Wife destroying marriage & family

[Cephalopod]

If you can afford it, hire a P.I. Best way.

[Fdb]

Reading your post and thinking of what your wife may go through ......

My husband will say exactly you said that we had good relationship and we always communicate. His life is very simple and so is mine. I believe couple should trust and open to each other so I a thing least had nothing to hide. But did everything get communicated? Absolutely we were not on the same page with a lot of things. I voluntarily or involuntarily put those things away or drag on my own because endless fighting is not a solution. Are there aspects that she wishes life should be that you completely ingored? Did you ask here to itemize any of those unsurpotive events?

Too this from another post

 

Join Date: Jan 2017

Posts: 18

1. They feel taken for granted and overly responsible for the relationship.

2. They keep having the same argument with their partner.

3. They’re not satisfied with their sex lives.

4. They don’t talk and emotionally connect with their husband like they used to.

5. They’ve outgrown their partners.

6. They get to the point where divorce is the only way to put themselves first again

 

I guess if she is involving an affair will make turning around harder. I do not support bing tough on her, but do not beg too. Try to communicate and find out what she really wants.

For me, if he can just not trash the house while I am away, I will give him a chance. But he even can not do that. Yesterday , I spend 2 hours to clean up the fridge for all the molds, stains, expired food to go away so my daughter will not get food poisoning!

[BluesPower]

Reading your post and thinking of what your wife may go through ......

My husband will say exactly you said that we had good relationship and we always communicate. His life is very simple and so is mine. I believe couple should trust and open to each other so I a thing least had nothing to hide. But did everything get communicated? Absolutely we were not on the same page with a lot of things. I voluntarily or involuntarily put those things away or drag on my own because endless fighting is not a solution. Are there aspects that she wishes life should be that you completely ingored? Did you ask here to itemize any of those unsurpotive events?

Too this from another post

 

Join Date: Jan 2017

Posts: 18

1. They feel taken for granted and overly responsible for the relationship.

2. They keep having the same argument with their partner.

3. They’re not satisfied with their sex lives.

4. They don’t talk and emotionally connect with their husband like they used to.

5. They’ve outgrown their partners.

6. They get to the point where divorce is the only way to put themselves first again

 

I guess if she is involving an affair will make turning around harder. I do not support bing tough on her, but do not beg too. Try to communicate and find out what she really wants.

For me, if he can just not trash the house while I am away, I will give him a chance. But he even can not do that. Yesterday , I spend 2 hours to clean up the fridge for all the molds, stains, expired food to go away so my daughter will not get food poisoning!

 

 

Where are you coming from on this? All of these are valid questions within a marriage, as long as it is within the marriage.

 

OP here has been very weak, but it seems he is growing stronger after the initial shock.

 

But even if he did the things that you alluded to, his wife had a choice to file for divorce and the date who she wanted.

 

That is not what she did, she started sleeping around until it blew up. Divorce is bad enough, what she did is 10,000 times worse.

 

No spouse deserves this and what was done to him, but it sounds like you seem to think that it is OK because he was not a perfect husband.

 

I just don't get that...

[smi11ie]

Your wifes priority has shifted from you to herself/other guy. You need to protect your own interests because she will not do it for you. By all means be reasonable with her but concentrate on achieving the best possible outcome for yourself.

[Fdb]

To Bluepower,

I do not think cheating is Ok. But people's mentality is different. Some husband or wife mind but can tolerate as long as the other person returns to marriage. Relationship strayed for a reason. My only purpose to list all that ( from another post) is for the author to look into, if he still wants the marriage back.

[QuietDan]

Read through your post.

Except for the part where you discover the evidence of your wife's affair or your wife flat out confessed to everything to clear her conscience or put all end to hope that your relationship with her is remotely possible, this is right out of one of the typical infidelity threads.

What you are describing is classic wife is cheating type post.

With everything described, this is both an Emotional Affair and extremely likely to have been, probable still is occurring, physical affair.

About the only thing missing is any one of the following: emails, instant messages, cheating app, video, voice recording, confession, walking in on them.

[harrybrown]

hope you expose to his wife soon and to her work.

 

Have her move out and go live with him and his wife.

[somuchfortheone]

I thought I was alone, but after looking at a lot of these stories, I noticed I am not alone.

My wife & I have been married close to 18 years, (together 22 years dating). We have 2 kids, 13 year old boy & 10 year old girl. We have had issues in our marriage, just like any other marriage. We have ALWAYS worked them out together communicating and improving our marriage. We were best friends during dating, & throughout our relationship & marriage. We always talked through stuff and told each other everything. Everything was fine until last year.

