Wife destroying marriage & family

[WorstFeelingEver]

I thought I was alone, but after looking at a lot of these stories, I noticed I am not alone.

My wife & I have been married close to 18 years, (together 22 years dating). We have 2 kids, 13 year old boy & 10 year old girl. We have had issues in our marriage, just like any other marriage. We have ALWAYS worked them out together communicating and improving our marriage. We were best friends during dating, & throughout our relationship & marriage. We always talked through stuff and told each other everything. Everything was fine until last year.

In March 2016, I had surgery and wife took a LOA from her job to be with me during surgery and during my recovery process. After a couple months, she went back to work in late April & I went back to work in May. During her time at work prior to my surgery, she got along with most her co-workers. After going back from LOA, she started being good friends with 2 coworkers from work____ 1 married lady & 1 married man in separate marriages. MW has 2 adult kids. MM has a 5 year old son with his wife. The 3 of them started hanging outside of work, going out to restaurants & bar hopping once in a while, (not every week or weekend), maybe once a month. In September, she continued going out with these 2 co-workers, going to restaurants and shopping, etc.... She then started hanging out with just the MM, just the 2 of them. IT all started out at work one day. He told my wife, he was looking for a different car as his was having issues and still under warranty & wanted to get rid of it before warranty expires. At that time we were thinking about getting a new car too, so they talked at work & MM asked my wife if she wanted to go along to look at cars, as they were friends....... As I said, my wife and I always communicated, telling me everything and asking my advice...... She asked me about the car shopping event with him and looking at different cars and I thought no big deal, & I will tell you why. The MM from her work, along with other staff, put together a "care" package during my surgery and recovery process, with gift cards, toys & books for the kids, & brought meals the 1st week we came home from hospital, so he seemed nice. I had NP with it, but asked my wife, what HIS WIFE thought of the idea, (Because we ALL know, woman have different feelings on this toward their men)....My wife asked him, his response was "my wife will never know about this" This should have been RED FLAG, but at the time, I thought, every marriage is different or HIS WIFE was not interested in car shopping, etc,... So I let her go with him. They were only gone 3 hours & according to my wife, they didn't even stop for lunch or a bite to eat, looked at few cars and came home. Everything was fine. Our relationship was still good at this point. Fast forward October 2016. My wife applied for part time job, one she got her college degree in, and got it. She was taking a short LOA at full time job for training at new job. Her 2 co-workers, MM & MW, took her out to the city to dinner & to a hockey game, for a congrats & good luck celebration, in which she was really surprised. Wife said they had fun. Fast forward to December. MM invited my wife Christmas shopping week before Christmas, just the 2 of them. That is when I started to notice something different about her & was becoming distant and communicating less with me. Wife did not seem excited at Christmas time, with gifts I gave her. January 2017, was a blur, we stopped connecting 2nd week of new year and she seemed all about the training at the new part time job, so I thought she was stressed with all new information on new job.

 

Fast Forward February 2017. Wife is back at full time job, talking with MM. My son seems to only wear certain type clothes and she talked about it to MM. MM asked my wife, if he can take just my son clothes shopping, as my son knows him, and wife said yes MM can. Wife met MM with my son, dropped our son off and MM and just my son, went clothes shopping. Wife later met them to pick up our son from MM. At same time, my wife & I were not connected any longer and she was still distant and was looking unhappy.

