Trying to understand what happened and the mayhem I just went thru

[DKT3]

She is one convincing liar...... Almost sociopathic in the way she could push the very button to keep you both hooked. This is not a good person, which is the biggest trick she played​. Like the saying "greatest trick the devil ever pulled of was convincing the world he doesn't​ exist" dude that chick is the devil

[Scarlett94]

Wow origin I'm so sorry.

What a horrible woman she is!

She's not your soulmate and when you do find the one

Who is.... You will be thinking more this is real!

Good luck to you!

[Origin]

Wow origin I'm so sorry.

What a horrible woman she is!

She's not your soulmate and when you do find the one

Who is.... You will be thinking more this is real!

Good luck to you!

 

I don't know if i would call her horrible but then again, as "devilish innocent" mentioned above, maybe i really never knew her so i don't have the right to defend her or attack her.

 

At this time all i know is that i forgive her, i don't wish her any evil, i actually DO WANT her to be happy with somebody but not me. When it comes to me i just wanna be left alone.

 

Thanks for the read and the comment.

[Origin]

She is one convincing liar...... Almost sociopathic in the way she could push the very button to keep you both hooked. This is not a good person, which is the biggest trick she played​. Like the saying "greatest trick the devil ever pulled of was convincing the world he doesn't​ exist" dude that chick is the devil ��

 

Convincing liar, yes very much so, finally learning that. God she used to cry INSANE crocodile tears that any normal person would say "wow, she is really believable". I go back to part 1, and the "cutest couple" photo for the wedding photo boot. She cried so much telling me how i was wrong about my assumptions, how I'm making a huge mistake that i felt bad for even attacking her for it...i mean NO MATTER what happened there was always an excuse on why she did what she did.

 

Even if she read all this one day she would deny it and say she was manipulated by me and him, little realizing we never did that, her actions manipulated all 3 of us.

[Scarlett94]

Origin I will say just one thing.

If she could sleep with one guy right after work and then spend that same night with you...... Then yes she is horrible.

Please don't waste another minute on her!

[Doublegold]

What Bluespower said-

 

I can tell you what the deal with her is, She is completely BAT S*** CRAZY.

 

Take care of yourself, stay away from her!

[PhillyLibertyBelle]

She is fing crazy as h*ll. and while I'm sorry you got hurt, you did have an affair with someone you knew was engaged and living with someone, which doesn't make you a hero either.

[Poppy47]

Origin I will say just one thing.

If she could sleep with one guy right after work and then spend that same night with you...... Then yes she is horrible.

Please don't waste another minute on her!

 

And did you know this Origin?

 

If you did, it hardly gives you grounds to complain about the way she treated you.

Poppy.

[Origin]

She is fing crazy as h*ll. and while I'm sorry you got hurt, you did have an affair with someone you knew was engaged and living with someone, which doesn't make you a hero either.

 

I didn't write this to make it out like a hero, or to make her a bad person. She has her story also, like I said, 2 sides for everything and I'm trying to be neutral as much as possible. I wrote that so I could understand why she could never move on from either one of us and in turn realized(thanks to you guys) that I have some self reflecting to do, that some of this is ME, letting her treat me that way.

 

And did you know this Origin?

 

If you did, it hardly gives you grounds to complain about the way she treated you.

Poppy.

 

Yes I did know that and I'm ashamed I forgave her. At this point in my life I'm trying to figure out how to regain my self respect, past is in the past and I'm leaving it there.

[freengreen]

She is playing coy or may be she really is confused but when you are in a mess, u take time out. She has been double gaming you and the other guy giving you both doses of pain....

 

Give a break, take a break.

[Origin]

Final Update:

 

Well, it didn't even occur to me to write anything more until i read a post today of somebody asking me what happened in the end of my story? Maybe i didn't wanna post more because more things happened, or maybe because i am in a very good place now(compared to where i was at) and i didn't see the point. However i understand there might be some "cliffhanger" for some people so I'll finish out this story.

 

 

Part 3

 

Well....where to start so i can finish?? Probably right here on LS, going back to my final post and me saying how i am over her and moving on. While i admit that in my mind it was over, or i should say i gave up knowing she would never change i made a mistake to allow her to reach out and start talking to me again, about 1 month after my last post. You see working together, no contact is near IMPOSSIBLE on some days. It was exactly one of these days that she got me to talk to her again by getting me to unblock her on my phone.