In March 2016, I had surgery and wife took a LOA from her job to be with me during surgery and during my recovery process. After a couple months, she went back to work in late April & I went back to work in May. During her time at work prior to my surgery, she got along with most her co-workers. After going back from LOA, she started being good friends with 2 coworkers from work____ 1 married lady & 1 married man in separate marriages. MW has 2 adult kids. MM has a 5 year old son with his wife. The 3 of them started hanging outside of work, going out to restaurants & bar hopping once in a while, (not every week or weekend), maybe once a month. In September, she continued going out with these 2 co-workers, going to restaurants and shopping, etc.... She then started hanging out with just the MM, just the 2 of them. IT all started out at work one day. He told my wife, he was looking for a different car as his was having issues and still under warranty & wanted to get rid of it before warranty expires. At that time we were thinking about getting a new car too, so they talked at work & MM asked my wife if she wanted to go along to look at cars, as they were friends....... As I said, my wife and I always communicated, telling me everything and asking my advice...... She asked me about the car shopping event with him and looking at different cars and I thought no big deal, & I will tell you why. The MM from her work, along with other staff, put together a "care" package during my surgery and recovery process, with gift cards, toys & books for the kids, & brought meals the 1st week we came home from hospital, so he seemed nice. I had NP with it, but asked my wife, what HIS WIFE thought of the idea, (Because we ALL know, woman have different feelings on this toward their men)....My wife asked him, his response was "my wife will never know about this" This should have been RED FLAG, but at the time, I thought, every marriage is different or HIS WIFE was not interested in car shopping, etc,... So I let her go with him. They were only gone 3 hours & according to my wife, they didn't even stop for lunch or a bite to eat, looked at few cars and came home. Everything was fine. Our relationship was still good at this point. Fast forward October 2016. My wife applied for part time job, one she got her college degree in, and got it. She was taking a short LOA at full time job for training at new job. Her 2 co-workers, MM & MW, took her out to the city to dinner & to a hockey game, for a congrats & good luck celebration, in which she was really surprised. Wife said they had fun. Fast forward to December. MM invited my wife Christmas shopping week before Christmas, just the 2 of them. That is when I started to notice something different about her & was becoming distant and communicating less with me. Wife did not seem excited at Christmas time, with gifts I gave her. January 2017, was a blur, we stopped connecting 2nd week of new year and she seemed all about the training at the new part time job, so I thought she was stressed with all new information on new job.

 

Fast Forward February 2017. Wife is back at full time job, talking with MM. My son seems to only wear certain type clothes and she talked about it to MM. MM asked my wife, if he can take just my son clothes shopping, as my son knows him, and wife said yes MM can. Wife met MM with my son, dropped our son off and MM and just my son, went clothes shopping. Wife later met them to pick up our son from MM. At same time, my wife & I were not connected any longer and she was still distant and was looking unhappy.

 

March 4 2017, things have been different, so we sat and talked and she says she wants to be loved differently & stated she has chaged mind & heart toward me, that she doesn't love me as a wife should love her husband and she feels trapped at home. Wife says I have not been very supportive toward her through the years, and said when she got her new part time job in October 2016, she said that broke the camels back, about me not being very supportive. I said I was supportive, (wished her good luck on interviews as she was worried not getting past interview, & said congrats when she was offered the job and she accepted it). She also says she enjoys the slice of freedom when wife is out with friends and said she has nothing left for me & asked me for a Divorce. I was stunned, shattered, thought we had a solid relationship, friendship, marriage, etc... THEN later that day, wife said she is going out & later MM picked her up from our house and she went with MM on train ride to city, for him to get a tattoo. Come to find out later that day, that my wife said, she sat with him during the process. I asked her, "oh, you sat in the waiting room for 2 hours"? Wife said no, "she sat next to him the entire time" during him getting the tattoo. I was upset & said "What MM from a marriage goes out with another MM from another marriage and sits with him during 2 hour tattoo?) Wife says they are just friends, they have fun hanging out and she told me she loves him as a friend, she loves all her friends. Yeah, cause all of my wife friends are all Women and now has 1 MM friend.

Fast forward today, She has called 3 different lawyers to get info, but has not filed. She still does not love me and has nothing for me. We are now living separately in our home, sleeping in different beds, to stay with kids. She still says it is the way I did not support her and showed some neglect towards her through the years. I asked her why she waited after almost 18 years of marriage, she says she just pushed everything aside until now, she can longer do that.

