Men want exclusiveness too soon for some?

[LookAtThisPOst]

I have a female friend who has been without a boyfriend for several years. She goes out with guys she meets online but in an "as friends" scenario, but her recent complaint is guys wanting to get serious too soon.

 

Thing is, she never has shown affection beyond a hug at the end of a date (no kissing).

 

I know of another woman, though I don't know her details too much, these guys are asking for exclusivity sooner than they would. It's like they want to nail them to exclusivity after 3, 4, or 5 dates.

 

It gets embarrassing for them in public when they start to call them "hon" or "Sweetie" in front of other people at parties. By this time, they are at their handful of dates, but the lady seems uncomfortable with treating her as "the girlfriend"

 

Some guys are scratching their heads, "Yeah...so?" They don't see it, but it's all a matter of perspective, right?

 

I mean after so many dates, which still means she's interested in continuing to see him if they reached date 3, 4, or 5, right, but yet...not comfortable with the pet names or instant exclusivity (on his end?)

 

I dunno...thoughts on this?

 

I remember asking a woman for exclusivity around that time, and she was a green light on it.

[hercules22]

some people wait closer to 10 dates 5 dates is like knowing the person for around a month depending how free the person is to spend time dating someone and the turning point seems to be around 2 to 3 months

[coolheadal]

I have a female friend who has been without a boyfriend for several years. She goes out with guys she meets online but in an "as friends" scenario, but her recent complaint is guys wanting to get serious too soon.

 

Thing is, she never has shown affection beyond a hug at the end of a date (no kissing).

 

I know of another woman, though I don't know her details too much, these guys are asking for exclusivity sooner than they would. It's like they want to nail them to exclusivity after 3, 4, or 5 dates.

 

It gets embarrassing for them in public when they start to call them "hon" or "Sweetie" in front of other people at parties. By this time, they are at their handful of dates, but the lady seems uncomfortable with treating her as "the girlfriend"

 

Some guys are scratching their heads, "Yeah...so?" They don't see it, but it's all a matter of perspective, right?

 

I mean after so many dates, which still means she's interested in continuing to see him if they reached date 3, 4, or 5, right, but yet...not comfortable with the pet names or instant exclusivity (on his end?)

 

I dunno...thoughts on this?

 

I remember asking a woman for exclusivity around that time, and she was a green light on it.

 

Sounds like she just wants to date only and have many dates, without any strings attached. But you see today men will want to have a real girl friend that is there for them only. So she can do that. But they want more then just to take the women out only. What is it? What is it in for them the men. What do they get out of that sort of women. Nothing! She's just hangout buddy.

[Popsicle]

I can't believe you're asking this question, LATP. You've been on this forum long enough to have read countless threads from woman wondering when if a guy wants a commitment.

[Curiousroxy86]

I have a female friend who has been without a boyfriend for several years. She goes out with guys she meets online but in an "as friends" scenario, but her recent complaint is guys wanting to get serious too soon.

 

Thing is, she never has shown affection beyond a hug at the end of a date (no kissing).

 

I know of another woman, though I don't know her details too much, these guys are asking for exclusivity sooner than they would. It's like they want to nail them to exclusivity after 3, 4, or 5 dates.

 

It gets embarrassing for them in public when they start to call them "hon" or "Sweetie" in front of other people at parties. By this time, they are at their handful of dates, but the lady seems uncomfortable with treating her as "the girlfriend"

 

Some guys are scratching their heads, "Yeah...so?" They don't see it, but it's all a matter of perspective, right?

 

I mean after so many dates, which still means she's interested in continuing to see him if they reached date 3, 4, or 5, right, but yet...not comfortable with the pet names or instant exclusivity (on his end?)

 

I dunno...thoughts on this?

 

I remember asking a woman for exclusivity around that time, and she was a green light on it.

 

 

I use to jump into exclusivity too quickly. I like him he likes me. he say want to be my boyfriend. I say yes. and find out after the fact that he is an arse hat lol. so I try to really get to know a person before jumping into exclusivity these days.

 

 

one guy I was dating was super funny, attractive, had fun together mostly on dates, but wasnt the nicest person and can be a bit condescending, and doesn't really call much in between dates. yet still every once in a blue moon he contacts me about being exclusive with him. but I say the same thing to him. "I want a man who is nice and actually calls lol". but does he take what I say at face value? nope instead he says I am being a player who don't want to settle down. quite the contrary. I desire a monogamous relationship. just not with him. now in the past he would have been a boyfriend that constantly makes me upset if I would have agreed to be exclusive with him at the time he asked me.

 

 

so I am now of the belief that it is wise to get to know a guy before jumping into exclusivity. however I don't believe in being that person who is in an on and off long term past 3 month non-relationship either not at all knowing where I stand. if enough time has pass and we gotten to know each other and spending time together and he still unsure about making me his girlfriend or hasn't shown interest in exclusivity with me then im going to let him continue dating other people but take myself out of his rotation lol. so until further notice this is where I stand on the exclusivity thing lol.

[smackie9]

IMO, if they are uncomfortable with closeness after the 4th, 5th etc date, then they are not that into them, and everyone is wasting their time.

 

BTW your friend is still single for a reason......she has commitment issues, out of fear of being vulnerable to someone. Pretty frickin sad.

[LookAtThisPOst]

I can't believe you're asking this question, LATP. You've been on this forum long enough to have read countless threads from woman wondering when if a guy wants a commitment.

 

Let's not turn this into a personal shame/berate/ finger wagging session there, Pop. That's not what this post is about, so don't derail it.

[CaliforniaGirl]

This varies so much from person to person and IME is not a gender thing.

 

I have had men who were the most interested try to "lock me down" fast, LOL.