 

While i was very very very hesitant to talk to her i did eventually cave in again and we would text here and there but it always always felt weird to me, i just wasn't ready to talk yet, i wanted space, to heal but i was almost quilt-ed, pressured into talking, or at least that's how it felt...very weird feeling because your entire body is telling you NOT to do it, meanwhile your heart wants to burst out because there is contact again.

 

The texts sent to each other were a lot of blaming, talking about the past and whatnot. She could tell that i totally changed, i wasn't the same man anymore to her, yet, somehow i still cared if she was hurt.

 

Well....she managed to use this against me one last time and honestly she destroyed my soul in the process, a suicide even flashed in my mind at one point and what pulled me back was realizing that she wouldn't even care if i did do something that stupid.

 

Anyhow, what happened was this:

 

One particular day she texted and told me that she sees that I'm not the same man anymore, that she doesn't know what shes doing but is refusing to accept that "our chapter is over", that she refuses to believe that i will never be in her life and not be there for her.

 

So one Thursday night, in April, she calls me and BEGS me to help her. She claims she completely wants to separate from her ex, she wants to do better because she cannot handle this situation anymore and what is happening. She wants to completely break away from him and she needs my help, begs me to be there for her until she can get better, begs me to come over her house and sleep over...

 

Well...before you start thinking how i went there and we ended up having sex I'll stop you right there. I was truly done, it was over for me even then but i still wanted to help her. I end up explaining to her over the phone that i will come over that night to sleep over, so she can feel better but i absolutely don't want sex as i cant handle that due to emotions. She also agreed that would be a disastrous move. I then explained her that i wasn't doing good, that i was in a very bad spot mentally and physically. I asked her to tell me the truth if she caves in and goes back to him again, not because i "care" but because i didn't wanna waste my time "helping her" when she doesn't wanna be helped. I also told her she needs to date somebody else down the road but i don't think she should be dating anybody during this time frame, when i am trying to help her, as i cannot handle any of that(emotions). If she was OK with my "ground rules" then i would help her and be there for her as a friend, but if she had a problem with any of that, i asked her to then not even attempt to bring me back into her life....she said YES.

 

So Thursday night i go over and sleep over.

 

Friday morning she asks if she can sleep over my place Friday/Saturday. I agree but once again tell her NO SEX to which she agrees.

 

Well, Friday comes and she ends up going out with her friends for a b-day party. She ends up going back to her house and sleeping there, it didn't matter to me that she didn't come to my place, she was tired.

 

Saturday, same thing, she was out with her sister late and ends up staying home, again it didn't bother me.

 

Sunday, i woke up and i received some bad news from my family and then it hit me...she was the only one i would ever lean on and call when i had a problem and i needed to talk to somebody. So i sent her a text asking if she would sleep over my place that night and go to work tomorrow from my house. Her reply...."idk about that".....it felt very very short and cold. I didn't wanna pressure it or anything, it sucked because i did really need her emotionally to hear me out but whatever.

 

Anyways, night comes and up to this point, for the past 2-3 days, she would religiously call me every few hours and would need to talk so she could calm down and not crash. That night however she was completely absent and not calling or responding to me....i couldn't get any peace, i had to get up in the middle of the night and drive to his house, expecting to see her car there, expecting to one more time see her lies.

Well...i drive to his house and......nothing....weird....i then go to drive to her house and......her car....her car wasn't there, she wasn't home...it then hit me...there is a 3rd person ALREADY involved in this, not even 2 months after a huge fallout. Shes already sleeping over this guys house which means she is already getting attached.

 

At that moment i was....i couldn't believe it. I couldn't believe it because i so passionately explained to her how i was in a bad spot, told her that i would be there for her as a friend only to help her but i needed her to meet me half way and....she couldn't even give me that??? Even at my lowest in life, when i needed her the most she wasn't there...instead she was cuddled up with a 3rd person. The feeling at that moment, realizing that i meant so little to her after everything, that after everything a 3rd person was more important then me was....it was a soul crushing experience. I kept thinking how low, how freaking low can a person go before they start to think "maybe what I'm doing is wrong".