We are just basically co-parenting at this stage & every time we talk, I show water works running down my face saying we can work this out, meanwhile she is stone cold face, no signs of crying, emotion or nothing.

 

She lights up when she calls him or he calls her, because I said I would like to talk with him, then immediately, I change my mind, cause I am outraged & she whips out her phone & is calling him immediately and after she lights up talking with him, hands me to phone in which I refuse to talk to him about destroying my marriage and splitting up my family. I know she still texts him, when I am not around or at work, but have no proof. She got a new IPhone in her name in summer of 2016. I do not know the passcode to her phone or have account info on it, as she said she wanted to update from her old droid to an Iphone. I don't know where to go from here, as I gave 22 years of my life & would have never thought this would even happen to us. Like I read before, it seems some woman are selfish, in destroying a marriage, splitting up a family to find her happiness. Anyone else here have any issues like this?

 

 

I'm so sorry you're going through this. Feel free to read my

Story when you have time. I know exactly what you're going through... been going through it for a year and a half... I pray yours doesn't drag on like that. Feel free to message me. I'll be happy to lend an ear or help talk you through it. I know how painful it is.

[WorstFeelingEver]

Thank you somuchfortheone, I appreciate it.

 

Update:

 

I might have some information on where MM & his family live. I do not have any phone # of either of them. I don't have access to my wife Iphone access code to check her call history / text messages history on him. I am sure they still do communicate with each other, as I am gone at work M-F 10-12 hours/day. She has been home every day after work ( I have a camera that I check) and she stays home every night, & on weekends even though we live separately in our martial home.

Nothing has changed with wife and me. She still has nothing for me, we continue to talk about what is best for kids & us. She wants to be set free. She has contacted couple lawyers just to get info, she needs, but she has not filed. We talked on Saturday 4-1, I asked why is she prolonging this situation? Her response was, "she is waiting for confirmation" IDK what that means. After a minute, I said, "oh your waiting for the MM to separate or "D" his wife, so the 2 of you can pack your crap and go hook-up. It will NOT happen as he will not leave his wife and only see his child every other weekend". She said, NO, they are just friends, she has no sexual desire with MM, (so she says). She said the lawyers even told her to wait, to think, talk & check about our feelings, emotions, etc... WTH? she already says she has nothing for me, doesn't see us get through this and she said IF we got back together, she said she will not look at me/love as the same & would not be intimate with me.

___I need advise. ___

I am seeing a lawyer next week. I am thinking about filing "D" and when she gets the info/paperwork, I think she will call/text MM to meet him somewhere for emotional support_____then I can go to MM home and expose him to his wife. I have no way of contacting MM wife as I don't have contact/email info on MM wife._____I have nothing else to lose here if I did this____Any suggestions? Thank you.

[aileD]

I'm so sorry you're going through this. Feel free to read my

Story when you have time. I know exactly what you're going through... been going through it for a year and a half... I pray yours doesn't drag on like that. Feel free to message me. I'll be happy to lend an ear or help talk you through it. I know how painful it is.

 

Your story is a year and a half long?

 

Kick him out. Please !

[Steen719]

Thank you somuchfortheone, I appreciate it.

 

Update:

 

I might have some information on where MM & his family live. I do not have any phone # of either of them. I don't have access to my wife Iphone access code to check her call history / text messages history on him. I am sure they still do communicate with each other, as I am gone at work M-F 10-12 hours/day. She has been home every day after work ( I have a camera that I check) and she stays home every night, & on weekends even though we live separately in our martial home.

Nothing has changed with wife and me. She still has nothing for me, we continue to talk about what is best for kids & us. She wants to be set free. She has contacted couple lawyers just to get info, she needs, but she has not filed. We talked on Saturday 4-1, I asked why is she prolonging this situation? Her response was, "she is waiting for confirmation" IDK what that means. After a minute, I said, "oh your waiting for the MM to separate or "D" his wife, so the 2 of you can pack your crap and go hook-up. It will NOT happen as he will not leave his wife and only see his child every other weekend". She said, NO, they are just friends, she has no sexual desire with MM, (so she says). She said the lawyers even told her to wait, to think, talk & check about our feelings, emotions, etc... WTH? she already says she has nothing for me, doesn't see us get through this and she said IF we got back together, she said she will not look at me/love as the same & would not be intimate with me.

___I need advise. ___

I am seeing a lawyer next week. I am thinking about filing "D" and when she gets the info/paperwork, I think she will call/text MM to meet him somewhere for emotional support_____then I can go to MM home and expose him to his wife. I have no way of contacting MM wife as I don't have contact/email info on MM wife._____I have nothing else to lose here if I did this____Any suggestions? Thank you.

