your life! You can start fresh. You have all the options in the world (and men if you like) open to you. You aren't tied to anyone. Try to see it as a postitive. I think you will after enough time NC.

 

As far as your last letter. I did the same thing. I actually went even further in my letter than you did saying even more hateful things I think. I did apologize the next morning but told him goodbye, done, have a good life. The further I get from that day though, the less I regret sending that letter. It was something that I think I'd have wished I had the chance to say now, later on and I wouldn't want to break NC to do it. So I think it's not a terrible thing to have written what you did.

 

I think we all feel like we're on "your side" in this, rooting for you and see how much you have going for you. Your future is so bright. For many of us to see you pining after who we so clearly see as a spineless, cheater; we just want to see you come out the other side. We know you can do it. You are so close.

 

Hang in there.

[sandylee1]

Jenn,

 

It's clear that he loved that you loved him and when you stopped communicating with him, he feared he'd lost his biggest fan. He missed your unconditional idolising of him and he wasn't having you move on and loose the feelings you had for him.

 

That's the only reason he started communicating with you again. He had every opportunity to have a relationship with you, but he never even asked you out on a date.

 

It's all about him.

 

Then out of the blue, he tells me he misses me, and he can't stop thinking of me, and he regrets not making a move with me. then he said the words..the words I've prayed for him to say.

[freengreen]

 

I don't even want him anymore. It just upsets me that he goes back to business as usual, while I'm here, trying to scrape together whatever's left of my sanity.

 

 

When something bothers us, we struggle to move a foot forward. He might have a 1000 things which will stop him to move on and the bad news is.... you arnt one of them. This is just sad.

[Serendipity55]

Jenni your story resonates with me so much.

 

I have recently ended my own A and feel up and down about it. I want to move on from the A but not lose my friend. We were friends for years before anything happened...he had wanted to be more in the past but I hadn't seen him in that way and our ships passed. I now remind myself of the reasons I didn't want to be more than friends in the past when the fog clouds my mind.

 

It's very hard to fight an addiction such as this even when everyone else and your inner voice is screaming at you to do it. I guess it boils down to willpower, having the will to find the power to stop.

 

The other posters on this board have helped me, also with 'tough love', feel bolstered by their words. I think part of the healing process is admitting I've crossed boundaries I shouldn't have and not had a good moral compass. I think sometimes the harsh sounding words of others are just borne out of a sense of frustration because they've gone through the same processes and want to help others from falling.

 

The fact we're here talking about it is, I think, a positive step.

 

Thank you for sharing and thank you for being so honest. It's extremely brave.

[heartwhole]

I know this literally changes nothing and I have already established that I don't want to be with him even if he leaves his wife or if she leaves him..whatever. But I just found out that he is back with her. I'm not 100% sure of how long she's been back, but I am sure that she is. If I know in my heart that this changes nothing and I don't want him anymore, why is this hurting so badly? I feel rejected all over again. The best part is, I knew this would happen. I knew they'd get back together. They have a son for crying out loud! They'd have to be totally heartless, selfish, and insanely bad parents to just give up like that.

So why is it that I'm so sad and feel like someone just took away my oxygen source? I really can't breath. I'm working hard to inhale and exhale.

 

I found this comment very interesting. Heartless, selfish, and insanely bad . . . do you see any of those qualities at play in this situation other than if the parents don't stay together?

 

I'm one of the posters who has felt drawn to your story, and I likewise feel frustrated at how much you seem to be missing that's right in front of your face. If you truly believed that you weren't holding onto hope when they separated and he looked for an apartment in your building and gave you flowers, then you are not in touch with yourself at all. Saying, "I don't want him" is just a plain lie. Saying, "I want him, but he is bad for me" is where you need to start.

 

You mentioned elsewhere that you felt you were doing better before counseling. You have not given it a fair shot. You can't expect a few sessions while you're still in a crisis situation to do the trick. This will be a long haul effort for you. As imsosad pointed out, you have a long way to go in terms of developing your coping and general adulting skills.

 

When you become a healthy person, you will no longer fixate on analyzing Josh's actions. You will understand that he is a toxic and dysfunctional influence in your life, and you will put your energy into good things that enrich your life and the lives around you.

