How long max to wait for a guy to call your his gf?

[Miss Spider]

Provided you see each other a couple times a week, how many months until offical couple status should be brought up or you move on? Or should it?

 

Let's say for simplicity you have agreed not to see other people.

[travelbug1996]

are you having sex??

[preraph]

If a guy won't introduce you as a girlfriend and you're having sex with him, you may as well move on. What I would do is call him "a boyfriend," when he fails to introduce you properly and then of course keep dating other guys since there's no exclusive bf/gf agreement.

[Jj66]

There is no time limit except your own.

 

Personally I have had people I considered girlfriends from the very first date (when I was much younger) to women I saw for 4-6 months and didn't consider a girlfriend at all. But typically I know after a couple of months.

 

A lot of people don't like labels but the following things might mean he considers you his girlfriend.

 

1. You have agreed not to see other people. Check.

2. You are being introduced to his friends and family. Are you?

3. It's obvious from his actions he wants you in his life, not just for physical comforts but other things too.

 

If he doesn't introduce you to people who are important to him you are not his girlfriend yet.

[Simple Logic]

2-12 weeks.

[Shining One]

My stance is that the person who is ready for the label should initiate the discussion at the point they're ready, not by some arbitrary time frame. If the man or woman is ready at a month in, they should bring up the topic then.

 

 

I don't use labels until we've discussed and mutually agreed upon a label. I've been burned in the past by introducing a woman as my girlfriend before she was ready to be referred to as such.

[Jj66]

My stance is that the person who is ready for the label should initiate the discussion at the point they're ready, not by some arbitrary time frame. If the man or woman is ready at a month in, they should bring up the topic then.

 

 

I don't use labels until we've discussed and mutually agreed upon a label. I've been burned in the past by introducing a woman as my girlfriend before she was ready to be referred to as such.

 

I agree. Gotta have the discussion before the label can be applied.

 

There are many ways to discuss it...

 

As a guy can just ask: will you be my girlfriend? if he's so inclined. It seems a little more awkward for a woman. Generally while the woman holds the keys to sex, the man holds the keys to whether there will be a relationship.

 

IME women when they bring it up are more subtle than just asking if I will be her boyfriend.

 

I've gotten this one several times "how should I introduce you tonight? As my friend Jj or my boyfriend Jj?

 

I've also gotten the "what are we?" question as a request for me to DTR (already- implied because they are now at their wits end wondering about my intentions).

 

I handled it like this once. I said I was talking to my friend and mentioned you to him. He asked if you were my girlfriend or just some girl I'm dating. I didn't know what to say. I know I like you a lot and have no interest in seeing others. Do you mind if I refer to you as my girlfriend? She said not at all. That she had had the same dilemma when talking about me to others. Boyfriend and girlfriend it is then.

 

I've also been put on the spot once as a couple with people asking us whether we are boyfriend and girlfriend before we ever discussed it. We just looked at each other and I said, well? Are you my girlfriend? She said yes. Well there's your answer.

 

With my current gf I just told her: I hope you know that I'm all in. You're my girlfriend. I hope that doesn't scare you too much. She said why would it scare me for my boyfriend to call me his girlfriend?

[hippychick3]

My bf was calling me his "girl" probably a few weeks in but didn't use the term "girlfriend" until about 3 months in. We were exclusive from day 1.

[Miss Spider]

are you having sex??

 

Let's say no

[Jj66]

Let's say no

 

When I was a virgin I might have considered a woman my gf even when we weren't having sex. Now that I'm closer to my grave than my crib, umm, no. If there is no sex there is no bf/gf relationship for me. Not one I'd want to be involved in, at least. YMMV.

[Shining One]

Let's say no

In that case, we're "acquaintances". I don't agree to exclusivity or boyfriend/girlfriend before we have sex.

[compulsivedancer]

If you have agreed to be exclusive, he's probably your boyfriend. Just ask him to clarify.

[basil67]

In that case, we're "acquaintances". I don't agree to exclusivity or boyfriend/girlfriend before we have sex.

 

Yup. If there's been no sex, then he's a mate.

 

The exception being if I was young and sexually inexperienced. In which case, I'd want to be bf/gf first....and I'd wait a month or so.

Edited March 28, 2017 by basil67

[travelbug1996]

No sex before monogamy

[Jj66]

No sex before monogamy

 

Ok, but then I get to end it at any time with no need to give any explanation. Monogamy is a false sense of security. Security only comes through trusting those who actually prove to be trustworthy.

[Miss Spider]

Ok, but then I get to end it at any time with no need to give any explanation. Monogamy is a false sense of security. Security only comes through trusting those who actually prove to be trustworthy.

 

It's interesting how many guys are no monogamy/exclusively before sex. I wonder if that always applies in practice..what about fooling around? (Kissing? Oral? Naked grinding in different positions?) Or is sex itself necessary for committing. I just wonder why that is.

[Miss Spider]

Also, I noticed people here talk a lot about exclusivity. What about people in non traditional relationships. Do you mean just sexually exclusive?

[MidwestUSA]

No sex before monogamy

 

A fan of Patti?