 

March 4 2017, things have been different, so we sat and talked and she says she wants to be loved differently & stated she has chaged mind & heart toward me, that she doesn't love me as a wife should love her husband and she feels trapped at home. Wife says I have not been very supportive toward her through the years, and said when she got her new part time job in October 2016, she said that broke the camels back, about me not being very supportive. I said I was supportive, (wished her good luck on interviews as she was worried not getting past interview, & said congrats when she was offered the job and she accepted it). She also says she enjoys the slice of freedom when wife is out with friends and said she has nothing left for me & asked me for a Divorce. I was stunned, shattered, thought we had a solid relationship, friendship, marriage, etc... THEN later that day, wife said she is going out & later MM picked her up from our house and she went with MM on train ride to city, for him to get a tattoo. Come to find out later that day, that my wife said, she sat with him during the process. I asked her, "oh, you sat in the waiting room for 2 hours"? Wife said no, "she sat next to him the entire time" during him getting the tattoo. I was upset & said "What MM from a marriage goes out with another MM from another marriage and sits with him during 2 hour tattoo?) Wife says they are just friends, they have fun hanging out and she told me she loves him as a friend, she loves all her friends. Yeah, cause all of my wife friends are all Women and now has 1 MM friend.

Fast forward today, She has called 3 different lawyers to get info, but has not filed. She still does not love me and has nothing for me. We are now living separately in our home, sleeping in different beds, to stay with kids. She still says it is the way I did not support her and showed some neglect towards her through the years. I asked her why she waited after almost 18 years of marriage, she says she just pushed everything aside until now, she can longer do that.

We are just basically co-parenting at this stage & every time we talk, I show water works running down my face saying we can work this out, meanwhile she is stone cold face, no signs of crying, emotion or nothing.

 

She lights up when she calls him or he calls her, because I said I would like to talk with him, then immediately, I change my mind, cause I am outraged & she whips out her phone & is calling him immediately and after she lights up talking with him, hands me to phone in which I refuse to talk to him about destroying my marriage and splitting up my family. I know she still texts him, when I am not around or at work, but have no proof. She got a new IPhone in her name in summer of 2016. I do not know the passcode to her phone or have account info on it, as she said she wanted to update from her old droid to an Iphone. I don't know where to go from here, as I gave 22 years of my life & would have never thought this would even happen to us. Like I read before, it seems some woman are selfish, in destroying a marriage, splitting up a family to find her happiness. Anyone else here have any issues like this?

[Steen719]

Call his wife and tell her what is going on. That will slow things down and honestly, what do you have to lose?

[Marc878]

Crying begging or pleading just makes you look weak and pathetic in her eyes. This lowers your status even more and makes her lover more appealing.

 

Hard 180 and inform the other mans wife without warning!!!! If you help hide their affair it will only enable it further. You'd better wake up!!!!

 

You let him into your marriage. You should never let your wife have one on one time with another man. They were dating!!!!

 

You'd better get strong quick. Being passive is unattractive and helped put you where you are.

 

Read up

"No More Mr Nice Guy" free pdf download

 

It's a shirt read and will enlighten you.

[Marc878]

I thought I was alone, but after looking at a lot of these stories, I noticed I am not alone.

My wife & I have been married close to 18 years, (together 22 years dating). We have 2 kids, 13 year old boy & 10 year old girl. We have had issues in our marriage, just like any other marriage. We have ALWAYS worked them out together communicating and improving our marriage. We were best friends during dating, & throughout our relationship & marriage. We always talked through stuff and told each other everything. Everything was fine until last year.

