The Attraction Dynamic.

[Mysterio]

I think it all comes down to the following factors. Physical Looks/Personal Connection/Personal Circumstances/External Support System.

 

If both people in the relationship can connect with what was stated above. Then they can connect and shape their loves lives together in reasonable harmony.

 

Physical Look=the desire to have kiss make out/hug etc.

 

Personal Connection=Core values and you both are basically on the same wave length.

 

Personal Circumstances= Single/Divorce/Widowed/Separated.

 

External Support System=Your family and friends support your relationship with your SO.

 

For me. It always seems to me that its more the Personal Circumstances that are my hurdles. Although I am not actively dating at the moment. I feel like every woman I like. They are always basically attached. Rarely are they single.

 

If they are single. There is something always off. Like the Physical may not be there toward me. It feels like most women I fancy, pass my physical attraction.

 

Anyways. I hope to hear all your thoughts on this topic.

[basil67]

For me, personal circumstances is the first hurdle. If that isn't clear, then the rest does not get considered.

 

Assuming they are available, then personal connection = desire to make out, kiss etc. Nothing is as attractive than a man who relates to me and shares my sense of humour. I simply cannot relate to those who's physical attraction is based on looks.

 

External support - yes, it's good to know your friends and family don't think he's a douche.

[JuneJulySeptember]

I think it all comes down to the following factors. Physical Looks/Personal Connection/Personal Circumstances/External Support System.

 

If both people in the relationship can connect with what was stated above. Then they can connect and shape their loves lives together in reasonable harmony.

 

Physical Look=the desire to have kiss make out/hug etc.

 

Personal Connection=Core values and you both are basically on the same wave length.

 

Personal Circumstances= Single/Divorce/Widowed/Separated.

 

External Support System=Your family and friends support your relationship with your SO.

 

For me. It always seems to me that its more the Personal Circumstances that are my hurdles. Although I am not actively dating at the moment. I feel like every woman I like. They are always basically attached. Rarely are they single.

 

If they are single. There is something always off. Like the Physical may not be there toward me. It feels like most women I fancy, pass my physical attraction.

 

Anyways. I hope to hear all your thoughts on this topic.

 

My first requirement is that a woman is interested in getting to know me.

 

Let's be honest. None of that other stuff matters if a woman is not attracted to you or is not interested in at least having that as a possibility.

 

So, 8 out of 10 women are gone off the bat. I'm not being pessimistic with that number either, pretty sure it's like that for a lot of guys.

 

From there, I weed out the obvious non-matches (shallow/materialistic women, those who believe in being courted like a princess, those who will not drink at all or refuse to are not willing to try new things, etc) and then see how things play out.

 

At a certain point (now in the dating stage) I consider if that person makes me much happier than if I was without them. I also consider how much happiness/help/support (if any ) that I bring into their life. Because that is a major consideration for me.

 

To me, there's dating on paper and dating in real life and what I end up with rarely matches what I put down on paper. There's also sometimes a certain je ne sais quoi that exists between people who aren't that similar on paper.

[Cookiesandough]

I sound shallow but physical look is my hurdle. If I can't get passed the stage of wanting to kiss you then it really doesn't matter if my family and friends like you. They are all equal hurdles but I just can't get over the 1st one

[Mrin]

For me I think it is mainly a mental thing and intangible thing. I had the most intense conversation with a woman via text. We literally talked about powerlifting, neoclassical philosophers, British humor and romance poets. There was no sex talk or even overt flirting. But by the end of it we both highly aroused. Like in a crazy way to the point we both called it out. I think that's what people call Sapiosexual.

 

Another time - with another woman - I had a similar experience. It was an intersection of commonalities and intelligence with a healthy dollop of banter and enthusiasm.

 

But to share another story with you - I once dated a competitive figure model. Super good looking. Like, I saw a waiter walk into a wall because of her when we were out to dinner. But we had nothing in common and I didn't find her to be particularly smart. It was all physical. And I felt nothing.

 

Each of us have our own special blends.

Edited March 28, 2017 by Mrin

[JuneJulySeptember]

For me I think it is mainly a mental thing and intangible thing. I had the most intense conversation with a woman via text. We literally talked about powerlifting, neoclassical philosophers, British humor and romance poets. There was no sex talk or even overt flirting. But by the end of it we both highly aroused. Like in a crazy way to the point we both called it out. I think that's what people call Sapiosexual.

 

 

So, I'm curious. How come you're not with that woman?

 

Seems like it'd be a pretty difficult thing for you to find again...

[Mrin]

The second woman I referenced turned into a magical 2.5 year relationship that recently ended due to circumstances.

 

But I agree with you - it is indeed a rare thing and when it happens, you have to stop and take notice.

Edited March 29, 2017 by Mrin

[Mysterio]

From my current view at age 46. The best way for me to have a love life/Romantic relationship with a woman is to just be myself and not push an agenda.