 

I go home that night, crying, cursing myself for allowing her to bring me back into her life when all i wanted was peace and to be left alone. I completely blamed myself for this new pain.

 

That morning i was absolutely on another planet how MAD and fuming i was. She texted me at 7am "morning" and from there it started. The conversation and arguing started immediately over the phone. She calls me screaming how "its none of my business where she was last night and that she wasn't doing anything wrong", i obviously didn't see it that way because i left her alone, it was her who asked me to come back into her life, which i did after i laid down some ground rules. In my mind it was OK to be "in your business" when you needed me but now that i am hurt all of a sudden its not my business anymore?!?!!? In my eyes she had no business dating a 3rd person when she knew what just happened, when she knew i asked to step away from her and she begged me to come back into her life and be there for her, when she knew that i asked her not to date anybody because i couldn't handle it.

 

Well...we shared some not so nice "colorful" words to each other. The fight goes from phone fighting onto an email. I call her all kinds of names that i am not proud of and she tells me that she "is so pissed at herself for putting me between her ex and her relationship with him".

 

Anddddd....the end!!!....well no and YES! :laugh::)

 

I changed my number that very same day, no more calls, no more texts, no more private calls. Blocked email, snapchat, fb, anything and everything.

 

So approximately a month and a half down the road after all this happened she again reaches out, at work, thru work email. Meanwhile i was boiling/stewing this entire time over this last incident and i just wanted to fight and tell her how shes a horrible person for doing this to me one last time....i needed to argue, i had more stuff to say so when she reached out using the same "hook" as before, to get me to talk, i flipping EXPLODED on her. Once again i write to her calling her all kinds of names cursing her for ever trying to justify her sick actions towards me.

She breaks down and cries, says shes sorry that she was selfish. I didn't care thou. I sent her an email again telling her to back off because it was OVER, there was no way that this could be salvaged anymore on ANY level let alone a relationship.

 

A week goes by and i noticed something....that last fight, it was like i almost needed that. I needed to say what i had to say and my soul was set free, i felt great!!!

 

We ended up emailing again pretty much just to bury the hatchet because we do work together still. She apologized for what she did to him and me, saying she doesn't understand herself and why she keeps doing things she knows will hurt other people....i honestly didn't care anymore for her excuses or words or whatnot. I accepted her apology, apologized myself for the things i did/said, told her good luck in life and moved on.

She still tries to email me here and there with "it was nice to see you today" but i ignore them all as much as i can.

 

CONCLUSION:

 

Well....even thou i do have horrible days, extremely horrible days where i hate her to the VERY CORE i gotta say that i am finally going over the "hump" of feeling better about myself, my actions are more sounds, my thinking is more sound and most important, she cant say or do a thing anymore to break down my wall.

 

I'm again starting to get back into the gym(took a break, was just too depressed), starting to go out with friends, meet new people. I still have days where i think about things, i mean i do see her at work, she sometimes goes outta her way to bump into me or whatnot but....it gets better and easier day after day. As each day passes it gets easier. Its hard, very hard don't get me wrong but GOD I FINALLY CAN SEE THE LIGHT AND....aghhhh...idk...its beautiful? I can finally start thinking about what i am doing with my life and what i wanna do, i am not static anymore in one spot, waiting on somebody to give me something that was never there, i no longer swim oceans for people who wouldn't even cross the bridge for me.

 

So that's it!! I'm not sure exactly whats going on in her life anymore nor i really care anymore if shes happy or hurt. I used to say i want her to be happy even if she wasn't with me but her actions this last time destroyed that to the point that i couldn't care less what happens to her anymore. It's about me now.:)

[Syre17]

Thank you for sharing this and it's great that you're in a better place.

 

This, and a lot of what I've read on here, and have experienced myself, reminds me of a sign that hung in my grandfathers bar... It said "Everyone brings joy to this place, some by coming and others by going." No truer words... Life's a journey and some are up to making the trip with us and others are not. We might get detoured, but eventually we find our way, and it seems that you finally have despite everything.

 

Cheers brother,

 

Syre