 

To briefly talk about your email, it seems you had a big knee-jerk blow-up reaction, and then you went back and rationalized it with a confusing explanation about how you were making sure he was done with you so you could be done with him. One thing you can do is stop the history rewriting right now. Don't go back and try to find a less bad or more noble explanation for your or Josh's choices. That's a waste of time. Accept that they were heartless, selfish, and insanely bad choices. You did that. You chose that. You opened the door wide, again and again, to those choices. You've spent a lot of energy on trying to figure out what it was that he did or said that made you make those choices. But his words and choices are irrelevant. What you need to address is instead:

 

*your self-esteem

*your judgment

*your resilience

*your goals for yourself

*your expectations of people you welcome into your life

*your boundaries

 

You must grieve as well. Your poor judgment and choices don't negate the fact that you had a dream of what could be and a great attachment to this man. You must confront that and grieve it properly. It might be helpful to imagine him in front of you and say, "I wanted things to turn out differently, but I know they never will. I wanted a good and healthy relationship with you, but it will never happen, no matter what."

[HeCantBreakMe]

I found this comment very interesting. Heartless, selfish, and insanely bad . . . do you see any of those qualities at play in this situation other than if the parents don't stay together?

 

I'm one of the posters who has felt drawn to your story, and I likewise feel frustrated at how much you seem to be missing that's right in front of your face. If you truly believed that you weren't holding onto hope when they separated and he looked for an apartment in your building and gave you flowers, then you are not in touch with yourself at all. Saying, "I don't want him" is just a plain lie. Saying, "I want him, but he is bad for me" is where you need to start.

 

You mentioned elsewhere that you felt you were doing better before counseling. You have not given it a fair shot. You can't expect a few sessions while you're still in a crisis situation to do the trick. This will be a long haul effort for you. As imsosad pointed out, you have a long way to go in terms of developing your coping and general adulting skills.

 

When you become a healthy person, you will no longer fixate on analyzing Josh's actions. You will understand that he is a toxic and dysfunctional influence in your life, and you will put your energy into good things that enrich your life and the lives around you.

 

To briefly talk about your email, it seems you had a big knee-jerk blow-up reaction, and then you went back and rationalized it with a confusing explanation about how you were making sure he was done with you so you could be done with him. One thing you can do is stop the history rewriting right now. Don't go back and try to find a less bad or more noble explanation for your or Josh's choices. That's a waste of time. Accept that they were heartless, selfish, and insanely bad choices. You did that. You chose that. You opened the door wide, again and again, to those choices. You've spent a lot of energy on trying to figure out what it was that he did or said that made you make those choices. But his words and choices are irrelevant. What you need to address is instead:

 

*your self-esteem

*your judgment

*your resilience

*your goals for yourself

*your expectations of people you welcome into your life

*your boundaries

 

You must grieve as well. Your poor judgment and choices don't negate the fact that you had a dream of what could be and a great attachment to this man. You must confront that and grieve it properly. It might be helpful to imagine him in front of you and say, "I wanted things to turn out differently, but I know they never will. I wanted a good and healthy relationship with you, but it will never happen, no matter what."

 

^^^ All of this. Jenn read this a few times because everything said here is spot on.

[sandylee1]

Another thing I just remembered is when advice was given to see the 'bad' or the negative side of MM.

 

You couldn't come up with anything apart from him being a cheat. Even then after what he'd done, you were unable to see the bad in him. It's like you wanted to hate him, but you couldn't. Deep down the, you still don't hate him.

 

To say the only bad thing was him being a cheat, is totally minimising his behaviour.

 

Fidelity is the most basic of qualities you expect in a BF/husband, so the fact that you glossed over that very important factor, shows there's much work to be done yet.

 

You just need to keep telling and reminding yourself, that he bypassed ever having an open non secret relationship with you, at every opportunity.

 

I wondered whether it's because he never wanted to marry his friends sister, knowing he's incapable of being faithful and thinks it's safer to have you as a secret lover, where you wouldn't say a word about it.

 

I'm interested to know what you think your brother's reaction would be if he knew the truth? Would he still have Josh as a friend?