 

And then again there are men who are just more affectionate in general and wear their heart on their sleeve (which I find beautiful, actually) and will gravitate quickly toward the terms of endearment as described in the OP, or other things.

 

OTOH, my first boyfriend was downright weird about affection and about "who (was) watching." OTOH, it turned out he was messing around and probably didn't want to see his "other" being affectionate with me, which brings me to...

 

It is also dependant upon how the person is feeling about his/her SO/date, the relationship, etc. A person can be very huggy but if s/he isn't feeling it, then the hugging isn't going to happen. We can't assume that somebody "just isn't very affectionate" when in fact, it may just not be a good match. IMO, you really need to take ALL this into consideration rather than making blanket statements: "she's just a cold fish," "he's all over me to lock me down," or whatever.

[Shanex]

IMO, if they are uncomfortable with closeness after the 4th, 5th etc date, then they are not that into them, and everyone is wasting their time.

 

BTW your friend is still single for a reason......she has commitment issues, out of fear of being vulnerable to someone. Pretty frickin sad.

 

Also my take. It's strange that she would go on dates only for friendships, and none of these guys might be worthy of being a boyfriend.

 

I'd give up before date 4, personally if there are no sign of interest.

Edited March 28, 2017 by Shanex

[CaliforniaGirl]

Also my take. It's strange that she would go on dates only for friendships, and none of these guys might be worthy of being a boyfriend.

 

I'd give up before date 4, personally if there no sign of interest.

 

Well, NO interest would be grounds for buh-bye, yes.

 

I've not wanted commitment soon but was interested and showed it...from the opposite end, I've had the same happen...the relationship was happening, we were both enjoying, but one or the other (or both) just didn't want everything signed 'n sealed at the moment... Or possibly ever. Really, IMO a relationship should be VERY special before people are making big proclamations and promises.

 

Just my take.

[RecentChange]

I guess it takes me longer / I am more overtly sexual.

 

I am not going to agree to "exclusive" after a few dates and a hug. I am going to test the waters before signing up.

 

It also depends heavily on the chemistry - am I CRAZY about him and pretty sure he feels the same? Let's be exclusive. Feel like I need to get to know him a bit better before I have a real feel for him - then that wld take more time before I would be willing to commit.

[LookAtThisPOst]

Well, NO interest would be grounds for buh-bye, yes.

 

I've not wanted commitment soon but was interested and showed it...from the opposite end, I've had the same happen...the relationship was happening, we were both enjoying, but one or the other (or both) just didn't want everything signed 'n sealed at the moment... Or possibly ever. Really, IMO a relationship should be VERY special before people are making big proclamations and promises.

 

Just my take.

 

Her deal was, if she was still interested in seeing him, but wasn't ready for anything physical yet....it's still progress regardless if there's affection or not.

 

She's like "What's the rush?!"

[Shanex]

CaliforniaGirl: having talked to numerous women online though, and to be back on the OP of the thread, many many women are clearly indicating they are online ''only for friends'' which they assume will protect them from the hordes of horny guys around, because there are many.

 

Actually most of these women are indeed looking for a relationship and want the ''spark'' (that's a pretty word uh?) During a date, a nice encounter.

 

It's also a fact that some women use ''friends'' as their search as a hidden code for casual hook-ups. Or at least FWB, NSA sex and hanging out a bit without much commitment.

 

Depend on the site, but many on the web nowadays suggest both ''relationships and friendships'' so people choose accordingly. But it's not always their intent in the end, if you scour a bit.

[TheBathWater]

I'm a guy, and I do believe men generally want exclusivity before women do. Pursuing women is incredibly tiring. Even if you're skilled at attracting women, it's more work than sliding into a comfortable relationship with someone you really like. I tend to think that when men don't push for a relationship commitment first that they're either a) not that into her, or b) smart Seeing as most of us aren't smart, I think we usually either rush the commitment aspect of things out of fear and dating exhaustion, and when we don't it's because we're not that into her.

 

While I can't speak for every woman, I do believe many need to 'soak' in the relationship for a while before making a commitment. They know from experience that rushing into things with a guy who seems crazy about you can turn into a disaster. Not everyone will agree with me, but I believe women prefer to be the ones who initiate the commitment aspect of things, and until then, they want to feel out a man's consistency, reliability, and how safe she feels with him. Just my two cents.

[basil67]

I am not going to agree to "exclusive" after a few dates and a hug. I am going to test the waters before signing up.

 

This thread and RC's post has touched on something which has always confounded me - the idea that being exclusive represents some type of commitment. To me, being exclusive simply means seeing one guy at a time.

 

Have daters become so desperate for a mate that they can't even take the time to see one person at a time? What's the rush?

[central]

So, she's only looking for friends and says as much? That would be okay with me, but it would stay as friends, as I would not attempt to move it forward.

 

 

If she hope for a boyfriend eventually, from these friendly outings, then 5 dates and only a hug would indicate to non-desperate guys that she isn't into them for more than friendship. A guy who wants exclusivity under those conditions is foolish.

 

 

My experience has been that a woman who is serious about finding a boyfriend and a relationship will be advancing the relationship to more physical interaction by then. Perhaps not sex (but in my experience, women have always initiated sex by the third or fourth date, if they wanted more than friendship), but certainly kissing and probably a little more. Is she using them, with no intention of developing a relationship, or is she lying about her intentions?

[spiderowl]

I can understand your friend not being affectionate if she isn't feeling anything towards the guys she is dating. It sounds like she is dating them but hasn't found that spark with anyone yet.

 

It seems to me guys always want exclusivity. Like women, they don't want to think the girl they are sleeping with is also in bed with some other guy in their absence. Sexual exclusivity is entirely different to emotional commitment. It is important not to confuse the two. A guy wanting sexual exclusivity means nothing. It does not mean he has feelings for a woman.