In March 2016, I had surgery and wife took a LOA from her job to be with me during surgery and during my recovery process. After a couple months, she went back to work in late April & I went back to work in May. During her time at work prior to my surgery, she got along with most her co-workers. After going back from LOA, she started being good friends with 2 coworkers from work____ 1 married lady & 1 married man in separate marriages. MW has 2 adult kids. MM has a 5 year old son with his wife. The 3 of them started hanging outside of work, going out to restaurants & bar hopping once in a while, (not every week or weekend), maybe once a month. In September, she continued going out with these 2 co-workers, going to restaurants and shopping, etc.... She then started hanging out with just the MM, just the 2 of them. IT all started out at work one day. He told my wife, he was looking for a different car as his was having issues and still under warranty & wanted to get rid of it before warranty expires. At that time we were thinking about getting a new car too, so they talked at work & MM asked my wife if she wanted to go along to look at cars, as they were friends....... As I said, my wife and I always communicated, telling me everything and asking my advice...... She asked me about the car shopping event with him and looking at different cars and I thought no big deal, & I will tell you why. The MM from her work, along with other staff, put together a "care" package during my surgery and recovery process, with gift cards, toys & books for the kids, & brought meals the 1st week we came home from hospital, so he seemed nice. I had NP with it, but asked my wife, what HIS WIFE thought of the idea, (Because we ALL know, woman have different feelings on this toward their men)....My wife asked him, his response was "my wife will never know about this" This should have been RED FLAG, but at the time, I thought, every marriage is different or HIS WIFE was not interested in car shopping, etc,... So I let her go with him. They were only gone 3 hours & according to my wife, they didn't even stop for lunch or a bite to eat, looked at few cars and came home. Everything was fine. Our relationship was still good at this point. Fast forward October 2016. My wife applied for part time job, one she got her college degree in, and got it. She was taking a short LOA at full time job for training at new job. Her 2 co-workers, MM & MW, took her out to the city to dinner & to a hockey game, for a congrats & good luck celebration, in which she was really surprised. Wife said they had fun. Fast forward to December. MM invited my wife Christmas shopping week before Christmas, just the 2 of them. That is when I started to notice something different about her & was becoming distant and communicating less with me. Wife did not seem excited at Christmas time, with gifts I gave her. January 2017, was a blur, we stopped connecting 2nd week of new year and she seemed all about the training at the new part time job, so I thought she was stressed with all new information on new job.

 

Went from an emotional affair to a sexual affair. You let them go out dating?

 

Fast Forward February 2017. Wife is back at full time job, talking with MM. My son seems to only wear certain type clothes and she talked about it to MM. MM asked my wife, if he can take just my son clothes shopping, as my son knows him, and wife said yes MM can. Wife met MM with my son, dropped our son off and MM and just my son, went clothes shopping. Wife later met them to pick up our son from MM. At same time, my wife & I were not connected any longer and she was still distant and was looking unhappy.

 

She's introducing him to your children while you sit back and do nothing?

 

March 4 2017, things have been different, so we sat and talked and she says she wants to be loved differently & stated she has chaged mind & heart toward me, that she doesn't love me as a wife should love her husband and she feels trapped at home. Wife says I have not been very supportive toward her through the years, and said when she got her new part time job in October 2016, she said that broke the camels back, about me not being very supportive. I said I was supportive, (wished her good luck on interviews as she was worried not getting past interview, & said congrats when she was offered the job and she accepted it). She also says she enjoys the slice of freedom when wife is out with friends and said she has nothing left for me & asked me for a Divorce. I was stunned, shattered, thought we had a solid relationship, friendship, marriage, etc... THEN later that day, wife said she is going out & later MM picked her up from our house and she went with MM on train ride to city, for him to get a tattoo. Come to find out later that day, that my wife said, she sat with him during the process. I asked her, "oh, you sat in the waiting room for 2 hours"? Wife said no, "she sat next to him the entire time" during him getting the tattoo. I was upset & said "What MM from a marriage goes out with another MM from another marriage and sits with him during 2 hour tattoo?) Wife says they are just friends, they have fun hanging out and she told me she loves him as a friend, she loves all her friends. Yeah, cause all of my wife friends are all Women and now has 1 MM friend.

Fast forward today, She has called 3 different lawyers to get info, but has not filed. She still does not love me and has nothing for me. We are now living separately in our home, sleeping in different beds, to stay with kids. She still says it is the way I did not support her and showed some neglect towards her through the years. I asked her why she waited after almost 18 years of marriage, she says she just pushed everything aside until now, she can longer do that.

We are just basically co-parenting at this stage & every time we talk, I show water works running down my face saying we can work this out, meanwhile she is stone cold face, no signs of crying, emotion or nothing.

 

She's flaunting her affair in your face and you are doing what?

