thalion777 Posted March 28, 2017 Share Posted March 28, 2017 (edited) Hi everybody, I'm new here! Thanks in advance for any help provided. I know this is long, sorry guys, but im seriously stumped! anyways, a little background: i just got out of a LTR with an emotionally abusive ex, and so to recover/celebrate, i reached out to an old friend who lives about 2 hours away so we can go raving, which is something i havent gotten to do and have been dying to for a long time again. so my buddy says, hey, i bet you and my friend wynter would really hit it off. so i added her on facebook and things seriously took off. we shared so many wacky interests, and had so much in common it was exhilarating. she also really liked me and i liked her, and she definitely let me know. she would always so how handsome or sexy i was and how excited she was to meet me. i layed out upfront that i wasnt sure i wanted a gf yet. so fast forward about a week of this, and me and my buddy and her go to the coast together. sparks are flying, and she's all over me, albeit a bit shy. hand holding, putting her arm around me, etc. I tried to get a kiss in a few times, but she didnt really give me an opening. eventually towards the end of the date, i just bluntly said: " do you mind if i kiss you". then we made out a little bit, but she kept pulling back right as i would get into it. as we would talk later in the day, she stated that she had been single for 11 months and only had 1 bf who had been physically abusive. as i was leaving, she alone walked me out to my car and i asked her to sit on my lap and we made out in the rain and i grabbed her but a bit. i tried groping a bit in other areas, but got a bit of resistance, but not much. finally i left. i asked my buddy why she was so hesitant to kiss me, and he said that it as cuz she was looking for a relationship and not a hookup. i then called her and let her know that i really liked her and that i would be down to be bf/gf after 3-4 dates, like around a months time basically, so we could get to know each other. she said that shes fine with that. after that, i didnt hear from her for like 2 days, and at first i was desperate, and would send a text like every 6 hours or so when i knew she wasnt working. eventually, i realized i was being desperate, so i completely stopped texting. this morning ( a day later) she texts me: "wyd?". so i just say "nothing much." about an hour later. i then asked if its ok if i could call in a couple hours at about 3pm. she said "thats cool". i called. no answer. since this was awfully close to the day i was going to be in town for the rave (on wednesday) and we had made plans, i just said: " hey call me when you can so we can work out details for wednesday if you still wanna do that". she texted me back 2 hours later saying she cant make it to the rave (she told me she didnt want to go originally so i wasnt tripping) but shes not really down to chill... so im just sitting here like wtf... any advice beyond just giving her space and hoping she comes around. any thoughts on what shes probably thinking/feeling? i apologized btw for crossing any boundaries when i saw her. Edited March 28, 2017 by thalion777 breaking up the text with extra space for easier readability Link to post Share on other sites
Telemachus Posted March 28, 2017 Share Posted March 28, 2017 You're way more into her than she is into you. Some people find constant interaction endearing, and others find it needy and pushy - a turnoff. She seems to be the latter, and there's no problem with that. You probably just aren't the guy for her. Link to post Share on other sites
Whodatdog Posted March 28, 2017 Share Posted March 28, 2017 She just didnt like you much. Find someone else who will like you. Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted March 28, 2017 Share Posted March 28, 2017 She just isn't into you, OP. Sometimes the right feeling between two people isn't there. Also, if you sensed she was shy, asking her to sit in your lap and kiss you while you grab at her wasn't a good idea. You barely know her and she was evidently not as comfortable as you were if you felt she was resisting it. I would move on. Her response to you indicates she's not interested. Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted March 28, 2017 Share Posted March 28, 2017 You both just got out of abusive relationships...stop using this as a crutch. IMO you both are not emotionally ready for anything at this time. Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted March 28, 2017 Share Posted March 28, 2017 You didn't read her signs that you were getting too handsy, too quickly. She probably felt somewhat sexually assaulted. Note for the future - if you get a "bit of resistance" you must STOP. Save getting physical for when a woman has 100% enthusiasm. Link to post Share on other sites
Author thalion777 Posted March 28, 2017 Author Share Posted March 28, 2017 thank you all for the responses, and i completely agree with you all. i was overeager and pushed her away. i have stuff i need to work on, i think i just need to see other people and go from there, make friends and let things happen by itself. i have aspergers so i cant read body language unfortunately. trying to work on it. started talking to an asian chick from fresno, so we've been hitting it off pretty well. i will definately take what i learned here and put it to good use and chill out and not get so handsy so quickly. i feel so bad that i probably hurt her... i really didnt mean to. its very selfish of me Link to post Share on other sites
EmilyJane Posted March 31, 2017 Share Posted March 31, 2017 thank you all for the responses, and i completely agree with you all. i was overeager and pushed her away. i have stuff i need to work on, i think i just need to see other people and go from there, make friends and let things happen by itself. i have aspergers so i cant read body language unfortunately. trying to work on it. started talking to an asian chick from fresno, so we've been hitting it off pretty well. i will definately take what i learned here and put it to good use and chill out and not get so handsy so quickly. i feel so bad that i probably hurt her... i really didnt mean to. its very selfish of me It's ok hon and it's good that you can learn from it. Chin up Link to post Share on other sites
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