 

Pay a small fee and find out what her phone number is. Spokeo, I think, can do that.

[jjgitties]

Dear OP. I read your story. I also read responses. There seems to be lots of insecure people on this forum who seem to be incapable of having a relationship with the opposite sex without it involving sex. Don't assume she is cheating just because she has a male friend. I have female friends that I talk closely with and go out for dinners e.t.c. They are friends and sex is the last thing that would cross each others minds just because a) it will totally ruin the friendship and b) it would complicate and destroy lives.

 

Why don't you find out from wife if she is going through some personal changes and what they are. Try to talk it out with her. After 20 years of marriage its quite natural for people to go through this. Feeling unfulfilled. Unappreaciated. Unloved.

 

If that's the case, there is not much you can do about it. She has to decide what she wants to do with her life. Whether she wants to throw the past 20 years of her life in the past and start over again or whether she wants to find a way to get over what she is feeling and fix the current and continue with you.

 

Good luck with that.

[aurelius99]

Dear OP. I read your story. I also read responses. There seems to be lots of insecure people on this forum who seem to be incapable of having a relationship with the opposite sex without it involving sex. Don't assume she is cheating just because she has a male friend. I have female friends that I talk closely with and go out for dinners e.t.c. They are friends and sex is the last thing that would cross each others minds just because a) it will totally ruin the friendship and b) it would complicate and destroy lives.

 

That's what is going through YOUR mind--assuming you're even being honest. To say these male friends feel the same way is pure projection on your part. "Oh but I just know. You just have to know me and my friends."

 

Right.

[Friskyone4u]

Looks like hopefully you are getting out of denial and into reality. Your wife keeps telling you she feels nothing for you and wants to be free, YET despite seeing attorneys she has NOT filed. N ow think about why????

(1) as was stated, she is waiting to see if boyfriend leaves his wife or is willing to

(2) she cannot afford to be on her own. Your information on what her attorneys are telling her about "talking" to you is not what lawyers are for. They are for legal advice and she by now has a good idea what her financial situation will be. And yet she still has not filed so guess what??? She does not like the outcome.

(3) based on your behavior, she is hoping in your desperation to remain married to her you agree to allow her to see other men and remain married to you. Bet your bottom dollar she would jump at that deal in a minute.

 

So, why don't you stop back pedaling , take her at her word, and call her bluff, and file on her if you think you can realistically want her after her behavior, which yes you have allowed out of fear to go on for all of this time.

 

So wrap your head around this fact the odds are she has been having sex with him for quite some time which is certainly contributing to herd lack of "love" for you. Married adults do not "hang out" alone with the opposite sex continuously and behave like the do not know what sex is.

 

And her total refusal to show you transparency is a big red flag as can be found.

 

If you decide to do anything, you should start with the divorce papers and finish with a polygraph demand to see if the majority here is right or you are about them not having a physical affair. Until you do that you will not have a clue what you are trying to reconcile with.

[BluesPower]

Looks like hopefully you are getting out of denial and into reality. Your wife keeps telling you she feels nothing for you and wants to be free, YET despite seeing attorneys she has NOT filed. N ow think about why????

(1) as was stated, she is waiting to see if boyfriend leaves his wife or is willing to

(2) she cannot afford to be on her own. Your information on what her attorneys are telling her about "talking" to you is not what lawyers are for. They are for legal advice and she by now has a good idea what her financial situation will be. And yet she still has not filed so guess what??? She does not like the outcome.

(3) based on your behavior, she is hoping in your desperation to remain married to her you agree to allow her to see other men and remain married to you. Bet your bottom dollar she would jump at that deal in a minute.

 

So, why don't you stop back pedaling , take her at her word, and call her bluff, and file on her if you think you can realistically want her after her behavior, which yes you have allowed out of fear to go on for all of this time.

 

So wrap your head around this fact the odds are she has been having sex with him for quite some time which is certainly contributing to herd lack of "love" for you. Married adults do not "hang out" alone with the opposite sex continuously and behave like the do not know what sex is.

 

And her total refusal to show you transparency is a big red flag as can be found.

 

If you decide to do anything, you should start with the divorce papers and finish with a polygraph demand to see if the majority here is right or you are about them not having a physical affair. Until you do that you will not have a clue what you are trying to reconcile with.

 

Thank you, frisky for laying this out...

 

I thought I was going to have to do this again.

 

Brother OP, you need to wake up and file for divorce...