 

She lights up when she calls him or he calls her, because I said I would like to talk with him, then immediately, I change my mind, cause I am outraged & she whips out her phone & is calling him immediately and after she lights up talking with him, hands me to phone in which I refuse to talk to him about destroying my marriage and splitting up my family. I know she still texts him, when I am not around or at work, but have no proof. She got a new IPhone in her name in summer of 2016. I do not know the passcode to her phone or have account info on it, as she said she wanted to update from her old droid to an Iphone. I don't know where to go from here, as I gave 22 years of my life & would have never thought this would even happen to us. Like I read before, it seems some woman are selfish, in destroying a marriage, splitting up a family to find her happiness. Anyone else here have any issues like this?

 

Other man has taken your wife and you're doing what? Your fear and weakness define you. Until you can stand up for yourself this will be your life. Your wife and other man are going to destroy you, your future and you family. You have a right to defend it. She is playing on your weakness and has zero respect for you because you obviously have none fir yourself. Are your kids proud of their father?

 

 

Exposure is your only weapon. You're afraid of pushing her away but she's already gone. Exposure maybe your only chance to end this.

 

Better wake up!!!!

[Simple Logic]

Be really supportive. Tell her you agree she needs her freedom and you understand her desire for a divorce. Then tell her to pack and out on her own.

[CupCakess]

Allow me to give you some emotional context. Affairs are very common. And the reason is simple: affairs are simple.You see, unlike marriages that have burdens such as paying the bills or taking care of the kids, affairs are more like highschool relationships, only about the fun and sweetness. Thus people are always very vulnerable to feeling the "affair fog" and fall for them.

 

Your wife, just like most people that involve themselves in affairs, is just being stupid. This man is married, and the moment his wife finds out he will either have to choose between leaving his wife and being with your wife. Does he really wish to leave his wife? and go through the financial pain of divorce? prolly not.

 

Expose the affair to his wife. This will make your wife face the harsh reality: that she is an idiot.

[Imajerk17]

She is full-on cheating on you w this guy (yes, they've already had sex, probably by the time they "went Christmas shopping" together), AND she is trying to gaslight you and blame YOU for the divorce e.g., "you were never supportive".

 

You need to take the lead in ending your marriage and stop playing the sucker. Ironically you taking the lead in walking away is the only thing that can save this.

Edited March 29, 2017 by Imajerk17

[Momof3littleones]

I agree to let the guy's wife know what is going on. Do not agree to leave your house, have her leave.

[WorstFeelingEver]

yeah, I did cry, plead, etc.. with her last month. I have not since then.

 

I did not let MM in my marriage. You see, MM and wife work together, became friends, helped us out during surgery/recovery process with "care" package for my family & thought he was an ok guy, did not think he would take it this far, that they enjoy hanging out and wife has a different view on me.

 

I started reading "No more Mr Nice guy" last night and realized that was me. After I got home, I told her she is not seeing MM outside their work anymore NOR calling/texting him, until she proceeds with "D" and it is finalized in court. She put up a little resistance about who she can see or talk too, & I again stated, she will NOT see MM outside work, etc... I don't care if she hangs out with her female friends. Later last night, she said she would respect my decision and will not see MM outside work or call him. BUT again, like I said, she has her own Iphone, which I do not have access code on phone or access to her account.

[WorstFeelingEver]

Marc878___I agree wife may be in "emotional support" toward MM, but I know it is not sexual at this time

 

Wife did not introduce MM to my children. They work at a school & both my kids already had MM in their class, so MM already knows my kids.

 

Again, I was unsure a few months ago about them, however, when she told me about her feelings about 2 months ago, about I am not supportive, not emotional when she needs me, change of heart & mind, etc...., I went through thought process and it leads to wife hanging out with him & I am standing up for myself telling her no more. Again, we always talked & worked out our problems in marriage, prior to this. My kids are proud of me and love & enjoy being with me, when I am not working or gone.