[Jj66]

It's interesting how many guys are no monogamy/exclusively before sex. I wonder if that always applies in practice..what about fooling around? (Kissing? Oral? Naked grinding in different positions?) Or is sex itself necessary for committing. I just wonder why that is.

 

He can say all day long that he's monogamous and committed to you but there is nothing to prevent him from ghosting you the day after. So, what does the so-called commitment really give you but a false sense of security? They will tell you anything you want to hear to bed you. Or maybe he doesn't ghost you but you are only the ace in his starting rotation and he likes going to the bullpen for some relief pitching from time to time?

 

Wouldn't you rather be with someone who will tell you the truth instead? I promise women the truth. I don't promise them the future. Anyone who promises you the future after a few dates is either deluded or dishonest.

 

How could I possibly promise the future? What if the sex is horrible for me and showing little promise? Or what if I simply won't fit inside her? It happened to me once. What if you don't like something that I find essential? Now I'd have to break it off in order to be sexually fulfilled. Good sex is an essential component for me to begin a relationship. If I committed before sex I very well might have to decommit shortly afterward. And that would make me an a-hole in my mind. Yes, we are boyfriend and girlfriend. Oops. Not anymore. Sorry. Talk about playing with someone's heart!

 

When a woman asks me early on for a commitment (very rare at my age) I tell her I can commit right now to always be honest with her. My intentions are to explore the possibility of a relationship with her (if as usual those are my intentions). I'm not ready to commit for the long haul but I like what I see so far, etc.

 

If that isn't good enough then I just have to move on. We have different views on sex.

[Miss Spider]

He can say all day long that he's monogamous and committed to you but there is nothing to prevent him from ghosting you the day after. So, what does the so-called commitment really give you but a false sense of security? They will tell you anything you want to hear to bed you. Or maybe he doesn't ghost you but you are only the ace in his starting rotation and he likes going to the bullpen for some relief pitching from time to time?

 

Wouldn't you rather be with someone who will tell you the truth instead? I promise women the truth. I don't promise them the future. Anyone who promises you the future after a few dates is either deluded or dishonest.

 

How could I possibly promise the future? What if the sex is horrible for me and showing little promise? Or what if I simply won't fit inside her? It happened to me once. What if you don't like something that I find essential? Now I'd have to break it off in order to be sexually fulfilled. Good sex is an essential component for me to begin a relationship. If I committed before sex I very well might have to decommit shortly afterward. And that would make me an a-hole in my mind. Yes, we are boyfriend and girlfriend. Oops. Not anymore. Sorry. Talk about playing with someone's heart!

 

When a woman asks me early on for a commitment (very rare at my age) I tell her I can commit right now to always be honest with her. My intentions are to explore the possibility of a relationship with her (if as usual those are my intentions). I'm not ready to commit for the long haul but I like what I see so far, etc.

 

If that isn't good enough then I just have to move on. We have different views on sex.

 

that makes absolute sense to me..sex is a huge component for most people le. guess I was just playing deviled advocate a little. I understand where you are coming from 100% but this also made me consider even more I hadn't thought of. Thank you:)

[Miss Spider]

A fan of Patti?

 

I think her advice is really odd. She says the guy can give you oral sex all you want but you can't so much as touch his penis before commitment. I wonder how many people get in normal relationships that way but I guess she's the expert..setting up socially inept narc millionaires with their gold digging sugar babies

[MidwestUSA]

I think her advice is really odd. She says the guy can give you oral sex all you want but you can't so much as touch his penis before commitment. I wonder how many people get in normal relationships that way but I guess she's the expert..setting up socially inept narc millionaires with their gold digging sugar babies

 

She's older than me, and has never been married. So, grains of salt.

 

But that ineptness led to some pretty funny stuff!

 

She could have set me up with Patrick Swayze's brother, but she didn't think to call me.

[Chilli]

Guess it's the type of girl l go for or something. Never waste my time with dead ends. But l've never asked someone to be my gf or how ever you guys say it , in my life.

We've just ended up that way or it was an obvious given before long.

 

Funny one , my gf now, 3 or 4 days in got a bit pissed when she found out l work for myself.

l said- in a joke, whatdou care, wanna marry me or something.

She's ltalian and often takes jokes in English serious or the wrong way or God knows what.

She says , well l wanna know if l can't work you can look after me.

l said l've only known ya 4 days, what's that matter, still sorta kidden round. you wannnaa marry meee. grin.

She started ranting of in italian, sexiest thing l ever saw. :D:D:D

 

Hate to think what she was calling me though.

l still stir her about that .

Edited March 28, 2017 by Chilli

[BryanSmiley]

Personally I think after 8 or so dates over 6 weeks, you've spent enough time and investment moving closer to each other that you should both be of a mindset of; being willing to be exclusive, give things a go, see how they develop. By that I think Gf/Bf. But it's crazy how some people overreact to labels.

 

Dating for me (and I think more in the UK unlike the US) is everything up to that period. I think once your with someone exclusively for a few months, the term dating doesn't do it justice, I think of dating as a 'trial' period. It's not a trial right up and to marriage or kids. Some people never get married or have kids.

 

There's a lot out there to suggest guys should await the girl to initiate these talks of exclusivity, label's. I'd be interested to hear peoples thoughts on this.