 

Let the woman come to me and set it up. More than me being the driving force. I don't really have a big heavy duty type. If I lined up all the Women in my life that I have been attracted to. Or had romantic relationships. I don't think they would all look the same. I am a black man and most have been White. Thats the only connecter for all the women. Most of them are close in age.

 

I am attracted to women that are soft in features and sprit. So a Tom boy type of woman or a woman that is like a tough girl that swears like a sailor. Is not going to get me. Height/Weight factors in, but not in a she has to be a Super modal.

 

When I look at the women. Including my female friends. I think the Girl Next Door type is whats going to win in the end for me. Prayers to the Universe as well. At the same time. If I am at a party or social and a woman is talking to me all night and is single. Of course I will verbally ask her out.

 

Attraction no matter what is visual and then, personality will keep both parties together.

 

My parents met in 1968 and married in Nov 1969. Had me in 1971 and my brother in 1973. I just think the world was so different then. Feels like those born in the 40/50's. For some reason. They were not super heavy on what a person should be like. Our generation of 60/70/80/90's act like everything has to be perfect and high octane all the time. Even I have to chill out. I could have been married at this point. I had a GF in 2012 for 5 months. I just could not be fast tracked into having kids right away. So we had to break up.

[JuneJulySeptember]

 

My parents met in 1968 and married in Nov 1969. Had me in 1971 and my brother in 1973. I just think the world was so different then. Feels like those born in the 40/50's. For some reason. They were not super heavy on what a person should be like. Our generation of 60/70/80/90's act like everything has to be perfect and high octane all the time. Even I have to chill out. I could have been married at this point. I had a GF in 2012 for 5 months. I just could not be fast tracked into having kids right away. So we had to break up.

 

It's true. My parents have virtually nothing in common in terms of what they enjoy doing and have different demeanors.

 

However, they have a similar background and goals in life.

[ZA Dater]

I think this is a very interesting topic.

 

For me virtually everything you mention is an issues, circumstance usually the first one.

 

I do think the dynamic is different now to what it was say 20 years ago, though the allure of success remains the same. What is interesting is to try and determine ones own attractiveness in terms of the above and perhaps that's linked to dating success, perhaps not.

 

Maybe its best to sit back and look at deemed attractive people and what they have which makes them attractive. This can either be enlightening or sobering depending on your point of view.

 

For me physically attraction and mental stimulation are equally important, perhaps the hardest combination to find.

 

Do you think attraction changes with time? I know guys who go through girls like eat breakfast, yet myself I oddly find myself just wanting that one person to date, rather than playing the field with many.

[Mysterio]

The best Attraction situation for me would be a woman in her late 30's that is single and childless. Attracted to me visually and conversation. Making a major effort to get to know me in a romantic way.

 

Race/Hight/Weight are negotiable. As I have seen lots of women with different bodies and hair colour etc. There really is no set physical look for me.

[LookAtThisPOst]

I sound shallow but physical look is my hurdle. If I can't get passed the stage of wanting to kiss you then it really doesn't matter if my family and friends like you. They are all equal hurdles but I just can't get over the 1st one

 

I think my ONLY saving grace is to find a woman that's more into personality than looks. The occasional women that did actually WANT to date me, ALL of them said they don't care about looks.

 

My personality was enough to warrant dating me, those are unicorn women though and thusly why my dry spells between those ladies have been so long.

[JuneJulySeptember]

I think my ONLY saving grace is to find a woman that's more into personality than looks. The occasional women that did actually WANT to date me, ALL of them said they don't care about looks.

 

My personality was enough to warrant dating me, those are unicorn women though and thusly why my dry spells between those ladies have been so long.

 

That's pretty much been the case with me as well.

 

It used to bother me that I didn't get to date a woman who called me hot/handsome. Obviously, some people, especially women need that.

 

But it doesn't really bother me anymore. There's nothing wrong with me. My face is perfectly OK and functional. I'm sure yours is too. The rest is just trivial, arbitrary societal norms of what is considered beauty and unattractiveness. You play that game as much as you want to.

[Mysterio]

Acne/ overweight/Underweight/crooked stained teeth/broken nose, does nothing about her aperance. Having grey hair under 80 yrs of age. I am probably not going to be into her looks wise.

 

For me. I think that I lean towards boyishly handsome/cute. I am striving to control my weight and need and will go from 220 lbs to at least 190 lbs.

 

I am on a different level than most people. My mind is constantly introspective. I question things and situations on a regular basis. I am not just carefree and nothing matters.

 

I am Mr. Reasonable. If a woman wants to be with me in a romantic way. Other than the physical being there for both of us. I have to be treated well for anything to go into a Romantic thing. Also at the same time. I should be treating the woman great as well.

 

We have to all accept that we all can't be universally attractive to each other. There is not switch. Its there or its not. My friends wives are not romantically attractive to me and vice versa. They are locked into their husbands. Its not like I have did things wrong. Its all about letting the universe bring people to you and even then. There is no right or wrong way to keep it together.

 

I say looking at the pattern of my life. The woman that will be a best fit for me. That woman has to come to me naturally. Not me going out there asking every woman I fancy for a date.