[springy]

Marc878___I agree wife may be in "emotional support" toward MM, but I know it is not sexual at this time

 

 

How do you know this? She has had ample opportunity. I'd certainly be suspicious the moment she went extra cold on you.

 

Expose the affair to his wife, as others have stated. That will put an end to the care-free fun they're having!

 

It's classic cheater script to re-write history - You weren't supportive enough, etc. Don't buy it.

[DKT3]

Marc878___I agree wife may be in "emotional support" toward MM, but I know it is not sexual at this time

 

Wife did not introduce MM to my children. They work at a school & both my kids already had MM in their class, so MM already knows my kids.

 

Again, I was unsure a few months ago about them, however, when she told me about her feelings about 2 months ago, about I am not supportive, not emotional when she needs me, change of heart & mind, etc...., I went through thought process and it leads to wife hanging out with him & I am standing up for myself telling her no more. Again, we always talked & worked out our problems in marriage, prior to this. My kids are proud of me and love & enjoy being with me, when I am not working or gone.

 

The biggest advantage a wayward spouse has is the betrayed spouses unwillingness​ to see what's smacking them in the face. It's very likely your wife has been sexually active with this guy for months, I oh saying " you will not see him" isn't going to accomplish anything, she will continue to see him and likely continue sleeping with him.

 

First order of business is doing what's in your power to eliminate the affair. Expose it, to his wife, to thier employer. Nothing but divorce can be achieved while the affair is active.

[mikeylo]

Without any major consequences, your screaming at the top of your lungs will not make her stop. She is doing this willingly. She has risked you, kids , marriage , reputation for a guy who will not leave his wife for a cheating woman anyway. When faced with reality , he will choose his wife any given moment. Why ? Because he knows that his wife is loyal and faithful. He will spend his lifetime making up to her and throw your wife under the bus. She doesn't know this yet. She probably needs a taste of it. Give it to her.

[Marc878]

Marc878___I agree wife may be in "emotional support" toward MM, but I know it is not sexual at this time

 

Wife did not introduce MM to my children. They work at a school & both my kids already had MM in their class, so MM already knows my kids.

 

Again, I was unsure a few months ago about them, however, when she told me about her feelings about 2 months ago, about I am not supportive, not emotional when she needs me, change of heart & mind, etc...., I went through thought process and it leads to wife hanging out with him & I am standing up for myself telling her no more. Again, we always talked & worked out our problems in marriage, prior to this. My kids are proud of me and love & enjoy being with me, when I am not working or gone.

 

You are a typical betrayed spouse. You are in denial of the truth because its to hard to take.

 

Sorry man but everyone else is seeing the same thing I am.

 

An emotional affair with one on one contact is always a physical affair.

[Marc878]

I have news for you as long as they have any contact the affair will continue.

 

You're only option is to inform his wife without any warning.

 

However, no one can tell you anything at this time because you can't/won't see anything that you don't want to.

 

You are so wrapped up in this emotionally you've become blind to the facts.

 

This attitude will not help you.

[Imajerk17]

 

March 4 2017, things have been different, so we sat and talked and she says she wants to be loved differently & stated she has chaged mind & heart toward me, that she doesn't love me as a wife should love her husband and she feels trapped at home. Wife says I have not been very supportive toward her through the years, and said when she got her new part time job in October 2016, she said that broke the camels back, about me not being very supportive. I said I was supportive, (wished her good luck on interviews as she was worried not getting past interview, & said congrats when she was offered the job and she accepted it). She also says she enjoys the slice of freedom when wife is out with friends and said she has nothing left for me & asked me for a Divorce. I was stunned, shattered, thought we had a solid relationship, friendship, marriage, etc... THEN later that day, wife said she is going out & later MM picked her up from our house and she went with MM on train ride to city, for him to get a tattoo. Come to find out later that day, that my wife said, she sat with him during the process. I asked her, "oh, you sat in the waiting room for 2 hours"? Wife said no, "she sat next to him the entire time" during him getting the tattoo. I was upset & said "What MM from a marriage goes out with another MM from another marriage and sits with him during 2 hour tattoo?) Wife says they are just friends, they have fun hanging out and she told me she loves him as a friend, she loves all her friends. Yeah, cause all of my wife friends are all Women and now has 1 MM friend.

Fast forward today, She has called 3 different lawyers to get info, but has not filed. She still does not love me and has nothing for me. We are now living separately in our home, sleeping in different beds, to stay with kids. She still says it is the way I did not support her and showed some neglect towards her through the years. I asked her why she waited after almost 18 years of marriage, she says she just pushed everything aside until now, she can longer do that.

We are just basically co-parenting at this stage & every time we talk, I show water works running down my face saying we can work this out, meanwhile she is stone cold face, no signs of crying, emotion or nothing.

 

She lights up when she calls him or he calls her, because ...

 

I agree with Marc878. Your whole first post that I quoted parts of above was such a painful read, but I cherry-picked the parts that illustrate without a doubt to anyone else that your wife and MM are DATING and having sex.

 

1. MM went and got a tattoo and your wife was with him the whole time. Seriously, have you ever heard of platonic friends doing that. How do you think your wife and MM celebrated him getting that tattoo. Yeah, exactly.

 

2. Your wife lights up when MM calls.

 

You are in huge denial as to what really is going on buddy, and everyone here can see that. My big concern for you is that you are about to be taken to the cleaners for that.

[WorstFeelingEver]

Thanks for all the advise so far. I do not know where MM & his wife live, and don't know MM wife # to call & expose him. I believe if MM wife knew, that will stop MM in his tracks like a deer in headlights. I will have to investigate to see how I can contact MM wife, to expose him. Thankyou.

[BluesPower]

Yes OP you did

";

[Marc878]

Thanks for all the advise so far. I do not know where MM & his wife live, and don't know MM wife # to call & expose him. I believe if MM wife knew, that will stop MM in his tracks like a deer in headlights. I will have to investigate to see how I can contact MM wife, to expose him. Thankyou.

 

It's your best course of action at this time.

 

Remember, no warning or they'll conspire against you.

 

Your wife will be po'd but she and her OM put you and your family in this spot as well as the OW's.

 

Good luck

[BluesPower]

Yes OP you did let him in. Because at some point you were worried that something was going on and you did not put a stop to it.

 

Listen to the posters. She has been having an affair for a while this guy and maybe the woman too. You need to decide if the M is worth saving or not.

 

It may not be, she sound like she has left the building.

 

But absolutely she has been screwing him for a while at least a year...

[Mr. Lucky]

but I know it is not sexual at this time

 

If I had a dime for every time I've read this, I'd have...an awful lot of dimes...

 

Mr. Lucky

[standtall]

Worst feeling...Here is the tough love...the OPs are right, and your wife is dating this man having sexual encounters with him. The trickle truth is just beginning.

Edited March 30, 2017 by standtall

[smi11ie]

I would be absolutely amazed if they have not slept together. Wish you had posted here earlier. You've got to bust and expose the affair. If they end up together then it's going to happen anyway. Take action, don't fight about it, tell her you are trying to end her affair and save your marraige. She has left you with no choice....

[smi11ie]

I would be absolutely amazed if they have not slept together. Wish you had posted here earlier. You've got to bust and expose the affair. There is a good chance you can reconsile if he buggers off. If they end up together then it's going to happen anyway. Take action, don't fight about it, tell her you are trying to end her affair and save your marraige. She has left you with no choice....

 

sorry for double post

[smi11ie]

I apologise if this sounds harsh. You must look pretty pathetic at the moment in the eyes of your wife and OM. You have taken no action, you won't even speak to him on the phone. You have made yourself invisible. I know you feel pretty beat up at the moment. I usually hate this expression, however, you need to man up and protect your home and family. Women are more attracted to the dominant male. This does not mean you need to be aggresive, but you need to display some power.

Edited March 30, 2017 by smi11ie